The pain of loving you
by Eternal fire1
Summary: Peace was what she wanted. She would do anything for it. Pain was all he knew. Revenge the only thing he lived for. They simply weren't for eachother, and yet, somehow... With a war closing in around them, can they find love? VH
1. Dragons and flowers

**Hey, after what seems like eternity, another story. It will be filled with adventure, pain, and love. It will be great. If you get confuse by **

**anything, please tell me and I'll clear it up. Anyway, I truly do hope you like it.**

**Disclaimers: It is obvious I do not own Escaflowne, or I wouldn't be writing fanfics.**

**And now….. the story.**

* * *

**The pain of loving you.**

_**Dragons and flowers.**_

The shouts of pain could be heard everywhere. The smell of dead and blood was all that could be smelled. Nothing but fire and smoke

could be seen. Fear, desperation, confusion… A little girl stood alone in the middle of the once beautiful village. Her blue eyes open

wide, taking in everything.

"Mommy", the little girl cried. She started to run to her house when she suddenly froze in fear. Right there, coming out of the flames a

figure could be seen. It was him. Her eyes got bigger as he came nearer. Tall, strong, and beautiful, she could not understand how he

could have done all this.

"Angels are supposed to be good", she told him. "They are supposed to take care of us". The little girl's vision blurry as tears came to

her eyes. "Why?" she asked as she fell to her knees. "Why?" she repeated. He looked at her, and she trembled. He drew his sword high

above his head and brought it down. The girl fell, her eyes still open and full of fear, her life gone. He turned back and started walking

away. No regrets filled him. No guilt overtook him. Just as he was about leave, he turned back where the girl laid in a pool of blood.

"Because I'm no angel", he whispered to her.

He extended his wings and took flight.

'Stupid girl' he thought, 'to confuse me with an angel'. He hated everything and everyone. He knew no pity or compassion. Hatred was

all he could feel. Hope was something he didn't even think about. His past was full of blood and pain, and he did not expect anything

different for his future. Pain was all he knew. Love was something that didn't exist. All of Gaia looked for him, for the one man that could

kill and destroy complete villages and cities. The one man that made the bravest tremble with just a look, the only one that did not fought

for peace or wanted it…

If only they knew he was half the key they needed to keep it.

* * *

Kingdom og Asturia.

"Lady Hitomi, you shouldn't be here all alone. The Dragon has attacked again, and with Zaibach getting stronger no place is safe". The

maid grabbed her lady's hand and kept talking. "If Lord Allen found out, he would be very mad at me. You know how he is. He

wouldn't want his fiancé to get hurt. He loves you very much, oh, here we are. Goodnight milady, and please stay in your room this time."

She turned around and disappeared. Hitomi sighed and went inside her room. She knew Allen and Merle were right. She shouldn't put

herself and everyone else in danger. She really should start behaving herself. After all, she was going to become queen of Asturia right

after she married Allen, and that was but two months from now. Allen. The name made her smile. He truly did love her. He always told

her so, and she did love him too, or at least that was what she told herself every day. He was everything any woman would want.

Handsome, gentle, and powerful, he was a dream come true.

'I should be happy to marry him' she thought as she undressed herself and put her pajamas on, 'but I'm not'.

Been the only child of one of the most powerful families in Gaia, Hitomi had always thought her life was perfect. She had always been

surrounded by servants and luxuries. Nothing she wanted had ever been denied to her. She had had the best of education, and been a

seer, had have the best of teachers helped her with her gift. Every girl in the Kansaki kingdom wanted to be her.

She was the representation of all pure things. She was perfection. Her honey colored hair went down her waist. Her skin was smooth and

pale. Her cheeks were the color of peach. Her lips were rosy and inviting. Every curve she had was in the right place, and she was filled

in all the right spots. She walked with all the grace in the world, and when she looked at anyone… Of all the beauties she owned, it was

her eyes that made her stand above everyone. They were the most beautiful green ever, and they had this shine in them that made anyone

want to lose themselves in them. She was always laughing and smiling. She showed kindness to everyone and helped whoever needed

her. She was the treasure of the magic part of Gaia. The only bad thing that had ever happened to her was her mother's dead, and she

had dealt with that. The pain wasn't even recognizable anymore.

Hitomi went to her bed and turned off the light. It was only logical that she had been chosen as the peacemaker between the magical and

unmagical parts of Gaia.

'Peace is a very fragile thing' she thought 'I know the only way to bring it between my people and Asturia's is by my marriage to Allen. It

is the only way, and it was what my mother always dreamed of, what my father wants. He is old and about to die. I only want to see him

happy before he goes.' With Zaibach about to declare war on all the rest of Gaia, it only seemed right to make this unit. With her

marriage, Asturia and Kansaki would unit and become stronger. They had a better chance of defeating it, or even preventing the war

from happening. The way she saw it, she had no other choice but to marry. She was a princess, and she had a duty, a responsibility to

her people. And Allen wasn't that bad. It would work out in the end. Besides, Hitomi was pretty sure that with time she would forget her

dreams of great adventures and an exciting life. It didn't matter that she didn't love him. He was a fine gentleman, and she would surely

end up falling in love with him. It wouldn't be the kind of love that brought such passion it would leave one breadless. It wouldn't be the

kind of love that defied death and time. It would be a love that made her pass every day in a state of normal happiness, and that was fine

with her. After all, the kind of love she wanted just didn't exist. It was even stupid to think that something like that could happen to her.

* * *

**So, it's been a long time since I didn't write a story, and I truly hope you liked this chapter. Please tell me if you enjoyed it. I **

**can tell you ****it was very difficult to write for me, but I have a lot of ideas for the next chapters. Review please; it won't take **

**you a lot of time. **


	2. Past of a mercenary

**Hi! Thanks for the review, they really make me happy. I hope you're liking this story, 'cause I'm enjoying writing it. It's **

**dark, but hey, that will just make the romantic part more interesting.**

**Disclaimers: I don't own Escaflowne**

**And now… my great story just for you…**

* * *

**The pain of loving you**

**_Past of a mercenary_**

**(Inside a Dream)**

A boy of about five years suddenly found himself trapped in a room. Anywhere he looked was blocked by fire or wood. There was no

way out. Suddenly, he heard a crack and the roof started to collapse. Just as it was about to hit him, someone pushed him out of the way.

"Van, are you alright? Come on, we have no time. We must get out of here." Folken, Van's brother, told his as he dragged him to a little

hole in one of the walls.

"Get in, fast. Don't let anyone see you" he told Van.

Van, not able to think straight, did as told. He didn't understand what was happening. Only moments ago, he had been playing hide and

seek with his brother, and now… why was there fire everywhere? Why weren't their parents there? He suddenly realized that there

were soldiers everywhere. Funny, they didn't look like Fanelian soldiers. He was about to yell to them for help when his brother covered

his mouth.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"I was going to ask for help, Folken. They're soldiers. They'll help us." Folken looked at him and shook his head sadly.

"They are not going to help us" he whispered to him "No one is. We are on our own."

"But… why? Where are mother and papa? I don't understand."

"Listen to me, Van. Mom and dad are dead. The soldiers got to them first and killed them. Then they started to burn everything down

and kill everyone. I don't know why they're doing this. We've never done anything to anyone, but the fact is that… there's no one left to

help us. Please don't cry, Van. We have to be strong for now. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you. Come on, we have to get

out of here."

Van nodded his head, swallowing his tears. He got up and followed Folken. His childish mind didn't completely understand what was

happening, but he new he was in danger. It felt weird to have to hide from soldiers. It felt weird to be so alone and scared. He had

always been surrounded by friends and family, by laughs and smiles. They were almost out of Fanelia when they saw a group of soldiers

heading their way. For a moment, it seemed like they had seen them, but they past them without a second glance. Folken signaled for

Van to keep walking, and Van was about to follow him when something stopped him.

"And what do we have here?" a horrible voice said "Ahhh, Fanelian trash"

"Folken!" Van yelled, full of fear, "Folken!" His brother was by his side immediately.

"Leave him alone" Folken grabbed Van and tried to free him from the soldiers grasp. When he realized that he wouldn't be able to do it,

he grabbed his knife and stabbed the soldier on the leg. The soldier let out a cry and let go of Van, but caught Folken by the throat, the

knife falling from his hand. A smile appeared on his face as he drew his sword.

"You'll pay for this, brat."

'Folken' Van thought, already on his way to help his brother when he looked at him and shook his head.

"Run, Van, I'll be alright. Go." Folken told him, barely letting out any sound.

"But…"

"Run, run, Van, I'll always take care of you. Go, go" Folken yelled at him. Those were his last words as the stabbed him. He turned to

Van and was about to kill him when he went still and fell to the ground. Behind him, a strong, tall man appeared. He was the captain of

the Fanelian army, Vargas. He carried Van and started to run.

"No, Vargas, my brother, we have to safe him. We must help him" Van struggled with all his force, but he didn't pay attention and did

not stop running till they were deep into the woods outside of Fanelia. He then put Van down and forced him to look at him.

"You are the only member of the royal family that is left, and Fanelia has been destroyed. I am the only one you have left, and I want you

to know that I'll protect you, master Van. I'll help you get through this. My loyalties are now with you. Do you understand what I'm

saying?" Van didn't, really. It was just too soon. It had all happened way to fast, but he still nodded his head. He closed his eyes and his

hand went into fists. He went to his knees and started crying. Everyone was dead. His country had been destroyed. Vargas was the only

thing he had left.

"Who did this?' he whispered fiercely.

"I don't know, master Van, but when I find I'll revenge everyone"

Van turned to look at Vargas through his tears. His childish face suddenly looked older; the shining in his eyes had disappeared. He

wiped his tears out.

"You will train me, and I'll help you revenge them"

Van swore, under his brother's death, that he would make however had done this suffer. They would regret the day they had set food on

Fanelia.

**(End Dream)**

Van opened his eyes slowly. He sat and took the glass of water that was on his night table.

'Another nightmare of that day, when will they stop?' Soon after that day, Van had started to train with Vargas. He only thought about

his revenge, and day by day, he became colder. Vargas had notices and had tried to help him, but Van had too much hatred and pain

locked inside of him. He was slowly becoming emotionless. He never laughed or smiles. He never stopped to admire the beauty around

him or the good things of life. The only thing that kept him from falling was Vargas, but after five years he fell sick and died, leaving Van

alone. He suddenly went nuts with the pain. He was only ten, for God's sake, and he had already been through so much. Just when

everything seemed lost, Dornkirk entered his life. He was Zaibach's leader, and he took Van under his wing. He got his best fighters to

train him. Most importantly, though, he gave him the name of the kingdom that had been responsible for the massacre of Fanelia. Asturia.

That one country had been the one that had took his childhood, family, and kingdom away from him. As soon as he knew, he began his

revenge. Zaibach was preparing for a war against the rest of Gaia, and Van gladly accepted to serve as a distraction. Dornkirk ordered

him to destroy this town or that town, and he did it. He was only 12 when he destroyed his first town. He could remember it clearly. All

the pain and despair he had caused had made him feel alive. Some guilt came, but he ignored it. He was doing the right thing. Soon, he

didn't care whether it was an Asturian town or any other town. He became obsessed with his revenge. No one had come to help Fanelia,

so all of Gaia except Zaibach was responsible for what had happened. They all deserved to die. A legend soon formed around him. He

was the devil, an invincible creature that brought fear upon all of Gaia. He became the Dragon.

A knock on the door brought Van out of his thoughts.

"Come in"

The door opened and a boy of about 18 came in. He was thin and tall, with white hair and red eyes. Van despised him.

"What do you want, Dilandu?"

"Don't think I'm glad to have to come see you, Dragon king" He pulled his hair out of his face "Lord Dornkirk wants to see you, and he

told me to get you. He has another job for you"

"Fine, now go. You make me sick"

Dilandu made a face at him and closed the door loudly. Van heard his steps all the way through the hall. If Dilandu hadn't been one of

Dornkirk's favorites, he would have killed him gladly. Maybe one day an opportunity would arrive. For now, though, he had to get ready

for his meeting. As much as he hated to admit it, Dilandu was right in one thing. Dornkirk did not like to wait, especially if it was

something important.

* * *

Dornkirk looked through the window at Gaia. It truly was a beautiful country. From where he was, he could see its rivers and mountains.

The big, amazing cities that had been build with sweat and hard work. He knew every single thing that formed Gaia like it was the palm of

his hand. He knew all its secrets, except for one, the biggest of all. For many years he had traveled through Gaia, slowly discovering and

learning from her. But it hadn't been enough. He wanted to be its master, but he couldn't do it without knowing its most important part.

Long ago, before anyone could remember, Gaia had almost been destroyed. No one knew why, and no one knew what had saved her

from seizing to exist. It became a legend to the new world. Everyone after that moment just didn't saw it as a reality. It had simply been

an old story told at parties to entertain. He had been about to give up hope when he heard the rumor of an old city and a race close to

extinction. Atlantis and the draconians. But he wasn't able to find the city, and only found one draconian alive. Her name was Vari, and

she lived in Fanelia; she was queen of Fanelia, so Dornkirk had gone paid a little visit to her. She had spilled all she knew because she

wanted to safe her family and kingdom. Foolish girl, they had all died, except for one. Dornkirk, been a logical person, had thought it

convenient to keep one of her flesh alive. They were, after all, the most powerful race on Gaia, but something had gone wrong, and for

many years he had thought the draconians had finally extinguished. And then, luck smiled at him again. He found the little boy alone and

scared. Lost and full of hatred, he was perfect for his plans. Yes, indeed Van had been very helpful to him. Dornkirk let out a small laugh.

If only he knew the truth, he was sure his little instrument would be devastated. He didn't care. He was very close to finding the last piece

of the great puzzle that Gaia was. He just had to have her and the object. She was the key to it all, and she had to know where the Heart

of the Dragon was. He had looked anywhere for someone who could help him understand what Vari had told him.

**Flashback**

"Tell me all you know, and I won't hurt your husband anymore", Dornkirk told a crying Vari.

"D…don't do it, Vari, I don't matter. Don't give him what…" Gaou, Vari's wife, was cut short when pain shot through every part of his

body.

"I'll tell you all I know" Vari whispered to him "But don't anyone, please"

"I swear I won't hurt anyone"

"I… I only know that it was because of the Heart of the Dragon. That's all I know. I swear."

"That can't be everything. You have to be lying. Hurt him" Dornkirk ordered, Gaou let out a cry of pain.

"I swear, please stop, I swear that's all I know"

**End Flashback**

She has almost told him nothing, but it had been more that enough.

"You called me, Lord?" Van asked. Ah, yes, he would be useful to him again.

"Yes, I need you to bring me someone"

"You mean kidnap, sir?"

"Exactly, bring me Hitomi Kansaki, of the Kansaki kingdom. I do believe she is in Asturia."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, and do bring her alive."

"I'll leave as soon as I have everything ready"

"Good, now go"

Yes, he was much closer to finally ruling Gaia. All creatures would bow before him, subdued to his very wish. The name Dornkirk would

be known everywhere, and they would fear Zaibach, and then, he would become immortal and invincible.

* * *

**I know this chapter was very dark too, and I'm warning you, there are more dark chapters coming, but happy ones too. It's **

**just that Van has to have a good reason for been so cold, and I think putting him under Dornkirk's is very interesting and **

**original. I've never read any story in which this happens. Anyway, I hope you like it, and I'm sorry I didn't put Hitomi on this **

**one. I promise she will be on the next one, maybe she'll get to meet Van ;)**

**Well, go and review, it makes me happy and makes me want to continue with the story. I promise I'll update a lot faster if **

**you review **


	3. Green eyes

**Hi, This is my nexh chapter, and it was very hard to write. Let me tell you that nobles are just way to difficult, and making a war isn't easy **

**either. Anyway, I hope you truly enjoy it.**

**Disclamers: I don not own Escaflowne :(**

* * *

**The Pain of Loving You**

**_Green Eyes_**

_"In time, we hate that which we often fear"_

_-William Shakespeare_

Music was heard from bellow: its sweet melody reaching Hitomi's ears. She loved music, and she live for the moment when she could

dance again. For a moment, she lost herself into it, letting her body relax. A sweet smile appeared on her face. Her body moved to the

rhythm of the music. It was magical. She forgot all her problems. Suddenly, there was no war or kingdom to serve or engagement. She

was not a princess full of responsibilities. She was just her, Hitomi, and there was only the music. She was one with it. The moment

stopped as soon as another song began. Hitomi opened her eyes and was faced by her reflection on the mirror. She took a long look at

herself before moving her head to the side. Today, Allen would announce their engagement to the whole world. It would be made official.

'It's for the best' she thought 'It's for my people, for my father, fore peace.'

At long last peace between the two kingdoms would become a reality. Hitomi hated war. She despised whoever attempted against

peace.

'As long as my people no longer have to fear war, I'm happy'. Hitomi was no fool. She knew that this marriage wouldn't solve all the

problems of Kansaki. Zaibach was becoming stronger by the minute, and no one knew who the Dragon was. Hell, all they knew was that

it was a he and that the only two survivors they had found were in no conditions to tell who he was. Every village or town he passed

burned to ashes, and all its people killed. It was horrible, inhuman. Hitomi had often thought about this. Who could he be? Why did he do

it? What could possibly make anyone want to hurt so many innocents? He couldn't be human. No one would be able to live with their

conscience with so many deaths on them. No one could be cruel enough to do those things without remorse. He had to be emotionless,

and if he was emotionless, he was no human. Besides, he had to be a monster to be able to cause so much fear with just the mention of

his… nickname. The Dragon couldn't be his real name. She'd like to know his name. Oh, if she ever had the chance, she would make

sure to tell him a little piece of her mind. She would look into his eyes and tell him just how much she wished he had never existed. She

would make him pay for all his crimes. Well, that is if she ever had the opportunity. She doubted it with the marriage thing. Hitomi sighed

and took one last look at the mirror. Her hair was pulled up, making all the features on her face stand out more. Her lips were red and

her cheeks peachy. She was wearing a green gown that fell to her feet and clung to her body, making all her curves show. The color of

the dress made her eyes look greener. After making sure everything was perfect and in place, she turned to the door and left the room.

It was time.

* * *

"So, Allen, what is this surprise you have for all of us?"

"Well, dear, if I told you it would just ruin the surprise, wouldn't it?"

Millerna laughed, throwing her head back, shaking her long blond her. She took a cup of a wine from a waitress and smiled at Allen. Her

blue eyes had a bright twinkle. Her husband was right next to her, his arm around her in a possessive grip. Millerna and Dryden were the

king and queen of the Freid Kingdom, and they were close friends of Allen. Millerna's family had once ruled Asturia, but somewhere

along the way, the power had passed to the Schezar family. Although they weren't related by blood, Allen loved Millerna like a sister.

She suddenly grabbed Dryden's hand and pulled him to the dance floor. She smiled at him as he put his arms around her and started to

dance. Allen watched them. They had had a rough beginning, and he was happy it had all worked out in the end. Dryden only had eyes

for her, and Millerna... the look in her eyes as she watched them was full of love, and no one that saw them could deny that they were

truly, deeply, in love. Allen felt some jealously. For many years, he had been looking for just that. He wanted a person that he could lost

in, and that he would love more as each day passed. When the Kansaki kingdom had come to him for a peace treaty, he had never

imagined it would have let him to his very wish. The thought of marrying for politics was unacceptable, deplorable, from his point of view,

but the moment he had seen his 'future wife', he had changed his mind. Never in his life had he seen something so beautiful and pure. She

was like a goddess, and he knew he had to have her or stop living. It was like love at first sight, and the first time she talked to him had

been heaven to him. He just fell deeper and deeper in love with her. She was what he had been looking for all his life.

'She doesn't love me' Allen kept his eyes on his friends 'She smiles at me and understands me. She knows I'm here for her and that her

every wish is my command, but she doesn't see me the way I see her. She doesn't come to me when she needs someone. She looks

right through me without seen the misery she is putting me through.'

Everyone thought he had the perfect life. He was, after all, the King of Asturia, one of the most powerful kingdoms in Gaia. Power,

money, beauty, he had all he wanted and much more. He was the best swordsman Asturia had ever seen, and the only thing that seemed

to be missing in his life was the perfect queen, and he had found her. The only problem was that she was marrying him because of a

stupid treaty.

'It is time' he thought 'to unit magical and unmagical kingdoms'

He gave a signal for the musicians to stop playing. He walked gracefully to the stairs, everyone's eyes on him.

"This is the moment you have all been waiting for. As you know, both parts of Gaia have always have problems between each other.

Difficult times are coming, and it is now time to leave old rivalries behind. I found a way of doing so without sacrificing anything, and I do

believe some of you will find it hilarious" He winked at Millerna "As must of you know, I was away for several months. As you also

know, half the guests are the rulers of the magical kingdoms. I have spent the last few months at the Kansaki kingdom, where I met its

king, which is unfortunately not here. I'm about to confess a huge secret here, in front of all you fine rulers. I, Allen Schezar, have fallen

madly in love with the most unique human. I am please to introduce to you Hitomi Kansaki, princess of the Kansaki kingdom, and my

future wife"

The trumpets sounded loud and clear, and the most beautiful woman came down the stairs. All eyes were fixed on her as she smiled at

Allen and accepted the hand he was offering. They went to the middle of the dance floor and dance as the music started. Whispers were

heard from the guests, some doubts appearing in their minds, but no one could deny that Allen truly did look like he loved her, and the

made a gorgeous couple. As for his partner, she was so beautiful and delicate and looked so happy that no one thought of questioning her

feelings. They took for granted that she too loved him. Millerna watched them curiously. "I can't believe he is getting married and didn't

tell me before all of them" she whispered to Dryden. He didn't answer, and she looked up to see what the problem was. He was looking

at them dancing on the floor, but he didn't have a smile on his face like the other guests. He actually looked sad.

"He loves her" he told her "but she doesn't"

"What?"

"Look at her. She smiles like she was the happiest person, and this was the moment she had dreamed of all her life, but it's not. It almost

looks perfect, her act, but she doesn't keep her eyes on him. She is looking everywhere but at him. She is wearing a mask and convincing

everyone that this is where she wants to be."

Millerna was about to answer him when a loud noise was heard and a foreign looking soldier came into the room.

"Lady Hitomi, lady Hitomi!" the soldier yelled. Hitomi quickly went to him.

"What are you doing here? Are you alright?"

"Lady Hitomi" the soldier bowed and kneeled before her "Our kingdom has been attacked. It was Zaibach. He has declared war on us

and the rest of Gaia. They… they did a surprise attack. They were so many; we were barely able to keep them from taking the city,

but…"

"What are you saying? Who are you? Answer me!" Allen yelled at him.

"I am not lying. All I'm saying is the truth. Ask milady Hitomi" Allen turned to look at Hitomi, who nodded her head. She signaled for the

soldier to continue.

"I…I... Zaibach has declared war on all kingdoms of Gaia that do not support him. He wants to become the ruler of all of us. Dornkirk

made the announcement minutes after attacking us. My king sent me to warn all the others before he…"

Chaos suddenly came into the room. Everyone was trying to talk above the others. Some believed him; some didn't.

"He hasn't finished and we have to hear al of it" Hitomi suddenly said. She hadn't shouted, but her voice had been loud enough for

everyone to hear. They all went silent. She got to her knees and made the soldier look at him. "Continue" she whispered to him.

"I don't want to bring any pain to you, milady, but it is necessary. Sad news always travel fast, and I want you to find out from one of

your people, but…" The soldier looked down.

"What is it? What are you hiding from me?"

"We did all we could, milady, but it wasn't enough. The king ordered all troops to defend and safe the people, and before we knew it, he

was already in his guymelef and fighting. There was only one way to stop them, and he did it. The king got as close as he could to the

enemies troops and activated the self destruction system, blowing more than half of the off. He sacrificed himself in order for his people to

life. I'm sorry, queen Hitomi."

Hitomi went rigid as the words sank in.

_My queen._

She was now queen of Kansaki. She was now… She couldn't do this. Her father, her loving father, had sacrificed himself for…Oh, the

pain, it was like someone had hit her on the stomach and left her breathless. It was way too much for her.

"Get him to one of the guests' rooms and feed him. Make sure he has everything he wants." She ordered to one of the maids. She saw

Allen coming to her and said no with her head. He stopped.

"All heads of the kingdoms must follow me into the throne room. We have to discuss this. Gadess, prepare the army. Send troops to

Kansaki to help them. Put troops on all the frontiers of Asturia. Send messages to the kingdoms of the ones that are here. Send spies to

search for new attacks, and send a messenger to Kansaki. Inform them that troops are on their way and that their queen is safe. Keep me

inform" Allen said, dealing with the situation. Now was not the time to think about Hitomi.

"Yes, sir" Gadess said and quickly went to do all. Hitomi silently turned on her heels and ran as fast as she could.

* * *

Van was in the perfect spot to spy the ball. It hadn't been difficult to get through the soldiers that surrounded the castle. With so many

trees, they made his jib easy. He watched how the highest society of Gaia had fun. No remorse or guilt showed in their faces. It was as if

they had never done anything to him. His hatred towards them became stronger. Memories were flashing through his mind. He felt the

emotions of that day as if he was living it again. He shocked his head furiously and focused on his job. He scanned the room and watched

everyone. Just how was he supposed to know who Hitomi Kansaki was? He had never seen the nobles of the countries he hated so

much. A man suddenly caught his attention. He stood in the middle of things. He moved all around the room, talking with all the guests.

He stopped to talk warmly with a couple. He looked confident and arrogant. After analyzing him, he knew he was the king of Asturia, his

enemy. Every single instinct told him to grab his sword and kill him. He wanted to cause him so much pain; he would beg him to kill him.

He wanted to slaughter everyone he cared about. He wanted to hurt him so much, he had to calm himself. He had his orders, and he

couldn't disobey them. The king of Asturia moved to the stairs and started to talk. Van moved closer to listen.

"… I, Allen Schezar, have fallen madly in love with the most unique human. I am please to introduce to you Hitomi Kansaki, princess of

the Kansaki kingdom, and my future wife"

Hitomi Kansaki. The king of Asturia loved Hitomi Kansaki, his target. A cruel smile appeared on his lips. He was to bring her alive to

Dornkirk, but no one had told him not to torture her. Kansaki was dancing with Schezar, but he couldn't get a good look at her. What he

did caught, though, was he happy look. He really would have fun torturing her. No one that could love someone like Schezar deserved to

live. A soldier interrupted the, and he told them about Zaibach and its attack.

'So it has begun. Good, they will pay with blood and tears. Soon, Dornkirk will destroy them as if they were insects, and I'll finally

avenge my family and kingdom. All I need is he' Van kept his eyes on the drama playing before him. All he could see of her was her

back. Van saw her suddenly leave the room. He immediately started to follow her. This was the opportunity he had been waiting for all

night. Now he only had to find the perfect moment.

* * *

Hitomi ran as fast as her legs could carry her. She just wanted to get away from everything and everyone. She was running with the hope

that if she ran fast enough, the pain wouldn't follow her.

_Your father sacrificed himself_

Tears blurred her vision, but she didn't care. Everything she did, she had done it for him, to make him proud. She had always pretended

to be happy and strong for him. Whenever she felt that she couldn't pretend anymore, she looked at him and found the strength she

needed. The thought of marrying for duty had seen less painful because it would make him happy. He had taught her so many things. She

had learned the importance of peace, loyalty, illusions, duty and so many other things through him. He had make her understand how

important it was to hope and dream and forgive and never give up. He had taught her to accept herself. It was because of him that she felt

proud of been a seer. He had always been there for her, until now. He wouldn't be able to make her feel okay anymore. Hitomi tripped

over a rock and fell hard on the floor. She didn't get up.

_I'm sorry, queen Hitomi_

Everything was useless. There was no way to escape from the pain. She stood where she was and tried to stop her sobs. She had to

calm down. She couldn't afford to be weak now. She had to be strong. A whole kingdom was expecting her to guide them through the

war. Her people needed her. She was the Queen of Kansaki, and… she heard the sound of metal and immediately went still. There was

something pointy at her neck, and she had a good idea of what it was.

"Turn around"

A shiver went through her body as she heard the coldness of the voice.

* * *

Van followed Kansaki until she suddenly tripped. He got closer to her. She was trembling from trying to stop the sobs. This was the

perfect moment. With all the commotion at the castle, no one would be looking for her. She was alone and in pain.

'Alone and in pain, just like him' Van cursed himself. This was no moment to think of that, not now, not ever. What did he care if she was

alone? He was going to torture her. She was just a tool, a way to hurt Schezar. Long time ago, he had sworn to himself to never feel

anything for anyone ever again. That included pity. He hadn't even seen her face. He decided to torture her more, to make her feel more

pain. Yes, that would cause him to stop thinking about stupid things. Emotions only made people weaker, and he was a mercenary, the

Dragon. He simply wasn't allowed to feel anything but pain and hatred, a little satisfaction after the killing, but that was all, nothing more.

He drew his sword out and placed it at her neck. She went still.

"Turn around"

She slowly got up. It seemed to take eternity till she finally faced her. Her eyes were close.

"Look at me"

She didn't open her eyes.

"I said, look at me" Van said. He grabbed her chin and pulled her close to him. "Look at me" he whispered to her. She opened her eyes

fast and made eye contact with him.

Van stood paralyzed. He had never seen greener eyes in all his life. She didn't look at him with fear but with anger. As much as he tried,

he couldn't brake free from her gaze. Her eyes bore into him. He suddenly felt very small. Those eyes, what did they have? What did

they do to him?

"Green eyes" he said softly, and his world went black.

* * *

Yey, another chapter. I hope you like it. It wasn't as dark as the other ones, but it was very important. Jajajaja, Van got lost in her eyes.

Oh, and a cliffhanger. Now you'll have to read the next chapter to find out what happens. Review, please, and tell me what you think.


	4. The anguish truth brings

**Hey! Another chapter yey! Hope you enjoy it a lot.**

**Disclamer: I don't own Escaflowne or the song hero by Nickel back.**

**Enjoy…

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you.**

_**The anguish truth brings.**_

Hitomi was sitting on her bed. She was looking at the floor and playing with a necklace her mother had given her. Allen was standing at

the door, looking at her, and trying to say something, anything that would make her feel better. They had been in this position for about

and hour, and they still hadn't said anything. Hell, Hitomi hadn't even looked at Allen. Allen was starting to get desperate.

"Hitomi…" he started, but then stopped. What was the point if he couldn't take away the pain? Hitomi didn't seem to hear him. She was

trying very hard to not think about all the things that had happened in the last hour. She focused on her necklace. It was shaped in the

form of a tear and had a unique color. Hitomi always had the necklace with her. It made her feel better.

**Flashback**

It was the best day of the year for Hitomi. It was her birthday, and she loved them because they had a cake and presents and she got to

be with all the people she cared about. She went running to her parent's room. She just couldn't wait to see what they'll give her. When

she arrived, she saw her mother looking through her window. She looked sad.

"Mommy, are you ok?" A little Hitomi asked. Her mother turned and smiled at her.

"I was just thinking about…I'm fine. Come, I want to give you something" Hitomi smiled and went to her mother. She went to her closet

and opened the case where she put all her jewelry. She took out a strange looking one and signal to Hitomi to get closer.

'It's the color of angel's tears' she told Hitomi 'Your grandma's mother gave it to her, and my mother's mother gave it to her. My mother

gave it to me, and now, I'm giving it to you. Take care of it, Hitomi; it has always been in the family, waiting for its right owner and its

right time. One day, my child, you'll discover the power little things hold. You'll see how something that seems so insignificant can change

the path of history and even destiny. Hitomi, you will do great things in the future, and you'll face difficult times when you'll feel that you

have nothing left in this world to fight for. When that time comes, you have to promise me that you will not give up. You'll get up with

your head held high, and you will do what's necessary."

Hitomi looked at her with a strange look on her face.

"I don't understand what you are saying, mom" she said. Her mom laughed.

"Of course you don't, silly. It's not the time for you to understand. Just promise me, ok?"

"Ok, I promise you, mom"

"That's my girl, oh and Hitomi?"

"Yes, mother?"

"When the right guy for you comes don't fear loving him and give him a chance to prove himself. Remember that forgiveness is one of the

greatest gifts humans can give; Don't judge people without knowing their reason for doing whatever it is they do; There's all always more

than what the eye can see."

"Yes, mother"

**End Flashback**

That had been her last birthday with Hitomi. She had died soon after that, and as much as she tried, she still couldn't understand what her

mother had tried to tell her.

'I have to talk to Allen. He doesn't deserve this treatment from me, and he did save me from that man… That man, it had been so weird.

The moment she heard his voice she felt frightened. She had not wanted to see him because she was afraid she would not like what she

saw. When he had whispered to her to look at him, there had been something in his voice that bought curiosity to him. He had almost

pleaded her to look at him, so she had. The moment she saw those eyes her would tumbled. In all her life, she had never seen colder

eyes, and still, they were beautiful, a dark brown with touches of red. She had wanted to know everything about him, but the she

remembered how he had treated her, and she tried very hard to look at him with anger.

_Green eyes._

That was the last thing he had said before Allen had hit him on the head. The moment his eyes closed, Hitomi felt like she had lost

something. She ignored the feeling, and went with Allen, trying to forget the way he had said those two last words. _Green _eyes

A knock brought Hitomi out of her thoughts.

"Sir, every guest is gone but Lord Dryden and Lady Millerna. The prisoner has woken up, what do you want us to do with him?" Gadess

asked.

"Bring to the court room. I want to know what he was trying to do and who he is. Tell Millerna and Dryden to go there too. I want no o

ne else there. Make sure no on is listening. Everything else is going smoothly?"

"Yes, sir, the troops are guarding Asturia, and the spies have arrived. There have been more attacks in the magical part, but thanks to the

messages they were able to contra attack. Still, the enemy's forces seem to be getting stronger. Kansaki has already responded. Its

general, Amano, has informed us of their situation. They are still under attack, but our troops have arrived, and they think they can hold t

he resistance for some time. He wants to know if Queen Hitomi will be returning. He also told us to inform her that Yuraki wants to know

if she is okay." Hitomi led out a small smile. Amano and Yuraki were her best friends. They had fallen in love and married just a couple of

months ago. It had been a beautiful day. Hitomi suddenly got her strength and determination back. She couldn't stay here and mourn

forever, feeling sorry for herself. They were people that needed her, and there was a war to win. She could make it; she had to make it. If

she wanted a peaceful world, she had to start fighting for it.

"Tell them that I'm doing fine, and that I'll return as soon as I arrange some things here. Tell Amano that he is in charge of Kansaki till I

return, and tell them thanks, for everything?

"Yes, madam' Gadess left, and Allen and Hitomi found themselves in silence again. It was Allen who talked first.

"The other kingdoms have decided to fight against Zaibach. In order to safe Gaia, we all have to be together. They have returned to their

home to organize their people. I… Hitomi, you know I'm here for you. I wish I could find some way to make you feel better. I wish I

could take away your pain" He went to her and hugged her. Hitomi returned the hug. Maybe Allen wasn't that bad. He had been for her

even when she pushed him away. He had send troops to help her kingdom. He cared about her. Maybe she could give him a chance.

"Allen, I'm sorry. You've been good to me, and I have just been a pain. Don't worry, you have done everything you can to make me feel

better."

Allen looked at her with surprise and hope in his eyes. Hitomi smiled at him.

"This is just the beginning of difficult times, Allen, but when they are done, I truly would like to marry you."

"I… Hitomi" Allen hugged her tighter. A little shine of hope had been given to him. Yes, when this war was over, he would marry her.

Maybe she would fall in love with him.

"Come on, we still have to take care of the prisoner."

* * *

Van woke up with a headache. Every bone in his body hurt and he was cold and hungry. He opened his eyes and found himself in a place

he didn't know. He got confused. What was he doing here? He put a hand on his head as it started to hurt more. Suddenly, flashes of the

last event started to flood. The ball, the king of Asturia, the girl running, he following her, her eyes… Now he remembered. He was going

to kidnap Hitomi Kansaki when… He had her where he wanted! He should have taken her right away, but he had wanted to see her,

and when she had turned, he had forgotten everything. Those eyes had something. They were different, and because of them, he had not

accomplished his mission. Damn it! He was pretty surge he was in some cell in the dungeons of the castle of Asturia. Great, not only had

he ruined his mission, he had also been caught. Well, it couldn't get worse. They didn't know who he was, so he still had an opportunity

to free himself. He heard a noise and went to his feet. His first instinct was to go for his sword, but it wasn't there.

"You are a prisoner; we aren't going to let you keep your arms" It was a female's voice. Van looked at her. Judging for what she was

wearing, she had to be a maid. Van observed her more and discovered that she was a cat-girl. What was a cat-girl doing in Asturia?

"I brought you food. I do believe you have to be hungry. Even persons like you eat"

Van took the food and was about to eat when suddenly clicked in his mind. What she said made no sense. How did she know what kind

of person he was? He turned to look at her. She was standing a little far from the cell, and she looked at him with fear and something

else. She turned to leave, and Van started to eat. She stopped at the door.

"I know who you are, and I have informed his majesty" she said. Van froze. What?

"You don't remember, obviously. It was a long time ago, six years ago, actually" The maid turned around and got close to the cell. "My

name is Merle, and you are the Dragon" Of all the things he was expecting, that was definitely not one of them. He thought no one knew

who he was. He had made sure no one who saw him survived, so how could she know?

"How…?"

"How do I know? It's quite simple, actually. You slaughtered my people and burned our village. I still have nightmares of that day, and it

is not till now that I'm talking about it. I recognized you the moment I saw you. You have changed." She looked at his eyes "You are

colder than what I remember." She moved her head to one side "You still don't know what I'm talking about, do you?" Van said no with

his head. "You looked about twelve back then. It was a pretty day. I remember it so well. It was my birthday, and my family and I were

celebrating when we heard cries of help. We went to see what it was, and I saw you. You looked like an angel in the middle of hell. You

were the handsomest boy I had ever seen and you had those wings. I thought I was dreaming. Suddenly, you took out your sword and

killed the closest person. Then everything was killing and burning. I started to run and his myself in one of the houses. When I thought

everything was over, I went outside. You were there, in front of me. I thought you were going to kill me, but you didn't notice me. You

extended your wings and flew away. I stood there and cried till the Kansaki army arrived. They were too late, and I was the only

survivor. Lady Hitomi took me in, and I've been her maid ever since. I hated you for so many years that I thought I wouldn't be able to

continue living without avenging my family. But then, one night after awakening from a nightmare of that day, I suddenly realized

something. You hadn't notice me because you had been crying. I knew then that there was no point in looking for you and killing you.

You were living your punishment. I never thought I'd see you again, but I'm glad I did. You see, I have been able to move on. I no longer

have nightmares, and I am happy, but you have only become colder and more emotionless. I bet you no longer cry after killing. Whatever

is you reason for doing what you do is not important to me. I have put the past behind me. I just want to know that I… I forgive you for

everything you did to me." She turned and left the room in a flash. Van stood there, guilt building inside of him. He remembered now. It

had been the first time he had killed.

_I forgive you for everything you did to me._

He had done the same thing to that girl that Asturia had done to him, and she had come here to tell him that she forgave him. His hands

went into fists, and he shut his eyes. In all his life, he had never thought that, maybe, what he was doing was wrong.

* * *

Dryden, Millerna, Hitomi, and Allen looked at the man before them. This was the Dragon. This was one of the cruelest people that had

ever existed. His eyes were cold. His face was emotionless. He didn't look at any of them. He didn't move one muscle.

Hitomi was scared to look at him. He was the Dragon, the one responsible of so much pain. Why had he come after her? What did he

want? Why did he do all those horrible things?

"What were you going to do to Lady Hitomi?" Millerna asked the Dragon. He didn't answer.

"Answer the question" Allen ordered him. He felt his anger building inside of him. The Dragon kept quite.

"What do you think you are doing?" Dryden yelled at him "You are in no position to deny anything to us. You are the most looked man in

Gaea. You are a mercenary, Dragon, and your punishment is dead. Answer the questions." The Dragon grinned, and everyone felt a

shiver.

"If I'm going to die, what's the point of cooperating?" he asked them. Hitomi no longer could take all the feelings she was having. She

couldn't understand how the mind of the Dragon worked. When she had looked into his eyes, she had seen a coldness that scared her,

but she had seen something else too. She wanted to know what it was.

_**I am so high, I can hear heaven  
I am so high, I can hear heaven  
Whoa, but heaven...no, heaven don't hear me**_

"Why?" she asked him "Why did you destroyed so many towns? Why did you end so many lives? Why do you hate us so much?" She g

ot up and was going to move close to him when he jerked his head and looked at her.

"Why do you care?" he asked her.

"Because I want to understand the reasons behind the acts. I want to understand why you choose such a bloody path"

They all waited for him to explain himself, but not one word came out of his lips.

"Who the hell do you think you are? Do you care about nothing?" Allen yelled at him. He was tired of him. He was tired of his attitude.

He wanted to end this. The Dragon suddenly seemed to come to life. He moved his eyes from Hitomi to Allen, and Allen took a step

back. The Dragon's eyes were full of hatred and anger, and it was all directed to him.

"You want to know why, I'll tell you why" he told them "It's because of you"

Allen got confused. What had he done to him? He had never, in all his life, seen him or anyone that looked close to him.

_**And they say  
that a hero could save us  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait  
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles  
Watch as we all fly away**_

"Thirteen years ago, a massacre took place in Fanelia, my kingdom. Every single person I loved died on that day, killed without a second

thought. Every building was burned down to ashes. All I knew died on that day. I swore I would take revenge, and that's what I've been

doing. Your father took away my illusions and dreams. He forever marked me with his decision. I hate you, Allen Schezar, and everyone

that is with you. No one helped my kingdom. I saw how my brother died and how my people screamed. The only ones that helped me

were Zaibach and his leaders, so I have worked under their rule ever since they found me. I was born a prince, and because of you, I

became a mercenary"

_**Someone told me  
Love would all save us  
but, how can that be  
Look what love gave us**_

Allen looked at the Dragon like he had suddenly gone mad. He, of course, knew what he was talking about, but he had no idea of why

he was blaming him. It was because of that massacre that the problems between the magical and unmagical parts of Gaea had begun.

They had both blamed themselves of not been able to help Fanelia and had taken it against each other. Allen remembered that his father

always told him that there was no kingdom as beautiful and fair as Fanelia. When they had known of what had happened, they had send

troops over there. Allen's father went with them, but they were too late. They divided the few survivors between the different kingdoms

and left everything as it was a reminder to the world of the greatest kingdom ever. They buried the corpses and made an altar for their

rulers. They never found the body of the youngest one of the family. After that, they discovered Zaibach had been the one responsible for

that and had exiled it from the rest of Gaea. It had tried to get revenge ever since.

"Asturia never ordered that massacre. All kingdoms tried to help, but we were to late" he told him "We took the survivors and took the

under our care." The Dragon looked at him.

"You are lying" he said, his voice full of hatred. "Everything you say is a lie"

"No, I'm not lying" Allen said patiently. His anger was gone. Why hadn't they found him when they arrived?

"I know the truth. You can't trick me!" he yelled at him. Hitomi got close to him and looked into his eyes.

_**A world full of killing  
And blood spilling  
That world never came**_

"It wasn't Asturia or the other kingdoms" she told him "It was Zaibach"

_**And they say  
That a hero could save us  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait  
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles  
Watch as we all fly away**_

Van looked at Hitomi and saw in her eyes that she wasn't lying. He then looked at the others and knew they weren't lying either.

_It was Zaibach_

All these years, how could he not see it? His whole world went done at the realization.

"What have I done?" he whispered "what have I done?"

It had been alright for him to kill all those people because he had thought he was avenging his family. It had all been good. He felt no guilt

or remorse. Now, it was different. They had all been innocent. They had done nothing to him, and he had killed them like animals.

Dornkirk had played with him. He had made him colder that what he already was. He had tricked him into killing his enemies, and he had

fallen for all of it.

_**Now that the world isn't ending  
It's love that I'm sending to you  
It isn't the love of a hero  
And that's why I fear it won't do**_

Van felt pain and desperation. How could he have not seen it? All the guilt and remorse that he hadn't felt, suddenly hit him. He looked at

his hands. He had killed so many innocent people with them.

_**And they say  
That a hero could save us  
I'm not gonna stand here and wait  
I'll hold onto the wings of the eagles  
Watch as we all fly away**_

All the hate he felt for Asturia and the rest of the kingdoms passed to hate for Zaibach. He had done everything Dornkirk had told him

because he saw him like a kind of savior, and now he knew the truth. He was responsible for all of it. Van shook his head. He was a fool.

He had thought Dornkirk had wanted to help him.

**Flashback**

"Here, boy, I'll help you with your revenge." A man told a 12 year old Van.

"My name is Dornkirk, and I'm the leader if Zaibach. I know you've been true a lot, but with my help, we will make Gaea pay"

**End Flashback**

It had all been a big trick. Without realizing it, they had turned him into a monster. No, he had led them turn him into a monster. He had

been so full of hatred and pain that he had not thought. It now seemed logical that only one kingdom had wanted to destroy Fanelia. Van

felt like dying. He had nothing to life for. He saw how Hitomi returned to Allen's side. They were right. He deserved to die. In attempting

to avenge his people, he had made things worse.

"He is still a mercenary, even if he was tricked into it" he heard one of them say.

"We can't kill him. It doesn't seem fair"

"But he has killed a lot of people. We can't let that go unpunished."

"I agree with Allen. We should kill him"

"That's not fair"

"He could give us information about Zaibach"

"I deserve dead. I have no excuse for all I did." He told them.

"Dead is your punishment" Allen said.

"You can't kill him" Someone said from the doors. Everyone turned to look at Boir, a fortuneteller.

And why can't we kill him?" Allen asked him.

"Because he is Van Fanel, king of Fanelia, and the last draconian in Gaea, and because without him, this war is already Dornkirk's.

_**And they're watching us  
They're watching us  
As we all fly away**_

* * *

**So, did you like this chapter? It was a little confusing at the end, but I think you caught it. Poor Van, I feel bad about making his life so **

**miserable. Of all the chapters I've ever wrote, this one was the most difficult one. I thought I wouldn't be able to finish it. Things are **

**starting to get more complicated. What will happen know? Why do they need Van to win the war? Oh, and don't expect Van to **

**suddenly get warm, cause that is not going to happen. remember, feeling guilty or not, he is a mercenary, and he just has a lot of pain and **

**hatred inside. Review**


	5. Destiny's path

**Thank you so much for your reviews. They make my day. I feel like going home and writing a thousand chapters. Anyway, **

**hope you like the story. I have so many ideas for the next chapters, but you'll have to wait to know about them. Thanks to **

**the ones that review every chapter, I love you guys!**

**Disclaimers" I obviously don't own Escaflowne. The idea of the story is mine, though, and you can't take that from me **

**jajajaj.**

**Ok, let's get to the story…

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Destiny's path**_

_Whoever said life was easy never loved. Whoever said life was a dream never cared about anyone._

_-anonymous_

"And why can't we kill him?" Allen asked him.

"Because he is Van Fanel, king of Fanelia, and the last draconian in Gaea, and because without him, this war is already Dornkirk's."

Everyone in the room went quite, and all eyes were instantly directed to Van. Hitomi took some steps away from Van. In her eyes,

confusion could be seen as clearly as water.

A lot of things were happening in a very short time. She felt like exploiting, and she was sure everyone in the room was feeling just like

her. Still, what Boris had to say was sure to be important. He had always been a very respectful advisor in Asturia. Even when the

magical and unmagical parts had been fighting, Boris had been someone important in Asturia. He had a very talented gift, and a kingdom

like Asturia couldn't afford to throw it away. Boris had what some called a curse and others a gift. He could see the future. His

predictions had never been wrong. Asturia had learned to listen to him after Fanelia's destruction. The results for not listening to him had

been way too high. Now, his opinion was something Allen always looked for. Today, though, Allen didn't feel like listening to anyone. He

had a feeling that, if he let Van survive, something would be taken away from him. Something he loved dearly. Still, if what Boris said was

true then… it couldn't be. The Dragon simply could not be Van Fanel, heir to the throne of a dead kingdom, and he could not be

draconian. They had extinguished a long, long time ago. It was impossible, improbable, and sounded like a fairy tale. Even in a place like

Gaea, that was just too much.

"Nothing is too much for Gaea. Don't underestimate it." Boris told him. Allen just glared at him. His mind was a mess. He couldn't

decide on what to do with the new information. He didn't know what to say. Dryden solved the problem for him.

"We can't kill him" he said, sounding unhappy about it "It just wouldn't be right, but we can't let him go without a punishment, and his

loyalties are with Zaibach"

"No, they are not" Van said. It was the first time he spoke since they had told him the truth. His voice was barely a whisper, and it was in

a low tone. "I thought Zaibach had been the only one that helped me. Dornkirk was the only one that lent me a hand after… He tricked

me, and he will pay for it."

"I need prove that he is Van Fanel" Allen said "As for the draconian part, they don't exist anymore. I don't see how you could be one"

Allen's and Van's eyes met. Sparks flew between the two of them. Van didn't hate Allen anymore, well, not that much. He didn't want

to kill him, but he certainly would be happier if he didn't exist. Allen just wanted Van to disappear. Still, in the position Van was, he felt

like he at least had to prove one of the two things he was claiming to be. He decided that proving that he was Van Fanel was simpler.

"Ask the soldiers to bring you my sword" he told Allen "Look at it closely. There's a dragon engraved on the handle. It's the Fanelian

symbol." Allen did as suggested. The soldiers brought the sword, and everyone in the room saw the dragon.

"You could have stolen it" Allen said simply. Van got the urged to punch him.

"He didn't" Hitomi said. She glanced at Van quickly before looking at Allen. "The sword is his. You know this, Allen. He is Van Fanel"

Allen looked at her for what seemed like an eternity.

"Fine, but you are still a mercenary. King or no king, you have to be punished"

"I know" Van said "I did a lot of horrible things, and I'm sorry for all the innocent people I killed"

"A sorry isn't enough" Millerna told him coldly "For years, you have caused fear all around Gaea. A sorry won't do it."

"I…" Van didn't know what else to say. He already knew that a sorry wasn't enough, but what else could he do? He closed his eyes.

The feeling of guilt was returning. All those years he had been tricked were very fresh in his mind. Memories of all he had done kept

coming back to his mind. How could he have let all the hatred take the better of him? Still, even after knowing all he had done was

wrong, after knowing he had spilled innocent blood, it had made him feel good. A part of his soul had felt better with every death, and as

much as he wanted to, he didn't feel sorry about that. Even know, he felt the desire to kill. It was in his instincts. It was all he knew. He

just couldn't erase years of killing. He still felt the need to avenge his family. The only thing that had changed was the direction of his

hatred. Now, he hated Zaibach. He wanted to kill everyone that belonged to that kingdom. He wanted to make Dilandu and Dornkirk

suffer. He wanted to kill them. He was still full of hatred and pain and now guilt. Van felt like screaming till his lungs couldn't take it

anymore. Damn it! He was more lost than before he arrived at Asturia. Everything he had believed in had been a lie. His whole world had

been a lie. All he had done had been wrong. In all his life, Van could not remember a moment when he had felt more lost and alone. Now

he truly did believe that happiness was something that had not been made for him. He had not been born to have dreams or hopes. Van

closed his eyes. He would never find peace.

"He has information that is very valuable for us." Boris said "You are forgetting that he did not come here to destroy a town. He came

here for Hitomi. Zaibach wants her for something. I can not see what Dornkirk wants with her, but I know it's important." Everyone

looked at Van again. He was getting tired of been the center of attention.

"Dornkirk wanted her" he looked at Hitomi "because he wants her to help him find the Heart of the Dragon. I was to kidnap her and

bring her to him."

"The Heart of the Dragon, but that is only a tale for the little kids. It is not true." Millerna said.

"It does exist. A long time ago, when Gaea was about to be destroyed, someone called for the Heart of the Dragon. No one knows who

saved Gaea or how. It's the greatest mystery of all times. The only thing I know for sure is that it was divided in two. I do not know why.

One part went to the draconians in Atlantis. The other one was given to a very powerful been, but I don't know what or who it was.

History was changed into legend, and then into a story so that the Heart would be safe." Boris told them. "If Dornkirk knows about its

existence, then we have to get to Atlantis before them."

"Nothing you are saying makes sense." Allen suddenly yelled. He had lost his temper "You are here, discussing stories, when we should

be planning an attack to Zaibach. I can't believe in lost cities with extinguished races and magical objects. We are at war. We have no

time to lose"

"This is no waste of time. I believe them" Hitomi told him. She looked at him defiantly. Allen went quite.

"I can't." Dryden said simply.

Van looked at all their faces. He had a feeling that what Boris said was important. He knew what he said was true. He was a draconian,

so if that was possible, Atlantis and the Heart of the Dragon could exist. He owed this people something. He had, after all, been

destroying their kingdoms for the last six years. He owed them. He had no option but to help them win this war. They didn't even imagine

the power Dornkirk had. They had not even seen half of it.

"I know you don't trust me, and I don't expect you to ever do, but you have to believe what Boris says. Zaibach has a very strong army.

Its military is impeccable. You have no change against them. Still, Dornkirk knows he can't win against all Gaea. He needs something.

Hitomi Kansaki is the key to his victory. She has something he wants. If he gets it, then all is lost"

"I can't just believe in this" Allen said.

"Allen Schezar, you are the one person besides Dornkirk that I do not wish to be in debt. For all I've done, I am. Because of this, I'll

give you prove. If you cannot believe in what you hear, believe in what you see." Time seemed to stop as Van concentrated. His face

went into a frown. Suddenly, his shirt ripped into little pieces. A curtain of feathers blurred everyone's vision. When the feathers were

gone, Van stood in the middle of the room. His wings were wide open, as white as snow. Allen gasped. Millerna starred at them

dreamily. Dryden looked like he didn't know what to do. Hitomi went wide open. In all her life, she had never seen something that

looked so pure and was so dark. He looked like an angel, but she knew that he wasn't one. He was the Dragon, a mercenary disguised

as an angel, and for that, Hitomi feared and resented him. It didn't matter that he had suffered so much. He had caused the same pain to

others. Hitomi would never forgive him for that.

"Fine, I believe you, now what?" Allen asked. He looked annoyed.

"He has to find Atlantis and the Heart of the Dragon before Dornkirk does. He is the only one that can do it, but he will need help. It is a

dangerous path, and it's full of traps and obstacles. I can't think of anyone more fit to follow him than Hitomi" Boris told them.

"What? There's no way I'll allow that. If she goes, I go. And since I can't go because I have a war to lead, she stays. Find someone

else." Allen yelled at all of them. He crossed his arms against his chest and held his head high. He looked like a spoiled kid rather than a

king.

"There's no one else" Millerna told him as she grabbed his hand. "Allen, she is the only one that can do it. She is a seer, remember? And

Dornkirk believes she knows something, so she has to do" Allen felt like never talking to Millerna again.

"I know nothing. I don't even know what the Heart of the Dragon is. I…" Boris interrupted her.

"You are the queen of Kansaki, and one of the most talented seers. You are probably the only one that can lead Van Fanel to Atlantis.

Remember that Atlantis is a magical kingdom. Only very strong magical beans can enter it. Only you two can find it. If you don't go, then

we better surrender now." Boris explained.

"We can win over his forces" Dryden suggested.

"They will win" Boris said "It has already been predetermined"

"Then we have no choice?" Millerna asked. Her blue eyes looked sad. She went to her husband for comfort. She knew Allen was

probably feeling a lot of pain. If Hitomi went with the Dragon, she could die, and she didn't trust him. No one would know what would

happen to them. Just when Hitomi was about to open to Allen, this had to happen. In was not the best of times for a suicidal trip.

"It's the only choice if we want to stand a chance" Hitomi said. Her hair was hiding her eyes. "Allen, you have to stay and combat

Zaibach's military forces. Dryden and Millerna have to go back to their kingdom to defend it. Mine is safe for the moment. Amano is

protecting it, and I know you won't let anything happen to it" She smiled at Allen "I feel like I have to do this. Something in me tells me

it's the only way. Besides, they are right. My powers will be needed"

"I don't need anyone, especially not you." Van told her coldly.

"I don't care what you want. You have no choice. Maybe you don't care about peace, but I do. I will not let our fates be decided by a

mercenary" she responded in the same tone. She looked at him, and their eyes locked. Van pulled away fast.

"Whatever" he whispered.

"Then it's decided. Van and Hitomi will go find Atlantis, and the rest will fight Zaibach from here" Boris said with a smile on his face.

Maybe none of them knew it yet, but Boris had not told them everything he knew. There was something about Hitomi, a seer, and Van, a

draconian, that the rest did not see. He knew that they were the only ones that would be able to safe Gaea. The mystery was in how they

would do it. Boris was dying to know.

* * *

Hitomi was at her balcony. She looked at the great kingdom of Asturia. From where she was, she could see the market. People were 

happy, going on with their normal lives. They had no worries. They still didn't know about the war and the difficult times they were about

to face. Hitomi fantasized with the idea of not telling them, but it wouldn't be fair for them. She could just hope they wouldn't feel as bad

as she did.

'Goddess of life, take care of them' she prayed silently 'Don't let anything happen to them'

She turned her eyes to the mountains and the blue sky. A bird flew and disappeared from her view as in went into a cloud. She wished

she could be that bird. She extended her arms and imagined how the wind would feel against her skin. She would fly as high and fast as

she could; she would never look back. She smiled. 'Silly me, humans do not fly'

'He does' a part of her mind told her

'He's not human; he's draconian' she argued

'He looks like a human. He has feelings like humans do'

'No, he doesn't. Look into his brown, enchanting… wait. Oh, you confuse me, ok, I confuse myself. The point is he doesn't feel'

'He does. He hurts.'

"Hitomi?"

Hitomi turned around fast and brought her arms down. A blush appeared on her face.

"I was just feeling the wind" She told Millerna "I've finished packing, and it's such a beautiful day" Millerna laughed. No wonder Allen

had fallen for this girl. She was just so innocent and hopeful.

"Its okay, no need to explain, I just wanted to have a talk with you. You know, woman to woman."

Millerna's face became serious, and Hitomi got closer to her.

"Do you love Allen?" The question took Hitomi for surprise, and she answered a little to quickly.

"No"

Millerna smiled kindly at her. "I…I didn't want to sound so…"

"No need to worry, I already knew. I just wanted to hear it from you" She got up and walked to the balcony, resting her body on it. She

turned her head to look at Hitomi.

"When I married Dryden, I was in love with Allen." Hitomi opened her eyes "He was everything I wanted, and he loved me too, but I

had a duty to my family, so I married Dryden. I was so unhappy I thought I would die. With time, though, I grew to love him, and now, I

wouldn't change him for anything. Still, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had run away with Allen. I look at the way he

sees you, and I can tell he loves you with all his heart, but you don't." Hitomi played nervously with her necklace. Millerna turned to

leave, but as she passed Hitomi, she stopped and put a hand on her shoulder. "The thing with Allen is that if you don't love him from the

beginning, you never will. What you see is what you get. You care about him, Hitomi, but care and love are very different things. Care

will never equal to love. My story turned out to have a happy ending. As much as I want you to be happy with Allen, I know you won't

be. You two will both end up hurt, and it's not fair for either of you."

"I have a duty to my people, now more than before. If I want peace, I have to do this. Besides, with time, everything will turn out just

fine"

"Don't fool yourself. Well, what do I care? It's your choice in the end, and first we have to get through this war. Just think about what I

told you. You are a brave person, Hitomi, and Allen is very special to me. Neither of you deserve a life full of unhappiness."

Millerna left the room, leaving Hitomi more confused than ever before.

* * *

Van stood next to his black horse. He brought a small bag with him. It had nothing but the necessary: a pair of shirts knifes, and money. 

He could hunt for food. He looked at Kansaki hugging Allen; it seemed to last forever.

"I'll miss you" he heard her say.

"I'll be waiting for you" Allen told her. Hitomi hugged Dryden and Millerna. She then went to her white horse. She climbed it, and Van

was about to when Allen grabbed his arm.

"You told me you owed me one for all you did to my people" he told him. Van looked at him with a blank expression. "I just want you to

take care of Hitomi" he finished "Swear to me" Van though about it. He had never protected anyone, and he wasn't sure he would be

able to, but he really had no choice. "Fine, I swear I'll protect her." Allen let go.

"You have to get out of Asturia and travel south till you arrive next to the temple of the Celts. From there, you will have to trust your

abilities and each other." Boris told them. 'Yeah right, like I could trust her abilities' Van thought.

"Be careful, Gaea depends on you"

Van turned his horse into the direction that they had been told. He looked at Kansaki and noticed that she looked at every direction. It

was clear she had no sense of orientation. Was she really supposed to help him find Atlantis? She didn't even know where south was.

"This way, just follow me." He growled at her. She looked at everyone and smiled. She waved good bye till they were out of sight. Van

looked at her from the corner of his eyes. He couldn't believe he was stuck with her, as if he didn't have enough problems. She suddenly

turned to look at him. He turned his head to look at her face, careful to avoid her eyes. She jerked her head away. It had been very fast,

but Van had seen the fear in her eyes. She was afraid of him. He remembered seen her on the balcony with her arms held high. She had

looked peaceful, but then she had gone inside. Now that he thought about it, he also remembered seen the anger in her eyes the first time

they met. What had changed? Was it that she now knew he was draconian? He let out a small growl. Hitomi kept her eyes in the front,

but she winced at the sound. The guy got to her nerves. It was not till hours later when Hitomi finally got the courage to talk to him.

"I…" what could she say? "We haven't been formally introduced" was the first thing that came to her mind. "I'm Hitomi Kansaki" she

held her hand for Van to shake it.

"I know that, and you know who I am. There's no point in doing this" he told her. She looked surprise at these words.

"It's the first thing one has to do to get to know someone" she said. Van stopped his horse and grabbed Hitomi by the hand. The move

was very sudden, and Hitomi almost fell from her horse. He saw the fear appear in her eyes the moment he touched her. He got angrier.

"I don't want to get to know you." He told her quietly so she would pay attention to every word he said. He made eye contact. Hitomi's

eyes were full of fear and anger. Van's eyes showed nothing; they were emotionless "I'm doing this because it helps my revenge. There's

no other reason. I don't give shit about you or peace or your kingdom, and I never will. You are just someone useful to me, a tool and

nothing more."

"You're hurting me"

Van let go of her arm. He broke the eye contact. Hitomi kept her head down, hiding her eyes, but Van saw a tear fall from her face. He

suddenly felt like trash. Now she didn't only fear him; she probably hated him too.

"I was going to give you the opportunity to prove to me that you were something more than just a mercenary. I've always believed in

giving second chances, but someone that has such cold eyes doesn't deserve it. You don't deserve my time.I thought you were human; I was wrong."

The words hit Van like cold water. She thought he was a monster, which was probably true, but for some reason, it bothered him.

'Stop thinking like this' he ordered himself. He wasn't going to let her pass through the barrier he had built around his heart. Whatever

she said or thought didn't matter to him. He was an emotionless person. He cared about no one. She was just a tool, and anyway, he

couldn't even stand her presence. Pain had been part of his whole life. He couldn't remember a time when he hadn't felt it. He was

always hurting because of his past. He couldn't get over the fact that he had lost his family and dreams inthe cruelest way. He could steel

feel that pain as clearly as the first time it had appeared, and he felt the pain for been tricked, for what he was, for what he'd done. He

wasn't going to let a good for nothing girl hurt him more. Mo matter what happened, he wouldn't let her weaken him. He would never

care about anyone, especially not her.

**

* * *

Yey! A new chapter. I'm doing all I can to update soon. They have already started their trip! Isn't that great? Ok, so now go **

and review or I won't update for the next month. JAJAJAJAJAJAJA :p


	6. Breaking you

**Yey, another chapter. Sorry for not updating sooner. Oh, and thanks to everyone that reviews. I love you people. If you see any grammar mistake, please tell me. It helps me a lot. And now, I live you with my story.**

* * *

**The pain of loving you**

**_Breaking you_**

_There is no pain so great as the memory of joy in present grief._

_Aeschlysus._

Hitomi was tired of riding the stupid horse. She was tired of sleeping on the hard, rocky floor. She was tired of the rainy weather and the

interminable days. She was tired of the lousy meals. Over all, she was tired of Van Fanel. Traveling with him was hell. What she had done

to deserve such horrible punishment was beyond her imagination. She had thought about it for days, and she still had no answer. She had

always tried to give the best of her to everyone around her. She had even tried to make Fanel happy or something close to that. Every

single thing she did had been useless. By this point, she thought he was just incapable of feeling anything. In all the weeks they had been

traveling, the closest thing to a smile she had seen in him was a smirk, and that was when she did something wrong or when he had killed

some poor little animal so that they could it. The 'joy' he felt when he killed gave her nausea. She was even thinking of becoming a

vegetarian. She had never met anyone that was so cold and distant. Most people would think that two persons that had to travel together

in order to safe the world from its destruction would get to know each other, or at least talk to each other. Hitomi could tell them that

they were very wrong. In fact, it was quite the opposite. The more time she spent with him, the more Van hided from her. It was like

there was a wall right between them. She would have been very happy that he just ignored her had it not been for one small detail. She

wanted to understand him. In her mind, she couldn't comprehend how someone could be so empty on the inside and still be capable

breathing. She wanted to know why he enjoyed killing, even if it was just a small animal. She wished she knew what was behind his dark,

brown, cold eyes. Some people said that the eyes were the doors to the soul. If this was true, he had no soul. The few times she had

locked eyes with him, she had been drawn to them, wanting to fall into them till she had all her answers. Only two things kept her from

doing this. The first thing was the way his eyes made her feel: lost and desperate. They made her fear him. She was scared of falling into

his eyes and never coming back. She was sure she would get lost and wander endlessly in them. She didn't want to lose herself to a

monster. The other thing was Van Fanel. He avoided her and treated her like trash every time she was near him. To top it all, he hid his

eyes from her. It had been over a week since the last time she saw his brown orbs. His hair covered them, and she was sure he was

doing this on purpose.

Hitomi was miserable. Everyday she grew lonelier. She even wished for Allen's company. Fanel was just too inhuman to be real, and she

couldn't stand been lonely. She needed people around her. Fanel needed no one.

"_I don't want to get to know you."_

He hated her too. He didn't want anything to do with her.

'What a pair of heroes we are' she thought, amused.

He would only speak to her when there was no option at all. He was rude and mean and a bastard. She hated so many things about him

she didn't even know where to start. He didn't care about anything but his revenge. She knew it had to have been terrible to lose

everything at such a young age and in the way he had, but life kept on going. It just didn't stop and wait for you to be ready to face it. He

had suffered a lot, and she knew it, but of all things he could have done, he had chosen the worst. If he knew what it felt to lose

everything, then why had he decided to make other people suffer the same as he had? It was just stupid and selfish. It was a coward

action. Besides, it wasn't like he had been the first person to hurt. He hadn't been the first one to cry or the first one to lose someone

dear to him. Everyone suffered. It's the way life teaches and makes people stronger. No one build themselves from the happy moments.

It was the hard, painful ones that made people what they were. Hitomi got angry at Fanel again. He just wasted her time. What could she

learn from him? The cruelest methods to kill? How to destroy a world in ten seconds? The best way to create panic among all living

beings? No, thank you. She had more productive things to do. Not getting lost was a very good example. Fanel had disappeared from

her sight.

'Where the hell was that man?' she thought 'Really, I stop to think for just a mere second and he leaves me alone.'

Hitomi looked all around her, but could not see where Van was. She let out a frustrated sigh. She truly hated him with all her heart. Only

thinking about him made her angry. He had a gift for frustrating her.

"Van Fanel, where do you think you are going without me?" she yelled as loud as she could.

For a moment, everything was quite around her. She closed her eyes. She was used to this by now. When she stopped to long to look at

something or think about something, he left. He was so quite about it that she never noticed till she was out of her trance. He always came

back when she yelled at him. He never went too far. She knew he would have left her along time ago had he not needed her. She waited

patiently. Everything was quite, and she was getting a little scared. Suddenly, she felt someone behind her. She jumped a little and turned

around fast. There he was with a blank expression on his face.

"There's no need for scaring me, you know?" He didn't answer. She didn't expected him to, after all, he never did. She talked and

talked and talked about nothing just to fill the space between them. She missed the sound of voices and laughs. He was no good

company. Actually, he was good for nothing. Hitomi followed Van. They had been traveling for three weeks and they still hadn't arrived

at the Celt's temple. It had been little over a week since they had left Asturia behind.

"Are you sure you know where we are going?"

He grunted.

"I'll take that as a yes. You know, you could try to talk sometimes. It won't hurt you"

He just glared at her. Hitomi lowered her head and kept following him. She should really stop trying to talk to someone like him. He just

wasted her time and gave her headaches. What could she expect from him? She had to remember who he was. The infamous Dragon, a

mercenary, a killer, an assassin, whatever you wanted to call it. He enjoyed the fear he caused. He rejoiced as everything around him

went to ashes. He smiled/smirk after killing. His heart was black with hatred, if he had one. His illusions never existed. He never knew the

strength a simple dream could give someone. He hid in the dark, never letting anyone see him. He never felt the beams of the sun. All he

knew was darkness… Hitomi pun her hand on her forehead. She was not feeling good. She hoped she was not getting sick. She looked

at Fanel. She always imagined the Dragon as someone without a past, present or future. She had thought he had been crazy or something

like that, but of all the defects Van had, crazy wasn't on the list. He had chosen to kill on his own free will. He had never been obliged to

it. Hitomi was very confused. Her head told her that she should hate him more for that, but there was something that kept her from totally

hating him.

'He knows what it feels like to lose everyone important to you. He is overwhelmed with his duty to his family, just like me.'

Hitomi stopped her line of thoughts. Fanel and she had nothing in common. They were complete opposites. Comparing him to her was

like comparing a bird to a fish. They came from completely different worlds. If it wasn't for the fact that he scared her to dead, she would

have probably yelled at him a long time ago. The only thing that kept her from going as far away from him as she could was what Boris

had told them. No one else would be able to find Atlantis before Dornkirk. In their hands laid Gaea's destiny. She couldn't go back

because he made her miserable. She had to continue until the end. She had to stand been near him till everything was back to normal. It

was her duty to protect her people, even if it meant working with a mercenary. She took one last look at Van before taking him out of her

mind. She wasn't supposed to want to get to know him. Hitomi wandered for the tenth time why she felt the need to do so.

* * *

Saying that Dornkirk was mad was like saying that a tsunami was a storm. He was more than furious. For once, things hadn't gone the

way he had planned them. Van was supposed to be here by now, and he definitely wasn't. As far as Dornkirk remembered, he had told

him that kidnapping Kansaki was crucial to his plans. Without her, there was no way he could accomplish his goal. He knew he had an

army that could defeat all his enemies, but it would take too long, and he didn't just want to rule them. He wanted to own them, to know

their weak and strong points, to have total control of their minds and bodies. In order to own everything in this planet, he had to know

everything of Gaea; he had to poses the Heart of the Dragon. If he was to rule everyone's minds and bodies, he had to control its power.

Hitomi Kansaki was the only one that could tell him where the Heart was and how to use it. She should have been in his hands right now,

but for some unknown reason, she wasn't. Dornkirk thought about all the things that could have gone wrong. He couldn't think of one.

He had sent the right person to the right place with the perfect assignment. Van felt nothing but hatred towards everyone that wasn't with

Zaibach. He hated all living things, but he especially hated everyone that had any relation to Asturia. Sending him to the kingdom that had

destroyed his live was brilliant. His hatred blinded his judgments, and he wouldn't have doubts or questions about following his orders.

He wouldn't stop to think if what he was doing was right. To make it more amusing, he had sent him to kidnap the king's fiancé. He was

sure Van would loath anyone that loved Allen Schezar, king of Asturia. He was incapable of feeling anything nice towards another being,

so he wouldn't feel pity for the girl or anything else. He was the perfect weapon. Skilled, merciful, and deadly were adjectives fit only of

Van. He could only see one problem with sending Van, and it wasn't that horrible. Van could end up killing every noble in Asturia, and

that was just fine with him. Van was Dornkirk's best option for the job. It would even serve his revenge, so why was he not here?

Dornkirk felt another presence in the room.

"Dilandu"

"Yes, milord?" Dilandu appeared from the shadows, his red eyes shining.

"Van is not here, and I want you to find out why"

"It will be my pleasure, sir" A smile formed on Dilandu's lips. This was the moment he hah been waiting for. He would finally be able to

get rid of that rat.

"You will only report to me what you find out" Dornkirk added, already knowing what crossed Dilandu's mind "You will not do anything

to him without my permission. I don't want any rash actions, understood?"

Dilandu's smile disappeared. If Dornkirk ordered him not to touch Van, he couldn't do it.

"As you wish, milord"

"Good, if that is settled, leave immediately. Take your boys with you. You might need them" Dilandu left the room. Dornkirk knew he

would do as he had ordered. Soon, he would finally know why Van hadn't return. This mystery desperate h and intrigued him. He was

curious to know Van's reasons. A sudden thought crossed his mind, but he put it aside immediately. There was no way Van could have

found out the truth. Van would never betray Zaibach and Dornkirk. It was impossible.

* * *

"So, as I was saying before you left me, I think we should rest a while. Maybe we could go to a little town and sleep under a roof for

once…."

Bla, bla, bla. That was all Van heard from that girl. Her voice drove him insane. It pierced his ears. He was going to lose what little

patience he had left. The only thing Kansaki could do was talk and talk and talk. She was never silent, and when she was, she just

delayed him. She was nothing but a pain. Van could not stand her. He hated everything there was to her. He hated how she smiled about

little things, or laughed at stupid ones. She was always happy, and that irritated him. She was clumsy and weak. She couldn't do anything

for herself. He always had to hunt for both of them because se was incapable of killing anything. She was all about peace, and that was

something he could not stand. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt at peace. She had everything she wanted. She was queen of

a powerful kingdom, had always been pampered, and had never felt pain or sorrow. No problems or complications crossed her life. Her

life was perfect, and his was hell. He hated her for having everything he ha always dreamed of. She had a good past, a great present, and

a promising future. She was filled with dreams, hopes, and illusions. He had nothing. He couldn't stand her ideals and her dreams. He

could not believe that someone could trust humans to do better. His experience had shown him that humans would never be worthy of

life, but she believed that they did, and that they deserved to keep existing. She believed in life. He believed in death. He hated her spirit

and her personality. The one thing he hated most about her was the feeling she arose in him. He was curious about her. He wanted to

know how someone could be so naïve and innocent. He wanted to understand her, and that frustrated him to no end. He felt the need to

look into her eyes and feel everything she did. When he gazed into her green, big eyes, he felt, for a small moment, at peace. He even felt

like smiling. That was something he couldn't allow himself to do. What was worse was that he didn't know how she would act. She

simply didn't do what everyone else did. It was like she lived in another world. She misbalanced him and caught him of ward. For god's

sake, she had even tried to befriend him! He knew she feared him, but she had still tried to be friends with him. She probably couldn't

even stand him, but she always treated him as nicely as she could. He had never met anyone like her, and she confused him. She wasn't

worthy of all the problems she gave him. Since the first moment he had seen her, his world hadn't been the same. The way she loved life

made him wander why he hated it so much. He suddenly wanted to live like everyone else for just a moment, so that he could understand

what made her so happy. He even felt guiltier about all he had done. To top it all, he had to protect her. Stupid promises and codes of

honor. He had always been in control, but when she looked into his eyes he lost all of it. She searched into them, trying to find something.

He was scared of what she would find, and it made him uneasy to be close to her. He had begun hiding from her. He was never closed to

her and ignored her as much as he could. He didn't talk to her unless it was necessary. He needed to be like ice to her so that she didn't

affect his mind. Every time he saw her, he felt lonelier and wanted to open up to her. He couldn't allow that. He couldn't allow himself to

be weak. He had to revenge his family. He had to make Dornkirk pay for what he did to him. He had to kill. He had to be in pain and

sorrow so that he could make Zaibach pay. Happiness and dreams were for idiots. He wasn't an idiot, and it didn't matter that he

suddenly felt like been one. He hated her for what she did to him. He felt like breaking her neck so that he would be free of her. He

wanted her to feel pain so that she would stop smiling. He wanted her to suffer as mush as he had. He just wanted to free himself of her

presence. Why had he been given the responsibility of saving Gaea? AS if he didn't have enough problems. He was sure this was a

punishment for all the things he had done. He felt something hit him on the head. He turned and saw Kansaki with a rock on her had,

ready to throw it at him.

"Why did you do that?" he asked her

"You were ignoring me. I'm tired of been ignored."

Van really felt like killing her right now. The last of his patience was gone.

"You never say anything worthy of my attention. You just talk about stupid things like the sun, and you are always complaining about

everything. I'm tired of hearing your voice, of seeing you laughing, and of seen your fucking happy face" he yelled at her. He saw the

shine appear in her eyes. He knew he had gotten her mad.

"Well, at least I'm not feeling sorry about myself and blaming everyone of my luck"

"Shut up" Van's eyes went darker; a dangerous glow appeared in them "You don't know anything about that. You've never felt sorrow

or pain. Your life has always been easy. You have all you want, and you still complain about everything. You life inside a bubble, thinking

that pain doesn't exist. Well, let me tell you something. Not everyone is as lucky as you. You have nothing to worry about. You're

pathetic and you make me sick, you…"

Slap.

She had slapped him. He couldn't believe she had dared to do that. No one had ever been able to hit him, and this weak girl had slapped

her. A wave of anger floated through him. He got down form his horse, grabbed Hitomi by the arm and slammed her against a tree.

"Don't ever touch me again"

He saw her face go rigid. She wasn't scared; she was furious at him.

"You think you're the only one that has suffered? You are not, and you know nothing about my life. I'm from a noble family. I have to be

strong and happy so that everyone feels secure. I wasn't allowed to cry when my mother died. I didn't have time to mourn for my

father's dead. Everyone expects me to be perfect and strong. I am not allowed to ever be wrong. The lives of my kingdom's people

depend on me. If I make just the tiniest mistake, everyone can die. I know what pain is. My life is as distant from perfect as it can be.

You just blame everyone of your family's death and kill however gets in front of you. You are so scared of feeling that you decided to

hate everything and everyone. You're just a coward that can't get over your past. I hate you. I hate everything you've done to innocent

people. Why did you choose to kill? Of all the things you could have done, why that one? Wake up, everyone suffers. You're not the first

one to lose everything. I will never forgive you, Van Fanel, for killing so many people. You're lost and incapable of feeling anything

towards anyone. You're a monster"

Everything went quite. Van let go of Hitomi. She opened her mouth, but then though better about it. She ran as far away from him as she

could. Van stood where he was. It was like he had lost the ability to move. He felt, no, was scum. How had he not seen it? She too had

lost her family. She too knew what pain was like. Van punched the tree with all his force. Everything she had said was right. He was just

a coward, a monster…

* * *

Hitomi looked at the place where she was. She had run so fast and for such a long time, that she hadn't stopped to think. She couldn't

just run and never see Fanel again. They had things to do. As much as she didn't want to be close to him, she had to. Night was coming,

and she was lost. What else could go wrong? She heard a noise come from behind her. She turned around, but there was nothing. She

was getting very scared.

"Fanel, if that's you, then you better come out"

No one responded. She heard another noise from behind her and another and another. Whatever was there, it had her surrounded. She

gasped as red eyes appeared before her. There were eyes all around her. She let out a yell when something came to her, knocking her to

the ground. The last thing she though before fainting was the last thing she expected.

_'Van'_

* * *

**I have finally ended this chapter. Sorry I couldn't update earlier, but I had so many homework it was impossible for me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it, sorry for the cliffhanger, but I just had to put it. Oh, and sorry for updating two times chapter five, I just had some troubles with my computer. Oh, and yes. I do believe this story is going to be a little bit long. At least more than 18 chapters, but I'm not sure how much more. Well, review please because it makes my days, and I update faster when I'm happy. :)**


	7. Melting the ice

**Another chapter! Wow, I've never written something so long. I hope you are enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it. Oh, and sorry for the grammar and spelling mistakes. I will fix them, but first I want to finish the story. Well, go on, read this chapter. Tell me what you think about it.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Melting the ice**_

Dilandu was very happy. In all his life, nothing better had happened to him. He finally had Van on the palm of his hand, and he had

achieved it in the most unique way. It was like a dream come true.

"Sir, she is waking up"

Dilandu smiled. He would really enjoy hurting her. When he had found out why the Dragon hadn't returned, he had burst out laughing.

The Dragon, who was supposed to be merciless and emotionless, was taking care of Hitomi Kansaki, his target. It was ironic. Dilandu

really didn't care about Van's reasons for his sudden change. All he cared about was what he could get out of this situation. For a start,

he was going to torture the girl. That would bring a lot of pain to the Dragon. He couldn't touch him, but Dornkirk had said nothing about

hurting him emotionally. After finishing playing with Van, he would bring the girl to Dornkirk and get permission to kill the bastard. He

would Dornkirk's favorite and have everything he wished for. Life was smiling at him. Now, it was time to start building his future. He

approached the girl. Her eyes were unfocussed.

"Why is the Dragon with you?" the girl moved her head slowly. She was way to confuse to answer. Dilandu smacked her in the head and

grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"I asked you a question"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Her voice sounded painful. Dilandu found this satisfactory. He had to admit this girl had guts.

He was dying to know how much pain she could resist.

"I saw you with him. He is looking out for you. He never lets you of his sight, well, till now. It is obvious he cares for you. He has never

cared about anyone. I wander what you did to change him" Hitomi was more confused. As far as she knew, Fanel couldn't even stand

her presence.

"I don't know what you are talking about" It was the truth, but he obviously thought differently. He punched her hard on the stomach.

Hitomi's body doubled and she fell to her knees. All the air in her lungs went out, and she was left breathless. Her eyes flashed angrily.

Dilandu's smile grew.

"I will repeat my question again. If you are intelligent, you'll answer it. Why is the Dragon with you?"

"His name is Van Fanel, not the Dragon" Pain flooded through her body as she hit a tree. She had never felt worse in all her life.

"Guess you are not intelligent, too bad for yourself. Do you understand your position?" Hitomi moved her head to the side. She was

refusing to answer any of his questions.

"Insolent idiot" Dilandu hit her on the face. Hitomi felt blood coming out of her nose. Her eyes started to fill with tears. She swallowed

them down. She wouldn't let him see her crying.

"Why is the Dragon with you?" Hitomi kept quite. She couldn't tell him what he wanted to know. Everyone trusted her to safe them and

Gaea. She couldn't let them down. She had to be strong. She suddenly wanted Fanel to be with her. She took a deep breath.

"You can torture me all you want. I won't tell you anything"

Dilandu lost his temper. He signaled for one of his boys to bring him his knife. The most horrible smile Hitomi had ever seen formed on his

lips.

"You can't even imagine what I'm capable of doing. I'm just getting started. What awaits you is beyond anyone's imagination. One last

chance, why is the Dragon with you?"

Hitomi lowered her head, preparing for what was to come. She prayed to all her gods to help her get through this, to give her strength.

She prayed for Fanel to come.

"Your choice" Dilandu said. He grabbed Hitomi's hand and sliced her palm. He started to go up her arm, his knife slicing her. He was

going to slice every single part of her body. He would have a lot of fun with her.

* * *

Van felt something he couldn't describe at first. He felt a desperation and pain that he was sure didn't belong to him. What was

happening? To whim did this feelings belong to? The answer came to him out of nowhere. _Hitomi_. She had to be in trouble. How long

had it been since she had ran away from him?

'I shouldn't have left her. She is my responsibility. I swore to protect her no matter what. I can't fail her' He was so worried about her

that he didn't even stop to think about what was going on in his head. He didn't even realize that he had called her by her first name or

that he didn't want to fail her, not anyone else but her. He ran as fast as he could; worry feeling every fiber in his body. He didn't know

where he was going, but he trusted his instincts to guide him to her. He had to find her and free her of the pain she was feeling. He didn't

care what he had said before; he couldn't let someone as innocent and pure as her know the darkest parts of life. He couldn't let her feel

what he did every day, hour, minute, second. He couldn't let her lose the smile that intrigued him most of her. He stopped as he heard

noises.

"You can't even imagine what I'm capable of doing. I'm just getting started. What awaits you is beyond anyone's imagination. One last

chance, why is the Dragon with you?"

Van knew that voice. He would have recognized it anywhere. No one else could own such as disgusting voice but Dilandu.

"Your choice" He heard him say. Van got closer to them so that he could see what was going on. What he saw almost made him lose

control. He was going to slaughter Dilandu. Hitomi was on her knees, blood was coming out of her nose. Dilandu was about to slice her

hand. Van felt a hatred he had never experienced before. He didn't want to hurt Dilandu because he couldn't stand him. He wanted to

kill him for touching her. He wanted to smack his head against a tree for touching her. He saw how Dilandu sliced her hand, and Hitomi

closed her eyes. She was biting her lip. Van could not control his anger anymore. Something inside of him broke. He charged against

Dilandu, pulling him away from Hitomi. Dilandu let out a surprise yell and called for his boys. Van drew his sword out. There was

something different in his eyes, something dangerous, almost insane. He needed to kill this people. He just had to do it; his body was

begging him to do it. He wanted their blood. It was like all reason had left his mind, and he had become an animal. He only followed his

instincts, and they were telling him to destroy. His sword went through one of the boys, and he turned to face the next one. He was a very

skillful swordsman, and these kids weren't a challenge to him. They didn't stand a chance against him. Dilandu got up. Hatred was all that

could be seen in his red eyes. How dare he kill his boys? He yelled in rage, and blocked Van's with his own. He wouldn't let him kill

another one. Dilandu's remaining boys turned to help.

"No, this is my fight, my battle, and only I will kill him"

Van's and Dilandu's swords met again and again and again, never reaching its target. They were both very good at fighting, and they both

wanted to kill the other one with all their souls. Hitomi let out a groan of pain, and Van lost his concentration for a fraction of second. It

was all Dilandu needed. His sword hit Van on his right side. I wasn't a mortal wound, but it hurt like hell. Van turned around and cut his

face. A thin line of blood appeared on his face. Dilandu slowly touched it. His grip on the sword grew stronger.

"Let's go" He turned around "I will get you for this, Dragon. You will wish you had never met me"

Before Van had any time to react, Dilandu disappeared. He wanted to go after him, but another groan from Hitomi stopped him. He

slowly took control of his body again. Three bodies lied around him. His lust for killing was satisfied for the moment. He tried to get up,

but pain brought him down. He put a hand on his side to try to stop the blood. He was getting very frustrated. A part of him knew he had

to be fine if he wanted to help her. He ripped his shirt and used it as a bandage. He then turned towards Hitomi. He inspected her

wounds. They weren't many, but they were all painful. He ignored his pain as he slowly carried her in his arms. He relaxed. She would be

fine, and that was all he cared about.

* * *

Hitomi woke up feeling like an avalanche had gone right on top of her. Every part of her body hurts. She opened her eyes and got used

to the darkness around her. She looks all around her. She was in a cave, wrapped around a blanket. A fire glowed in the middle of the

mini-cave. Something smelled nice. Great, that told her nothing. She sat herself with difficulties. How had she arrived here?

'Van… where is he?' Hitomi searched for him, but he wasn't in the cave. She was sure he had safe her. His image was the last thing she

remembered. She sighed. She was so tired. _Red eyes, knife, hand._ Hitomi raised her hand fast as memories of what had happened came

to her mind. She was surprised to find a red bandage around it. Hitomi remembered seen that kind of red somewhere else. Where had

she seen it before? She was too tired to think about it, so she let it drop. She wanted to sleep so badly.

'Why did Van safe me?' The thought made her tiredness go. He had told her he hated her and wanted nothing to do with her. Why had

he risked his life for her? Another much more uneasy thought crossed her mind.

'Why the hell am I calling Fanel by his first name? I must be much worse than what I thought' Last time she had checked, she still hated

him, right? The fact that he had saved her from that… thing didn't change anything. Well, something did. Now she knew that there was

someone worse than Fanel. The Universe had created a much terrible monster than him. She never wanted to see that beast in all her life.

She didn't know if that made her feel worse or better. She preferred to spend a thousand life times with Fanel. She was so confused!

Stupid Fanel, even when he wasn't close to her he caused her troubles. He was like a rock in a shoe. He never left her thoughts. He was

always there, making her life more difficult and hard. She wondered why nothing was ever easy.

"You should be resting. Pain is something I think you aren't used to" Hitomi jumped about ten meters.

"Why do you always have to scare me?" She crossed her arms over her chest. She hated how he always caught her off guard. Didn't he

know how to make noise? She looked at him from the corner of her eyes. He was cooking something. A small smile formed on her lips.

He had saved her from death, cured her injuries, brought her to a warm place, and was cooking something for both of them. She

shouldn't be so hard with him.

"What are you cooking?"

"Rabbit" Hitomi was going to faint again. He had responded. It had been a one-word answer, but he had never before followed a

conversation with her. The apocalypse was sure to be near.

"Is it ready?"

"Almost" He had answered again! For some weird reason, Hitomi felt happy.

"Hurry up, I'm hungry" He glared at her. She giggled. Her happiness disappeared when she remembered who he was talking to. He was

the Dragon.

"Did you enjoy killing it?" She said the question so softly, Van almost missed it. He went stiff. It seemed like hours until he answered.

"No" Hitomi was about to laugh, when he added "It wasn't a great kill"

Hitomi felt her hopes go down. For one second, she had actually believed he deserved a second chance. She had believed he was a

human capable of emotions. Fanel got up and walked towards her, bringing the food.

"Thank you" She started to eat, but stopped when she noticed he had less food.

"I have more food"

He ignored her.

"I said I had…"

"I know. You're healing, so you need more food. I don't want to delay any more, so you have to be strong."

'Idiot' Hitomi told herself 'I should have known it was all about his revenge. Everything is'

After she finished eating, she gave her plate to Van. He got up, but when he was about to walk, he went to his knees. Hitomi forgot all

her pains and went to his side immediately.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" Van just groaned. "Let me see"

She grabbed his hand from his side and put it aside. She let out a little yell.

"You're bleeding. Why didn't you tell me you were hurt?"

"You were unconscious" Good point.

"Why didn't you take care of it?"

"You needed to be treated, and then you needed to be feed." Hitomi looked at him strangely.

"What? Stop looking at me that way" He turned his head to his side. Hitomi ignored his protests and put his shirt off. She blushed. He

was very well built. She quickly went for water and Van's bandages. She cleaned his wound as dedicatedly as she could.

"Sorry" she whispered to him when he made a face of pain. He turned to look at her, and their eyes locked for the first time in weeks.

Hitomi got trapped in his brown, cold eyes. She couldn't look away. They went deep into her soul. She wanted to look into them

forever. She felt the need to know everything there was to him. She had to break the spell in which he putted her through by just looking

at her.

"Why did you safe me?" she whispered. She was so close, Van could feel her breath. Something in his eyes change, but he looked away

quickly.

"I promised Schezar I would protect you from everything" Hitomi frowned. He never did anything for her. He didn't care about her. It

was always something or someone else. He never did anything for her. She finished bandaging his as fast as she could and went to her

piece of cave. She couldn't understand why she suddenly felt so sad. She was left wondering what she had seen in his eyes. Had they

suddenly gone warm?

* * *

**I was going to continue this chapter, but I decided not to. It's already too long. Next chapter will have a lot of… jajajaj I won't tell you what kind of moments, but you can't miss it. And yes, they will get closer to Atlantis in the next chapter. There will also be some Dornkirk and Allen parts. I have kind of forgotten them. What else? Oh yes, we will know more about the heart of the dragon. I'll update before Sunday, but I don't know when, sorry. Oh, and please update. It makes me feel happy. : )**


	8. Nice to meet you

**Wow, I'm already at chapter 8, isn't that great? Again I apologize for all my spelling mistakes. I swear when I finish the story I will correct them all. All my love to all the persons who review, you keep me writing.**

**Disclaimers: The songs from below are from Enya and Bob Marley (Can't help falling in love with you)**

**And now, enjoy…

* * *

**

_**The pain of loving you**_

_**Nice to meet you**_

"_With great powers come great responsibilities"_

_-Spiderman_

"Oh my God, look at that!"

Van looked at Hitomi. He followed Hitomi's gaze but was unable to see anything. He could only see a lake, mountains, lots of flowers, and a lot of blue sky. There was nothing especial. He looked again. What was she so excited about? Why was she smiling so wide?

"I don't see anything"

She looked at him like he had gone crazy. Her head bent to one side as she inspected him intently. She got close to him, closer, closest. Van took a step back. Was it getting hot or what?

"Are you blind?" She asked him.

"What?"

"I said, are you blind?"

"No"

"Then how can you not see all this beauty?"

Van was frustrated, and he couldn't think straight with her so close. He didn't know what she did to him, but every time she was near his world seemed to go blurry. She made him doubt all he knew. His beliefs seemed nothing compared to hers. Every single thing he had done up till now was completely wrong. His world was all turned up since she had arrived into his life, and that scared him like nothing else had ever before. He didn't know anything anymore. He wasn't in control any more. He was lost, and it was all her fault. She had something that made her different from anyone else. Van couldn't identify what it was, but it attracted him like nothing else had ever before. He heard her say something to him.

"What?" He was trying to sound cold, but he wasn't able to. What was wrong with him?

"I said look"

"At what? I don't know what you want to look at" The exasperation in his voice was clear "I don't understand why you are always happy. I don't know what you see in this world that makes you laugh so much. I just don't get it. Why are you always cheery?"

He looked at her, and she looked at him. A small smile formed on her lips. She took his hand in hers and guided him to a spot that seemed to be in the middle of everything.

"I'll show you. Don't worry so much about small things" Van had no option but to go along with her. Since when, he wandered, had he listened to anyone but himself or Dornkirk?

"Look at the mountains. They are so big and look so powerful. I bet they've been there for centuries. It's like they take care of everything within their territory. They remind me of my father. He was always taking care of his people. I felt safe by his side. Look at the lake. Its waster is so peaceful. It never rushes, and it never trembles. It is always calm and peaceful. It gives serenity to this place. It reminds be a little of Yukari. She is a very dear friend of mine. It's been a long time since I last saw her. And look at all these flowers. They only exist to give happiness to whoever looks at them. They illuminate the place. It gives color to live. Just watching them makes me feel better. One can't only live with black and white. Life would be too sad. Everyone needs color. Oh, and the sky is so blue! Not a single cloud can be seen. I hadn't seen the sun in such a long time. It's been raining for days and days. I missed the sun's warm"

Van didn't know what to say. He had never looked at anything like that. He had never had time to stop and look around him. He had always been busy with his revenge. He had lived in the shadows, scared of the bright colors around him. He still was. He was going to say something when she watched Kansaki wipe a tear away.

"I'm not always happy" she whispered sadly "I too suffer"

"I know"

And he truly did know. It was the only thing they had in common. It was the one thing that had finally made them tolerate each other. Van knew that the smiles she had weren't always real. She faked most of the time, but he also knew she did it for other people. She didn't care about herself. If everyone else was happy, then she was happy. It was that simple. Van, on the other hand, had always tried to make everyone miserable. He had never cared about someone. The only thing that had been on his mind was revenge and killing. He envied her. Even if she had faked smiles, she still had the courage to do so He had always been too afraid to look beyond his pain and suffering. His hate had been so much that he never even questioned his acts. Hitomi's face went bright again, her sadness forgotten for the moment.

"Come on, let's go by the lake. I want to enjoy this day"

"We are delaying a lot"

"Not that much. There's always tomorrow"

_Tomorrow_

He had always dreaded tomorrow. Even someone as horrible as Dilandu had have plans for tomorrow. For him, only death was certain. Now, tomorrow didn't seem so bad. Since he had met her, nothing seemed too bad. Van followed her to the lake. He had to stop himself before it was too late. He couldn't, wouldn't allow himself to care for her. It was forbidden for him. He was a mercenary. Had always been a mercenary. Happiness was something he didn't now. Emotions something he couldn't experience. He couldn't let a small girl change him, make him weak. He had a whole kingdom to revenge and a world to safe. Silly things like enjoying a day didn't exist.

"We are going now. We have responsibilities" Finally, he had managed to sound cold. She turned to look at him. She nodded, but her smile was gone. She didn't argue.

"Yes, we have obligations. Let's go"

They turned from the sun and continued their journey in the shadows.

'This is the way it should be' Van told himself over and over 'I won't let her change me. I won't allow myself to feel'

And still, he hated himself for taking away her smile.

* * *

"Are you sure of what you just said?"

"Yes, sir, the Dragon has betrayed you. He is taking care of Hitomi Kansaki"

Dornkirk turned his back to Dilandu. So, his assumptions had been right. The only way in which his plan could fail was if Van betrayed him.

"Do you know why?"

"No, sir, I was getting the information from her, but he interfered before I was able to"

Dornkirk turned to look at Dilandu and raised an eyebrow.

"Interfered?"

"He killed three of my boys" His hand went to his face. He would get Van for doing this to him. He would hit him where it hurt him most. "If the others were to survive, I had to go. I had never seen him in action. It's as if killing was his only true nature, yet…"

For a mere second, Dilandu could have sworn the Dragon cared for that girl. He had lost concentration when she had groaned in pain, and that had enabled him to slice him. Of course, he had recovered quiet quickly and had almost won. The point was that the Dragon had saved her, had risked his life for her, and he was very curious to know why.

"You were saying?"

"Nothing, sir, what would you like me to do now?"

"I want that girl here in my hands. Van was my best man. Since he is gone, it's your turn to show me what you are made of"

Dilandu grinned. This was what he had been waiting for all his life.

"I will get that girl for you, milord" he hesitated, but then added "What would you like me to do with the Dragon?"

"Bring him to me. I want to know why he did it"

Dilandu's grin disappeared.  
"Oh, don't worry, Dilandu. You can bring him in any condition, as long as he is alive, and after he answers my questions, you can kill him in the most painful way"

Van Fanel would pay for his betrayal. He would make him wish he had never survived his kingdom's massacre. Dilandu was about to leave when Dornkirk stopped him.

"One more thing, if I am right, Van and Kansaki are heading to Atlantis. I want you to meet them there"

Dornkirk would show Van that there were worst things than been alive. No one betrayed him without paying.

* * *

Hitomi knew they were lost. She didn't care how many times Fanel had told her they weren't, they were. She was sure of it. There was no way it could take them so long just to get to the first place they had to go. At this speed, they would find Atlantis the day Dornkirk signed a peace treaty with Allen and that was never. She looked at Van. He was looking all around him, obviously lost.

"We are lost. It's time you accept it"

She dismounted her horse and went to sit under a tree. It was good to enjoy a little bit of shadow. They had been traveling for 18 hours straight, and for the last 6 hours, the sun had been hitting them merciless.

"We are not lost. We are just a little bit disoriented, but I'm sure the place is somewhere around here"

Hitomi was sure she had never met someone as stubborn as Fanel.

"Fanel, it's okay. Let's rest for a little while. We can continue tomorrow"

"No"

She glared at him dangerously. He sighed.

"Fine, but we will continue as soon as the sun sets"

"Deal" She smiled openly and allowed herself to relax for a little while. Van sat under the tree that was besides her.

"Have you ever enjoyed a sunset?" she asked him.

"I never cared or had the time to"

She couldn't believe it. Never before had she met someone that had never taken the time to enjoy a sunset. To be sincere, she had never met someone like him. The first time she saw him she had tried to kidnap her. Then, he had happened to be Van Fanel, heir of Fanelia, which didn't exist anymore, and the Dragon, a cold mercenary. After that, he had ended up helping her find Atlantis and safe Fanelia. Finally, he had saved her from the other mercenary. She had no idea what to expect from him. He wasn't what she had thought he would be. She didn't feel what she was supposed to feel towards him. She should hate him and not be able no be anywhere close to him, but she didn't. She now knew she didn't hate him, probably never had. She didn't fear him as much as she used to, and she wanted to be close to him. She didn't know why, and that uneasy her. Why did she want to be near him? It made no sense. He was everything she stood against. He was everything she wasn't and didn't want to be. He was the last person Hitomi would have thought of becoming friends with, yet they had. It was a weird kind of friendship, and she didn't understand it very much, but that didn't change the fact that somewhere along the way they had become friends.

"As your friend, I can't let you not enjoy a sunset. They're beautiful. You'll like it"

He looked at her weirdly.

"How do you know I'll like it? I don't even know what I like"

She laughed. He was like a little boy. Everything was new to him. He was just starting to live.

"I know everything, and what I don't know, I find out. I'll help you find what you like"

"I don't need to know what I like. I don't need you or anyone else. I've never had"

She knew what he was trying to do. She had done it plenty of times. He was scared of depending on someone else. He didn't want to owe anything to anyone. He didn't want her in his life, but she wanted to be part of it, and she was not going to let him pull her away.

"I don't care. I'll be here, even if you don't want me to."

Somehow, she had started to care about him. It was not something she was happy about. It scared her a lot, to care for a mercenary. But as much as she had tried, she couldn't change what she was feeling. She was starting to care a lot for him, and it hurt every time he pulled away. It hurt to be nothing to him.

"Look, the sunset!"

As the sun started to set, something amazing happened. Hitomi stood up, mesmerized. This couldn't be! It was impossible! Right there, in front of them, was what they had been looking for, and it was magical.

"The Celtic Temple" she heard Fanel say.

* * *

Guymelefs were every where. The white guymelefs of Asturia fought against Zaibach's. They had been fighting the whole day, and it was obvious both parts were getting tired. Zaibach's troops started to retreat. Rather than feeling happy, Allen felt irritated.

"Gadess, tell the troops to back down. It's time for us to rest too"

He had known fighting against Zaibach was going to be difficult, but he never thought it would be almost impossible. Their troops seemed to never end, and they were so well organized, that it was difficult to break their lines and destroy more than ten per person. At this rate, their only hope of winning would be Hitomi and Fanel. He got out of his guymelef and was met by Orb, one of his spies.

"Milord, Freid has fallen under the power of Zaibach. King Dryden and Queen Millerna are safe and ask for permission to stay here with the few people that were able to escape with them"

The news hit Allen hard. Freid was the tenth kingdom they had lost in the last month. Asturia was the only one that was holding well. All the others were weak or tired to keep fighting for much longer.

"Tell them they are very welcomed here. Put their people with the other refuges and put their majesties in a room next to the others"

Freid was the sixth kingdom Asturia was helping. With them, he had twelve noble people on his castle.

"Yes, my king" Orb bowed and went to do as ordered.

"Sir, may I have a word?" Gadess had come back.

"What is it?"

"I… I don't want to be negative, but if this continues, we are going to lose. We cannot keep taking in people from other kingdoms. Our own people lack food and water. Our troops can barely protect them. We need support"

Allen sighed. They needed a better plan or a miracle. The possibility of losing this war was very clear in his head.

"Contact other kingdoms and the pirates if necessary. Contact anyone who can help us against Zaibach"

Allen's mind turned to Hitomi. He missed her badly, and new something was wrong. He had feared sending her off with Fanel. There was something about him that he didn't like. Perhaps it was the way Hitomi had looked at him at court. The moment their eyes had made contact, the world had disappeared for both of them. He would never be able to resist losing her because of him. Allen moved his head furiously. Now was no time to think about his love life. They had a mission that could probably send Gaea. He prayed for Boris to be right. He prayed for Hitomi and Fanel. If they failed, Gaea was lost forever to Dornkirk.

* * *

"I told you we were not lost"

That was the only thing Van was able to say after getting over the shock. No wonder they hadn't been able to find the Celtic Temple! It showed itself only under the sunsets light. He caught up with Kansaki, who was already at the door of the temple.

"Now what?" she asked him. Van had no idea.

"I don't know. Let's get in" She nodded her head and opened the door. Surprisingly, it opened up easily. They went in carefully. The place was like nothing Van had ever seen before. It seemed to be alive and at the same time death. It gave a promise of tomorrow and held on to the past. It had four fountains in each of the cardinal points, and one huge tree was in the middle. It was the most beautiful tree Van had ever seen. It wasn't green like a normal tree, but had a beautiful silver color. There were windows all around the place, and light crept through them, giving the place a touch of eternity. It was a place that demanded respect.

"I don't know what to do" Kansaki whispered behind him.

"What do you mean?"

"Boris said that it was up to me from here, but I don't know what to do"

Van turned to look at her. She looked frightened, and he couldn't stand that.

"You are a seer. Magic runs in your veins. Just feel it. Concentrate on it, make a connection between your magic and the magic of this place"

She took his hand and concentrated hard. Van blushed at the sudden action. He looked at her. She seemed to be lost in her own world.

* * *

Hitomi was perplexed. Never before had she seen something that held on to the past so much as the Celtic Temple. She could feel the magic of the place wrapping around her own. It was amazing. She concentrated hard on her task. She had to find out the next place where they should go. She had to become one with this place so it would tell her what she wanted to know. Hitomi started to feel something weird, and suddenly, images started to come to her mind.

Some sort of priest was kneeling down before an altar. Lost of priests that seemed to be of a lower range formed a semi circle around him.

_**Saol na saol,  
Tús go deireadh.  
Tá muid beo  
Go deo.**_

_**Life of lives,  
Beginning to the end.  
We are alive  
Forever.**_

She didn't know why she was able to understand their strange language.

"We are the protectors of the Heart of the Dragon. Hard times are to come, and it is our duty to protect and maintain life in Gaea. The prophecies talk about a man named Isaac that will destroy the world if his hands ever reach the Heart. We must, therefore, hide it form him. He can never own the power it holds, for it would bring damnation to this world"

**_'Sí an ghealach,  
mall san oíche.  
'Sí an ghrian._**

**_Tabhair dom do neartsa_**

**_It is the Moon,  
late in the night.  
It is the Sun._**

**_Give me your strength_**

"The Heart will go with the only race that will not wish for its power. The Draconians are the most powerful living beings in Gaea. They will be the protectors of the Heart. We will give the knowledge of how to use its power to the only other race that would be able to control them. The Seers are magical beings, and within its nobility lays a pure heart. She hasn't come to life yet, but when she does, the power of the Heart will belong to her. Together, a draconian and a seer will safe the world. For now, we, the Celts, use its power to protect Gaea and assure future generations. We die in this action and disappear from this planet. We can only hope we did the right thing"

**_Beo go deo _**

**_Alive forever_**

**_Marbh go deo_**

**_Dead forever_**

Hitomi saw them join hands and use their powers to protect Gaea. A blue light surrounded them and expanded slowly and slowly. It went beyond the temple and to Gaea. Everything was color blue. Hitomi saw the whole world surrounded by its light. Dead trees came to life. Sick humans became sane. All that was wrong became right. All that was lost became found. Every single evil thing died. She then saw how the Celtic leader went to visit the draconians and gave them a big pink stone. Then, they went to the seers and gave them a little pink teardrop… her teardrop….

_In your hands lays our future…_

In her mind, Hitomi saw her necklace. It was surrounded by darkness and was moving in circles. It was moving fast, faster, till it stopped abruptly. She now knew where to go.

A question was the last thing she thought.

Who was Isaac?

* * *

Van was very scared. It had been three hours since Hitomi had gone into the state she was now. Shi did not move or stir. He didn't answer when he called her. It was not till now that he had realized how used to her he was. He was used to her voice and laugh, to her easy ways and her loving smile. He was used to the way she lived and loved life to its fullest. He was used to been threaten like a normal person, like just him, Van. He had gotten used to her without realizing it.

_**Wise men say only fools rush in.  
But I can't help falling in love with you.  
Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?  
If i, I can't help falling in love with you.  
Like a river flows, surely to the sea,  
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be**_

He had fallen in the trap he had sworn not to fall into. He had promised himself not to care for her, but he did. He knew it now, and to tell himself otherwise was pointless. He truly cared for her. He didn't know how it had happened, but it had. She had managed to make it through his barrier without him noticing. Hate had turned to friendship, and he didn't know how. What did she have that made him want to be with her so much? What powers did she own that had managed to open him up to? He realized he had been so interested in her that he had even forgotten his revenge. He punched the ground. He had forgotten them, his family because of her. Why? Why had she changed him? A sudden need to kill came to him. He pushed it down. She hated mercenaries, so he didn't want to be one anymore. She loved live, and he brought dead. He had to change for her. He had to restrain his instincts. He didn't care how much he desired to kill. He wouldn't do it unless it was necessary. He wouldn't do it because he wanted her to smile because of him. It scared him to want to make her happy. Since when had he started warming up? Since when did he start caring? He didn't know when he had started to want the warm of the sun. Van turned his attention to her.

'Please wake up' he begged her. He was so afraid to lose her. He needed her to be there for him, with him. It was not a want. It was a need. He knew he would get lost in the darkness again if she wasn't there with him. He was just starting to feel the light, and he didn't want to go back to what he was. She was the only thing that kept him from been the Dragon. He was afraid to never see her beautiful green eyes again, to never be able to get lost in them.

'I'm just starting to feel, please wake up'

She opened her eyes suddenly. Relief washed over him. He rushed to her side, forgetting to be cold to her. She put her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"Are you ok?" She whispered a yes, and put her head on his shoulder. Tears were coming out of her eyes, and he didn't know what to do to erase them.

"I saw so many things… Fanel, the Celts gave their life to save Gaea. It was the only way to use the Heart. They had to sacrifice their lives to safe everyone else's."

It hurt to hear her call him Fanel. Van returned his attention to what she said, ignoring the pain. Their mission was to safe Gaea. They had to use the Heart if they were to safe everyone. He thought it cruel that just now, when he was starting to want to life, Fate had doomed him to death. Kansaki was tremnling in his arms.

"Why are you scared of dying?" he asked her.

"I'm not scared of dying" she looked into his eyes "I just don't want to"

He saw in her eyes what he feared. For they both knew that when the time came, she would sacrifice herself for Gaea. She would give her life for them, and they would smile and say thank you and forget about her, but he wouldn't be able to. He would remember her forever, no matter what. He hated destiny for that. Before her, life had been simple. The only thing he wanted was revenge and death. After her, life was complicated. He wanted so many things now. Things he thought he would never wish for. He wanted to protect her dreams, illusions and hopes because he knew that he would never have them. No matter how much time he spent at her side, he would never be able to be as innocent as her. He had already been in the dark side. His life was already taunted with evil. Hers wasn't. That's why he needed to protect her. It was not because of a promise or a debt. It was not because it was his duty. He would do it because without her everything good would die. He didn't know why he cared if everything good died, but he knew she would be unhappy if it did. She loved life. He wanted to be part of her life.

"My name is Van Fanel"

Her eyes went huge, her smile wide. He lent a hand for her to shake, ad she took it and shook it hard.

"My name is Hitomi Kansaki" she said "Nice to meet you. You can call me Hitomi"

_Hitomi_

He could call her Hitomi.

"You can call me Van"

Never again would he feel the hurt of hearing her call him by his last name. Last names were used when someone was a stranger. She wasn't a stranger anymore.

_**Take my hand, take my whole life too.  
For i, I can't help falling in love with you.  
Like a river flows, surely to the sea,  
Darling so it goes, some things are meant to be.  
Take my hand; take my whole life too.  
For I, I can't help falling in love with you.  
No I, I can't help falling in love with you.**_

Van took a deep breath and prepared himself for what was to come. Of all the persons he could start caring about, he had chosen the worst. Hitomi Kansaki would never be able to care for him. She had told him she hated him that she couldn't stand him. He was a mercenary, and she hated him for just that. The worst part was that, no matter how much it pained him, he wouldn't change that suffering for anything in the world. He wanted that pain because it was a bond to her. It kept her close to him. He hated himself for wanting that closeness

* * *

Far away from where Van and Hitomi stood, a pink light started to glow. It was not a bright glow, but it meant a lot. The heart of the keeper of the Heart of the Dragon had started to warm up. It was just a question of time till the keeper and the heart were together at last. Truths were to be told. Lies were to be made. Good and evil would fight again. A mistress was to be born. The enemy was coming closer. Fate had not and would notbe merciful with them.

* * *

**Finally, I finished it. It's one of the longest chapters I've ever wrote, and I hope you love it. Van feels! He has finally opened up. Hitomi is scared of caring. It should be the other way, but if you think of it, it makes sense. Van has never felt before, so it's obvious he will feel faster than any other person. He has no way of protecting himself from sweet Hitomi. I know there haven't been a lot of dark chapters, but the next one will be. Our heroes will suffer a lot before been happy, and I think half of Gaea will be destroyed before it is saved.**

**Ok, since you waited a little longer for this chapter and I won't be able to write a lot for the next 3 weeks (Exams and lots of homework) I'll give you a taste of what's to come.**

**Something very bad will happen to Kansaki**

**Van and Hitomi will fight**

**Someone will be on the verge of dead**

**Hitomi and Van will be captured by…**

**That's all I'm saying. I don't think they will come in this order. Review and please tell me what you think. It interests me a lot.**


	9. Darkness consumes us

**Yey, I finally end this chapter. It was so difficult for me. Just so you now, it is not as dark as I intended it to be because I **

**decided to do something horrible in the next chapter or in chapter 11. I'm not sure yet. Oh, and sorry for uploading so late. **

**You are welcome to try to kill my teachers for leaving me so much homework. Okay, I'll stop babbling and leave you with **

**my story. Love your reviews.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Darkness consumes us**_

"I'm scared"

"Of what?"

Hitomi looked at the horizon. Something was wrong. She could feel it. She had a feeling that if they went to the next place they were

supposed to go to something very bad would happen. She hated not knowing what it was. She hated to feel so scared and helpless.

'I'm scared of what is ahead of us' she thought. There was no way she could tell this to Van. He thought she was never down. He

imagined she never feared the future. She couldn't break the image he had of her. Funny, how she had ended up trying to live to his

expectations.

"I'm scared of… of not finding the Heart in time"

It was almost the truth. Now a day, she was scared of so many things she didn't know how she could keep smiling. The responsibilities

she had before were nothing compared to all the ones she had now. She didn't just have to pretend to have the perfect life in front of all

the court. Now, she had to safe the court. She had to safe all of Gaea if she wanted a future. Well, not if she wanted a future. She had to

safe the world if she wanted a future for everyone else but her. If what she had seen had been right, she would have to sacrifice herself.

She was fighting for a future that would never be hers, and that was just fine. It was what she had been raised to do. She never really had

a private life; her life belonged to her people. She never did anything for herself; every move she made was for her people. What made

them happy and secure was fine with her. Whatever she needed to do for them she would do. It didn't matter if the price she had to pay

was too high. The only thing that mattered was them. It was not until now, two months from her father's death, that she truly realized all

the obligations she now had. She was Queen Hitomi. She wasn't even a princess anymore. Her kingdom depended completely and

utterly on her and no one else. Van and she were taking to long to find the Heart. If something happened to her kingdom she would never

forgive herself. Hitomi thought about Van. She had been so busy been angry at him, trying to befriend him, figuring him out, and trying not

to care about him that she had forgotten all her responsibilities. When she was with him, she forgot about everything else. She forgot to be

a queen and was just a normal person. She was just Hitomi, and that was dangerous. A queen could never forget to be a queen. She was

a figure for thousands of people, and they all looked up at her. She was not allowed to be weak, insecure, or selfish. She had to be what

everyone wanted her to be. Maybe that was the reason why she liked Van so much. With him, she didn't have to pretend… well, most

of the time.

'He makes me forget who I'm supposed to be.' That was unforgivable. She couldn't allow herself such privilege. She had to stop caring

about him. She couldn't let herself want him anymore than what she already did. He had to get out of her mind before something horrible

happened. Besides, it wasn't like she couldn't life without him. She was pretty sure she wouldn't miss him if he went away. She didn't

need him by her side to be happy. He was just another of her friends, the weirdest one, but just another one. It wasn't like he was

something more to her. How could he be something more to her when she had the perfect fiancé waiting for her? Van would never be

able to compare to Allen. Van wasn't even his best friend.

"Hitomi?"

He truly wasn't anything more to her that just a friend. The tickles she felt in her stomach whenever he said her name didn't prove

otherwise.

"Yes?"

"I… where are we going?"

A shiver ran through her body. She had seen the place in her mind, and she had seen how to get there. The problem was what was

waiting for them there. She hadn't been able to see it. It had hided in the shadows. Still, Hitomi had been able to feel its strong, evil

magical powers. Whatever it was, it wouldn't let them pass without defeating it.

"We are going to Glendalough" she stopped walking "You know the place right?" He nodded. "It isn't far from here. We should arrive

there in no time" Van rode his horse.

"We better hurry" he told her. She didn't move. Something had crossed her mind.

"Van, promise me that whatever we encounter there, you will not lose your head"

She didn't know why she said this, but she had a feeling that something was going to happen to him.

"Why would I lose my head?"

He sounded insulted, and Hitomi couldn't help but laugh out loud. There were lots of reasons for him to lose his mind. As far as Hitomi

had been able to see, Van couldn't keep his rage in. He exploded as easily as powder. He just had a very… irritating personality.

"Van, we both know you don't control your instincts very well"

He lowered his eyes, and Hitomi realized her mistake. For some strange reason, he was trying to change. That was the reason why

Hitomi had given him the precious second chance. She figured he was trying to change to try to mend some of the horrible things he had

done in his past. As much as Hitomi had gotten used to his presence, sometimes she remembered what he used to be and feared him.

The moment lasted but a second, but it was enough to make Hitomi doubt him. As much as she tried, she couldn't trust him.

"Promise me you won't lose control" She shouldn't be asking for promises to someone she didn't trust.

"Fine, whatever, I promise" Hitomi allowed herself the tiniest of smiles.

"Good, Van, do you know what Glendalough is?"

"I know little"

"Will you tell me?" She looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"It is the place where dark magic is born. I've never been there. Dornkirk once sent one man and one woman over there. Only the man

came back. He was never the same. Eventually, Dornkirk sentenced him to death. It appeared he was too violent and dangerous to have

around. No one missed him. I didn't even care. I… Hitomi, it is a dark, evil place. Perhaps you shouldn't go"

"I will go with you" she said defiantly "How does the place look like?"

"I can only tell you what I've heard. Glendalough is at the top of a hill. It is surrounded by tombs and bones. No one knows who they

belong to, but they represent death. Right in the middle of death, a huge black tree can be seen. It is the place where evil is born.

However has been touched by evil will be attracted to the tree. There is also a guardian. It protects the tree. That is all I know"

Hitomi looked at Van. He turned around and rode his horse. Hitomi followed his example. She could feel the place coming nearer. She

felt like curling up and crying, but she didn't. No evil would be able to defeat her. She would face whatever was ahead of her with

determination. Only one thing had her worried.

What if it got Van? He had been, after all, evil at one point of his life.

* * *

Van felt uneasy. Glendalough was the last place in Gaea where he wanted to go right now. He felt a little guilty. He hadn't told Hitomi

everything he knew. The guardian, whose name, if he remembered right was Ulaidh, sucked people's life and happiness. That was its

most deadly technique. That was the only power Van knew it had. It consumed whoever had one single evil thought. Anyone that was

capable of hating could be hurt by Ulaidh. Van wondered who the bloody hell was Ulaidh. No one knew what or who exactly it was.

The only thing everyone knew was that it was very powerful. That was so helpful. Really, his and Hitomi's life would be safe thanks to all

the idiots that had concluded that the guardian was very powerful. He truly felt like punching the brilliant idiot that had investigated so

much about the stupid guardian. They just gave him another reason for hating humans. They were all idiots that couldn't even help when

needed. He glanced at Hitomi. Okay, most of them were useless. No, all of them were useless. Hitomi wasn't completely human. She

was a seer. That made her less human, right? His head was starting to hurt. This was getting pointless, and he really should stop

discussing with himself. Suddenly, he heard Hitomi scream. Every part of his body moved towards her. He turned around quickly to see

what had happened.

"What's wrong? Hitomi, what happened?"

She was on the ground, and she had a bump on her head.

"I…it's just that…the…"

Van gave her a confused look.

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"I…I was looking at some butterfly, and I didn't look ahead, and I fell from the horse when I hit a branch"

"…"

"Van?"

Van felt his anger arise.

"You are such an idiot. Why, you can't even ride a horse without hurting yourself. You are so clumsy and useless. You've just recovered

from what Dilandu did to you, and you are already getting hurt again!"

"Don't yell at me. It's not like I wanted to bump my head"

"Just be more careful"

"Why do you care?"

"…"

"Answer me"

Van knew he couldn't tell her the truth, so he lied.

"I don't care. I just don't want to delay"

"Why?"

"Because I need to revenge my family"

"Oh"

Van saw the hurt the moment it appeared in her eyes. He truly felt like dying right there and there. He wanted to tell her that he simply

cared about her, and that he worried about her all the time, but he couldn't. She already made him weak; he didn't want her to have total

control over him. If he opened up more to her, that was sure to happen. I was inevitable for someone like him. He had never cared about

anyone before, so he didn't know how to act. He had tried all his life to forget how to feel, and she had come and in a moment had

changed everything in his life. She hadn't even asked for permission. She had intruded his life. It was all new to him. Damn it, he didn't

even know what he felt. He only knew that it was something that was growing stronger as days passed by. It had gotten out of his hands

and was changing him slowly. For instances, he couldn't be mean towards her anymore. The coldness that used to be part of him had

been slowly melting. The way he has just snapped at her had been more a protection than a way to make her feel less. He had been so

worried about her. When he saw that it was something unimportant, he had felt silly. Frustration had also been part of it. How was he

supposed to protect her if she couldn't even duck a tree? Stupid, clumsy girl. She just brought trouble into his life.

"I'm sorry"

Did he hear right? Why was she apologizing for? She had to be crazy. She had nothing to be sorry about.

"What for?"

"For been such a pain in the ass" Van didn't know what to do or say "I won't get in your way anymore" She left him alone, feeling very

little, and in the middle of the suddenly big forest.

* * *

Millerna was getting very nervous. Men could be such idiots. Tap, tap, tap, she hated that noise.

"Stop it" Silence, finally "Allen, I know this war is getting on everyone's nerves, but you need to calm down"

"Calm down? How exactly am I supposed to calm down? A stupid was is taking place at the stupid frontier of my stupid kingdom, and

to make it worse, Hitomi is away with the Dragon on an impossible and stupid task, and I haven't heard one word from her!"

"So? Allen, you are king of Asturia. You are not allowed to lose your head. This war depends on your clear head. You know we are

barely holding. What are we going to do if you became insane or worse? Our situation is not an easy one, and anyone that could have

helped us is already here. We depend on your war strategies and decisions. I'm sure Hitomi is fine, so get her out of your head for now"

Allen closed his eyes. He had a feeling that maybe Hitomi was a little bit better than fine. That definitely didn't do anything to settle down

his nerves.

"Allen, you need to concentrate on the war. Forget everything else" Dryden had come into the room and was casually leaning on the wall. Millerna went to meet him, and their hand intertwined with each others. She gave him a little smile.

"I…"

Dryden interrupted him.

"People are dying out there. Our people's blood is spilled over our land and our troops are slowly reducing. People are wondering if they

are going to see tomorrow. Allen, you are our only opportunity. Only you can bring this people hope. Don't let them die"

Allen felt like a little child been sermon. He was getting irritated. He was the king, for Gaea's sake! How dare they talk to him like that?

He turned to snap at the, but was met by Millerna's peaceful, blue eyes, and Dryden's calm, brown ones. Even in the worst of situation,

they kept their heads and showed their loved for each other. They were the best friends Allen could have ever hoped to have, and he

knew they were right. He walked with his hands on his back towards the window and looked at his kingdom. So many people depended

on him! He saw the people that belonged to his kingdom, and the ones he had refuge in it. A little child looked up to him. He smiled

happily at him and waved his hand. His mother came, looked at what the child had seen and bowed. Allen made a sign with his head. The

woman left with her child, who turned around and gave him one last smile. As they went away, he discovered that they had no shoes.

They belonged to the lowest class. If he lost this war, they would probably become slaves or be killed. He couldn't allow that to happen.

He needed to stop thinking about his romantic life and start focusing on his duty. He looked at his friend with new determination in his

eyes. He was King Allen Schezar, and no country would ever defeat him. He wasn't going to lose against Zaibach.

* * *

Hitomi rode her horse quietly. She didn't look anywhere but at the ground. She didn't make any move or sound. It was as if her body

had forgotten to move. Her mind, on the other hand, was a completely different story.

'Bastard, he is such a bastard' she had never been madder before 'I hate him. How dare he make me feel so…unloved?'

'Why do you care so much?' Great, another argument with her mind, or was it her heart?

'Why do you care so much?'

'I don't. It's just that…I thought we were friends'

He hasn't said otherwise. Besides, maybe that is the problem'

'Huh?'

'Forget it'

'Argh, I just wish he wasn't so cold and mean towards me. All I am to him is a stupid way to get his revenge'

'That hurts'

'Yes'

'Maybe it hurts because you want to be more than just friends'

'…'

'See?'

'Stop saying nonsense. Why would I want someone that is so cold and cruel and inhuman to be something else to me?'

'Because he is everything you wish you could be'

'He is a stupid, unmerciful, emotionless person that happens to be a mercenary, too. Enlighten me; what part of him do I want to be?'

"He's more than that'

Hitomi decided that not only the world was against her. Her mind was, too. She heard Van approach her but did not look up. She wasn't

going to forgive him this time.

"Hitomi?"

She wouldn't even talk to him.

"Hitomi" This time he said more like an order.

"What?" She snapped at him.

"We have arrived" She looked at the look he had on his face. He looked nervous. She had never seen him look anything but confident,

emotionless and mean. She forgot to be angry at him. She was suddenly aware of the way darkness surrounded everything.

"I thought it would be worse" she told him.

"This is only the beginning"

Hitomi's bad feeling increased.

"Van, are you sure you want to do this? I can go alone"

"Why are you saying that? Do you think I can't handle it?"

"No, it's just that…" you are a cold blooded mercenary that's been definitely touched by evil, and I don't want anything to happen to

you "You aren't the most… good person in the world"

After her words, and uncomfortable silence fell between them. Hitomi regretted what she had said, but she wouldn't take it back. It was

the truth. Van wasn't safe in this place. Something terrible could happen to him. She was much more pure than him, therefore, safer. She

could take whatever was getting for the both of them.

"Hitomi, I need to do this. I don't know why, but I know I have to do it"

Hitomi took one long look at him.

"Of course you have to do it. Come on, let's go"

Each step they took brought them closer to the guardian, to Ulaidh. Every second that passed was worse than the one before. Darkness

was closing in around them, and there was nothing they could do. Hitomi felt as if she had never known the light. She felt her hope fade

away. She took Van's hand out of instinct. There was something about having him near that calm her. She took another step into the

darkness. What was wrong with her? Why did she feel so hopeless? She felt as if she had never seen sunlight. All she knew was the sad

shining of the moon. Not even stars existed in her world. What was the point of living is she was going to die? Hitomi tried to clear her

head. Those were not her thoughts. She loved life. Someone was trying to put false ideas in her mind. Van squished her hand. Hitomi

took a little strength in that act. If she was having troubles, he had to be having hell. She had to be strong, for him. She took another step.

An aura of evil pressed against her, trying to win over her soul. She could hear voices in her mind.

_No one cares about you. They just want you to be perfect_

_You're just a pampered girl who know nothing about pain_

_Your father is death. You are now queen_

_Marry Allen for the sake of your kingdom_

_Your happiness is not important, only they matter_

Hitomi tried to fight the voices. She desperately tried to get away from the evil that was trying to consume her.

_You will die, no matter what. It is your destiny, so why not now? I will make it painless_

Hitomi felt like giving into what the voice said. What was the point of living one more second?

_No one will care_

She had nothing to live for. Van's holds tighten, and she came back to herself. What was she thinking? She loved to live, and would

never give away one mere second of her life. She had to hold tight to the illusion of a better future. She couldn't give up on live when

there were so many wonderful things to live for. She wouldn't surrender when there were people that believed in her.

_But no one believes in you. They even send a mercenary to look after you _

She tried to ignore the voice. Van believed in her.

_No, he doesn't. He thinks you are pathetic. Besides, you don't even trust him_

Maybe that was true, she thought, but it wasn't a good reason to give up. She wouldn't give up on her dreams and illusions. Even if no

one believed in her, she would go on till the end.

_Dreams never become reality. Illusions always fade away. Look at your life. You thought your parents would always be with _

_you, but they are dead. You dreamed of a great love, but you have an arranged marriage. Your greatest illusion was to live _

_forever happy, but you know pain so well, you sometimes wander why you keep smiling _

She didn't care. It didn't matter that destiny had been cruel to her. Live was to precious to give away. True, she knew pain, but she also

knew happiness. If she was going to marry Allen, it was for a greatest good. She mustn't disappoint the ones who held on to her. Her

kingdom needed her.

_Your duty is your burden_

She would hold on to her life and believes until the end. Her kingdom depended on her. Besides, she truly wanted to see the sun again,

and she wanted to dance and smile and do so many things. Over all, she wanted to make things right with Van. Her reflexes became alert

as she felt a ball of dark energy come towards her. She closed her eyes, knowing she wouldn't be able to duck it, but it never hit her.

Hitomi opened her eyes and saw Van in front of her. He had taken the blow for her. She moved towards him, but some king of magic

pulled him away from her, out of her sight. Their grip loosened, and she no longer held his hand in hers. She had lost the one thing that

had kept her going. The voices in her head increased, and she let herself fall into the darkness.

* * *

**Finally, I finished it. I wanted to update on Tuesday, but it was impossible. Also, this chapter wasn't going to end here, but I decided to **

**be mean and make it a cliffhanger. Oh, and I decided to do a very cruel thing, and you will hate me for it, but you'll have to wait to find **

**out. Anyway, please review. I love you all. Jajaja, poor Hitomi. Wander what happened to Van**


	10. Two steps back

**Ok, it took me like 6 hours to write this chapter, so you better enjoy it. Trust me, it is easier to write about battles than **

**emotions, but they are definitely necessary. I'm glad you are enjoying this fanfic. I adore my fanfic. I don't want it to ever **

**end. It's my first story with two digits, and it's far from done. Ok, go on and read and review.

* * *

****  
**

**The pain of loving you**  
**_Two steps back _**

Blood was coming from his opened wound, and pain filled every fiber in his body. Everything had happened to fast for him to understand

yet. One moment, he had been standing with her, holding her hand, helping her get through the confusion and desperation he knew she

was feeling, and next moment, he was jumping in front of her to take the blow that was never meant for him. It had hurt like hell, but he

hadn't care. At least, she was safe, but for how long? The thought of her being hurt was even more painful than his physical pain. He had

to find her and protect her, and he needed to do it fast. He had felt her insecurity rise the moment he had been forced let go of her hand,

and he didn't know if she would be able to stand all the darkness that lived in this place. She had been born for light, and all this darkness

would extinguish her. He, unlike her, was so used to the dark that this place had almost felt like home. Almost was the key word. As

much as he knew evil and darkness, he didn't want to be part of them anymore. He felt comfortable with the aura of this place, but he

didn't want to be…for her. Van grinned. Amazing how he could think of her even in these moments. Months ago, this place would not

have uneasy him. It would have calmed him because he would know a place in Gaea was like him, and that would have meant that his life

had some sort of meaning. If Gaea could afford to have a place made out of evil, then he could afford to have a heart full of hatred.

Things were not the same now. He didn't feel calm. He was actually very nervous. This place reminded him of what he had been, still

was, andwhat he still needed.Glendaluogh brought the worse out of him. He could feel his bloog boiling, wanting him to kill, destroy,

slash. His need for revengewas higher here than anywere else. He would love to have Dornkirk in front of him and just hit him till he died.

Van felt like running away. He wanted to forget his past, and Glendalough vivified it. He would give anything for a chance to start

all over again, and it hurt to know that second chances didn't exist for him. If he left his past behind, he would never revenge his family

and kingdom. If he never revenged them, then he would just be a failure. The last draconian could be everything but a failure. Been a

failure was been nothing, and he wanted to be something for her. Stupid feelings that managed to reduced everything into one thought, o

ne single word . Hitomi. His world revolved around her and everything he had been doing for the last months was for her. After his r

evenge, she was the one thing that he cared about most. His head jerked as he heard a giggle from behind him. His body froze, and he

got up slowly. Nothing had ever been able to make him feel frighten, but the sound of that giggle was not human or anything close to it. It

was the sound of certain death and pain. It was the sound of Ulaidh´s laugh. Van gathered his courage and turned towards the guardian.

If he was expecting something from the guardian, it was definitely not this. A striking, gorgeous woman stood in front of him. Her hair

reached her feet, and it was a vivid red color. Her skin was as pale as snow, and her lips a deep red. Her eyes were midnight blue, and if

perfection ever existed, it was reflected on her. She was comfortably stretched on the branch of the most beautiful tree Van had seen. It

was a silver color, every one of its leaves a metallic blue. It was as thick as a hundred men and it went as high as the sky. Van quickly

identified it as the source of all evil.

"Welcome home, Van Fanel" her voice was colder that ice.

"How do you know my name, and who are you?" it was stupid to ask her who she was. Van already knew the answer, but he was

getting more and more nervous, and his thoughts had stopped been coherent.

"I know your name because you are just like me. You know who I am, but if I must tell you to put away all doubts, I will. I am Ulaidh,

guardian of Glendalough, and protector of the sacred source of evil"

"I am not like you" he said it defiantly, daring her. She laughed at his words.

"You are what I want you to be and nothing more. Your heart and soul are so full of hatred and evil that it could not be any other way"

she inspected him "You are hungry for killing. You lust for blood. What stops you from having what you desire?" She looked into his

eyes, but found them empty. She would not find the answers she wanted there. She needed to go deeper. She jumped from the tree

gracefully and made her way towards Van. He took a step back as she came nearer, and cursed loudly when he found himself trapped

between the tree and Ulaidh.

"Fanel, you have no place to run to"

* * *

Hitomi's eyes were blank. Not one sign of emotion could be seen on them. She lay inert on the mud. She looked death. The voices in her 

mind kept torturing and killing her soul. Flashes of painful events kept flashing in her mind, painfully carving in her heart.

**Flashback ****  
**

"Father, what happened to mommy? Why is she not awake?"

"Hitomi, listen to me carefully" Hitomi' father looked very tired and old. Hitomi had never seen him look anything but strong "Your

mother was very sick, and now…" his voice broke, but he started again "Sometimes, one person can have a very strong spirit, but their

body is not as strong as them, and the spirit can't be trapped in such a weak body, so they need to go out" Hitomi looked at him confuse.

"I don't understand, daddy" he looked away.

"Hitomi, your mother's spirit has left her body. She won't wake up ever again. She has gone to a better place and will now look after us

from up above" Hitomi felt tears coming out of her eyes.

"You can't cry, no matter how painful this may be. You are the lady of the Kansaki Kingdom now, and you have to be strong. No one

can see your pain" Hitomi understood what her father told him. Her life was not hers anymore. It belonged to her people. From then on,

she never allowed anyone to see her tears. As her mother's body was taken out of her room, Hitomi forced herself to look and gave a

sad smile to a servant that looked her way.

**End flashback**

_You weren't allowed to cry for your mother. You never shed a tear for her, but you did for your father, don't you feel guilty _

_about that?_

Hitomi didn't answer, but her eyes became colder.

_Tell me, has anyone seen you as anything but a tool_?

This time, Hitomi did thought about it. Her father had used her as an image of strength. Allen wanted her because their marriage would

enable peace between their kingdoms. Her people looked up to her for hope. Van was with her because she could help him get his

revenge. Every single person she knew used her. They all took a little bit of her and left her a little emptier as they went away. No one

cared for her. No one would cry if she died.

_You know it is the best for you. Give yourself to death. It won't hurt, It will take away all your pain _

Hitomi closed her empty eyes. Yes, she would die. She would end all her misery.

**Flashback **

"Have you ever enjoyed a sunset?" Hitomi asked Van

"I never cared or had the time to"

"As your friend, I can't let you not enjoy a sunset. They're beautiful. You'll like it"

He looked at her weirdly.

"How do you know I'll like it? I don't even know what like"

She laughed.

"I know everything, and what I don't know, I find out. I'll help you find what you like"

"I don't need to know what I like. I don't need you or anyone else. I've never had" "I don't care. I'll be here, even if you don't want me

to."

**End flashback**

Hitomi opened her eyes fast. She couldn't die. She had promised Van to be there for him, no matter what.

**Flashback **

"Why are you scared of dying?" he asked her.

"I'm not scared of dying" she looked into his eyes "I just don't want to"

**End Flashback**

Hitomi's eyes suddenly came to life. She laughed loudly and got up from the mud. She had never wanted to die. She had always lived to

enjoy the small moments that made life so spectacular. Life was a gift, and she wasn't dumb enough to give it away. Her necklace started

to glow a pink, soft color. A strong light surrounded her, and the spell that had been over her broke.

"I will not be defeated with such cheap tricks" she yelled to no one in particular "I will fight until there is no else in this world to fight for. I

will fight until every living being has lost hope, and then I'll keep on fighting for all the people that I once cared about. I will never give up"

Somewhere, a rage yell was heard

* * *

Ulaidh cursed when she felt that little, insignificant, weak girl fall free from her spell. How, in the name of all evil, had she been able to free

herself from her powerful grasp? She felt Van struggling with her, and focused all her attention back to him. She would deal with the girl

later. Now, she had to put Van under her spell. She put her hand on his forehead and whispered a chant. He fought a little at the

beginning, but relaxed almost immediately. He could hear her voice inside his mind.

"What do you want?" she asked him.

"I want to revenge my family" he said. She frown. He was hiding something.

"What do you really want?" His mind stayed silenced "Perhaps you don't know what you want. It doesn't matter. What does your body

need? " She didn't wait for an answer and searched for it herself. Everything was color red in his mind. She had seen many minds before,

but none of them had have so much despair and pain as this one did. It was perfect material for her. His body was begging him to kill.

She didn't know why, but he had refused to follow his instincts. Something stopped him. She twisted something in his mind, and he fell on

his knees, but he refused to cry out in pain. If he didn't want to follow his instincts, then she would oblige him to do it.

"You belong to me, so you will do as I order. Kill whatever comes into your path. Forget your new emotions and relay on your old ones.

You lust for blood, so go get it. Embrace your dark side. Go, do what you do best, Dragon"

Van opened his eyes. His brown orbs were color red. He grabbed his sword and went to hunt. The only thought that was on his head

was the satisfactory feeling that came after a kill. Ulaidh was sure he would get the girl for her. Her minutes were counted.

* * *

Hitomi ran, searching desperately for Van. She knew something was wrong. The idiot had obviously lost control. She could feel it. She

had to find him before he did something stupid. She wouldn't let him fall back into his previous self. He had opened up so much that

letting him fall was a sin. She raised her necklace and trust herself to do the right thing.

I don't know how you work, or the power you hold she whispered to it softly But someone important to me is in danger, and I don't

know how to find him she hoped this would work please help me find him She raised her arm and her necklace spine in fast circles. Then,

without warning, it stopped, signaling to a place full of fog. Hitomi sighed. Of course you had to go get yourself in trouble in a very

spooky place she let out a small smile I guess it would not be you if it was any other way She made herself toward the fog. Entering it

was not the difficult part. Sure it was very spooky and the hair in the back of her neck had risen, but walking while the fog made circles

around you, that was a totally different thing. She couldn't see the ground was barely able to see beyond her nose, but she kept on

looking for him and yelling his name. She knew he was getting close to him. She could feel it. A shadow caught her attention, but it

disappeared immediately. She was truly getting frightened.

"Van?" she didn't yell it. She whispered it. The only sound that could be heard was the wind.

'Let it be Van' she prayed. Last time something like this had happened, she had end up been torture by Dilandu. Another shadow

appeared on the other side. This time, it stayed put. Hitomi walked towards it, and sighed in relief as she recognized it as Van's.

"I've been so worried about you. I though something bad had happened to you. Your wound is opened. Don't you feel the pain?"

He didn't answer her, and she thought it was odd. They had passed the ignore me part a long time ago.

"Van, are you okay?"

He took a step towards her and Hitomi gasped as she saw his eyes. They were the color of blood. She took a step back. What was

wrong with him? Why were his eyes red? Why did he have his sword out?

"Van, don't you recognize me?" From his expression, it was obvious he didn't. His movement seemed wild, as if he wasn't thinking about

what he was doing, yet he held his sword gracefully.

"Van?" Their eyes locked and Hitomi felt like crying. His Van was not there anymore. She felt nothing but fear as she looked into his

eyes. She preferred the coldness she had seen the first time their eyes had crossed paths to this wild expression he now held. Van was

not there anymore. She was only able to see the Dragon. She started to run as fast as she could, but she knew it was useless. He was

right behind herm, almost toying with her. Hitomi had no chance against him. Hitomi lost her balance and was met by the floor. Van

slowly made his way towards her. She tried to get up, but her knees gave in, and she fell again. She felt hopeless again. She didn't know

what to do with this knew Van. He grabbed her by the shirt and furiously slammed her against a rock. Her back hit the edge of it, and

pain invaded her body. She knew he was enjoying it. She didn't know what had changed, but the physical pain he was putting her

through was nothing compared to the emotional pain. She had been so close to trusting him. She had considered him a friend. He had

been there for her when she thought dark would consume her, and it had been his memory the one that had saved her from dying. She felt

betrayed by him. Her head told her to get up and leave him in the state he was in, but her heart wanted to know the reason for his

change.

"Why are you doing this?" she was begging him to give him an answer "why are you hurting me?" His answer made her close her eyes.

As much as it hurt her, she had to admit that he was just a mercenary, and nothing more.

* * *

He felt a presence near him and went to hunt it. When he found her and smelled her fear, he knew he would be able to satisfy his urge to

kill. She talked to him, but her words were incoherent in his ears. All he heard was Ulaidh´s voice ordering him to kill. He knew that was

the voice said was his reality. It was what he wanted to do. He wanted to smell her blood. He needed to make her scream in pain. She

ran from him, and he followed her patiently. He was a mercenary, and he loved to hunt for his prey. It made it all more interesting. He

caught up with her and send her flying towards a rock. It was intoxicating, the way her scream made his desire for killing intensify. She

said something more at him, but he blocked the words. All sane thought had left his mind, and the only thing left were his instincts. He

grabbed her by the throat and raised her high over his head. It was so easy, the way one could end someone's existence. Life was so

fragile. A thin line separated life from death, and the Dragon knew just how to make someone crossed it. He locked eyes with the girl,

wanting to see her desperation as she felt her life be dragged out, but he didn't find fear or despair. Her eyes held the last feeling he had

expected. They held a deep betray. When she spoke, he listened.

"I thought you were different, Van. I thought you cared about me. I thought you were something more than an abomination" It took a lot

of effort from her to say just that, but it made the Dragon doubt. Who was Van? Was she confusing him with someone else? His grip

lessened. She seemed to notice this because she continued cursing him.

"Why are you hurting me?" her voice was broken "You were my friend. Friends don't hurt each other" She had to stop from lack of air,

so the Dragon let his grip loosened a little bit more. He was getting confused. There was something about her that made him doubt.

Ulaidh´s voice increased in his mind.

Kill her. She is nothing to you. End her life.

He tightened his grip, but the girl managed to lock eyes with him, and this time he paid attention to her eyes. They were so green and

beautiful. They were begging him to do the right thing, to let her live. He tried to suppress those feelings. They didn't belong to a

mercenary. They belonged to someone that was capable of feeling. He was supposed to be emotionless.

You are emotionless. Kill her. You want her blood, so have it.

He ignored Ulaidh´s voice and put all his attention on the green orbs that were boring into his soul. They had a shine in them that drawn

him. He could she in her eyes her desire to live. He didn't remember ever seen such dreamy, hopeful, innocent eyes in all his life. He

brought her down and put her gently on the ground. He caressed her neck, and softly kissed the marks he had left on it. He felt her shiver

when his lips touched her skin. He locked eyes with her again, and she gently put her hand on his cheek. The moment was broken when

he felt Ulaidh try to gain control over him, but he fought her for all he was worth. She did something to him that brought him to his knees

down in pain. His eyes became redder, but the girl was instantly by his said, holding him. He could feel her fear through her gentleness

and was more grateful to her. He had tried to kill her, and she fear him so much, but she was by his side, helping him. He had to fight his

instincts and lust for blood.

"You promised not to lose control, remember Van?"

Who was Van? He could not find the answers inside of him, so he looked at the girl. She knew him. He could trust her.

"Who am I?" he asked her. His voice was low and full of pain and confusion. She gave him a weird look, but it disappeared and one of

understanding appeared on her eyes.

"You are Van Fanel, heir of the Fanelian kingdom, which was destroyed by Zaibach. You want to get revenge for what Dornkirk, leader

of Zaibach, did to you. You are helping me safe Gaea from destruction, and we are here because we are trying to find the Heart of the

Dragon. But over all, you are my friend. You hide behind a mask of coldness, but I know you are kind deep down. Van, you are a

draconian and a human. You are whatever you want to be."

_Whatever he wanted to be_

He could be whatever he wanted to be, and all he wanted was to break free from Ulaidh´s grasp and remember who he used to be. He

wanted to be friends with this girl.

"And who are you?"

"I am Hitomi Kansaki, and you promised me you wouldn't lose control"

The Dragon's eyes slowly turned its normal brown color, and Hitomi felt relieve wash over her. He was Van again. He had returned to

her again. Everything would be alright.

"Hitomi" The remains of Ulaidh´s spell broke, and he brought Hitomi into his arms.

"Thank you" he whispered into her ears.

"I didn't do anything I didn't told you I would do"

He just hold her closer, and Hitomi giggled. The aura of the place didn't feel as evil as it had. Van felt a strong aura come and he pulled

Hitomi behind him. Ulaidh appeared right before them, but she didn't seem as strong as she had been.

"Well, I guess Boris chose the right people to use the Heart of the Dragon" interesting, her voice wasn't as cold as it used to be.

"You know Boris?" Hitomi asked her.

"Yes, we were once very close friends, before the gods decided to give us another use. He was sent to help mortals, and I was sent to

protect this place. I enjoy it. Evil and me get along, just like it used to do with you, Fanel. Something has changed you. When you find out

what it is, be kind enough to tell me"

Van didn't trust her. It wasn't normal for her to be trying to kill them and then talking to them normally.

"What do you want?" Van told her rudely. Hitomi elbowed him, and he glared at her.

"You don't trust me, good. I am evil, after all, but if Dornkirk gets the Heart of the Dragon before you, he will control us all. I, for one,

don't feel like bowing to a mortal. I just had to make sure you were the chosen ones" she looked like she had really enjoyed torturing

them "No one had ever survived my little games"

"It was only a test?" Hitomi asked her. That was not fair.

"It was. You are allowed one question"

Van was quick to ask "Where is the Heart of the Dragon?"

For the first time, Ulaidh´s look wasn't one of superiority.

"I don't know that, but I can tell you where you have to go next. The Valley of Truth is your next stop. That is all I know. Now, get out

of my territory before I change my mind" and she disappeared like she had never been there, her evil laugh ringing on their ears. Van and

Hitomi looked at each other and continued their way. As much as Van tried, Hitomi just wouldn't look at him. He had ruined it. She

would never allow him to be close to her again. he wondered what he had done while he had lost control."Van?"

"Yes?"

Do you remember what you did when you were...?

"No, did I hurt you badly?" His voice was full of worry and regret.

"No, it's just that... never mind" something caught her eye "Van, you are bleeding again" Van's shirt was sooked with blood. She sigh and

a tiny smile appeared on her face. Without hurry she started to heal him again. Everything would be alright as long as they faced it

together.

* * *

The pink light that had started to glow not so long ago became stronger. It was starting to illuminate its surroundings. Ruins were starting

to come out. Van and Hitomi were getting closer to the Heart. Atlantis was coming to life again.

* * *

**uff, finished it. Long, long chapter, very hard to finish it. Didn't know how to end it, so I hope its fine. It was initially going to **

**be one chapter, but it would have been way to long. Did you like it? I didn't do the horrible thing I was going to do because **

**the chapter was already too long, but it will be in the next. Poor van and Hitomi, they were getting along and because of **

**Ulaidh Hitomi can't trust Van anymore. Poor Van, he sure is going to suffer. Well, review please, I want at least 10 reviews **

**if you want to see next chapter, jajajajajajaja (laughs evilly) ok, better go. Love you guys.**


	11. Don't go

**Finally, exams are over. Do enjoy my chapter. It took me a long time to write it.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Don't go **_

_Do not weep, maiden, for war is kind._

_Because your lover threw wild hands toward the sky_

_And the affrighted steed ran on alone,_

_Do not weep._

_War is kind._

_Hoarse, booming drums of the regiment,_

_Little souls who thirst for fight,_

_These men were born to drill and die._

_The unexplained glory flies above them,_

_Great is the battle-god, great, and his kingdom –_

_A field where a thousand corpses lie._

_Do not weep, babe, for war is kind._

_Because your father tumbled in the yellow trenches,_

_Raged at his breast, gulped and died,_

_Do not weep._

_War is kind._

_Swift blazing flag of the regiment,_

_Eagle with crest red and gold,_

_These men were born to drill and die._

_Point for them the virtue of slaughter,_

_Make plain to them the excellence of killing_

_And a field where a thousand corpses lie._

_Mother whose heart hung humble as a button_

_On the bright splendid shroud of your son,_

_Do not weep._

_War is kind._

_--Stephen Crane, 1899--

* * *

_

Silence consumed the palace, and the only sound that could be heard were the hurried steps of Millerna. Dead could be seen, smelled,

felt. It hanged in the air, making everyone want to hide in the deepest place they could find. She didn't know what she feared most, the

silence that came after a battle or the noise that was heard through it. She only knew that every time a battle ended the names of the

unlucky ones were brought to their families, and the only feeling that could be felt was pain. Every time a battle ended, people suffered

and died in the inside a little bit more. People died every day, and the families of the deceased no longer suffered for one dead but for

many more. The war was tearing everything apart, leaving the survivors to mourn and yearn for what they had lost. What had started as a

simple conflict had become the greatest and most horrible war that Gaea had seen. People no longer thought about tomorrow. They just

prayed they would be able to life one more day.

Millerna ran desperately through the halls of the palace. She knew something was wrong. The way Dryden had said goodbye this

morning was just not right. It was as if he knew they wouldn't have tomorrow.

**Flashback**

Millerna awoke with the sound of the birds. She curled against his husband, breathing in his scent. She knew she was the luckiest person

in the world. He loved her, and that was all she needed. She poked him, and he turned around. She poked him again, but he just put his

head under the pillow. She thought of another tactic to wake him up. She raised herself up and freed herself from his grasp. Without hurry

she started to kiss his toes, going up and up and up. She smiled as she heard him respond. He pulled her into his arms and hugged her.

He started to kiss her, but the sound of a bomb broke them apart. Millerna looked at Dryden. His playful mode was gone. He was now

serious. His face had gone rigid.

"Dryden…" he silenced her by putting a finger on her lips.

"Millerna, lets just stay quiet for a minute" she did as he told him. She rested her head on his shoulder and waited for him to make any

move or sound. He didn't.

"I want you to promise me something" she raised her head and looked into his eyes. They were clouded by worry.

"Anything"

"Promise me that, no matter what happens to me, you will go on. Promise me you'll keep hoping and loving and laughing. Promise me

you will be strong forever"

She looked deeply into his eyes. She was getting scared by his actions and words.

"What's wrong?"

"Just promise me" he looked so tired she didn't have the heart to tell him no.

"I promise"

He smiled a little and hugged her.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

He brushed his lips against hers, and she pulled him into a passionate kiss. He intensified it and kissed her like there was no tomorrow,

like it was their last kiss. He broke apart abruptly and went to get dressed. Before leaving, he turned and gave her a radiant smile, but

Millerna saw that it didn't reach his eyes. He didn't give her time to say anything else, and he disappeared from her sight.

**End Flashback**

That had been the last time she had seen him. She had gotten a bad feeling since morning, and now that she couldn't find him, she feared

the worse. She looked around her and saw all the people that Allen was taking care of. They looked so torn and hopeless that she

couldn't help but to feel a little more desperate. They had been at war for four months and devastation could already be seen

everywhere. A noise caught her attention and she turned towards it. A woman was crying. In her arms lied a boy that couldn't be more

than 16. He was dead. A knot formed in her stomach. She didn't want to mourn for someone. She had never had any reasons to cry in

all her life. She didn't want to start now that everyone needed her to be cheerful. She kept on with her search for Dryden. He had to be

somewhere. He couldn't just disappear from the face of Gaea.

'Please let him be okay' she prayed to all her gods for his safety. She somehow knew that something terrible was about to happen. A

trumped sounded in the distance, and movement was heard. Asturia and Zaibach were starting the battle of the day. A fear of losing this

time passed her. She shook it away. She had to believe in all the people that were fighting for them.

'Maybe Dryden is there' the thought left her more scared than before. What if he didn't come back this time? What if she never saw him

again? What if he died? No, he wouldn't, couldn't die. He had to come back to her. He just wouldn't leave her alone in this situation.

She had to trust him. The sound of the battle intensified more, and she tried to block them out.

'He is with Allen. He won't let anything happen to him. He knows I will die without him' She bit her lip hard. No matter what she did, the

feeling of chaos just wouldn't leave her.

* * *

Hitomi knew she shouldn't fear Van. It had been Ulaidh´s tricks the ones that had made Van want to kill. It wasn't his fault, and still, she

couldn't help but feel afraid of him. As much as she tried to, she couldn't erase the image of Van's eyes when he was under the spell.

Nothing had mattered to him but the killing. His lust for destroying had been so great that he had even forgotten who he was. It reminded

Hitomi of who he really was; a mercenary. She had been so sure that there was more to him than what he showed to the world, so sure

that he was a good person who had just suffered a lot. Now, she wasn't sure of anything anymore. She avoided and ignored him as much

as she could. She wanted to get away from him because it hurt to know that he had almost killed her. She knew her life had been close to

ending. Sonly a miracle had save her from sure dead. She wondered what had stopped him from finishing her off. Probably Ulaidh

decided to spare her life. Hitomi sighed and looked at the stars above her. She used to hate night because it took the sun and light away

from her. Everything had changed since she had met him. He was dark and a mystery, just like the night, and she had found herself

wishing for it. Night brought her closer to him. It made him look beautiful. The air blew and she shivered from the cold. She got closer to

the fire and closed her eyes. Why did she think of him in that way? Why did he always creep into her thought? Why did they have to go

to Glendalough? If they had never gone there, she would still be able to consider Van a friend. If they had never gone there, she wouldn't

have to think of what to do now, that she couldn't even look at him. She was sure that she would never be able to see him with the same

eyes. He had showed her his darkest side, and she had trembled. Trust was something they would never be able to have. Even though

she no longer hated him, she would never be able to trust someone that enjoyed killing. Nothing would ever be the same between them.

She let out a long sighed. She turned to look at the two lakes that were in front of her. It was a strange place, the one they were camping

at. Two lakes of the same form stood in front of her, separated by a path formed by the men. They used to be one big lake, but the

necessity of communication between the two towns that lay at both ends of the lake had forced humans to split it and make two lakes. It

was a weird sight, but she liked it. She thought it gave the place a magical touch. The moon illuminated both lakes, making them look

silver. She wondered how she could have ever disliked the moon and the night. They were bright and provided light just like the sun.

They just did it in a different way. Besides, it was at night when one could be with themselves without any interruptions. Night allowed

anyone to think things over. She didn't know if she liked that right now. She had to sort out so many thoughts in her head that she got a

headache from just thinking of it. Her hand traveled to her neck. It was still sore, but it wasn't that what she remembered. After Van had

put her down, he had gently touched her neck and kissed her bruises. Electricity had passed through her body the moment his lips had

touched her skin, and she hadn't wanted him to stop. Hitomi shook her head.

'I need to cool down and relax' she looked at the lakes. It had been a long time since she had a proper bath, and right now seemed like

the perfect time. She got up and walked towards it. She wondered how deep the lakes would be. It was probably very deep. Not that it

mattered because she wasn't going to get away from the shore. She took her shoes out and touched the water with her toe. Surprisingly,

it wasn't cold. It was actually kind of warm. She was going to take her shirt off when something graved her ankle. Without giving her any

chance to do anything, it pulled her into the water.

* * *

Van knew he had ruined everything. Hitomi would never trust him again. She wouldn't even look at him. She avoided him like he was the

devil.

'Maybe I am'

All his life he had wanted nothing but to get away from everyone. It was ironic that now that he wanted to be close to someone, she

wanted to be far away from him. Even though they had ha a rocky beginning, they had somehow been able to form a sort of friendship.

With everything that had happened and Glendalough, their fragile friendship had simply been destroyed. Damn Ulaidh and her stupid

tricks. Hitomi had started to trust him, and now she would never even think of it. He walked towards the camp, deciding he had given

enough time to Hitomi to be alone. He wished he knew what he had done to her. He was sure it had been something horrible. He

remembered the red marks she had on her neck. When he had seen them, he had reached towards them, but she shad backed away

from him. He hadn't tried to touch her since then. He didn't want to scare her anymore. Besides, she needed time to clear her mind. He

arrived at the camp, and the first thing he noticed was that she wasn't there.

'She probably went for a walk' as soon as he thought that, he knew it wasn't true. She hadn't gone for walks since Dilandu had attacked

her. She feared Van, but she was terrified of Dilandu. He searched for any clue that night give him a clue to where she was. There was

none. She wasn't there. His head turned towards the lakes. Could she be there? He quickly made his way towards them.

'It's dangerous to be close to any lake at night. Doesn't she know anything?' he spot her shoes, but there were no signs of her anywhere.

He was getting very worried. Where could she be? He looked at the lakes. There was no other answer. She had to be in there. He

cursed her for been so stupid. It wasn't safe to swim alone. He searched for her with his eyes, but wasn't able to find her. He felt a twist

of magic and narrowed his eyes. There was something in the water, and it didn't have a good aura around it. He got into the water and

followed the aura. As much as he swan, he just couldn't get close to it. He swam faster, dread of what could happen to Hitomi making

him move quickly. He went to get more air and ducked again. He went deeper, feeling more desperate as the minutes passed, and he still

wasn't able to find her. He caught a glimpse of a pink glow and went towards it. If he was right, it had to be Hitomi's necklace. When he

found her, all his blood went cold. She seemed to be like in a daze. He hair flung around her head, forming a kind of halo. Her eyes were

closed. She seemed to be sleeping. He reached towards her, but something got in his way. He turned his attention towards it and found a

big… something. It had Hitomi by the ankle.

'So that's why she couldn't come up. Well, stupid thing, you better free her or I'll kill you'

The thing went towards him, but this time he was ready. With one quick shift he cut his tentacle. He dove for his head, sword in hand.

The thing didn't have time to move, and it suddenly found itself with a sword through its head. It died without making any sound. Van

hurried towards Hitomi. He free her form the monster's grasp and quickly swam out of the lake. He had no other thought but her. As

soon as they reached the shore, he found out that she wasn't breathing. Desperation was clouding his judgment, so he tried to calm

himself, but he just couldn't.

"Please wake up, Hitomi" he whispered to her "you can't die now. We have so much to do. We can't disappoint a whole world, and I

want to make things right between us"

She wasn't responding. He didn't know what to do. He was a mercenary, not a healer.

"Hitomi, come on. You have to live."

He felt so hopeless. He was dying with her. He had sworn to protect her, and all he did was get her in trouble. If she died, it would all be

his fault. He let out a cry of sorrow. He couldn't let her die. He knew he wouldn't be able to stand it. He saw no point in living without

her. An idea suddenly occurred to him, and he bent down. Maybe if he gave her some of his oxygen he would come back to him. He

lowered his mouth towards her and gave her his life. For a moment, nothing happened, but them she started coughing. Van immediately

removed his lips from hers, but he didn't let go. Relief washed over him. She would be fine.

* * *

Hitomi felt her lungs burn. She coughed and spit some water. Breathing hurt her, and she wanted the pain to go away. She felt a hand on

her chest, and she suddenly realized that there was someone holding her and keeping her warm. She adjusted her vision and found Van

right in front of her. He had her in a tight embrace, and Hitomi blushed when she realized how close they were.

"Hitomi, you aren't breathing evenly" he told her. His voice was so melodic. She felt like going to sleep. She started to close her eyes.

"Hitomi, no stay awake. You can't go to sleep. You're still in danger" She opened her eyes for his sake. He turned her around and

placed her back against his chest. "Adjust your breathing to mine" Hitomi tried, but the pain was to much.

"I can't"

"Yes, you can. You can do anything. Please do it" He was begging her, and she couldn't help but give in. She would do anything for him.

The fear he caused her suddenly seemed forgotten. He had saved her life. He was always there when she needed him. He was the only

one that understood her. He was the one that was always there for her.

"You're doing just fine" without realizing how, she had managed to follow his rhythm. It still hurt to breath, but the pain was bearable

now. She turned her head to look at him, and brown met green. His eyes were so beautiful, and right now they seemed to be in such a

peace. He looked peaceful for the first time in his life.

"Van"

"Hitomi"

She was suddenly aware of how strong he was. She could feel his muscles against her body. His face was so close that she could feel his

breathing against her skin.

"I…" His hand caressed her cheek, and she couldn't continue her sentence. He made her feel so complete. He was so close, and his lips

so wonderfully perfect. They looked delicious, and she wanted to have a taste of them. She went closer to his face. They were so close,

just inches separated them, but something stopped her.

"Do you love Allen Schezar?"

The perfect moment broke into a thousand pieces. All her breath caught up on her throat. The responsibility she had was suddenly

remembered. She had to marry him for her people. The peace she had yearned for all her life depended on it. She lowered her eyes, and

committed one big mistake.

"Yes"

* * *

**Finished! Well, now that my exams are over, I will be able to update as before. So, what do you think of this chapter? I don't **

**know if it was very good, but I sure know Hitomi and Van are going to have some problems. I'm sorry, but they won't kiss. **

**At least, not yet. Well, hope you like it. Wonder what Van's reaction will be. I was going to leave you without knowing if **

**Hitomi would be saved, but decided that, since you had to wait 2 weeks for an update, I couldn't be that cruel. Review and **

**tell me what you think.**


	12. Beautiful world

**Long chapter full of anguish. You'll kill me after you finish reading it, but I know you love me and want to know the end of it, **

**so you can't. Jajajaja. Trust me, it is all for the best. Though I should warn you, Hitomi and Van are going to face a lot more **

**before finally been together, if they are ever together. I might decide to be cruel and tear them apart. Oh, and the song Stop **

**crying your heart out doesn't belong to m, it belongs to Oasis, or at least is played by them.**

**Now, go read this chapter, and stop reading my nonsense.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Beautiful world**_

He was drowning into those pools of green. His only thoughts were her eyes. They were emerald like and held the innocence of the whole world. In front of him was the most beautiful thing that had ever walked on Gaea. She was so good and naïve and it suddenly didn't feel right for him to have her. He was corrupted by evil and dead. His only thought till now had been revenge and war. She only wanted peace and happiness fro everyone. She got closer to him, wanting him to kiss her, and it suddenly hit Van that she was to marry another. He couldn't help himself from asking the bloody question. He didn't know why, but he had to know.

"Do you love Allen Schezar?"

She didn't answer immediately, and that gave him hope, but then she had to open her mouth.

"Yes"

It was just one simple, short word, but it made him hurt to the bone. He didn't know why, but knowing that she loved another put him in more pain than anything before had. He pushed her away from him as if she was on fire, and quickly got to his feet, his bangs falling on his eyes, hiding what he really felt from her. He heard her get up and put a doubtful hand on his arm, but he shook it off. He didn't want her touching him. He suddenly didn't want anything to do with her.

_She loved another…_

He could not understand what bothered him so much about this. She was nothing to him but a friend. The fact that she had been the only person he had cared about since his family's dead didn't change the fact that she meant nothing to him. She couldn't be anything to him but a friend. He couldn't allow himself to feel anything else towards her. He was a bloody mercenary, and it was time for him to behave as one. The only reason for him to be helping her was because she served his purpose. She was only a tool that would help him get his revenge. She had to be a tool. He closed his eyes hard, and his hands tightened into fists. He knew he was only telling himself lies. He suddenly felt the urge to hate her. If he had never met her, he would not be suffering so much. If he had never met her, he would have been able to continue his life the way it was. It was her fault that he now cared about others. She had made him soft and weal by just been near him. Killing and terrifying others wasn't in his mind any more. It didn't give him the satisfaction it used to give him. Thought of revenge didn't please him any more. He only thought about her. He wanted to protect her and be by her side, but Schezar was the only thing that was in her mind. He was the one that had her heart. He was the one that she wanted, not him. He lowered his head. He shouldn't care. He only wanted to have friendship between them, nothing more.

'You know that's not true' His fists tightened.

'It is true, and I will not have it any other way' His mind decided it wasn't time to have a discussion with his heart.

"Van?"

Her voice reached his ears, reminding him of what he could not have.

"What do you want, Kansaki?" His voice was cold, and didn't reveal the turmoil that was taking place inside of him. He felt her hurt at his sudden change of attitude and mentally kicked himself for hurting her.

"I… Van… I don't know…I'm sorry"

He felt his anger rise at hearing her words. Why was she apologizing for? That just didn't erase the fact that she loved another. It didn't make her love him.

'Wait, love?' The thought paralyzed him and made him forget his predicament for a moment. Why the hell would he want her to love him? He was more than sure that he didn't love her, so her love meant nothing to him.

"What are you sorry about? It's not like there's anything between us. You and I are only together because of the task set upon us and nothing else. If I could have my way, I would be as far away from you as I could. Besides, you can love whoever you want. I don't love Kansaki, so don't get any wrong ideas on that hard head of yours, and if I chose to love anyone, it wouldn't be a snobby, clumsy, stupid, naïve girl like you"

He turned to look at her. His eyes were cold and vacant of any feeling, just like the first time she had looked into the.

"I would never be able to love you" he told her and immediately regret it as her eyes showed the hurt he had inflicted upon her. The emotion rapidly changed to one of anger.

"That is the reason why I love Allen. He is a warm, kind, sophisticated person who has the ability to feel something other that hate. He is the man that you will never be able to be. He is everything I want, and you are everything I despise. You are just a hollow person who has no future and a horrible past, and that doesn't care about anybody, and even if I didn't love Allen. I would never think of giving you my most precious feeling. I don't waste it on mercenaries"

Her words crabbed into his heart. His eyes became harder. So he wasn't good enough for her? Fine, then she wasn't good enough for him.

"Since I'm not good enough for you, then I guess our supposedly friendship never existed. If that is the case, then let's finish this stupid task soon, so we can go back to our lives"

"I think that's what we should do, Fanel"

Hearing her refer to him with his last name sore him. He knew he had gone too far, but the damage was done, and he would not go back on his words. Without giving her a second glance, he walked back to their camp. He would erase all feelings he had for her. He would go back to what he used to be. He ignored his heart, which was begging him to go apologize to her, and locked his emotions in the deepest part of his soul.

* * *

Hitomi was left feeling numb. The nerve of him to call her unworthy of his affection, as if he was worthy of hers. A feeling of sadness invaded her whole being as she remembered his eyes. He had gone back to his old self, and she couldn't feel but feel frustrated by this. She had worked so hard on making him open up to her, and now they were worse than at the beginning. Still, she had done the right thing, right? She did love Allen. She was to marry him, so she obviously loved him, right? She had to love him. She was spending the rest of his days with him. She hadn't lied to Van. 

'Then why did it feel so wrong when I told him that I loved Allen?'

The words just hadn't seemed right, and Allen and love just didn't seem to belong in the same sentence. She knew that she was only denying the horrible truth. She would never be able to love Allen. It was something she was simply incapable of doing. He was great and a beautiful specimen, but he didn't make her feel the way Van did. There was no electricity when they touched, and she just couldn't get lost into his eyes. Wait, Van? Hitomi slap herself and tried to bring some sense back into her mind. Van and she didn't share any kind of feelings. There was nothing between the two of them. He didn't make her heart rice or her body tremble every time he slightly touched her. He was just an ex friend who always angered her and crept into her thoughts. She was sure he was nothing more to her. He simply couldn't be anything more to her. He was a stupid mercenary who would never be able to make her happy. He was king of a death kingdom, member of a slaughtered family. He had even helped Dornkirk with his stupid plans and mischief's. He had massacre towns and villages without carrying. He had killed and laughed about it. He had rejoiced at others misfortunes. He was simply not the man for her. She had never seen him smile or laugh or admire the beauty around him. She had never met anyone that was so cold and distant. Still, even after all the good reasons for not getting close to him, something about him drawn her towards him. She couldn't help but hurt at the thought of losing him as a friend. He had saved her life more than once and liked her for who she was, and not for what she had. Hitomi felt tears starting to form in her eyes as she remembered all the things he had said to her.

"_What are you sorry about? It's not like there's anything between us. You and I are only together because of the task set upon us and nothing else. If I could have my way, I would be as far away from you as I could. Besides, you can love whoever you want. I don't love Kansaki, so don't get any wrong ideas on that hard head of yours, and if I chose to love anyone, it wouldn't be a snobby, clumsy, stupid, naïve girl like you" _

She truly was all the things he had said. She was just a stupid, snobby, naïve girl that had always been inside a bubble. She got angrier at him for making him feel so useless and worthless. How dare he? She had always done everything she could to make others happy. All her life had been devoted to others. She was marrying Allen for the sake of others. She was going to achieve the peace he was incapable of even dreaming off. She was so much more than him. While he closed himself inside his selfishness she had managed to become selfless. She had never done anything for herself. He just couldn't tell her she was snobby when he didn't even know how much she had suffered. She had never giving herself a thought, had never even dreamed of doing something for herself. She was here, with him, because she had to save the whole world, not because she wanted to. The fact that she had gotten used to his presence, his scent, the way he looked at her, and the way he made her feel did nothing to help her situation.

"_I would never be able to love you"_

He would never lay his eyes on someone like her. He would never think of her as anything but a tool. He would never care for her. She couldn't stop the tears she had been holding, and they started to fall from her eyes. She tried to suppress her sobs, but it was impossible. She curled her body and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

-Asturia- 

Dryden stood in front of his army. He had waked up with a bad feeling. Somehow, he just knew something dreadful would happen to him. He had said goodbye to his beloved wife knowing that he would probably never see her again. Asturia was losing against Zaiback, and if he didn't do something incredible, the city would be lost to them. He knew there was only one way of winning. He had to do it for Millerna. Of he couldn't have a future; at least he could give her one. He hoped with all his heart for her to forgive him.

"I know this war has taken every will inside of you" he said, a little too loud so every single soldier could hear him "I know you are tired and feel hopeless. I know all of you have at least lost some one to this war, but I also know that you are brave men. We have to win this war or everything we love and hold close to our heart will die with us. We cannot let Dornkirk take over what is ours. As you face these men in your guymelefs, think not of death but of what you are saving. Your lives will not be wasted. Walk towards your destiny with your head raised high." Dryden's voice suddenly lowered "Giving up is not a choice we have. In the future, we will be remembered as the ones who fought for what was right. We will be remembered through our years as the great heroes that fought till the end. No one will be able to stop us. We will not give up till all our blood has been drained out and our soul have been torn apart, and even then, our spirits will regain, giving strength to the ones that we leave behind. Today we make our destinies and write our fate. Today we fight for everyone that depends on us. Look at the man besides you. Do not forget his face, for he is your brother, and he will be there when you need him. Fight, fight with all you've got. Let's show death that we laugh at it. Let us show those Zaiback rats that we mock at their weak troops"

Yells of approval rose everywhere, and Dryden saw their faces fill with new strength and resolve. He turned his back to them and rode his guymelef. Everyone followed his example. He knew what he had to do, and he would do it. Without second thoughts he charged against his final destination.

'_Forgive me, Millerna'

* * *

_

Allen didn't know how to break the news to her. He knew it would tear her soul apart and break her heart, but he couldn't hold the truth from her. He slowly made his way towards her. She was waiting anxiously for him, and immediately went by his side.

"Where is Dryden?" she demanded him. Allen stood quite for a minute. He couldn't find the right words to tell her.

_**Hold up  
Hold on  
Don't be scared  
You'll never change what's been and gone**_

"Allen, please tell me. I know something is wrong. I can feel it. Please don't let me suffer any more"

Her eyes were pleading him to tell her all he knew, but what he had to say wouldn't please her one bit. The news he brought were far from happy.

"Millerna…" His voice broke down. How was he supposed to tell her that…?

"What is it, Allen, tell me" She was at the brick of desperation. Why didn't anyone tell her what was going on? She looked at him and felt her heart tightened in fear. The look in his face was devastating, and it did nothing to soothe down her nerves.

"He did it to safe us all. It was the only way for us to win the battle. Now we have an advantage before Zaiback, and it's all thanks to him"

"What did he do?"

_**May your smile (may your smile)  
Shine on (shine on)  
Don't be scared (don't be scared)  
Your destiny may keep you warm**_

"He… he crashed against Zaibach's main troops and...he…he self detonated his guymelef. I…he destroyed half of their troops and most of their leaders, but…I'm sorry, Millerna, he didn't survive."

_**'Cos all of the stars are fading away  
Just try not to worry  
You'll see them someday  
Take what you need and be on your way  
And stop crying your heart out**_

Millerna couldn't, wouldn't believe what she had just heard. It was a lie. His Dryden couldn't be dead. It had to be a mistake. It couldn't be true. He wouldn't just leave her all alone. He had promised to be by her side forever. He would not back up on his word.

"You are lying" she told Allen firmly "He would never leave me"

She looked into his eyes and gasped at what she saw in them. His shine was gone, and he looked so old and tired. His face only showed pain, same as his eyes.

"It can't be true" she said, her voice unsteady. He couldn't be dead. She wouldn't allow him to be dead. She couldn't go on without him.

_**Get up (get up)  
Come on (come on)  
Why're you scared (I'm not scared)  
You'll never change what's been and gone**_

"He…" she fell to her knees. The anguish she was feeling was driving her nuts. She would never see him again. She would never kiss him again. She would never hear him say that he loved her. She would never be able to tell him that she loved him. She would never be wrapped by his strong arms. He would never, ever, be there for her again. He was dead. She suddenly got angry at Allen. She didn't know why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

"Why didn't you save him? You knew he wasn't a warrior. He was a bloody intellectual that knew nothing about war. You should have protected him. I trusted you with his life" She started to punch him as hard as she could, while repeating to him that it was his entire fault. Allen closed his eyes and let her free her frustration with him. It was the least he could do for her. She suddenly stopped hitting him and simply sat on the floor. Her eyes were dull, and he knew she had lost all her hope. He couldn't let that happen. For his friend's memory, he wouldn't let her get lost in her misery. He couldn't let her fade away.

"Millerna, snap out of it. I know you are hurting, but you have to get yourself back together. Life doesn't stop just because he is dead. The sun won't stop shining. Life will not wait for you to stop mourning so it can go on. We are in the middle of a war. Your husband sacrificed himself for you, so you could live. Don't throw his life away"

"I don't know how to live without him" she simply told him.

"I know it seems impossible right now, but you are strong, and you will make it through. Go to your room, tomorrow everything will look better"

Millerna did as he told him, moving as if she were on a dream. She went to her bed and lay on it. She started to cry harder as she looked at the spot that belonged to Dryden. The loneliness she felt was too much for her. It suddenly hit her that he was truly dead, and that she had lost the love of her life.

_**We're all of us stars  
We're fading away  
Just try not to worry  
You'll see us someday  
Just take what you need and be on your way  
And stop crying your heart out  
Stop crying your heart out  
Stop crying your heart out  
Stop crying your heart out

* * *

**_

Hitomi was having a very weird dream. It was like she was inside of someone else. She saw through his eyes and spoke through his lips. She could hear his thoughts as if they were her own.

"I know you are tired and feel hopeless. I know all of you have at least lost some one to this war, but I also know that you are brave men. We have to win this war or everything we love and hold close to our heart will die with us. We cannot let Dornkirk take over what is ours. As you face these men in your guymelefs, think not of death but of what you are saving. Your lives will not be wasted. Walk towards your destiny with your head raised high."

She followed the body she was trapped in as it got on his guymelef. She could feel what he felt, and it was not good. She knew the only way to save Asturia was by sacrificing herself/himself. She launched herself at Zaibach's main troops and without thinking of anything punched the bottom of self-destruction. She heard Allen yell something, but ignored it.

'_Forgive me, Millerna'_

That was the last thought before the guymelef exploded, and her life ended.

Hitomi woke up wet with sweat and screaming for all she was worthy.

* * *

**Sad, sad chapter. Van and Hitomi are angry, and I just killed Dryden and made Millerna suffer, but I had to do it. It will **

**serve for a goop purpose. Well, now that everything is wrong, and you probably fill like killing me, I think is a good time to **

**go. Review if you want to know what happens next. This story is getting interesting. You know, I had it all planned out by **

**c****hapters, but it took a life of its own. Now, I can only do as the story tell me.**


	13. Hurting once more

**Another chapter! This story is getting longer than what I anticipated. I thought it was just going to be 18 chapters, but now I **

**know it will definitely be longer. Lucky you, bad for me. Well, this chapter is a little bit longer, but I hope you enjoy it as **

**much as the others. I bet you've been waiting for it and want everything to be alright again. Oh, and thank you all for your **

**reviews. This ones were the ones I liked the most. I thought you wouldn't put anything about Dryden and Millerna, but I'm **

**glad you did. It will be important in the future, and I'm just glad you liked it.Well, go on and read and review **

**because your reviews keep me going. If it wasn't foryou, I just ****wouldn't continue to write. Ok, maybe I would, but I wouldn;t **

**put half the effort I am.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

**_Hurting once more_**

He heard her scream of utter pain and forgot that he was angry and trying to hate her. All rational thought left his mind as he went to her. He just couldn't stand to hear her suffer. He was by her side in no time. He picked her in his arms and began to examine her. He had thought someone was attacking her when he heard her scream, but now he could see that the problem was something more. When he had picked her up, her head had moved to the side, as if she was a doll. She was as white as snow and wet with sweat. She seemed to be sleeping. Van's eyes narrowed. Should he wake her up? He looked at his surroundings, as if expecting someone to come and tell him the answer. No one showed up to help him, so he was on his own. Timidly, he tried to wake her up. He poked her at her side. She didn't move. Van tried again. Nothing.

"Hitomi?" he whispered in her ear "Hitomi"

She didn't show any signs of listening to him. Van sighed. Waking her up would be more complicated than what he thought.

"Hitomi" his voice was little above a whisper "Hitomi." The girl had to be deaf. She didn't show any signs of hearing him.

"Hitomi" he yelled at her. Her eyes opened abruptly, and Van was able to see the fear that hung in them. She gasped and breathed with difficulty, as if it was the first time she had come in contact with oxygen. Her eyes were unfocussed, and they were darker than they usually were. Her hands reached for him, and when they found him, she pulled him close to her. She buried her head in his chest and started crying. Van hadn't moved since she had waked up. He had been surprised by her actions and the state she had showed when she had waked up. His mind couldn't register all that had happened, but his heart broke when he heard her sobs. Still, he didn't know what to do with the girl in his arms. He had never comforted anyone. He didn't thought he had ever said anything nice to anyone, but he had to do something to help Hitomi. Slowly, as if scared she would object, he put one of his arms around her, his other hand petted her head tenderly. Her hair was soft. It was like silk against his skin. Her body was small, and it fitted his perfectly. Van couldn't believe how good it felt to have her in his arms. It made him feel complete.

"Hitomi, what's wrong?"

She hugged him more tightly, and Van thought she wasn't going to answer him, but then she raised her head and looked him at him but avoided his eyes. She opened her mouth, but words didn't come out of it. She tried again, but nothing happened.

"I don't want to talk about it" she finally told him.

"Please, tell me. I can't help you if I don't know what the problem is"

She looked into his eyes. They were full of concern and worry, and it was all because of her, His whole attention was only for her. She couldn't say no to what he asked for when he was paying so much interest in her.

"I saw…I saw something horrible" she started, but then stopped again.

"What did you saw?"

She lowered her eyes, but looked up when she felt Van grab her hand.

"I saw…it was like I was inside of someone else's mind and body. I felt what he felt and did what he did. He…sacrificed himself for the sake of Asturia. He charged against its main forces and self destruct. I felt my body burn as the guymelef exploded, and my life ended when his did. It was as if I was the one dying. Everything went black, and suddenly, everything stopped. I couldn't move, see, hear, or think. I was just floating in an abyss, and I was so scared to not be able to come back ever again"

Van gently wiped a tear that had fallen when she had finished her tale. He pulled her close to him and held her tightly.

"It's okay now" he told her "You are fine. It was just a dream"

"It wasn't a dream"

Van pushed her a little so he could see her face.

"What?"

"It wasn't a dream. I was so real, I felt like I was there. Van, I think it was a vision"

Van's face turned serious. If it was a vision, then someone important had died.

"A vision of whom?"

"Dryden"

The name told nothing to him, and he looked at her questionably.

"The man that was besides Allen when they brought you to the main hall"

Van's mind searched for an image of that day, and he finally found it. He could remember him vaguely.

"Do you know why you had a vision of him?"

Hitomi thought about the question. Why would she see his dead? In what way did it affect them? True, he was a good friend of hers, and he was king of Freid, but there had to be more to it. It suddenly hit her.

"Van, it means that we are running out of time. If we don't find the Heart soon, more people will have to sacrifice fro others. It is precise that we find the Heart soon"

Van thought about it. He looked at Hitomi. She was still healing from her the injuries she had gain in Glendalough, and he was recovering from the wound Dilandu had given him. In the condition they were, they wouldn't be able to get anywhere. They needed to rest before doing anything else.

"We need to regain our strength" he told her

"My father sacrificed in the same way Dryden did" Van felt the pain in the words she said. "He too died for others." She pulled a strand of hair behind her ear "Is it the destiny of everyone I love to die? Will I die too?" she closed her eyes "I'm just so tired of wars. Why can't we all live in peace?"

"Sometimes you have to fight for what you want. If you want peace so much, don't give up. Keep fighting, and if you lose, get up and fight again. We have to keep fighting until the end, no matter the obstacles"

Hitomi let out a small smile. Since when had he become so wise? She got to her feet.

"Then let's go. We still have a lot to do. I…" she started to move, but the pain from her injuries brought her down. Van caught her, but the movement brought pain to his wound. One of his hands went towards it, as if to stop the pain.

"I'm sore" she told him

"My wound hurts" he confessed. Hitomi looked at him, blinked, and started to laugh. Van wondered if the pain had caused her to go delusional. Hitomi realized the weird way in which he was looking at her.

"It's just that…" she explained "What a pair of heroes we are! How are we going o rescue Gaea if we can't even walk?"

"I think we need to rest. You wanted to go to a town. Well, here's your chance. There's a small one crossing the lake"

"I'm touched that you remember my wishes, but why can't we go to the one on this side if the lake?"

Van became uncomfortable. He tiptoed with the idea of hiding the truth, but decided that it would only make things more awkward.

"I destroyed it"

Hitomi blinked. She had forgotten that he was one of the cruelest mercenaries Gaea had ever seen. She looked into his eyes. Was she seen things? There almost hidden, was the slightest touch of guilt. She was sure than when he had slaughtered the town, that guilt had not been there. He had slowly started to change. Hitomi felt happy. He was becoming a better person.

"The other town is fine" She started to walk towards the camp, but stopped and looked back at him. "I'm glad we are friends again"

Van's features soften, and he followed her to the camp. Both of them dialed to see the red eyes that were starring at them. An evil smile accompanied the blood like orbs. He finally knew the Dragon's weakness.

* * *

Dornkirk looked at his reflection on the mirror. Scars and wrinkles graced his face. His hair was beginning to whiten, and his eyes were beginning to become lighter, a sure sign that he was going blind. His muscles were becoming stiff, and his movements were becoming slow and clumsy. He could not go anywhere without his cane. The only part of his body that remained untouched was his mind. It was as clear as it had always been. He turned his back to the mirror. He could not stand to see his putrefied reality for long. He had to fix his problem fast. He would not die. His intelligence could not pass to oblivion just because his body could not stand to live for much longer. The Heart of the Dragon had to be in his possession soon. With its powers, he would be able to live forever, become immortal, and bend everyone's will to his own. He would be able to achieve all his dreams, maybe even make right what was wrong, or what had gone wrong.

**Flashback **

"Meridian, I love you" a young Dornkirk told a pretty lady with eyes as green as emeralds.

"Isaac, you cannot love. Your heart is becoming black with greed, and your priorities are already changing. All the goodness in you disappeared when you changed it for money and power. Your soul is darkening with greed, and I no longer know who you are"

Isaac's eyes narrowed and Meridian took a step back.

"You speak nonsense" he told her, voice cold.

"I speak the truth. No one can have everything. I would have stayed with you forever, but you choose all this" she signaled to the empire Isaac had built through the years, Zaibach.

"I can" Isaac told her firmly, eyes darkening with rage "I deserve to have everything I want. Only I have what is needed to govern over Gaea. Only I know what Gaea needs. You have the power and know the secret of how to rule over Gaea. Give me what I want and rule by my side"

Meridian's eyes filled with tears. She knew she ha lost him forever.

"You offer me the world, but I only wanted you. I loved you, Isaac, but I do not know who you are anymore. I can't follow you in the path you have chosen"

"You are only giving me excuses to not stay with me. I am the same man I used to be, but now, I am wiser. This world needs a leader, and I can be that leader"

Meridian turned to look at Zaibach. It was a powerful empire, but its men were full of hatred and resentment against the rest of the population that resided on Gaea. She could not live in a place like this. She could not live by the side of the one man that could destroy Gaea.

"I won't give you what you want" she told him firmly and turned to leave the room. She passes besides Isaac without giving him a second chance, she grabbed the handle of the door and was about to open the door when she felt something go through her. She gasped as she looked down as saw the end of Isaac's sword.

"May the spirits forgive you" she told him, and then took her last breath. She died in his arms. Isaac took the sword out and let her fall to the ground. For now on, Isaac was dead. He was Dornkirk, emperor of Zaibach.

**End Flashback**

That had been so long ago, yet Dornkirk could remember it as if it had been yesterday. He had truly loved Meridian, and her betrayal had hurt him deeply. From the on, his life had been devoted to rising Zaibach and finding the Heart. It was a shame that she had not collaborated because she had the powers he needed to find it. He permitted himself a small smile. He was very close to finding it. Once he did, all he had worked for would come true, but most importantly, he would be able to regain his lost love. With the Heart's power, he would be able to make Meridian's granddaughter love him. Meridian had been a great seer, and he was sure that her grandchild would have the same abilities she did. Dornkirk laughed. Yes, Hitomi Kansaki would make a wonderful queen. With his mind and her powers, no one would be able to stop them.

* * *

Hitomi smiled as they reached the town. Now, all they had to do was find an inn, and they would be able to get their rest. She would finally be able to have a decent shower, a warm meal, and sleep on a comfortable bed with pillows. Finally, Van had come to his senses. For a moment, she had thought that he would drag her and himself through the whole world with their wounds. She was very happy that he had decided to put his revenge aside for a moment.

_You're just a tool…_

Van's words still rang in her head. He had hurt her so many times, yet each time she had forgiven him. She would truly like to know the reason why she kept forgiving him. There was just something special about him. Something that made him different from anyone she knew. Hitomi chuckled. Of course he was different. He was the tough warrior that went through life avenging his family. He was the only human, well draconian, that had never looked at her as a woman. He was the only one that didn't thought she was perfect. A sad smile appeared on her lips. He was the only one that wanted nothing to do with her. He was unique.

"We have arrived" she heard him say. She looked up at the inn. It was small and old. It needed repayments in a lot of places, and it didn't look like a place for a lady, but it looked warm, and she was freezing. It would do.

"Okay, let's go inside"

Van dismounted his horse and called a boy. He gave his reins to him and then turned to offer a hand to Hitomi. She gladly accepted it, but when she was about to dismount her horse, her coat tangled itself with the reins. She lost her balance, but instead of landing on the hard floor, she landed on something warm and strong. She looked up and found that she was in Van's arms again. She blushed. He always ended up saving her. She was suddenly conscious of how close they were. She could only concentrate on him, and the only thing that crossed her mind was 'He's close. He's close. He's close"

He held her dedicatedly, as if he was afraid she would break. His bangs fell on his eyes, blocking them from her, but making him look incredibly sexy. His arms were so strong, and one of her hands lay on his chest, giving her an idea of just how well formed he was.

"Are you two lovers?" the boy's question broke her line of thought and made her blush intensified. She freed herself from Van's grasp and shook her head vigorously.

"No, we're just friends' Van responded for both of them. She couldn't help but feel a little disappointed at his words. "I want you to feed our horses and take them to the stables. Make sure they get a good rest and are warm through all the night" he threw the boy a bag full of coins.

"Where did you get the money?" she asked him curiously.

"I always have money with me, incase it comes handy. How I got it is not important"

"Fine, don't tell me your secrets" she entered the place without looking at Van, but she regret her decision the moment she stepped on the other side if the door. Everyone inside the room had gone quiet and had stopped doing what they were doing. All heads were turned on her direction. Van came seconds later. He stopped for a second, evaluated the situation, and seemed to find it fine because he grabbed her hand and went towards the bar. Everyone returned to their business, but Hitomi couldn't help but notice that heads turned when they passed. Apparently, van noticed too because he drew her closer to himself. He stopped as they reached the bar.

"Stay here and don't move. I'm going to go see if they have a room" before Hitomi could say anything, he went away. She started to balance on her heels and checked the place out. A fire was running on the chimney, and tables were all around a stage where the musicians were playing. She suddenly felt like dancing, but remembered Van's words and stayed where she was. She looked at the people in the inn. Some were dancing. Others were drinking and playing cards. She had never been in a place like this, and it fascinated her. Something that a man said caught her attention. She moved closer so that she would be able to listen better.

"As I was telling you, that happened a long time ago. Some say that it was the first town that he destroyed" Hitomi realized that they were talking about Van and got a little closer. "He came with the storm, you know. People had been waiting for a storm for a long time, but I bet no one had even dreamed about what would happen to them" the man lowered his voice, giving his story a more dramatic effect. "Yes, he came with the storm one night, and brought death with him. Even the rain wasn't able to stop the fire he caused. He killed everything that moved and no one survived except for one person, a cat girl. Some soldiers from Asturia came for her and took her to their kingdom. The only thing they were able to get from her was that 'the angel had cried'. No one was able to put sense to her words, but from then one, things like this started happening all through Gaea. Soon after, the angel was identified as the Dragon, and wherever he goes, a massacre is sure to happen. The only thing that he leaves behind is a path of blood and a single feather. As for the cat girl, no one knows what happened to her, but every time a storm comes, the people from here get frightened and look at the sky for any signs of the Dragon. They are waiting for him to come and destroy this town too, just like he did with their neighbors. I am not from here, but if I was, I too would be scared to my pants"

The man finished his tale, and his friends nodded their heads solemnly. Hitomi turned to leave. She knew Van had caused a lot of pain, but he had change. And from what she had heard, he had actually been sorry about what he had done. Tears came when one regretted their actions. She would have to ask Merle, the cat girl and her friend, about what had happened when she went back home. She looked at the place Van was. He was discussing something with who she guessed was the owner of the place. She couldn't imagine her Van doing something as horrible as destroying a whole town. He looked normal, and there was nothing that gave him out as a mercenary. He moved between everyone without them suspecting of him. No one imagined he was the Dragon everyone was so scared of.

"They have one room" he told her. She had been so lost in her thought she hadn't seen him arrive.

"Okay"

"Umm, Hitomi, there's one small problem"

"What is id?"

"It only has one bed"

* * *

Van grinned as he saw her face. It's not that he was very comfortable about the situation, but he found her expression of disbelief amusing. Odd, that he felt something was amusing. Some time ago, he wouldn't have thought about something been amusing. Been with her had truly changed him. He used to not care about his surroundings unless the enemy was close. Now, he stopped to look at sunset's ad silly things like that. He cared about others feelings, and he no longer felt the desire to kill every living been that crossed his path. Something about her had made him warm.

"I…Van. You get the floor" she told him quickly. He was about to argue with her when her stomach made noises. He sighed. They would fix their bed problems later/

"Let's eat" He grabbed her hand and brought her to the only table that was alone. It was right in the middle of the room. He waved to a waitress.

"What is there to eat here?"

"We only have rabbit, vegetables soup, beer, and water"

"Bring me two soups, the rabbit, a beer, and water" The waitress went away.

"Thanks for asking me what I wanted" Hitomi told him in an irritated way.

"There wasn't much to choose for" he responded "Besides, you don't drink beer"

"How do you know?"  
"You don't look like the kind of person that drinks beer" She didn't responded, so Van took it as a sign that he had gone the argument. When the food was brought, he started eating like he hadn't eaten in years. He didn't notice the men that had come closer to them until they took Hitomi from her seat. He quickly stood up.

"Let go of her" he said in a dangerous tone.

"I don't think we will be doing that" one of the men told him. He had half a smile on his face. "She is a pretty thing, and she doesn't seem to have much fun with you. With us, she will have tones of fun" He grabbed Hitomi from the other man and brought him close to him, so close that their bodies were touching. Van saw the fear rise in her eyes, and a sudden urge to protect her invaded his body. He just couldn't stand to see her in any other man's arms. The idiot caressed her cheek, and his hand slowly made his way down. Hitomi closed her eyes. Van decided it was time to show these idiots a lesson. In less than a second, he knocked the man out and grabbed Hitomi. He pushed her behind him.

"No one touches her" he told the others warningly. They didn't seem to get the warning because they surrounded them and prepared to fight. One of them went towards Van, but he simply ducked his punch and sent him flying. Another one tried to kick him, but he grabbed his leg and broke it with a quick movement. All the other men backed away slowly.

"Don't ever touch her again" he told them grabbed her hand, and went to the stairs. He didn't stop till they were at their bedroom.

"Are you okay?" he finally told her, after making sure his breath has steadied. He hadn't mend to start a fight, but when he had seen them touch her, and when he had seen the fear in her eyes, he had simply lost it. He couldn't stand to see any other male touch her. The thought that she loved another came to his mind.

"_That is why I love Allen and not you"_

No matter how many men he fought for touching her, she would go to him, Schezar, in the end. She would marry her, have kids with her, grow old with her, and he would be forgotten. She would never love him. She would never look at him with love in her eyes. She would never be his. He didn't know why, but it hurt him a lot. He wanted to be Schezar so he could be with her. He wanted to be someone worthy of her attention.

"I'm fine. Thanks for rescuing me"

Van forced his voice to be as normal as he could make it when he responded "I'm glad. I think it's time to sleep. You can get the bed"

She put her shoes out and quickly got in the bed. Van grabbed a blanket and started to accommodate himself on the floor when her voice stopped his actions.

"The bed is big enough for both of us. You can get in, if you want to. There's no need for you to sleep on the hard, cold floor"

He looked at her. He could see her cheeks were red. He searched for any signs of uneasiness in her face, but found none. She was just embarrassed at her proposition.

"Are you sure it doesn't bother you?"

She moved her head, and he went to the bed. He got in and went as far away from her as he could. She stayed on her side of the bed, and her eyes slowly closed. Soon after, her breathing became slower, and Van knew she had gone to sleep. To bad he couldn't do the same. Her scent was everywhere, and it distracted him from anything else. She smelled like roses, and she looked so angelical when she was sleeping. Her features were perfect, and the only thing that was missing was her eyes. He longed to see her eyes. He wanted to so much to hold her close to him. An image of her and Allen crossed his mind. He dismissed it quickly, but he didn't dare look at her again. He had to stop thinking about her. She loved another. She was going to marry another. She had no room in her life for him. Van let out a big sigh. This was going to be one long night.

* * *

**Finished! I passed the last 6 hours writing this thing, and it was going to be longer, but I'm too lazy. You are just lucky I love **

**you so much. Anyway, next chapter ****will be…I'm not sure yet, but I have been waiting to write it since I started the story. It's **

**one of the chapters I've been ****waiting for, and now I will finally be able to write it. Hope you liked the chapter. I made Van a**

**nd Hitomi friends again, but ****poor Van doesn't have a chance against Allen, and they will definitly have a lot more of drak **

**moments. Oh, and in the next ****chapter you will find out how Millerna is taking Dryden's ****dead (or is it death) and Dilandu will **

**make an appearance, but I'm ****guessing you already knew that. Well, see you next ****chapter and review. Oh, and another thing, **

**if you want a sad story, just look for the oneI used on chapter 12. Beautiful song. **


	14. Dance for me

**Yey, a hundred reviews! I love you all! I'm so happy! I never thought so many people **

**would like this story! I'm just overjoyed. I can't stop smiling. Anyway, his chapter is not as **

**dark as the others, ok, maybe it is, but it is a little bit happier. I hope you enjoy it as much **

**as the rest because it is my favorite chapter. Go on, ready it and review! I'm dying to **

**know what you think of it!**

**Disclaimers: I do not own the song Wild Horses from The Rolling Stones. If I did, I would **

**be reach. Also, one of the sentences I use is not mine, I read it somwhere, but I can´t get it **

**out of my head, so I put it somewhere in the story.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Dance for me**_

Hitomi opened her eyes, but she closed them again quickly. A light that had managed to penetrate

the curtains was directly pointed at her eyes. It was the thing that had bothered her and had waked

her up. Hitomi tried to open her eyes again, but the light was still there. She turned her back to the

curtains, but her head stumbled upon a very hard, warm thing. Hitomi held her breath as she realized

the position she was in. Van's arm was around her waist. With the movement, he had tightened the

hold, and now, her body was completely against his, and his face was inches above hers, and one of

her hands laid on his stomach, and her face was buried in his chest, and she could feel the blood

rushing to her cheeks. This was not good. She had to find a way to untangled herself from him. If he

woke up and found them in this position, what would he do? It would be way to embarrassing, and

she just wouldn't be able to look at him in the face ever again. She delicately put his arm away, but

he refused to let go of her and just brought her closer to him. Hitomi sigh. How was she supposed

to get away? She tried again, but she failed miserably. He had a death grip and didn't seem to want

to let go any time soon. Hitomi closed her eyes and tried to think. She suddenly found that she

couldn't. He was just to close to her, and it felt so right to be in his arms. Hitomi could smell his

scent, and feel his warm, and his strong arms around her…She had had enough. She couldn't be

thinking things like this about Van when she had promised herself to another completely different

man. It was just not correct. Besides, she truly did like Allen, so why would she be thinking…stuff

about Van?

'Because you like him' her mind wisely responded

'Of course I don't' she answered back 'he is just a friend'

'A very sexy friend that you happen to like'

'Stupid mind, he is just a person who I was forced to join in order to safe the world, and who I

happened to befriend. Nothing more'

'Are you sure?'

'Totally'

'Then why are you holding him like your life depended on it?'

Hitomi blushed…more. Ok, so she was fighting back with her mind, which happened to always

disagree with her rational part, and for some strange reason, always seemed to win. It was just too

much for anyone to take, and Hitomi was sure that she had, at last, lost it. She was becoming crazy.

There was no other explanation.

'You just don't like the other explanation' her mind said.

'There is no other explanation. I'm becoming crazy. That's it'

'You are just afraid of facing your feelings. You know Van is becoming more than a friend, but you

keep denying it to yourself'

'I don't see him as anything more than a friend. I love Allen' for some reason, the declaration felt

out of place.

'Keep telling lies to yourself. We both know the truth. You are just denying it'

'Shut up' her mind did as ordered, but now Hitomi was angry. It was incredible how she could get

angry at herself. She had to get away from him. She had to be as far away from him as she could. It

was dangerous to be close to him. It was wrong, and it was forbidden. She would not have herself

falling for him. She could not risk everything she had managed to achieve for him. She wasn't going

to let her feelings win over her responsibilities. She was marrying Allen and that was it. She roughly

put his arm away from her waist, and with one quick move, she detangled herself from him.

Unfortunately for her, she was near the edge, and she fell to the floor hard. The sound and sudden

movement woke Van instantly.

"Hitomi, are you ok?" Damn him for always worrying about her.

"I'm fine. I just need some fresh air. I'll see you down for breakfast"

"Hitomi" she ignored him, put her shoes fast, and left before he could say anything else. He was left

stunned and confused.

* * *

Van stood right where he was. What had happened that had driven Hitomi away? As much as he

thought about it, he couldn't get an answer. Maybe she just needed fresh air, like she had said. He

got up and went to the curtains. He opened them and allowed the sun to get in. The room lightened,

and Van was remained of Hitomi. Everything remained him of her. He just couldn't get away from

her. He haunted his very presence. She was in his dreams, in his thoughts, in every single thing she

did. She controlled his life, and she didn't even know it. She passed through life without giving him a

second thought, a small glance. She was devoted to her people, and he was just someone that got in

her way. The only reason they were together was because Boris had told them to. If it wasn't for

the Heart of the Dragon, he would probably be dead by now. He would have never met her, and

that would have been just fine with him because she was driving him crazy. She made his heart do

weird things, and she made him feel things he couldn't understand. He just didn't know why he had

the urge to protect her from everything. He didn't know why he felt like hugging her and never

letting go of her every time he saw her. He didn't know why he missed her when she wasn't with

him, or why he felt like kissing her every time he saw her lips. He couldn't understand the desire he

felt to kill whoever laid eyes on her. She had come into his life without invitation, and done a mess

out of him. The floor shook beneath his feet every time she entered a room, for god's sake! He

could not think when she was near him. He could not see anything but her when she was with him.

He could not hear anything but her voice when she spoke to him. He couldn't smell anything but her

when she was close to him. He couldn't concentrate on anything but her when she paid attention to

him. She had become his world, and he didn't know why, and it frustrated him to no end because

he couldn't figure out what he felt for her. He just didn't know what it was. He had never felt it

before. It was a whole new feeling. It made him want to be better for her, and it made him want to

erase his past, so she would not have to be ashamed of him. He wanted to be the perfect man for

her, and he didn't even know why. And then, there was that other problem called Allen Schezar.

Every time she spoke of him, a pain shot through his heart. She always smiled when his name was

mentioned, and he simply seemed to make her whole world light up.

**Flashback**

"Van?"

Her voice reached his ears, reminding him of what he could not have.

"What do you want, Kansaki?" His voice was cold, and didn't reveal the turmoil that was taking

place inside of him. He felt her hurt at his sudden change of attitude and mentally kicked himself for

hurting her.

"I… Van… I don't know…I'm sorry"

He felt his anger rise at hearing her words. Why was she apologizing for? That just didn't erase the

fact that she loved another. It didn't make her love him.

'Wait, love?' The thought paralyzed him and made him forget his predicament for a moment. Why

the hell would he want her to love him? He was more than sure that he didn't love her, so her love

meant nothing to him.

"What are you sorry about? It's not like there's anything between us. You and I are only together

because of the task set upon us and nothing else. If I could have my way, I would be as far away

from you as I could. Besides, you can love whoever you want. I don't love Kansaki, so don't get

any wrong ideas on that hard head of yours, and if I chose to love anyone, it wouldn't be a snobby,

clumsy, stupid, naïve girl like you"

He turned to look at her. His eyes were cold and vacant of any feeling, just like the first time she

had looked into the.

"I would never be able to love you" he told her and immediately regretted it as her eyes showed the

hurt he had inflicted upon her. The emotion rapidly changed to one of anger.

"That is the reason why I love Allen. He is a warm, kind, sophisticated person who has the ability to

feel something other that hate. He is the man that you will never be able to be. He is everything I

want, and you are everything I despise. You are just a hollow person who has no future and a

horrible past, and that doesn't care about anybody, and even if I didn't love Allen. I would never

think of giving you my most precious feeling. I don't waste it on mercenaries"

**End Flashback**

He would regret for the rest of his life saying those horrible things to her. He hadn't meant to say

any of them, but his hurt and anger had made him say foolish things. He had only made things more

awkward between them. Sure, they were friends again, but it wasn't the same. They tip toe around

each other, both of them not wanting to anger the other. It hurt him to not be able to make her smile.

He only made her cry and get angry. He was sure every time she saw him she thought of all the

things he had done. Sure they had grown to be friends, but there was no trust in their relationship.

Van went to sit at the bed and put his head between his arms. He knew she got uneasy when they

were alone in a room, and Van was sure she was still scared of him. It was obvious. It was the only

way to explain her former actions. She had run from his as if he carried a disease not ten minutes

from now. She probably wanted their task to be over and done with as soon as possible so she

could return with her beloved Schezar. Why was life such a bitch? Why did it have to bring her into

his life? Everything was so simple before her. Dornkirk ordered him to go destroy a village. He

went, massacre all the poor souls that lived there, rejoice on their suffering, and returned to Zaibach.

That was how his life had been. That was how his life should be, but no, they had to send Hitomi to

him and make things complicated. It was just not fair. He didn't even try to find some kind of

control over the situation because it was far from his hands. He could just sit and observe how a

little princess played with his life without even noticing. Van let out a growl. Why did he have to

stand her? Why did he allow her to do whatever she wanted with him? He was a trained killer, and

she was just another one of his victims. Okay, so that was a lie. She used to be one of his victims

until he found out he had to work with her, but that was not the point. The point was that he had a

training that was supposed to help him face any kind of situation. How come no one had ever

warned him about this kind of situations? No one had trained him for this. There had been no

lessons on how to protect themselves against high spirit girls. All his instructors had shown him how

to kill, defend, and hide his emotions. He had learned to suppress them till he almost forgot he could

feel anything but hate and pain. And then, she had come and opened a whole new world to him. He

had no shields to protect himself from his own feelings. He lacked from the necessary barriers that

were needed to keep her away from his heart. He had no tactics to defend himself from her, and

what was worst was that he was starring to believe that he didn't want to be protected from her. He

didn't want her out of his life. He didn't want anyone to save him from her, and that scared him. It

scared him so much he felt like running away, but he didn't do it because he knew that was what he

had been doing all his life, and he didn't want to do it again. He wanted to stop running and start

living. He laughed bitterly. What kind of spell had Hitomi Kansaki pull on him? She couldn't be a

seer. She had to be a sorceress. She had pulled a spell in him, and that was why he was acting so

unnaturally. It had to be that, right?

"Stupid women with their stupid spells that bring stupid emotions that make me dizzy and confuse"

he said to the air. He decided to put the matter aside. It was not like he could do anything anyway.

He just had to wait till he figured what this new feelings were. It couldn't be anything important

because, if it was, he would have known it. If it was something that would change his life forever, he

would have known right away. Convincing himself that whatever he was feeling was of no

importance, he put his shoed own and went to join Hitomi at breakfast.

* * *

Millerna was sitting on a chair in the darkest corner of her room. She kept rocking back and forth.

Her eyes were red and puffy for all the crying she had done, and tears kept falling from her eyes.

She wondered when she would run dry and no more tears came out. She wondered if her heart

would ever stop hurting. It had broken into a million pieces when she had heard about Dryden's

death. Those pieces had broken into a million more when she had seen his body become ashes,

never to be seen again. She shut her eyes close. She would never lay eyes on him again. She would

never hear his voice again. She would never be by his aside again. He had left her alone and

suffering. More tears made their way down from her eyes. Stupid Bastard! How dare he leave her

alone on this time of her life? She would never, ever forgive him for what he did to her. Angry tears

came out of her eyes, and Millerna wiped them away with fury. She let out a yell of frustration. Why

did everything have to happen to her? Why did life took it against her? Why did the god's agreed to

make her life miserable?

"Stop crying" a voice ordered her. She raised her head and was angered at what she saw. In front

of her stood a cat girl made, and Millerna felt her anger rise. How dare she, a simple maid, tell her

what to do?

"How dare you tell me what to do?"

"Milady, I know I am no one, but you should stop crying" It seemed like the maid had caught the

edge on Millerna's voice because she was now talking more carefully.

"I will do what I please whenever I please"

"Milady, with all do respect, you are acting childish and selfish"

"So? I have a right to act like that. The love of my life is gone and will never be back"

"So have many others. You are not the first to suffer, nor are you the first to lose someone. Your

tears are not the first to fall, and you're heart is not the first to break. You have only lost the man of

your life. Tones of women outside these walls have lost their fathers, lovers, and sons. There are

some women that have lost everything they had, but they are helping in any way they can. You are

queen of Freid, your majesty. Your people depend on you. Part of this war depend on you"

"But…I have no more strength to fight or help anyone" Millerna lowered her voice "I can't even

help myself"

"Find your strength. This is a war, and sacrifices have to be made"

"Have you lost anyone?" The maid stayed quiet for a moment, but then she answered.

"Yes. I lost my whole family. The Dragon killed them. He destroyed my home, and just when I

thought everything was over, Allen took me in. He then sent me to the Kansaki Kingdom, and I

became the personal maid of queen Hitomi. I too have lost people I love, but I'm okay now. I even

managed to forgive the Dragon. Your majesty, everyone has lost someone they loved, even the

vilest persons. Queen Hitomi lost both her parents. King Allen lost his family and his wife. Even the

Dragon has lost people. Each of them has managed to get on with their lives, one way or another. I

don't see why you should be any different"

Millerna stayed quite for some moments, thinking about what the maid had just said. It was true.

Everyone suffered, but she felt like her whole life had ended. She felt like her pain was greater than

anyone else.

"If it helps you" the maid continued "think about the pain King Allen is passing through right now.

His fiancé is somewhere else risking her life for Gaea. His best friend sacrificed for Asturia, and his

other best friend is hiding in her room, and to top it all, he still has a war to win, and it seems like it

will never end. Zaibach just keeps bringing more troops, and people on our side keep dying"

"Hitomi…she has the worst part on this, doesn't she?" Millerna knew just how much Hitomi

despised mercenaries, and she was stuck with the worst of them. She was somewhere alone with

him, but she had not complained about what she had to do. She had gone with him because it was

the best thing for her people. Millerna wished she could be a little bit more like Hitomi. She wished

she could put herself aside just like she did.

"I…thank you" she told the maid "What is you name?"

"Merle, your highness, I have to go, but it was a pleasure to talk to you" she said before leaving the

room. Millerna stayed where she was, thinking things over. It was true. She was acting like the

spoiled brat she had always been, but it had to end now. Her people needed her, and her husband

had sacrificed himself for them. She just couldn't let his sacrifice be for nothing. She got up from her

chair and wiped her remaining tears away. She would find the way to help her people. She would do

anything in her power to help others.

* * *

The wind was blowing hard. The night was chilly. The moon was hidden and no stars could be seen.

It was so dark one could barely see their noses. Lots of persons would think this was a horrible night,

but not him. It was, in fact, the perfect night to carry on with his plans. Dilandu smile evilly, an edge of

madness was caught in his eyes. He looked at his dragon slayers. They were all ready to follow his

orders. He turned his attention back to the village. The Dragon was there, but he was sure he

wouldn't come out if he called him. He had to drag him out, and what better way than by putting his

object of affection in danger? He had been very please when he had found out about the Dragon's

feelings towards the girl. He would have never imagined the Dragon would have fallen so easily for

anyone. Actually, Dilandu had thought the Dragon had no feelings at all. In his entire life, he had only

seen him show signs of annoyance, hatred, and anger. It had surprised him to find out that he cared

for anyone, let alone a simple seer. Dilandu was curious to know what attracted men to her. Dornkirk

and the Dragon both seemed very interested in her. Maybe Dilandu would kidnap her and find out

what was so irresistible about her. He remembered her angry and determined eyes when he has

tortured her. He thought she would cry out in pain and give him all the information he wanted, but he

had been wrong. Sure she had yelled in pain, but she hadn't spoken a word. He would definitely

have a lot of fun with her. Plus the bonus of taking the thing the Dragon cared most about.

"Burn the village. Kill everyone but the Dragon and Hitomi Kansaki" h Dilandu ordered. The boys

leapt into the night, getting lost in its darkness. Not even Dilandu could see their shadows. They

moved quietly, quickly, and invisible, just like ghosts. Dilandu's red eyes turned the color of blood

with the promise of slaughter. It was one his hobbies, to kill innocent people. He loved the way they

pleaded for their lives. He let out a mad laugh and went to join the others.

* * *

After breakfast, Van had parted ways with Hitomi. She seemed to be uneasy in his presence, and

Van had not wanted to disturb her rest, so he had allowed her to be on her own. Both of them had

decided to stay in town for the day and try to find out where the Valley of Truth was. Van had been

unlucky. He just hoped Hitomi had had more luck than him. He made his way to the dining room. He

entered it, and to his surprise, it was almost empty. Last night it had been full of people, but now it

was deserted.

"It is Monday. People are still working. In two hours this place will be full again" the owner told him.

Van nodded and made his way towards the table Hitomi was at.

"How was your day?" he asked her

"Not that good. I didn't find anything about the Valley, you?" She wasn't looking at him.

"Nothing" Silence followed their small conversation. It was that kind of silence that was so

uncomfortable, one just wanted to get as far away from it as one could.

"So…did you do anything else?"

"No, you?"

"No"

It was just pointless to start a conversation with her. She didn't want to talk to him. She probably

wished she was back at Asturia with Allen. The thought pained him, so he stopped thinking. Their

food was brought and they ate in utter silence. When they finished, Hitomi was about to get up when

a song started to be played. She sat down again.

"I love to dance" she told him

"I've never danced before"

"Never?"

"No, never had the time or the will to"

"I'll teach you"

"I'd rather not"

"Then I will dance for you"

She got to her feet, and as if in a dream, started to move her body to the rhythm of the song.

**_Childhood living is easy to do  
The things you wanted I bought them for you  
Graceless lady you know who I am  
You know I can't let you slide through my hands_**

Van suddenly noticed how perfect her body was. She had beautiful curves that moved with the

music. Her long, silky hair shined every time she made a turn. She turned her head towards him, and

a strand of it fell in front of her eyes, eyes that were shining with the fire of the chimney. Eyes that

were looking at him, and only at him. He could see his reflection on her eyes. Van could only look at

her. It was as if she had been born to dance. She moved like one with the music. Everyone in the

room had stopped doing what they were so they could look at the beauty that was dancing. Van

didn't care. She was dancing for him, and only him, not for Schezar or the morons that were in the

inn. She smiled at him, and his heart beat faster.

**_Wild horses couldn't drag me away  
Wild, wild horses, couldn't drag me away_**

All his life had been full of pain and blood until he met her. He had no real reason to exist until she

entered his life. From the first moment he had seen her, something in him had begun to change. Hitomi

grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. He found he was not able to resist her. He would have

done anything for her. She only had to ask and he would obey.

**_I watched you suffer a dull aching pain  
now you decided to show me the same  
No sweeping exits or offstage lines  
could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind_**

She had brought happiness into his life. She had given him the hope he had lost a long time ago. She

had faith in humanity, and was so unselfish that she would give up everything she own, possessed to

make her people happy. She would even wander through the world with a mercenary she couldn't

stand. Even through her own pain, she had managed to stay innocent, naïve, and pure. She was

everything that was forbidden for him, and he longed to be part of his life.

"Dance with me" she whispered to him

"I don't know how to dance"

"I'll teach you"

She put his arm around her wais and grabbed the other one with her own had, raisin it at the level of

his shoulders.

"Just move with me" she told him.

**_I know I dreamed you a sin and a lie  
I have my freedom but I don't have much time  
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried  
Let's do some living after we die_**

She guided him though the room, moving slowly so he could follow easily. She smiled gently at him,

and he pulled her closer.

"Hitomi"

"Van"

He could not take his eyes away from hers. She was so perfect, so unreal. He didn't want to ever let

go of her. He wanted to stay by her side forever and protect her from everything. He wanted to stop

her pain and make her smile, just like now. She was smiling because of him, and Van, for the first

time in ten years, smiled back. It was the ghost of a smile, and Hitomi wouldn't have noticed it if she

hadn't known him. But she did know him, and it seemed to her like she had been waiting all her life to

see his smile.

"You are smiling" she said it as if she was afraid her words would take away his smile.

"I smile because of you"

**_Wild horses couldn't drag me away  
Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them some day_**

**_Wild horses couldn't drag me away  
Wild, wild horses, we'll ride them some day_**

The world had stopped around them. All that mattered was the two of them. For a moment, they

forgot their duties, their responsibilities, and all the people that were between them. For just a fraction

of second, all that existed was the two of them, no one else, and nothing else. They didn't even

realize that the music had stopped. Van was getting lost into her eyes. They were the feature that

stuck him the most; the gentle, shiny, green eyes that spoke of fire and mystery and mischief, which

called to his soul and beckoned to his heart. He didn't know how he had come to care so much

about her, how a simple glance from her could move his whole world, but he didn't care anymore.

Nothing mattered just as long as he could hold her forever.

He slowly bent his lips towards hers. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for the so waited kiss.

He was so close to her, only a few more inches, and he would be able to touch her rosy lips. One

more movement and their lips would finally touch; in less than a second he would be able to taste her,

just…

A loud cry was heard from outside, followed by others. Van and Hitomi separated themselves from

each other and paid attention to what was happening. A woman came into the room.

"Fire, there is fire every where, and someone is killing everyone" she said before collapsing. Hitomi

quickly went to her, followed by a very angry Van.

'Bloody fire' and other curses were running in his head. Another scream was heard, and a dead mad

was send flying through the window. Van caught sight of the show that passed and new immediately

who was behind everything.

"Hitomi, wait here, I have to go deal with Dilandu"

"Dilandu?" The fear was in her voice, and Van bent towards her and looked at her in the eye.

"Everything will be alright. You have nothing to fear" She nodded and hugged him for a second.

"Don't get yourself in trouble"

"I never do"

He let go of her and got lost into the smoke and chaos that was outside. Hitomi silently prayed for

him. If something happened to him, she would never be able to smile again. She prayed with all her

might for his well being. He just meant so much to her. A lonely tear fell from her eye.

* * *

**Finished! The longest chapter I've ever written, and I must say that it is one of my **

**favorites. Can you feel the love van has for her? Beautiful, but as always, I just couldn't **

**make them kiss. It is way too soon. You have to remember that he is a mercenary, and she **

**has a fiancé. They have no idea of how to deal with their feelings. Also, Van is wiser with **

**his emotions because he has no shields against them. He had never felt them before, **

**didn't even know they existed, and so, he never expected to feel them. Hitomi, on the **

**other side, knows about their existence, thought she has never felt them before. She is **

**ready to deny everything because that is what she has to do. Anyway, thank you all for **

**your reviews. I've reached a 100! I couldn't be happier. Please keep reviewing, and I can **

**assure you I will keep updating as fast as I have till now! Oh, and have you noticed that **

**when hitomi and Van are akward, one of them always leaves?**


	15. Death or Life

**Hello people! Guess what? I've got myself an editor. She is Jackie, and she will be correcting my grammar, so you can **

**understand my stories better. Please, tell me if they are better now. Well, that was why I took so long to update, but I'll keep **

**updating as always. Anyway, love your reviews, so keep reviewing. Special thanks to the ones that have reviewed every **

**single chapter in this story. I truly appreciate you. Well, go and read and see what happens with our heroes.

* * *

_They say that in order to be happy, one has to suffer, but I've suffered so much, I have stop believing in happiness. _**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Death or Life**_

Fire was everywhere, eating up anything that was on its way. People were screaming all around him, running for their lives, begging for

mercy. He ignored them all. He kept looking for his prey. A girl ran past him, a doll tightly held against her little chest. Van kept ignoring

them. He could remember a thousand villages in the same situation, a thousand moments like this, a thousand memories identical to the

display that was before his eyes. The only difference was that he was not the one causing it this time. It was Dilandu, and he had to find

him. A house crashed down besides him. A mother yelled for her baby, but her yell was lost in all the noise around her. Van didn't even

turn to look at her. He kept walking. They were not his problem. He didn't care about them. They meant nothing to him. He didn't know

the sound of their voices, had never seen their faces, and didn't know their names. They were people without faces, blurry images in front

of him. He didn't care for any of them. The only thing that was on his mind was destroying Dilandu. Everything else didn't matter. He

kept walking, shutting out the pleas of help, the visions of chaos in front of him, the smell of death, and the instinct to kill. They were

yelling at him to join the mercenaries and slaughter these people, but he fought them down, hiding them in the deepest part of his soul. If

he went with them, Hitomi would never forgive him. He would never be able to live knowing she hated him, so he kept walking, searching

for Dilandu. The bastard was avoiding him. He was hiding between all the smoke and fire that he had caused. He was like a shadow, a

ghost, and Van was getting tired of his games. For many years he had waited for an opportunity to rip his heart out, to show him just how

much he hated him. Now that he had one, he couldn't find him. He knew Dilandu was taunting him, waiting for his patience to snap. He

was probably very close to him, waiting for the perfect moment to attack. That was why Van's senses were all up. He couldn't lose

concentration. He had to be alert. One moment of distraction could case him his death, and for some mysterious reason, he didn't feel

like dying anymore. He wanted to live, and he wanted to kill Dilandu. A strange sound caught his attention. He turned his head towards it.

It was a small house that hadn't been touched by the fire. Everything around it was burning up, but the fire seemed to have respected that

little, humble house. Van went towards it. There was something about this house that reminded him of another time when he had still been

innocent. It reminded him of his last moments as a child.

**Flashback**

"Folken, let's go play!" A four year old Van told his brother.

"I'm too old to play with you" was the response from his very old 10 year-old brother.

"Please?" Van begged him, giving him a puppy-dog-eye look. His brother sighed. Van could be a pain in the ass most of the time, but

Folken didn't have the heart to turn him down when he used that look

"Fine, but it will be a quick game" Van nodded eagerly, and went for a ball. Folken could not understand why his brother liked to play

with balls. To him, it was a stupid game. All you had to do was run after it, but it was what his brother loved to play, and Van couldn't do

it alone. He smiled slightly so his brother didn't notice. Ok, so maybe he loved to play with the ball.

"Are we going to start or what?" He asked Van.

"Yes" he lowered his head "Thanks for playing with me, Folken."

Folken decided to be nice to his little brother.

"It is no problem."

**End Flashback**

Van scolded himself silently. There was no point in thinking back in the old days. They were as dead as his family. Besides, this was no

moment to mourn for what he had lost. He couldn't get distracted by stupid things like his past. He had erased it from his memory, so

why was it coming back to him now, of all times? Van made the attempt to stop going towards the house, but his body didn't listen to

him. There was something about that house that was pulling him to it. He stood in front of the door. The fire still hadn't touched it, so he

opened the door. It cracked as it opened, and what Van saw inside froze him. A little boy was trapped between the wall and a peace of

the ceiling that had fallen. The fire decided it was time to burn the house, and everything started to burn within seconds. Van couldn't

move. He was glued to the floor. He felt something pass besides him. He turned around and found a boy helping the other one. His heart

clenched.

"John, you have to get out of here, grab my hand!" The boy told the other one, but he was too afraid to listen to him.

"Come on, John, you don't want to die, right?" The older boy was getting desperate, "Please, grab my hand, brother!"

It was impossible. What was happening in front of Van was not real. His mind was playing tricks to him. There was no way that he was

watching this. There was no way that this was happening. It couldn't be. It was so…

**Flashback**

A boy of about five years suddenly found himself trapped in a room. Anywhere he looked was blocked by fire or wood. There was no

way out. Suddenly, he heard a crack and the roof started to collapse. Just as it was about to hit him, someone pushed him out of the way.

"Van, are you alright? Come on, we have no time. We must get out of here." Folken, Van's brother, told him as he dragged him to a little

hole in one of the walls.

"Get in, fast. Don't let anyone see you" he told Van.

Van, not able to think straight, did as told. He didn't understand what was happening. Only moments ago, he had been playing hide and

seek with his brother, and now…why was there fire everywhere? Why weren't their parents there? He suddenly realized that there were

soldiers everywhere. Funny, they didn't look like Fanelian soldiers. He was about to yell to them for help when his brother covered his

mouth.

"What do you think you are doing?"

"I was going to ask for help, Folken. They're soldiers. They'll help us." Folken looked at him and shook his head sadly.

"They are not going to help us" he whispered to him "No one is. We are on our own."

**End Flashback**

His brother had risked his life for him that night. He hadn't cared about the consequences, about what could happen to him. He had come

back for him, saving him, dying for him… The boy in front of him would do the same for his brother. He would die before leaving him

alone. The roof cracked, and another piece of ceiling fell between the boys. Van knew the boy wouldn't be able to save his brother. He

didn't have the strength that was needed. He was a mere human child that didn't have the power to save his brother. Something inside of

Van made him cringle.

"_They are not going to help us. No one is. We are on our own"_

Everything that was happening around him hit him. He stopped blocking the yells, the images, and the reality around him. He forgot

everything but what was happening in front of his eyes. He couldn't let those children die. He wouldn't let Dilandu's boys kill all these

people and destroy their village. He didn't want to be responsible for the death of more innocent people. He had to do something to help

them because he cared. He truly cared. Finally, after so many years of loneliness, of shutting people out, of hiding in the shadows, of not

letting anyone get close to him, and of forbidding himself to feel, finally, he cared for others. He dove to save the boys and brought them

outside, where there was no danger. He wouldn't let anyone die because of him. He wouldn't let them suffer Dilandu's rage.

* * *

Hitomi ran from house to house, helping anyone that she could. Being who she was, she just couldn't stay where it was safe and wait for

Van. She had to help these people. A woman carrying her babies barely managed to duck a piece of wood that was going directly

towards her. Hitomi quickly went to her side.

"Are you ok?"

The woman nodded before passing out. Her babies started to cry. Hitomi took them, but she didn't know what to do with them. Why, of

all times, did this have to happen? She knew nothing about babies. She tried to calm them down, but they wouldn't. Hitomi was getting

desperate. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't leave the mother lying on the ground, but she couldn't risk the babies' safety. She

bit her lips. Why were choices always difficult? A man came rushing to her, making everything easier.

"These are my babies" he told her panting. It was obvious he had been looking for them all over the village "Thank you for saving them"

"No problem, but she" Hitomi signaled to the woman on the ground "fainted. I don't think she is badly injured, but I'm pretty sure she

won't wake up anytime soon"

"Hold my babies" Hitomi took them back into her arms. The man bent and picked up the woman. Hitomi understood and searched for

the safest place she could see. She finally spotted a place that was almost safe and signaled for the man to follow her. The two of them

made their way towards it.

"Thank you. I think I can handle it from here." Hitomi was about to leave when something he said stopped her.

"I knew this would happen. I've been waiting for this ever since the Dragon massacred the other village. My parents lived there. They

didn't survive. No one did. I found their bodies as cold as graves, lying in their own pool of blood. If I could, I would make that monster

pay."

Hitomi stayed silent. Everywhere she went, people seemed to hate Van. She knew they had a right to hate him, but Hitomi still thought it

was unfair. They didn't understand all he had been through. She felt like laughing. It was ironic, really ironic, that she was now defending

someone that had tried to kidnap her not so long ago. It was almost unreal that she was now on the side of a mercenary, of someone who

had spent all his life hurting others. Her mind agreed with the man, but her heart was angered at his words.

"It is not the Dragon who is causing this" she told the man icily "And please, if you really want to help me, don't ever talk bad about the

Dragon. You don't know how much he has suffered" Before he could say anything else, she went away. Her mind screamed at her that

what he had done couldn't be justified by anything. She knew that it was right, but that didn't change the way she felt. After being with

him for so many months, she just couldn't see him the way she had seen him before. And, he had changed. He was no longer the cold

mercenary he used to be; his eyes weren't like ice anymore, his features weren't as rigid as before, he wasn't who he used to be. Hitomi

couldn't bare the thought of hating him. After everything they had been through, after all the times he had saved her, even disliking him

was beyond her. Hitomi surprisingly realized that, even after all the things she had said to him, and all the things he had done to her and

the world, she had never really hated him. She had known from the first time she had seen him, that she would never be able to hate him.

She had just been denying it from herself because she had sworn to hate everything that destroyed peace…

_Van was helping a woman get out of her house. Hitomi could see the inn behind him. A shadow moved close to him. Van didn't _

_see it. He was already looking for someone to help. Out of nowhere, a knife stabbed him on the back. Before Van knew what _

_was happening, he fell to the floor, his blood coming out of his wound. His eyes became dull as life escaped from him. High _

_above him, Dilandu laughed, his hysterical laugh that made the hair on her neck rise. He pulled out a bloody knife from Van's _

_back and turned towards her… _

Hitomi found herself on the floor. The vision had been too real to ignore. Van was in danger. He would be killed if she didn't do anything.

She had to find him before Dilandu did. She couldn't let him die.

* * *

Dilandu was very pleased with the outgoings of his work. All around him people cried for their lives. Their homes came crashing down as

the fire consumed them. Their dreams and hopes were ending as soon as his boys touched them. It was beautiful, perfect. The only thing

that was missing was the Dragon. Oh, he would really enjoy killing him. He would laugh as soon as life left his body, and then he would

go torture his slut. Maybe he would be kind enough to let them be together in the after life. Dilandu pulled his sword out of a young

woman. He smiled as he saw the blood on it. He went to find Van, killing anything that got close to him. He looked all over the village,

but it seemed like it had swallowed him up. He frowned. How was he supposed to have fun if he couldn't find his prey? A house came

down, and Dilandu turned to watch it fall. He was surprised to find Van get out of it with two kids in his arms. He put them down and

walked away. This was new. He had seen the Dragon care and protect the seer, but he had never seen him move a finger for others.

Now he was saving anyone who got in front of him. That girl was a bad influence on him. He followed the Dragon. He was intrigued by

his actions. It was impossible for a mercenary to feel anything towards others, but the Dragon clearly cared for these people. Dilandu was

very confused; the Dragon had never seen these people before. He had not shared one word with them. He hadn't known they existed

until now. Why did he care for them? Why did he risk his life for them? Was the Dragon…Could he feel? He could remember a thousand

occasions in which their eyes had crossed. He had seen nothing in the Dragon's eyes. They were brown voids. They seemed to be dead.

There was no excitement in them. There was no shine. There was nothing. Dilandu had been a mercenary all his life. He enjoyed what he

did, but he had never before crossed paths with someone that didn't feel anything. He was like a shell. Nothing made him happy or sad.

He was only angry. He had hated him for that. The Dragon didn't feel anything when he killed. As much as Dilandu enjoyed killing, there

was always that sense of doing something wrong. Guilt. He had always been able to ignore it, but that didn't mean he didn't feel it. He

was sure the Dragon never felt guilty. He had promised himself to kill him one day because if he killed him, then he would be able to be

just like him. Free of all emotions. Now, though, the Dragon seemed to be feeling. He had wanted to kill a monster. He would have to kill

its shadow. Dilandu saw how the Dragon looked for someone to help. He took his knife out and raised it way above his head. The

Dragon didn't pay any attention to him. He was in another world. Dilandu brought the knife down.

* * *

Van went to the inn because it was the place that had the most people in it. The first thing he did, though, was going to the stables and

freeing all the horses. He grabbed Hitomi's and his horses and brought them outside. He was sure they would need them to get out of the

village. After that, he went to help the people that were trapped inside the inn. Since he was draconian, the smoke didn't affect him, and

the fire didn't hurt him as much as it did to humans. He could resist a lot more than the weak humans. He took a woman in his arms and

brought her out of the inn. He laid her in the floor and went to look for someone else to help. He didn't notice the knife that rose above

him.

"Van, behind you!" Hitomi's voice raised above all the sounds around him.

He heard her scream and turned around before she had even finished. He grabbed the knife with both his hands inches before it could hit

him. He realized how close he had been to dying.

'Emotions truly make me weak' he thought, but then concentrated only on Dilandu. This was the moment he had been waiting for. It was

time to face his enemy. He took two steps from him and drew out his sword. Dilandu threw the knife aside and held his sword high above

him. They looked at each other before attacking without mercy. A metallic sound was heard every time their swords collided. Van

attacked with all the fury he had been holding inside. Just because he didn't want to kill innocent people didn't mean he didn't want to

destroy anything that was related to Zaibach. He still had to revenge his family. He still had to make Dornkirk pay for tricking him into

helping him. He had to bring Zaibach down, even if he had to do it rock by rock. He had to kill the piece of shit that was in front of him.

He blocked an attack that was going right to his head and spun around and went directly at his heart. His attack was blocked by

Dilandu's sword. He cursed loudly. This was getting him nowhere, if he kept attacking like he was, he would never be able to win. He

would just tire both of them out. He kept blocking Dilandu's attacks as he looked for a way to win.

"You are getting weaker, Dragon." Dilandu mocked at him.

"Not as weak as you are."

Dilandu's eyes turned icy. "You wish"

They kept attacking with fury and passion. Both of them wanted the other one dead. Both of them wanted to be the one responsible for

the deaths. Suddenly, Van found a way to kill him. He went to the ground and kicked him in the knees. Dilandu lost his balance and fell to

the ground. His sword flew from his hand. Van stood and put his sword to Dilandu's neck.

"You will die now" he told him. He raised his sword, prepared for the final hit, brought it down, and, in the last moment, another sword

blocked his. He angrily looked at who it was and found one of Dilandu's boys. He could deal with him. One struck and he would be

dead, and then he would be able to return to Dilandu.

"Van!"

His head turned towards her voice. He forgot about the boy and Dilandu as he searched for Hitomi. He found her on the roof of the inn.

* * *

"Van, behind you!"

Hitomi sighed in relief as she saw Van block the attack. She had been so scared for him. She was going to run towards him when

someone grabbed her from behind. She struggled to free herself, but found out she couldn't. She turned her face to look at the person

that was holding her. It was of the man that Van had hit the night before.

"Where is your knight now?" he whispered in her ear. Hitomi felt like throwing up. This man disgusted her like no one else had. He

brought her closer to his body, and Hitomi felt like dying. She had to do something. She just couldn't stand the touch of this man. She

kicked him in the shin and then, with her elbow, hit him in the gut. She turned and ran inside the inn. The man was right at her heels. She

didn't know where to hide. The place was burning up, and it seemed like there was no hiding place. She saw the stairs. She doubted for

a moment, but it was her only choice, and if she didn't act quickly, he would catch up with her. She made up her mind and climbed the

stairs. Once she was on the top floor, she slowly sat down, but she heard him come for her. She got to her feet and looked around her.

On the end of the hall, a door stood. She made her way towards it. She opened it and the cold air of the night hit her. She ignored it and

searched for a place to hide. There was none. She went to the edge. As she looked down, she realized that she would never be able to

make it. Tears formed in her eyes as she heard him reach the roof. She did the only thing that came to her mind.

"Van!"

* * *

Van went for his horse and mounted it. He ignored Dilandu's angry words and the boys that were trying to catch up with him. They were

not important. He would deal with them later. He would get his revenge later. Right now, all that mattered was saving Hitomi. He saw a

man come up behind her and recognized him as the leader of the group that had molested Hitomi the night before. Rage filled his whole

body. How dare he harass his Hitomi? He calculated the distance between the ground and the roof. An idea formed in his head. It was

the only way to save her. He looked behind him and saw Dilandu running after him. Dealing with him now wasn't wise. It would put

Hitomi in more danger. He too would have to wait.

"Hitomi, jump."

* * *

**Jajaja, don't you hate cliffhangers? I know I do, but I had to do it. So, next chapter will be a little dark, but don't worry, calm **

**always comes after the storm, right? Maybe not. I haven't decided if I will end this with a happy or sad ending. Just kidding. **

**I know almost exactly how this will end, but it's still a long way till then. A lot of things have to happen before this story **

**finally reaches its end. Besides, as I already told you, this story has a life of its own. It does whatever it wants with me. You **

**should be glad. Well, tell me what you think of my beloved and new editor. If she doesn't do her job right, I'll just have to **

**torture her (just kidding, Jackie) And, Tia Williams, you better be reading this story because you have to tell me what you **

**think. All others who review or read and don't review , thanks for liking my story. Your review keep me writing, so go and **

**review!**


	16. Trust me

**Hello! Another chapter! I had problems updating this, so that's why I hadn;t post it. Well, this chapter is definitly one that **

**you can't miss. Van and Hitomi are getting closer, but they are also getting close to the end of their task. Well, not really. **

**Anyway, hope you enjoy it, and review, review, review.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Trust me**_

_I know the world is black and cruel_

_I know that when you look at me you see all my sins_

_I know you have no reasons to believe in me_

_But I also know you. And I'm begging you…_

_Give me just one chance to prove to you that…_

_I'm worthy of your trust._

_Just one chance, that's all I ask._

_I ask you nothing, but for you to trust me._

"Hitomi, jump."

She heard Van's yell. She saw his hand raised towards her. She looked behind her and saw that dreadful man getting closer to her, but she could not, for all her life, jump. She was terrified of heights; she didn't have the courage to jump. A thousand images of what could happen to her if Van failed to catch her flashed in her mind. She could break a leg, an arm, her head, and god knows what else. She could die. She closed her eyes tightly. She did not feel like dying in that way or in any other way. But the though of dying smacked against the ground had to be the most horrible way to die. She opened one eye and saw the distance between the ground and where she stood. It was just too much. She would never be able to make it without getting hurt.

"Hitomi, what are you waiting for?"

She could hear the desperation in his voice; Dilandu was getting closer to him, followed by his boys. If she didn't jump know, Van was sure to be caught. She took a deep breath, gathered all her courage, and prepared to jump, but at the last minute she backed down.

"I…" her voice cracked "I can't jump!"

"Don't do this now, Hitomi. You can't stay here!"

"Leave without me"

"Don't be stupid. I can't leave without you, I swore to protect you." His voice had turned angry. Hitomi knew she was acting childish, but she couldn't help it. She had always been scared of heights, it was her one fear. She could act brave if an army came towards her, but tell her to climb to the top of the tower and she would simply deny doing it. She couldn't jump off of this building into the hands of someone that she wasn't sure would catch her.

'He is always there for you, he has never failed you. Why would he now?'

Hitomi bit her lower lip. Why was her mind or consciousness, or whatever it was, that talked to her always right? Why couldn't she jump when her life depended on it? Why the hell was she thinking about stupid questions when her life and Van's depended on her jumping?

"Please, go without me." She begged him. She wouldn't put his life in danger because of her, just because she was too afraid to save her own life. She wouldn't let him waste his.

"I already told you I'm not going without you, just jump."

His eyes were pleading her to jump. They were pleading her to do as he asked, but she couldn't do it, and she turned her eyes from him. She couldn't look at him when she had already decided to die. She smiled bitterly. How many times had she told him that she didn't want to die?

"_Why are you scared of dying?"_

"_I'm not scared of dying. I just don't want to."_

How many times had she been angry at him for not wanting to live? How many times had she scowled him for wishing death? How many times had she told him that life was the most important thing they had? And now, now she simply couldn't save her own life.

'He is there. He will catch you. He will never let you fall. Just jump.'

'I can't!'

How many times had she tried to make him wish for life? Now that he did, she couldn't do one simply act to safe hers. She had failed him.

**Flashback**

"Have you ever enjoyed a sunset?" Van said no with his head.

"As your friend, I can't let you not enjoy a sunset. They're beautiful. You'll like it." Hitomi said eagerly. He looked at her weirdly.

"How do you know I'll like it? I don't even know what I like."

She laughed. He was like a little boy. Everything was new to him. He was just starting to live.

"I know everything, and what I don't know, I find out. I'll help you find what you like." "I don't need to know what I like. I don't need you or anyone else. I never have"

She knew what he was trying to do. She had done it plenty of times; He was scared of depending on someone else. He didn't want to owe anything to anyone, ever. He didn't want her in his life, but she wanted to be a part of it, and she was not going to let him pull her away.

"I don't care. I'll be here, even if you don't want me to be."

**End Flashback**

Tears started to form in her eyes. Why the hell couldn't she jump! She had promised to be there for him, always and forever, no matter what, and now she wouldn't be able to fulfill that one small promise. She didn't have the courage to save herself. She didn't deserve to save Gaea.

"Hitomi, do you trust me?"

His voice came floating to her, bringing her back from her thoughts. With one hand, she freed her eyes of tears.

"What?"

"Do you trust me?"

Hitomi looked at him puzzled. What was the point of that question? It would certainly lead them nowhere.

"If, you trust me, jump"

She observed him. He had his arms stretched out. He had stopped the horse so that she would be able to jump. Dilandu and the others were minutes away, watching them, but he didn't seem to mind. He was only looking at, and waiting, for her. She bit her lip harder and looked into his eyes. She was surprised at what she found there. In all the time she'd know him, he had never been hopeful. Now, in those brown orbs that captivated her so much, for the first time ever, a glimpse of hope stood out among everything else. There was fear, anger, confusion, but hope was above all of these, a reminder of how much he had changed, for her...

_Do you trust me?_

The answer was very simple, yes or no, but to her, it was the hardest of questions for her. She had once told herself that she would never be able to trust a mercenary. She would never be able to trust someone that enjoyed killing. She would never be able to trust him, the Dragon, _Van…_

He wasn't the Dragon to her. He wasn't a mercenary in her eyes. He was Van, only Van, her friend. After all they had been through, all that had happened between them, could she…could she allow herself to trust him? He had tried to kidnap her, had been an asshole to her, and had treated her like shit innumerable times. He had even tried to kill her once. On the other hand, he had always saved her when she was in danger. He accepted her for who she was and not for whom she pretended to be. He was always there when she needed him. He was her protector, her friend, her savior. He was the only one that truly knew her…

"Do you trust me?" he whispered to her again. She was not able to hear the words, but by the way his lips moved and his eyes shined, there was no mistake about what he had said. Did she trust him, could she trust him?

"Yes."

Without another thought, she jumped. She could feel the cold air hitting her as she fell. She could hear the anguish in the yells around her. The fire was destroying what was left of the village. Dilandu and company were seconds from catching them. A thousand reasons to why she shouldn't have jumped came to her mind, but she didn't care. She trusted herself to the abyss, waiting for Van to catch her. It seemed like ages to her, and for a moment, she thought she would never reach the end, that she would fall forever. She closed her eyes. She had thrown herself blindly, waiting for Van to catch her…and he did.

He took her into his strong arms and cradled her in front of him. He ordered the horse to gallop, and they went as far away from the village, from Dilandu, death, and disaster, as fast as they could. Hitomi smiled as she saw everything become little. She relaxed against Van. She was with him. She was safe. Hitomi sighed and let sleep over take her.

_Somehow, impossibly, we are here. And I trust you…

* * *

_

Allen smiled to himself as he saw Millerna rushing through the injured. She had a white coat on and had some medicines in her hands. She went from one patient to another. She was in total control of the situation. When she had first told him her idea, he hadn't been too sure about it. He chuckled lightly. He was glad he had gone along with her. She was perfect at taking care of people. She looked his way and smiled, but Allen noticed that the shine did not reach her eyes. They were dull. The shine that had differenced them from all others was gone. A part of her had died with Dryden. He tried to look cheerful when she approached him.

"Hey, mind going for a walk, or are you too busy?" he asked her.

"Well, I am busy, but I guess I have a few seconds to talk with the King, though it's a great honor, the one I'm giving you."

She was joking with him, which had to be a good sign.

"Follow me" He linked arms with her and lead her to a fountain.

"So, are you alright now?" He asked carefully. She didn't answer for a moment. Her eyes seemed to be looking beyond him, but she forced herself to bring her attention back to him.

"I'm not alright," She said sincerely "but I'm doing better. When I'm helping people it makes me feel closer to Dryden, and it keeps my head busy." Allen nodded. The air around them seemed to have tension, so he decided to make it lighter.

"Who would have thought the spoiled princess would be such a great doctor?"

"Hey, I'm not that spoiled. Besides, I told you I had studied medicine. My parents forced me, remember?"

"How could I forget? You whined about it for ages. Seems like they did you a favor, huh?"

"Maybe they were right that one time."

"And when they married you to Dryden"

Allen cursed himself. He hadn't meant to say that. Millerna's face had fallen.

"Yes, they were right in that one too..." Millerna tried to suppress the tears that were threatening to form in her eyes.

"Sometimes I wish I had never met him. When the pain is greater than me, I wish I had never fallen in love with him. But then I think of all the good moments we had, and I can't help but feel grateful that he entered my life and granted me his love. I just miss him so much."

She could no longer hold back her tears, and she let them fall freely.

"Why did he have to die?"

Allen hugged her tightly. It was so unfair. War was always unfair. He waited until she composed herself.

"And how are you doing?" her voice, too, was careful. It was not wise to ask him just that now-a-days, but she was Millerna, his best friend, and she could ask him whatever she wanted.

"I…"

How could he explain how he was? He definitely wasn't ok. The war was exhausting and depressing. As much as they tried, it seemed all they did was in vain. More forces were coming, but between keeping Kansaki and Asturia out of Zaibach's hands, he had enough to do. He had even sent Gadess to help Kansaki, and he truly needed him back. But he had promised Hitomi to keep her kingdom safe. He had already told her people what she was doing; leaving a lot of parts out, of course, but they knew why she wasn't with them. They knew the big sacrifice she was doing for them; their queen was risking her life for them, and they adored her for that. Still, Allen felt a pain greater than anything invade him every time he thought of her. He just loved her so much, and she was alone with that idiot, in god knows what dangers. If she died, he would die with her. He just hoped Van kept his promise of protecting her. If he hadn't, Allen would make sure he paid with his life.

'What if she falls for him?'

Allen shook the thought away. It was impossible. Hitomi would never fall for a mercenary like the Dragon, or Van, or whatever his name was. Even though Hitomi didn't love him, he was sure that, with time, she would end up truly loving him with all her might. It was the reasonable thing to think, a great king and a gentle queen had to be together. There was no reason to feel insecure because of a king without kingdom. He was sure that Hitomi and he would make a lovely couple. They just had to marry, and they would marry, no matter what. Allen ignored the pain he felt when he thought of Hitomi with another, the aching that drove him crazy every time her face came into his mind. There was no reason to fear anything. Hitomi would end up loving him just as much as he loved her.

"I'm holding up."

* * *

"Hitomi?"

Van looked at her with pain in his eyes. She had been crying since they had stopped to rest. She was against a tree, curled up, and with her hands covering her face. She was hiding what she felt from him, shutting him out, and he didn't know how to get to her. He didn't know what to do with her. He couldn't understand the tears that were falling from her eyes.

"Tell me why you're crying."

She cried harder, and Van inwardly let out a groan. Why the hell didn't she tell him what was wrong with her? He got tired of waiting for her to tell him what was wrong and kneeled besides her. He took her hands with his and forced her to look at him.

"Tell me what's wrong." He told her firmly. She didn't tell him immediately, she waited until her sobs calmed down, and her tears stopped falling. She waited until she composed herself, and even then, she didn't look at him. She would never be able to look at him again after what had happened.

"I…I didn't want to jump."

"Why?"

"Because I was scared of jumping."

Van was stunned. Scared of jumping? That was bullshit. She had risked their lives because she had been scared of jumping? He truly felt like yelling at her, saying all sorts of things, but decided against it. She was already in a difficult mood.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why were you scared of jumping?"

She went silent again, and Van felt his nerves rise. She could be so difficult when she felt like it.

"I asked you a question."

"And I'm thinking about an answer, you idiot." She snapped at him. Van blinked, taken by surprise, and waited for her to explain herself.

"I've always been scared of heights"

"Why?"

"Just because."

"No one is scared of anything just because."

"Well, I am, so now, leave me alone."

She turned her face from him, so she wasn't able to see the hurt that appeared in his eyes.

"I thought you trusted me."

He said it so quietly that Hitomi almost missed it, but she wasn't able to miss the hurt that accompanied the words. She felt guilty about having caused him pain.

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

A silence stretched between them, and just when Van was about to give up, Hitomi spoke.

"It's…When I was young, I used to climb to the top tower. The look from there was so beautiful! Do you know how my mom died?"

"No"

"Everyone thinks she died of sickness, in her bed. I thought so too, at first, but the truth was very different. Her body was torturing her. The sickness in it was devouring her spirit, and she had already been told that there was no cure for what she had. She would die slowly and painfully, and she didn't want that. She didn't want to be trapped inside her body, waiting for death. My father had stopped looking after the kingdom because he was always by her side. An air of defeat and sadness could be felt in every part of the castle. No matter how much I tried to hide from it, it always seemed to find me. It was in every room, every corner, every hall…then, one night, she was gone. I knew her time wasn't up yet, but my father told me she had died on her bed, and I believed him. It was not till later that I found out what had happened. He told me one day, without previous warning, without a word to make it easier…Your mother died, he said, she jumped from the tower."

Hitomi's voice cracked and Van was by her side, comforting her as much as he could.

"She let go, Van, and when we were back there, and you ordered me to jump, I just remembered. Ever since her death I haven't climbed a tower or been in the roof of any place. I didn't want to jump, but I didn't want to die, and then, for a moment, I thought dying was better than jumping"

Van didn't say anything for a moment. He rocked her back and forth, allowing her new tears to fall and soak his shirt. Not for the first time, he thought of how cruel the world was, and how haunting the past could be. It had made him a mercenary, and it had made her hide behind a mask of happiness.

"Are you unhappy, Hitomi?"

"Sometimes, like everyone else. I have my moments."

He looked at her quizzically. She laughed, and the sound of her laugh settled his nerves. She looked prettier when she laughed and smiled.

"I know what you are thinking. Poor girl that can't get over her mother's death."

"That's not what I was thinking"

"Then what is it?"

"Just about how you sometimes smile because you are used to it and not because you feel it. Hitomi, you are the happiest person I know, but you suffer as much as I do, and I just don't understand how you can keep smiling."

To prove his point, he saw her lips go up in a gentle smile. He looked at her eyes and saw that the smile reached them.

"The world needs people to smile for the ones that can't. It needs people to be strong for the ones that are weak." Hitomi locked eyes with him, "Thank you for not letting me die. You are always there when I'm in danger, when I need you, when I'm low, and well, you are always there." More quietly, as if afraid someone else was listening to her, she said "I was going to let go Van."

"Don't worry, I'll never let you let go."

"And I though I was the one that was going to save you from the depressed moods, and the wanting to die thing, and all the miseries of life."

Her smile widen as she saw the sun come out.

"Well, come on, you lazy, it's a broad new day, and we still have to find the Valley of Truth because, really, we are very far from finding it, and a whole world is waiting for us to save it."

She went towards the horse and rode it. She lent a hand towards Van. Her eyes shone brightly, with honesty. It's green trapped Van in them.

"And, Van, don't ever think that I don't trust you because I do. Got it?"

Van simply took her hand and rode behind her.

"Whatever."

And, as they rode together towards the dangers that were waiting for them patiently, Van thought of just how lucky he was to be stuck on this hell like task with a stupid girl with annoyingly high spirits.

'You did save me, Hitomi…'

* * *

**Oh! how beautiful! Anyway, since I have writen not so many dark chapters, next one will be dark, so prepare yourselves for **

**it. Nect chapter will be posted before thursday, but I'm not giving any promises because someone is going to fix my **

**computer. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter, and review, review, review. I want you all to review. Ok, it's just late, and **

**I'm tired so don't listen to me, but you better revie, review, review...**


	17. The mirror within

**Hello people! I'm so sorry for not updating yesterday, but my computer kept doing stupid things, and it was just impossible. **

**However, everything is almost mixed now, so I won't have any more problems. Anyway, exams are starting again. They are **

**not as heavy as the last ones, but I won't update very fast. If you see the bright point, though, I will update, not like last **

**time. And please don't kill me after you finish this chapter. I swear next chapter makes up for this one.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**The mirror within**_

**Me gustan más los sueños del futuro que la historia del pasado.**

The pendant kept moving in circles. She could see it in her mind, the pink glow that shone through the darkness that surrounded it. Its movement was hypnotizing, but she didn't care. She only had one though in her mind, only enough energy to find one single thing.

'Where is the Valley of Truth?' she asked it silently. It kept moving in circles. Hitomi frowned in concentration, but the pendant didn't stop moving. It didn't signal in any direction. In fact, it moved faster. She calmed her agitated nerves and gathered all the patience she had left in her. Her resolve to calm herself down did not work.

'Bloody Valley of Truth, of course it couldn't be located in a bloody easy spot with signs to show where it was!'

Hitomi took a deep breath. She had been trying to find it for over four hours, and she still had no idea of where it was.

'The bloody place is probably in a cave or at the bottom of the ocean or, why not? Up in the sky, hidden in the clouds so no one can see it or get to it!'

Hitomi was so immersed in her cursing that she didn't realize that the pendant had stopped moving. When she noticed, she felt like throwing it as far away from her as she could. The stupid thing was pointing at the ground. No north, south, west, any direction, no, it was pointing at spot where they were. She looked around herself, as if trying to see if she had missed anything in the landscape. They were in a clearing that was surrounded by mountains. They seemed to isolate the place from the rest of the world. Sure it looked like a valley. She didn't deny that the air felt different, the colors seemed to shine brighter, and the birds sang in the middle of the day. Yes, the place had something different about it, but it definitely wasn't the Valley of Truth. There was nothing there but plants, animals, and tons of mountains.

"Stupid pendant!" She yelled indignantly at the pink tear that stood between her fingers. "Why won't you show us the way?"

The pendant kept shining in her fingers. It didn't voice its answer.

"What's the problem now?"

Hitomi turned to look at Van. He was sitting on the grass, both arms lying on the grass, giving him support, and his legs crossed in an Indian kind of way. The bloody idiot looked relaxed! Relaxed! When she was so frustrated! When she had been working her ass for four eternal hours! And all he did was sit and ask her what was wrong! The nerve of him.

"This thing," She put the pendant right in front of his face, "won't show us the way, and all you're doing is sitting there and watching me struggle with it… and you do nothing!"

She turned her back to him, raised her head, and crossed her arms. Van thought that she looked like the princess she was in that position and a ghost of a smile appeared on his face.

"Well, you are the seer." Noticing the glared she sent his way, he added "Where is it pointing?"

"Nowhere, it's pointing nowhere. It does circles and then it stops, right here, where we are."

"Oh…"

His answer made her angrier. She looked at him over her shoulder, ready to yell at him, when she caught a real sight of him. His bangs covered his eyes, and she could only see his nose and mouth. He was acting so calm it unnerved her, but there was something about seeing him so calm that made her happy. It seemed like he had no worries.

"Why do you think we fell here of all places?"

His question raised her anger again. He knew bloody well why they were here. They had arrive here because…well, because she had accidentally tripped and fell all the way down.

**Flashback**

Hitomi was riding the horse while Van walked besides her. They were going up the mountain because going around it would take too much time. They didn't have time to waste. She got off the horse to stretch her legs and let the horse rest for a little. She went to the edge of the 'road'. She looked down and immediately felt dizzy. It was so high! She turned to go back to the safety of the road when she'd stepped on a rock and lost her balance.

"Van!"

"Hitomi!"

He grabbed her hand and tried to steady her, but her weight pulled him down with her, and they both ended up falling down the mountain.

**End Flashback **

Van had used his body to protect her from the rocks. They had fallen until they'd reached the end of the mountain. Luckily for them, it had been the smallest of mountains. Hitomi looked at the bruises Van had, and her angered wavered a bit. He had gotten them because of her. Hitomi stared at him; he had removed his shirt so she could bandage him where he was injured. She blushed when Van turned to look at her.

'Stop watching him.' She ordered herself. Her eyes did not follow her command, and kept delighting in his vision. She glimpsed from the corner of her eyes so he wouldn't notice. Her eyes trailed along his muscle arms and defined stomach and torso. How could anyone have such a great body? Her anger and frustration disappeared as she watched him.

"Did you even listen to my question?"

Startled, Hitomi turned her whole attention to him.

"What?"

"Do you know why we landed here?"

To her disappointment, he stood up and put his shirt back on.

'Stop thinking about him that way. You are engaged to Allen. What you feel for Van is just attraction, nothing more. What you feel for Allen is so much more…' As much as Hitomi tried, her thoughts felt like a lie, but she ignored the feeling and answered his question.

"We are her because I tripped. You don't have to remind me."

"Sometimes," He began, "you are too stupid for your own good."

Hitomi opened her mouth to protest with all her might, but Van started talking before she could.

"Don't you feel the aura of this place? It radiates magic, just like in Glendalough, but in a different way."

Hitomi closed her eyes, and she suddenly felt it, weak at first, but stronger as she concentrated. It seemed to hide its power for the people that were too distracted to notice. The magic of the place didn't feel evil, just old. Hitomi felt another blush cover her face.

"So?"

Van sighed. "Hitomi, this is the Valley of Truth. For been a supposedly powerful seer, you are way too dense."

Hitomi should have answered back. It was her nature to yell and scream every time he insulted her. She never kept quiet, but this time she did. Van looked at her. Her eyes were fixed in front of her. He followed her gaze. Right there, before them, the ground was opening in two, and for some weird reason, it didn't make a sound as it did, and they didn't make a movement as the earth swallowed them up.

* * *

Dornkirk sat in a circular table. All his advisors, wizards and important people, were seated beside him. They were all patiently waiting. Their eyes locked on the center of the table. None of them made a sound. They were scared of angering the already mad Dornkirk. They knew that whatever he was going to tell them wouldn't be pleasant. They knew that if any of them made a wrong move, they would have to pay with their lives…So an unnatural silence and stillness stretched between them. A knock broke the quietness of the room, making the hair on the back of everyone but Dornkirk's neck rise.

"Come in."

A terrified messenger came through the door. It was obvious he brought bad news. He was trying to maintain his face as emotionless as he could, but he was doing a miserable job. It was contracted in fear.

"What is it?" Dornkirk's cold, angered voice only unnerved everyone in the room more.

"Dilandu has arrived, Lord Dornkirk."

Dornkirk's back went rigid. His mouth went into a smile that chilled even the bravest.

"Let him come in."

The messenger left the room. He seemed more than happy to, and minutes later, Dilandu appeared. He was able to maintain his face emotionless. He looked calm, but if one looked close into his eyes, they would be able to see the fear that he hide so well.

"You called me, master?" His voice was carefully neutral. He didn't let out any emotion.

"You failed to kill Van and capture the girl."

It was a simple statement, but it doomed Dilandu forever.

"You will be punished for your failure."

Dilandu's face paled, but to his credit, his face maintained expressionless.

"I know."

"Would you like to know what will happen to you?" Dornkirk's voice sounded happy. He was enjoying this.

"I…"

"You will know anyway." Dornkirk looked straight into his eyes. Dilandu's mask fell. "You will be tortured in the cruelest ways my men can imagine. You will be beaten until you beg for your life. You will be emotionally hurt until you wish you had never been born. Your life will turn into your living nightmare, and when you think nothing could get worse, you will be proven wrong." His voice had risen as he said all these things. He had stood from his chair and had walked towards Dilandu, so he now stood in front of him. His last words though, were said so only Dilandu could hear them "But you will not die. I still have a use for you…" He broke eye contact with Dilandu, and left him shaking. He was a pitiful sigh. "Take him away." Two soldiers came for him. Dilandu did not fight as they took him away. He was preparing himself for what was to come.

"What will you do know?" The question came from one of his wizards. Dornkirk turned towards him, and he seemed to get little edgy under his gaze. Dornkirk didn't say anything for a while. He called out for a messenger and whispered something in his ear. He quickly left, and everyone was left to wait. Finally, the knock on the door was heard, and two cat women came in.

"May I present to you" Dornkirk said, signaling to the two warriors that had knelt besides him "Naria and Eriya. They will be essential for our victory." He turned towards them. "Prepare the Draconian. As soon as we know where Van is, we will send him to kill him and bring the girl back. The twins stood up and left the room without a word. One question united in all the heads in the room, but only one person voiced it aloud.

"What other Draconian?"

* * *

Van desperately tried to grab Hitomi's hand, but all he found around himself was air. He looked around, trying to see any hint of her. Nothing, there was pure darkness around him. He tried to get out his wings, but the magic of the place didn't let him. He felt vulnerable. He could do nothing to make the situation better. He closed his eyes and relaxed his body as much as he could. That was all he could do; go along with the situation. He tried not to think about Hitomi. He had seen her face the moment the earth had parted at their feet. Unlike any other situation in which they had found themselves in, she hadn't expressed any emotion. She had stayed right where she was, her eyes fixed to the front. She hadn't yelled. She hadn't turned towards him. She hadn't even tried to run. She had simply stayed there and had let the earth swallow her. Van's hands turned into fists. She hadn't listened to him.

"_Hitomi, run, grab my hand, do something!" _

Why had she done none of the things he had told her to do? What was wrong with her? Why had he treated her so badly today?

'Stupid Hitomi, you always get me and yourself in trouble…' he opened his eyes, and they soften 'How will I be able to save you if I'm not close to you?'

* * *

Hitomi stopped falling. She opened her eyes. Her green orbs widen with surprise. Before her, a place like she had never before seen laid. Trees the color of silver with golden flowers adorned the valley. Fountains of the clearest waters were nicely place in the middle of it. Flowers of every color one could think off made up the ground of the valley. She looked up. To her surprise, the bluest of skies could be seen. She tried to go towards the flowers, and she gave a little yelp as she realized that she not standing, but floating.

"What kind of place is this?" she voiced out loud.

"The Valley of Truth, of course" she hadn't expected an answer, so the voice startled her. She gulped. The owner of the voice laughed. It was a kind laugh, but it sounded a little old. "Turn around, child; I'm not going to eat you." Hitomi tried to move her body towards the voice, but she found the job to be impossible. The man laughed politely. "I'm sorry about that. I forgot." he snapped his fingers, and Hitomi fell to the ground with a crash. "Oops, I'm sorry about that too."

She slowly stood up and turned towards the voice. Her head went to one side, and she looked at him in a curious way.

"You don't look mean…"

"I'm not mean."

"There is no evil aura around you…"

"I'm not evil."

"You are old."

He chuckled. "That I am."

"Are you very powerful?"

"I'm very wise…"

Hitomi thought about his answer. "Is it better to be wise or powerful?"

"It depends on what you want. In my opinion, power without wisdom is as good as nothing, but of course, one can't be wise and powerful at the same time."

"Why not?"

"Because the world has to have a balance."

"Why?"

"What do you think would happen if someone was as wise as powerful?"

"That person would take advantage of the rest…?"

"Exactly, only gods are as powerful as wise and not all of them."

Hitomi looked at the man before him. He had a long white beard. He had wrinkles in his hands and face, and a stick was in his left hand. He looked defenseless.

"Who are you?" The question left Hitomi's mouth before she could think about it, and she put a hand on her mouth.

"It's ok. Having lots of questions is natural. I am one of the keepers of the Valley. I am wisdom, eternity, intelligence, and maturity."

"What should I call you?"

"A long time ago, my name was Barton."

"It doesn't seem to fit you…"

"It never did."

"Why am I here?"

"You? For no reason. It is not you we are interested in, but your companion, Van Fanel."

"Van?" His name purred out of her lips guiltily. "I'd forgotten about him for a moment."

She felt terrible. He was probably worried sick about her, and she had totally forgotten about him.

"Don't worry, it happens to everyone. Come, why don't we go sit under a tree and enjoy the day?"

She shook her head. "No, I have to find Van."

"He is fine. Trust me. The other keeper is probably taking care of him right now. You have nothing to worry about. Come one, it is a beautiful day."

Hitomi was about to protest, but there was something about the place that called to her. The sunrays caressed her skin, and the sky and trees and everything was so…perfect. It was impossible to not want to stay for just a moment, to relax and forget for a simple second. Nothing wrong could come out of enjoying such a beautiful day.

"I guess…if Van is fine, then I can stay for just a few minutes. After all, it is a beautiful day."

She followed to old man under a tree and took the apple he gave her. She smiled at him in gratitude and bite it. She instantly felt better, and she started talking cheerfully with him. Slowly, without her noticing, Van started to slip out of her mind, slowly going to the deepest part of it.

* * *

Van stopped falling and, with a loud noise, submerged into freezing water. The impact had come without warning, and Van felt the cold water hit him hard. It was like a thousand daggers were been put inside him. He quickly swam his way out and went to shore. Once he was safely on ground, he got into a fighting position. His eyes traveled over every angle of the clearing he was in. Nothing moved. He looked at the black trees, but there wasn't even a shadow. He looked at the moon above him. Dark clouds hid part of it. He turned to look at the lake he had fallen into. It was still, and black as any abyss. Van got a bad feeling. The place had no movement. The trees didn't have a shadow. The clouds were as still as…hey, why were there clouds and a moon? He was underground. He had been falling for hours, and now, there was a sky above him? That was impossible.

"Where the hell am I?"

No one answered him. A shiver ran down his spine. Even in Glendalough there had been noise. The worst places had noises, as uneasy as they were. This one didn't. It was as quiet as a tomb, as death. Van slowly started to step towards the lake. It seemed to be far safer than the woods in front of him. He stepped on a stick, and he felt it brake, but not a sound was heard. He stopped moving. Where the hell was him? Was Hitomi alright? If she was in the same situation he was in, she was probably terrified. He had to find her, but how? He tried to get his wings out again, but again, magic forced them into him.

'What should I do? Hitomi, please…'

A chuckle.

He had heard a childish chuckle.

He turned his head towards the noise. There, as if out of nowhere, a little girl stood in the middle of two trees. Van focused on her, but he could not feel anything evil in her. Instead, he found that the aura that surrounded her was pure. There was no hint of malice in her.

"Who are you?" The little girl asked him.

"My name is…" Who was he? He used to be the Dragon, but since Hitomi had come into his life, everything had changed. He had become Van Fanel, heir of Fanelia, a draconian, and yet, deep down, the Dragon still lived.

"I don't know who I am anymore." It was the most honest answer he could come up with.

"Doesn't it feel lonely to not know who you are?"

It was a question that had no hidden meaning. It had not been asked to hurt, but it had.

"Yes, it feels very lonely."

"Have you always been lonely?"

Van closed his eyes. Yes, he had always been lonely. His family had been taken away from him, and he had had no one since then. He had been lonely all his life until…

"Hitomi"

The little girl laughed. "You have someone. You are not as lonely as you think."

"How do you know…?"

"About Hitomi? She is with my friend. She will have to pass her task on her own. You will have one too."

Van looked at her. For been such a little girl, she seemed to know a lot. "Who are you?"

She smiled at him, pleased at being asked. "I am one of the two keepers of the Valley of Truth. I am innocence, hope, dreams, and illusion, but you can call me Lila. That used to be my name before…"

"Before what?"

"Before I came here, of course."

"How long have you been here?"

The little girl thought about it for some time. "Well, I don't remember. It seems like forever."

_Forever_

How long was forever? How old was she, really?

"Anyway, how long I've been here is not important. What is important is why you are here."

Van looked at her blankly. He didn't trust her, no matter how innocent she looked. He had to hide his emotions from her.

"You are hiding from me"

"How…?"

"It is obvious. There is no expression on your face." She walked towards him, and put her little hand on his head. "Who are you? What have you done? What is your past?"

Van tried to get her away from him, but he felt magic coming from the girl. She was the one that had stopped his wings for coming out, and now she was controlling his body.

"You can't leave without knowing the truth about you. I can't let you go if you don't know what you really are, who you are, what you've done. I know about your past."

Van met her light brown eyes. They were sad.

"How can anyone be as cruel as you?" She asked him.

Van tried to look anywhere but at her, but the magic didn't allow him to turn away. He couldn't run away from his past, from all he had done, it was finally catching up with him.

"How could you not regret all the pain, the hurt, the suffering, the anguish you caused?"

Van tried to block her words from coming into his ears, but it was impossible. He fell to his knees.

"Do you know how much pain you caused?"

"Why did you do it?"

She leaned to his ear. "I'm sorry, but I have to do this." Van didn't listen to her last words. Children could be so cruel without wanting to be. They could hurt without meaning too, and somehow, everything a little child said always turned out stronger, more direct, truer…

Lila let her magic go inside him and moved to the side. He was just starting the easiest part of his task.

* * *

For a moment, Van was disoriented. He didn't recognize the place he was at. One moment, he had been at the clearing with the girl, and now, he was in a village. The odd part was that it did seem familiar, but it couldn't be his memory... After the massacre of Fanelia, he had never celebrated another birthday. Still, here he was, in the middle of a party, surrounded by people he had never seen but that seemed to care about him. A cake was brought, and everyone told him to blow out the candles, but just as he was about to, yells were heard. Every head turned towards them.

"Merle…" A cat-man said to him, "Stay here." He then went out with the rest of the men.

'Merle, who is Merle?' His thoughts were interrupted as a woman dragged him and hid him under some sacks.

"Stay here, Merle. Whatever happens, don't come out."

"But mom…" The words left his mouth without him wanting to say them. His body did as the woman had told him. He didn't understand a thing. He could hear yells, and smell smoke, but he didn't know what caused it. After what seemed like eternity, everything went quite, and he went out. All around her, dead people laid in pools of blood. The pretty town had been burned to ashes. He suddenly saw someone, and hid behind some pieces of wood. He slowly raised his head towards the person. White wings sprung form the back of the person. A bloody sword was in his hand. Van suddenly realized he was looking at himself. He was inside of someone's memories. And he finally understood.

"_You slaughtered my people and burned our village." _

"_I still have nightmares of that day…"_

"_You looked like an angel in the middle of hell"._

His other Van turned towards him, but he didn't see him/her. He had tears in his eyes.

"_I forgive you for everything you did to me."_

The first time he had ended someone's life, the time when his innocence had completely disappeared. He had killed his hopes and dreams that night. He had squashed his future. The first time he had enjoyed killing. Before anything else happened, everything in front of him disappeared and he found himself inside another of his victims.

Fear, desperation, confusion…

"Angels are supposed to be good", he said to the cruelest eyes he had seen, his eyes. "They are supposed to take care of us". His vision blurry as tears came to his eyes. "Why?" He asked himself as he fell to his knees. "Why?" he repeated.

'Why did I do it?'

The other Van looked at him, and he trembled. There was nothing in those brown eyes. They were as empty as his heart. The Dragon drew his sword high above his head and brought it down. Van's world ended. The last thing he saw were the eyes of his killer. The empty eyes of someone empty. Van came back to his senses only to realize that had been his last slaughter before meeting Hitomi, but he was not able to think more as he was pushed into yet another one of his victims. He could do nothing but live every single experience he had caused others. He stopped wishing for it to end. No one would hear his pleas. No one helped mercenaries. He was alone, lost in all the suffering he had caused.

* * *

"Something is wrong" Hitomi told Barton.

"Nothing is wrong. You are imagining things, Hitomi."

"I…I feel like someone I know is in danger."

Barton looked at Hitomi "But you know no one but me, Hitomi." "I…"

She was uncertain for a moment, but then made up her mind. "You are right. I know no one but you."

* * *

The pink light that had started to glow with intensity suddenly went off. The two heroes had lost their ways. The future of Gaea had never been more uncertain, then now.

* * *

**So…do you want to kill me? Please don't, I swear I don't do cliffhangers on purpose. They come naturally on me. Anyway, **

**I'll try to get next chapter out fast because I think this is a mean cliffhanger. Oh, and you can't kill me or you won't know **

**with whom Hitomi stays with (Allen or Van) what else do I have to say to you? Review, please, please, please. I just love to **

**read your reviews. A big thanks to my editor again. What would I do without you? **


	18. Cry of the heart

**Hello! So, this chapter took me longer than what I hoped, but finally, it is here. I must say it brought me a lot of headaches. I **

**simply could not write, but I hope it is as good as the others because, truly, I put a lot of effort in it. Once again, thanks to **

**my editor. You are fabulous. **

**Disclaimer: Escaflowne obviously doesn't belong to me. The poem is not mine either, but I cannot remember who wrote it. If **

**anyone knows, be kind enough to tell me.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Cry of the heart**_

_You see the pain that lies in his eyes_

_But alas, his eyes are dry_

_He won't cry, no, he won't cry_

_You see the anger that burn from his gaze,_

_The madness that sets his eyes ablaze,_

_He won't cry, no, he won't cry_

_You see the fear that closes his eyes_

_The smile he wears is but a disguise,_

_He won't cry, no, he won't cry_

_You see the hope that is finally dead._

_He cannot trust for his heart has been bled_

_He won't cry, no, he won't cry_

_You see the love that lies within_

_But he shall never love again_

_He won't cry, no, he won't cry_

_You see death's hand that glazed his eyes_

_No one saw him die inside_

_They won't cry, no they won't cry_

It had been a very long day, and now that the night had come, Allen closed his eyes, gave a big sigh, and tried not to give into desperation. After all the efforts they had done, all the sacrifices that had been made, all the blood that had been spilled, and all the lives that had ended, nothing had changed. Zaibach was still winning, Asturia was being crushed. As the days passed, Asturia became weaker and Zaibach stronger. They were losing forces, and no matter what he did, Zaibach still managed to win. Day after day he had stood and fought besides brave people. At night he went off to rest. Next morning he found empty spaces besides him that were soon replaced by other faces, other people. He didn't even bother to see who died and who didn't. It would be impossible to keep up, soldiers either died in combat or of injuries. It didn't matter anymore, nothing did. If he didn't change his strategy, everything would be ruined. They would lose, and Zaibach would rule over them. Allen got up and hit the chair he had been sitting in as hard as he could.

"What do I have to do," he whispered to the night "to win this war?" he went to his window and rested his head on its cool surface. "What do you want me to do…" he asked to no one "to help me save the people that have put their lives on my hands?"

He had always thought that being a king would be easy. He would get to boss everyone around. No one would be able to contradict him. He would marry a woman that wanted nothing else in life but him. The world would be at his feet. Asturia was the most powerful country of Gaea. It was the kingdom of hope, the one place where everything could be possible. Allen looked through his window. What had happened to the greatest kingdom? Where was all its glory? Injured soldiers lay on its streets, and people from all around Gaea tried to look for any kind of shelter in the destroyed city. His once magnificent palace was now almost in ruins. The war had destroyed everything that had had once made him proud. It had come as a plague, and it just wasn't leaving. A soft knock was heard, but Allen didn't have the strength to respond. Nowadays, he only found strength to fight. He had stopped living to become a warrior, a soldier that could close his eyes to everything but the endless war. He had to be strong for his people. Everyone looked up to him. He was their example. If he allowed himself to look weak for just a second, all his people would lose what little strength and hope they had left within them.

"Allen?"

Millerna's voice sounded unreal to him. It had been three weeks since he last saw her. He turned towards her. His blue eyes had lost their shine, just like Millerna's. They were just shadows of the persons that they had once been. They were the ghosts of the once great rulers of Asturia and Freid. Millerna went inside his room. One look at him made her heart break all over again. He looked lost and tired. It seemed like he had little or nothing left in him. She wondered how he could keep going into the battlefield when he looked like he had nothing else left in him.

"Allen…"

"I fear we are going to lose this war, Millerna."

"Don't say that, we can still win."

Allen opened his mouth, but closed it again. What could he say to her? She just wouldn't understand the situation they were in.

"I know you think everything is lost, but it is not!" Millerna spoke firmly. There was something in her voice that Allen couldn't identify.

"What do you mean?"

"You can't give up. I know everything looks difficult. Hell, I know this war has brought a lot of pain. I have suffered so much; I don't even know how I'm still here. But I am. And so are you. And so is everyone else, if you give up, all the ones that have died will have done so in vain. Dryden's death will not matter. He gave his life for us. He bought time with his sacrifice. You can't waste the gift he gave all of us. And you have to think of Hitomi. You love her, don't you? If you give up now, you will let her down. She would never give up, no matter what. She is out there risking her life for everyone. She is with a person she loathes, just for us. She went with the Dragon because, if she finds the Heart, there is a possibility that she may win this war and save everyone. She thought of you, and me, and everyone out there when she decided to go on that task. She never thought of herself. She did it selflessly. You can't throw Hitomi's and Dryden's sacrifices over board. You can't give up. You are not allowed to lose this war."

Her voice had filled with angered and desperation, and with hope and warmth. Allen wondered how she could feel all those emotions at the same time. She had lost the most important thing for her, and yet, here she was, talking to him about not giving up, about continuing their paths. He admired her spirit.

"How do you do it?" he asked her "How do you keep on living when everything looks dark? What is your secret, Millerna?"

"There is no secret. You should now. You too have lost important people. You have always managed to keep on going."

Allen closed his eyes. Yes, a long time ago, he had lost everyone important to him.

**Flashback**

Allen watched with gentle eyes as his wife walked through the gardens. She was so beautiful. Her long, blond hair moved with the wind. Her green eyes sparkled as she looked at him.

"Allen, come with me."

Allen smiled as he made his way towards Marlene.

"I love you."

Marlene gently smiled at him.

"I love you too."

"I am soon going to become king…"  
"I know."

"I promise you nothing will change between us, Marlene."

"I know, Allen, you will always be a great man in my eyes, no matter what."

"Thank you, for always being here for me."

**End Flashback**

"Your sister was very important to me."

"I used to be jealous of her." Millerna confessed to him, "And I was beyond mad when my parents married me to Dryden. Marlene had you, and I had an unwanted husband, but then…she died."

Allen felt the old wound hurt once more. It had stopped hurting when Hitomi had arrived in his life, but she wasn't here now. No one could stop the pain.

"Sickness took her when she was too young…"

"I thought you would never fall in love again."

"Same here, until Hitomi entered my life. I truly loved your sister, but we were only 17. My love for Hitomi is different, more mature."

"I see." Millerna stayed quite for some time. Allen didn't say a word either. Silence stretched between them. "What are you going to do about the war?" She finally asked.

"I…don't know. I need a plan. We are losing forces, and we are…" Allen opened his eyes wide. How could he not have think of it before? He got up and started passing around.

"What is it?"

"I've got it. Up until now, magical and unmagical kingdoms have fought separately. I think…maybe…"

He left his sentence hanging on the air, but Millerna had understood what he was trying to say. A new fire burned in her eyes.

"Are you trying to say that we should join forces with the magical kingdoms?"

"We already have an alliance with the Kansaki Kingdom, but up until now, we have only been trying to defend it. Maybe it is time for us to attack."

"It could work, but even though Asturia is close to most unmagical kingdoms, it is separated from magical ones. We would have to move all our armies, refugees, and people to another kingdom; one that is right in the middle of Gaea, close to unmagical and magical places, and that had a good barrier and will to hold against Zaibach's attacks."

Allen sat again. He had a plan, but what place had all the qualities that they needed? It had to be a big kingdom that was prepared for fighting and close to the kingdoms that were fighting on their own, to the kingdoms that still had forces.

"Kansaki."

The name rolled off of his tongue, sounding almost impossible. The answer to the problems had always been there. Everyone had told him not to think of Hitomi, when her last name, her kingdom, could be the one that could save them all from falling into Zaibach's hands.

"We have to send messengers to every single kingdom that can still fight. We will need all the help we can get, so call the rebels and all kinds of forces that aren't under anyone's rule. They could make the difference."

Millerna was about to agree when the most difficult part of their plan came into her mind.

"How are we going to get everyone out and to Kansaki without Dornkirk noticing?"

Allen opened his mouth, but he closed it instantly. He hadn't thought that far.

"You could get the people out in small groups while the soldier helped as a distraction. I could teletransport the equipment and soldiers. It will take a lot of energy, but I will probably be able to pull it off."

Millerna and Allen turned around to find Boris. He looked tensed, but by the look in his face, it was obvious that he had already made up his mind.

"You could die." Millerna told him softly.

"I've lived long enough. Besides, in times like this, dying is normal. Lots of people have made sacrifices on this war, so why not me? It could be our only chance of surviving, and we have to make time for Hitomi and Van."

Allen looked at Boris and then at Millerna. This was their last chance of surviving. If they didn't make it, then that was it. Asturia could no longer hold against Zaibach, but Kansaki wasn't as damage. It could make it. Gadess was there as was half his army. He was sure the other kingdoms and single forces would agree with him. They had to do it. It was for Gaea, for their people, for life, _for Hitomi. _He had to hold on until Hitomi arrived. He couldn't let all her efforts go to waste. He had to fight until the end. This was their only solution. It would be difficult, but it wasn't impossible.

"Fine, we will do as Boris says. Millerna, tell the maids to spread the rumor. We will prepare to leave. Boris, get ready. Your task is the most difficult one. I will keep the troops fighting until the last moment."

Allen allowed himself to relax. Maybe, just maybe, they had a chance to see another day. If faith was kind to them, they would be able to survive the damned war. From the deepest of his hear and soul, Allen gathered all the strength he had left. He would need it for this task and for the final battle against Zaibach.

* * *

Hitomi placidly walked towards the house she shared with Barton. She hung a song happily to herself, swinging the basket filled with the flowers that she had collected in the morning. 

'It is such a glorious day' she thought cheerfully, life was so radiant. She didn't have to worry about anything. The only thing that existed in her life was peace and happiness. Problems didn't exist in her world. She reached her house and entered it.

"Barton?" she called out. The house stayed silent, but Hitomi shrugged it off. He had probably gone out to enjoy the day. She put the flowers in water and placed them on the middle of the table. She then prepared herself to make the meal. She started to cut some potatoes, and then she put them to fry. She put water to boil, and went to look for the meat they had stored in the back. When she returned, she cooked it. She turned to get some glasses, but froze. She didn't know what Barton would like to drink.

"Gosh, I've been living with him all my life and I don't know what he would like to drink."

"Beer would be fine."

She tuned around surprised.

"Can't you make some noise when you come in?"

"_There's no need for scaring me, you know?"_

Hitomi turned her back to Barton. Where had those words come from? Why did she suddenly feel like there was something out of place? It felt as if she had once known someone that scared her in the same way.

'That is a silly thought. The only person I know is Barton.'

"Beer it will be." She told him, forgetting about her silly feelings.

She went to the barrel where they kept the beer, and just as she was about to serve it, the strangest thing happened…again.

"_You don't seem like the kind of person that would drink beer."_

The glass fell, its peaces spilling all across the floor.

"Hitomi, what happened?" Barton was sitting on a chair at the other side of the room. He didn't seem interested in her well being. He simply grabbed his stick and went to her side.

'Once,' A voice inside her head told her, 'someone used to care for you so much, you thought you were dreaming about it.'

Hitomi grabbed her head with both hands. Where were all these voices and thoughts coming from?

"Here, let me help you with the drinks." Barton gently took the glass that was left in her hand from her; he got another glass and filled them with beer.

"I don't drink beer."

"You've always drank beer."

"Not anymore."

She turned to watch over the meat, but she couldn't keep the voice out of her mind.

'It…it sounded so familiar…'

* * *

Van fell to the ground. He waited for the next vision, image, whatever it was to take him, but none came. He opened his eyes slowly, as if scared of what he would see. Finally, he took courage and looked. He was back at the clearing. From where he was, he was able to see the forest…and Lila. She was curled up besides a tree, sleeping. He moved his body so he was lying on his back. The moon was still hiding behind the clouds. The water in the lake was calmed. The leaves on the trees didn't move. Everything was just as he had left it. He closed his eyes again. Images of what he had done still flashed in his mind. All the pain he had caused was still clear in his heart. The screams of fear and desperation still rang in his ears. He didn't care. If he had to do it again, he would. He would massacre every single one of those souls all over again. He heard Lila wake up, but he didn't move. Nothing she could do to him could compare to what she had already put him through. She had managed to remind him of who he was. She had made him cold again. She made her way towards him and sat besides him. 

"I've seen what I have done" he told her. His voice was hollow. The only emotions that were in it were hatred and pain. "I don't care."

"I see." She sounded sad, but he didn't care. "Do you understand all the damage you have caused? Do you really comprehend all the pain you have inflicted upon others?"

Van didn't respond to her question. There was no point in answering something she already knew.

"No, you don't."

She raised her hand, and his body rose with it. She then made something appear in front of him, and laid him on the floor, standing on his feet.

"Turn towards it."

Van obeyed. He didn't care what happened to him anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

Hitomi… 

She would hate him. The very image of him would disgust her. She wouldn't even stand to hear his name. He didn't give a damn. If she wanted to hate him, it was fine with him.

"Look at it, this is you, is that really who you want to be?"

Van looked towards it. It was a mirror. He was looking at his reflection, but there was something wrong with it. He looked into his eyes, and a bitter smiled graced his face. He had the same look he used to own before meeting Hitomi.

'No,' He corrected silently. 'Kansaki'

"I don't care."

Lila got impatient. "If you didn't react when I showed you, then I'll just have to make you feel it…"

Van just shook his shoulders. To him, whatever she did didn't matter. She had already caused all the damage she could. She had already done the worst thing she could do to him. She had killed Van Fanel, and now, the Dragon was back.

* * *

Hitomi placed a hand on her head. It had been hurting since yesterday. Barton was out doing whatever it was he did, and she was all alone with her headache. She closed her eyes painfully as her headache intensified. One of her hands went towards her neck, but it was empty. She got confused. As far as she remembered, she had never worn anything around her neck. It had always been empty, so why was she looking for something there? Why did it feel like something was missing? Like a huge part of her had disappeared? Her head felt like it was about to explode, and she let out a cry of pain. Why were all these things happening to her now? Why was she hearing voices she didn't know? Why, did his voice haunt her? She got up and went to Barton's room. Maybe he had something that would help her throbbing head. She went to look inside his closet, his drawers, nothing. He didn't have one single pill. She tried to grab a little box that was hiding behind some books, but she wasn't able to reach it and it fell to the floor. Hitomi was about to pick the things up when a little pendant called her attention. As if hypnotized, she reached towards it and held it in her hands… 

_He was looking at her with worry in his eyes. He was begging her to wake up, to not leave him. His brown eyes called to her, pleaded with her. She couldn't look away form his passionate eyes. She wanted to know everything there was to know about him. _

"_Who are you?" She asked him, needing to know the owner of those warm eyes._

"_Don't forget. Don't forget who you are. Don't let them win over you."_

_His eyes were disappearing, he was fading away._

"_Don't go away!" She called out to him, yelled to him. It was all useless. He was already gone._

"Who are you?" 

Hitomi came back to her senses. The headache had disappeared. The pendant was tightly held in her fingers. She felt lost. She knew she had to know that man. The moment she saw his eyes, something in her moved. It was like his eyes were craved into her very soul. Not knowing who he was killing her, and yet, at the same time, it was impossible for her to know him. She had always lived with Barton. She didn't know anyone else. She closed her eyes, but she could still see him. He had pleaded to her to not forget, to not let them win, but she had no idea of who them was. The only thing she knew was that she had to find him, whoever he was, wherever he was. She heard the door shut, and she knew Barton was home. She got angry. He had been hiding things from her, and she would not let it be anymore. Whatever it was he was hiding, he would spill it out. She determinately walked towards him. She was going to know the truth about her, whatever it took.

* * *

Van yelled out in pain. It felt like a thousand swords were going through his body. He could feel them passing through him. He could feel his body burn in the fire. He felt his lungs run out if air as they were filled with smoke. He could only feel fear and desperation, but there was no reason to be. His body hadn't suffered any damage. There was no blood spilling out of him. No fire was burning him. The smoke didn't exist. It was all in his imagination. It was all part if Lila's illusion. 

"St…stop it." he managed to say between pants. Lila curled her hand into a fist, and van yelled out again.

"Why are you…?" Van had to stop and fight over his pain, "Why are you doing this?"

"You have to understand who you are to accept it."

"I…know who I am. I understand it."  
"No" Lila said firmly, her childish face hardening. "You still don't."

* * *

Hitomi slammed her hands on the table. Her eyes were burning with anger. She locked her fiery eyes with his calm ones. 

"You will tell me all I need to know."

"And what would you like to know?"

His voice was as calm as his eyes. It only angered her more. She wanted to make him feel as hopeless as she felt. She wanted him to lose his ever lasting patience.

"Tell me who I am. Tell me what I have forgotten."

"I don't know who or what you have forgotten. That is something you should know."

"But I don't!" she yelled at him. "I don't know anything anymore. I am so lost…I…" her voice cracked. "I only want to know all the pieces that are missing in my memory, my life, me."

"Why?"

She looked at him, and Barton felt sorry for her. She was losing herself into her doubts and concerns.

"Why do you want to remember?"

"Because…" A flash of his tortured eyes came into her mind. "Because I want to help him, I need to know who he is. His eyes linger in my mind. His voice calls me to him. I can not bear to let him suffer. He haunts my every thought…" Hitomi stopped, remembering the look of anguish in his brown orbs. "I want to take the look of pain from his eyes, and I can't do it without knowing who I am."

She looked wishfully at him, but he wasn't looking at her. His eyes were locked in something she could not see...

"What do you want, Hitomi?"

"I…" She was going to answer that she only wanted to remember, but at the very minute she realized she wanted more, much more.

"I want peace," She said, "I want my people to live happily."

_"You are now Queen Hitomi"_

"I want to save Gaea, and I want Dornkirk to pay for his crime."

_"Will you marry me, Hitomi?"_

Slowly, things were coming back into her mind; the important things in her life, the ones that made her who she was.

"I want to see my friends again. And most importantly…" she raised her head high. She let her mind fill with her memories. What was the most important thing to her? It suddenly clicked.

"'_Ill always be there for you. I will never let you let go."_

"…I want to save him."

"Do you know who he is?"

Hitomi closed her eyes, looking for the answer inside of her.

**Flashback**

"Dance with me." she whispered to him

"I don't know how to dance."

"I'll teach you."

She put his arm around her waist and grabbed the other one with her own hand, raising it to the level of his shoulders.

"Just move with me." She told him. She guided him though the room, moving slowly so he could follow easily. She smiled gently at him, and he pulled her closer.

"Hitomi…"

"Van."

**End Flashback**

"Van Fanel."

"Very good, then go to him." He smiled and clapped his hands. The door opened, revealing a spooky looking forest. Hitomi took a deep breath and gulped. She had to do this, for him. A breeze passed next to her, making her body chill. She gathered her courage and took a step towards the forest, but before leaving she asked him the one question that she had first.

"Why am I here?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. You passed your task."

"Which was?"

"To not forget what was most important to you."

"But I did forget. I forgot about peace."

"But you never forgot about Van. He was always present in your mind, even if you didn't notice."

Hitomi nodded and went to look for him.

* * *

Van no longer screamed. He felt his body been shattered and ripped, but he stayed as though he felt nothing. His look was vacant. His eyes were colder than ice. He didn't show any signs of being alive, except for his open eyes. Lila looked at him sadly. 

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" He didn't make signs of having listened to her. "Why do you not feel guilty?"

This time he did look at her. "I had to kill them to revenge my family. The whole world is my enemy. They all deserve to die."

Lila meditated his words for a moment. "You leave me no choice." She told him. "I will have to make your very soul feel what you have done." A blue light appeared in her hands, and Van did screamed this time as he felt his soul been abused. What else would he have to go through? What did the world want with him? He lost all kinds of thoughts as he let the pain take over him.

* * *

Hitomi ran, following the sound of his screams. She was terrified. What could be happening to him? What could make such a strong warrior scream in the way he was screaming? She ran and ran, but she just wasn't getting any closer to him. Suddenly, the screams stopped, and Hitomi found out what it was to fear silence. 

Please don't let him be dead.´ she silently pleaded. Let me not be late.´

She stayed still for a few seconds, and held her pendant high.

´Please, tell me where he is.´

It obeyed immediately, and she went to where it pointed without question. The branches of the trees hit her as she passed them running, creating painful scars, but she didn't care. She had to get close to him before something else happened. Finally, the trees ended. Hitomi raised her eyes and had to put a hand on her mouth to not scream. Right there, in front of her was Van. Or at least that was who he looked like. He was kneeled in front of a broken mirror. He was looking at his hands like they were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Van?"

He didn't responded, so she carefully walked towards him. Something about him was not right. She placed a timid hand on his shoulder, but he didn't turn towards her.

"Van, look at me." He didn't move. Hitomi was getting desperate. Why was he not responding to her? She moved so she was face to face with him, and gasped.

"Van, what have they done to you?"

His eyes were glassy and disoriented. His skin was as cold as death. He just looked at his hands. Hitomi was about to grab his head when a voice distracted her.

"Don't touch him. He is a cold, emotionless mercenary. He could kill you in seconds."

Hitomi turned towards the voice. It came from a little girl. She glared at her.

"Did you do this to him?"

She hesitated for a moment, but then answered. "Yes."

"Then you are not a friend of mine."

"But…"

"Shut up, you have done enough damage." Hitomi dismissed the girl and turned towards Van. She gently placed a hand under his chin and forced him to look at her. She felt like crying at the look in his eyes. They were only full of sorrow. There was nothing more in them. It felt like looking at the Dragon again, only this time he was more tortured then before. She knew she should fear him. The man in front of her was not her Van, but she couldn't leave him alone. Deep inside of the draconian, Van still existed.

"Van, please talk to me."

Slowly, words came out of his mouth.

"My hands are filled with blood."

"No, they are not. Your hands are clean."

"I can see the blood in them."

His voice was cold, and a shiver passed through her. Still, she did not move from where she was.

"There is nothing in them."

Abruptly, Van got up. He looked straight into her eyes.

"Yes, there is. Don't lie to me, Hitomi." She gasped. He hadn't forgotten her?

"Van…"

"I am a mercenary, and you hate me. You told me you hated me, and I can't blame you for it." he was raising his voice with every word. "I have killed innocents. Their blood is in my hands. Their screams are in my ears. Their dead eyes look at me. Their sorrow is in my heart. Their pain has burned into my soul. I am evil, and you are pure, and I do not deserve to live." Slowly, he bent to his knees. "I am a monster, a calamity, a draconian…"

"Van, stop saying nonsense! You are none of those things. I know you! You are a good person."

"You told me you hated me."

Hitomi felt like slapping herself. Why had she said all those horrible things to him?

"I didn't mean it."

"Then why did you say it?"

"Because…because I though I did, but it wasn't true. I could never, ever, hate you, Van."

She said the words softly, and they seemed to reach him because he turned to look at her.

"Why can't you hate me?" His eyes left hers, and she felt lonely. "I don't deserve to live…"

Hitomi jerked his head towards her.

"Look at me. You do not deserve to die. You can't die. I…I don't want you to die."

"Why?" He asked the question, but Hitomi knew that she was losing him again. She did not want that. She never wanted to be away from him. She needed him to be at her side.

"I am nothing without you." She whispered in his ear. "Nothing"

She knew that what she was going to do was wrong. She was promised to another and had no right in doing what she was about to do, but she didn't care. She could not lose Van. She would not let him fall into the darkness she had brought him out of. He would not let him be the Dragon again. She wanted Van. She needed Van. She had to have Van. Without giving it another thought, without thinking of the consequences, with only thought of him in her mind, she leaned forwards. His lips were so close. She closed her eyes and put her hands behind his neck.

"I will not let you leave me." She told him softly, putting her forehead against his. "Please, don't go…"

"I am a mercenary."

He was going back to his previous self, and Hitomi felt desperate. Without thinking of the consequences, forgetting everything but him, she leaned towards him. She stopped inches before him. One of her hands caressed his cheek.

"You will not go."

And she pressed her lips to his, kissing him as if her life depended on it. Kissing him with all the desperation she felt. And he kissed her back, and she felt herself melt with his touch, and waves of electricity went through her body with his slightest touch. And she forgot about everything but him. She forgot her duties, her responsibilities, Allen, everything. She did not think about the consequences as she felt her heart beat hard against her chest, his lips touch hers with the same desperation she had showed him. And she could do nothing but hold on tight to him as he went deeper and deeper until the breath she had left disappeared, and he finally left her standing numb. She opened her eyes and saw him looking at her with confusion and something else she could not recognize. She did not care. They would solve their feelings later. Right now, all that mattered was him. He was back with her again. He hadn't left her. She smiled and buried her head into his chest as he caressed her head.

"Thank you, Hitomi."

"Anything for you."

She got surprised at finding such truth into her words. So it was true. Her heart had been right all along. Van was much more than a friend to her.

'I think… I'm falling in love with you, Van…´ 

_Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!  
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night._

_-William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

* * *

**Sooooo, did you like it? The part of the kiss was extremely difficult. It had to be perfect, but not too mushy because, come **_

**on, we are talking about a mercenary and an engaged princess. I couldn't just make their first kiss be under the stars or **

**looking at the moon or any of those things. The way I see it, the best thing for them to truly realize their feelings and kiss **

**had to be under an extreme situation, and what better one than this one? Oh, and I know I put a lot of Allen parts, but I had **

**to move the war to Kansaki. It will be a better place for the last battle. Besided, it seems fun to do that to Dornkirk. **

**Anyway, tell me what you think about it. Review, ****review, review, I'm dying to know what you think of this chapter, and sorry **

**about not updating sooner. **

**Oh, and Me gustan más los sueños del futuro que la historia del pasado means: **

**I like the dreams of the future far more that the history of the past, but it sounds better in Spanish. At least, that is what I **

**think.**


	19. Too much

**So sorry for for not updating sooner. Between school and vacations, I just couldn't. I even had an stress problem, and when I **

**went on vacations, so…as you can see, lots of things happend at the same time. Not Good. But tha doesn't matter anymore, **

**here it is, and I'm already working on the next one.**

**It took me a long time to do it, but it is finally here. I hope you enjoy it. Please don't hate me for not updating.**

**Oh, another thing. Thanks to Aspen Snow. She doen't know it, but I got the insoiration for thic chapter from one of her stories. **

**She doen't know it, but she saved my life. I love you. Ans another thanks to my editor. Helped me when I was having **

**problems. **

**

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Too much**_

"Cough, cough."

A cough interrupted their shared moment. It brought them back to reality, reminding them of all the things that they had to do, of all their duties, of their separate lives...A simple sound was all it took to brake them apart. It wasn't even a word. It was only a cough. How could such an ordinary sound break what they were sharing? How could one single, pathetic, little cough feel like a slap on the face? One cough; that was all it took. With great effort, Hitomi let go of Van. She unhooked herself from his arms, immediately feeling lost. She did not dare look at him. She was afraid of his reaction.

'What if he regrets what just happened?'

Her mind was spinning with a lot of unwanted thoughts.

'What if he never wanted me to kiss him? What if he was confused and didn't know what he was doing? What if kissing me was a mistake to him?'

Thinking all those things was hurting her a lot, so she turned all her attention to the ones that had caused all this mess. Barton and Lila stood in front of them, looking innocent and incapable of doing any harm. Had Hitomi not know exactly how powerful and cruel they could be, she would have confused them with normal people.

"Why did you do all this?"

To Hitomi's surprise, it was Van who spoke before she had a chance. His voice still sounded pain, but not as much as it had just moments ago. He seemed to be back to normal. Hitomi let out a sigh she didn't know she had been holding.

"We had to do it. We had to make you understand who you are. How can you save the world if you don't even know who you are, if you don't understand your importance in this world?"

Hitomi tried to comprehend Barton's words. Understand who they were? But she had always known that! She was Hitomi Kansaki, queen of Kansaki, pursuer of peace, fiancé of Allen Schezar, and seeker of the Heart of the Dragon. What was hard to understand in all that?

'What about Van?' Couldn't the voices in her head let her forget about Van for just a second? Of course not, it had to drag him back to her.

'I'll think about Van later. Right now, I have to think of other things.'

"I've always known who I am." She threw back at Barton. The knowing smile that appeared on his face did not make her happy.

"For a moment…" He said. "You forgot. You forgot everything. True, you managed to remember it, but you got lost for awhile."

Hitomi didn't answer back. She didn't have anything to defend herself with, except…

"But I remembered everything on my own!" She exclaimed. She wouldn't let the old man make her, a queen, feel small.

"Of course you did. But that was not the purpose of your task." He looked at her and rose and eyebrow. "I would dare say you finally accepted something you had been denying?"

'_I think… I'm falling in love with you, Van…´_

Could she…? Could she really be on her way to…? Could she love Van?

**Flashback**

"Why am I here?"

"It doesn't matter anymore. You passed your task."

"Which was?"

"To not forget what was most important to you."

"But I did forget. I forgot about peace."

"But you never forgot about Van. He was always present in your mind, even if you didn't notice."

**End Flashback**

The most important thing….Van…he was what she held close in her heart. He was what she held dearest…

"I see." She managed to whisper. Gosh, she had a lot of thinking to do.

"And what was my task?" Van asked. Lila took a step forward, trying to keep eye contact with Van.

"Your task was to let go of the past." She looked and sounded so childish. How could anyone that looked so fragile and small torture someone in the amount she had done? "It was my mission to let you understand that who you were no longer matters. You have changed, and that is all that matters. What you did in the past is part of you, but you have left that behind. You have finally managed to bury it. You can now look forward."

"But if it hadn't been for Hitomi…"

Lila smiled gently at him. "That does not matter. The Dragon would have never allowed her to help you. The Dragon would not have suffered as much as you did. He would have simply not cared. You do. That is what makes you different. You care about others. What you do from now on is what is important."

"You both went through a lot, yet your real task is yet to come. You managed to win over darkness. You made it through the webs that lingered in your minds. Now, you have to find the Heart of the Dragon. Your time is running out. Soon, the final battle will take place, and you will have to choose between what is easy and what is right. The fate of Gaia depends on you, on your friends, and on Dornkirk. Don't let us down."

Barton clapped his hands, and Hitomi felt the earth shift around her. A strong wind surrounded them and lifted them into the air. Hitomi looked up and saw the sky disappear and a new one, the real one, appear. The wind was pushing them to the surface when Hitomi remembered something.

"Where is the Heart of the Dragon?"

"Ask Van…"

That was the only thing she managed to hear before they disappeared. Lila held Barton's hand, and in his other hand was his stick. They were smiling. Hitomi felt sad for them. They would forever be underground. They would never see the real sun or feel the air on their faces or the rain pouring over them. They were condemned to be alone, with just each other for company. Hitomi whispered a goodbye to them, and they disappeared from her sight. She grasped Van's hand, needing to feel the comfort only he could bring her. It was sad to know that some people would never be able to free themselves from their duties. It was sadder to know that she was one of them.

* * *

"What do you mean they're gone?"

Dornkirk stressed each word. His tone promised a severe punishment to whoever he was talking to. It was clear that whatever news he was receiving did not please him, at all.

"Mi…milord…they aren't in the city anymore. They vanished. We were busy fi…fighting with the enemy, sir, and somehow they…"

Dornkirk raised a hand and the scared soldier stopped talking instantly.

"You mean to tell me that…" Dornkirk stopped, trying to find the words. "That every single person that lived in Asturia has vanished, and we can't find out how? You mean to tell me…" Dornkirk's voice rose. "That I have the strongest army in all of Gaia, but we simply did not find out about their plans for escaping?" Dornkirk was practically yelling now. "You mean to tell me that those pathetic idiots managed to leave us, me, as fools!"

The soldier trembled. He knew he would get the punishment for bringing bad news to him. He knew that his lord's anger would fall upon him and only him. Taking one deep breath, he slowly said one word.

"Yes."

Dornkirk's eyes filled with anger. He turned to grab the pitiful man when someone entered the room. He turned his attention towards the new person, preparing to punish whoever had dared to interrupt him.

"What do you want?"

Dilandu stood at the door. The scar that Van had inflicted on his flesh was now bigger. Dornkirk's punishment for his failure had been to mark him forever, to make him an abomination. Still, Dilandu bowed with respect.

"We have found out where the people of Asturia are."

"Well, don't just tell me that. Where are they?"

"They…they are heading to Kansaki. Do you wish us to kill them before they get there?"

Dornkirk thought about it, letting his anger rest for awhile. Did he want to kill all of them? Sure, that was part of his plan, but the time to do so wasn't now. He would let them think they had fooled him, and then…then he would come upon them, his fury falling over them, and he would destroy them. They had simply changed their place of death. Kansaki was better built for battle, and it had magical defenses, sure, but he would easily break through them. If they wanted to die in Kansaki, fine with him. They had only changed the place for the final battle, the one that would mark their lives forever. The decisive fight; a fight Dornkirk was sure he could win.

"Don't do anything to them. Let them believe they have outsmarted us. In time, we will prove them wrong."

Dornkirk was about to leave when Dilandu spoke again.

"Milord, there is one more thing."

Dornkirk turned his head towards him.

"We have found the entrance to Atlantis. We know where the Heart if the Dragon is."

Dornkirk smiled. It seemed like the gods had interfered in his favor. He had found the place where the Heart was, and before the seeker and the draconian. Finally, he would be able to have what he had always wanted. With its power, all Gaia would belong to him. He would finally have all he had ever dream of…

_The seeker, Hitomi Kansaki…_

He would be able to have her. He would turn her to his side. He would get into her mind, twisting it until she was loyal only to him. Corrupting her until she could only think of, love, and want him. He would make her his queen.

"Send the draconian to Atlantis. I want him to bring me the Heart, the seeker and the traitor."

"Yes, milord."

"And Dilandu, move the troops to Kansaki. Prepare for the final battle, and prepare to take your revenge against the Dragon."

Dilandu smiled. Maybe staying in Dornkirk's side hadn't been such a bad idea. He would make the Dragon suffer like he had never suffered before. He would take the one thing that made him live; he would take her away from him. He would kill Hitomi Kansaki. Dilandu turned to watch his lord. He knew that he desired her, but he didn't care. If the cost for having her blood was his life, then he would gladly accept. Dornkirk could have all of Gaea. He only wanted her.

* * *

She knew it.

Perhaps, she had always known it.

She watched him move in front of her. He walked with certainty and security. His hair moved every time he moved. He looked so glorious, noble; perfect…She knew it was impossible. He, of all people, wasn't perfect, but right at this moment, he was, to her. Hitomi sighed. It had been difficult to be with him since…well, since what had happened in the Valley. They hadn't shared one word, one look, or even one touch since they had gotten out of there. Van had simply got up and walked, not even turning to glance at her, not telling her to follow him, not to get lost, not to be with him. He hadn't acknowledged her presence. He had ignored her. He was still ignoring her. And it had hurt. It made her heart scream in pain and her mind fill with more unpleasant thoughts. He didn't speak to her. He didn't look at her. He didn't care about her, just like in the beginning.

_We've come from so far, don't let this end!_

They were back to the way they used to be at their beginning of their task. Their relation was exactly as it used to be at first. It was like they had gone back in time, and all they had gone through hadn't mattered. Everything was back to the way it had started, except for one small, little thing.

She had changed.

Her feelings towards him were different. They had changed.

She could remember the first day of their task. It was as clear in her mind as if it had been yesterday, even though months were between that day and now. He had been cold, unfeeling and selfish. A mercenary with only thoughts of blood and death in his mind, revenge was all he lived for. An arrogant bastard that she thought she could never care about. How wrong had she been! She had feared him. He had made her feel less. She had lost count of how many times he had made her cry. Still, she had had the urge to get to know him. She had needed to know what was behind the cold mask and icy eyes. She had wanted to break trough his barrier and make him feel happiness, hope, faith, anything…She had wanted to make him human, and she had paid a high price for it. Somewhere along the way, she had started caring about him. What he thought of her had become important to her. The way he saw her mattered much more to her than what she really wanted to admit. She cared for him. She suffered because of _it_.

_**All I know**_

_**Is everything is not as it's sold**_

_**but the more I grow the less I know**_

_**And I have lived so many lives**_

_**Though I'm not old**_

_**And the more I see, the less I grow**_

_**The fewer the seeds the more I sow**_

If she really thought about it, it actually made sense. He had never asked her to help him. He had even refuse to be her firend at first. She had done it on her own. She had doomed herself the moment her eyes had fallen on him. On that cold day, when she had become a queen and he had tried to kidnap her, she had sealed her fate. The moment her eyes locked with his was the moment her life changed forever. Because she had known, even if she had denied it to herself, that she would never be able to truly hate him. That, of course, hadn't meant she hadn't tried. Every day she told herself that she hated him. She made herself feel disgusted by his very presence. She obliged her heart to loath everything that was him, form his eyes to his hair to his toes. It hadn't work. Everything she had done had been useless.

_Brown met Green._

_Their lives crossed, and their souls intertwined with each other._

Somewhere along the way her heart had escaped her and gone to him. It belonged to him, and he didn't want it. Hitomi stopped looking at Van, trying to find a distraction, something, anything, that would take her mind from him. Nothing seemed to be as interesting as him. Everything brought her train of thought back to him.

**Then I see you standing there**

_**Wanting more from me**_

_**And all I can do is try**_

_**Then I see you standing there**_

_**Wanting more from me**_

_**And all I can do is try**_

Once, not so long ago, the mere thought of him would have repulsed her. Once, before their paths had crossed, she would have been able to say that she was disgusted by him. Not anymore. Not anymore. His name made her heart beat faster. His voice made her soul rise. His touch made her blood flow faster through her veins. And it was just too much. And she just couldn't stand it anymore. She could take a lot of things, but been ignored by Van was not one of them.

"Van, please talk to me."

Her voice didn't sound normal to her. It had an edge of desperation in it. It was as if she would die if he didn't talk to her anymore.

'Maybe I will because what I feel inside is killing me.' She silently thought. Since when had she become so dependant of him? When had their relationship changed so drastically? She would have loved to receive a warning. Maybe then she would have been able to prepare herself for all of this.

_**I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness**_

_**And all the real people are really not real at all**_

_**The more I learn the more I cry**_

_**As I say goodbye to the way of life**_

_**I thought I had designed for me**_

"Don't ignore me! Why won't you talk to me?"

She yelled it at him, wanting to get his attention more than ever. She missed the way he cared about her and his almost invisible smile and the way his eyes captivated hers, leaving her breathless. She missed all of him.

"What do you want me to say?"

His voice sounded flat, but Hitomi knew him, and she knew he was trying to hide something.

"I want you to tell me anything."

"What do you want, Hitomi?"

Of all the questions in this world, he had to ask the most difficult one. What did she want?

_**Then I see you standing there**_

_**Wanting more from me**_

_**And all I can do is try**_

_**Then I see you standing there**_

_**I'm all I'll ever be**_

_**But all I can do is try**_

_**Try**_

'You!' Her heart shouted. 'I only want you.' Her mind, though, new better that that. No matter how much she longed to be with him, to feel him close to her, she couldn't, wouldn't allow herself. They still had a lot of things to do. They had to save Gaea and bring peace between their people. He had to avenge his family and rebuild his kingdom. Her feelings didn't matter, and it would be selfish to put them before everything else.

"I want us to be friends again."

"…"

"Van?"

"We never stopped being friends."

"I…"

She let the sentence fall. A long silence built itself around them. She hated the long, uncomfortable silences that always came between strangers. Of all the things they were, strangers were not one of them, and it pissed her off to find herself in this situation.

"Why did you kiss me?"

Hitomi looked at him surprised. Why had she kissed him? In that one moment, it had seemed like the only rational, logical thing to do. She had felt so much, suffered so much, been afraid of losing far more, that she had done the one thing that seemed right.

"I wanted to save you."

How could one kiss finally open her eyes to the truth that she had been trying to deny? If she had known of the consequences of that kiss…she would have still kissed him because she could never, would never allow herself to lose him in that way.

"Is that all?"

"What else would there be?"

"I…you didn't mean anything else by it?"

She wanted to tell him how much that kiss had meant to her. She needed to tell him that she did not regret kissing him, that it had meant the world to her. She didn't. Hitomi knew that if she didn't look at him in the eyes and lied to him, he would never believe there was nothing more in that kiss. So she did what she had to do.

"No, Van, I only think of you as a friend, you know that, right?"

She broke eye contact, afraid that he would see the truth in her eyes. Lies, she had told him so many lies. And it tore her to see his eyes become colder and his expression tougher. It killed her to know that she had ruined any chance she had with him. It drove her insane because she didn't think of his as just a friend. She wanted to run, fly, and escape from her reality. She wanted to tell him that she only wanted to be with him and that she would die without him. She wanted to tell him so many things, but she stayed silent, for she knew it would be a mistake.

"Good, because I only think of you as a friend too."

Friends…Hitomi smiled, even though inside she was bleeding to death. She ignored the pain in her chest and walked besides him. She refused to let her hurt show, and put a mask of happiness on her face. She wondered what her life would have been like if she hadn't been a princess with the world on her shoulders. She wondered what it would have been like to be loved by him. Because she loved him, that's for sure. She loved him enough that she would rather sacrifice herself before bringing more confusion into his life, so she staid silent, for his sake.

_**All of the moments that already passed**_

_**We'll try to go back and make them last**_

_**All of the things we want each other to be**_

_**We never will be**_

_**And that's wonderful, and that's life**_

_**And that's you, baby**_

_**This is me, baby**_

_**And we are, we are, we are, we are**_

_**Free**_

_**In our love**_

_**We are free in our love**_

She wonders what it would have been like if she had been normal. She longs to know what her life would have been like if she had met him under different circumstances.

Could he have loved her? Could she have allowed herself to love him?

She wonders when she had started embracing the darkness.

She knows she always knew that she would end up loving him.

_I'm sorry for lying to you…

* * *

_

He was scared.

Maybe, he had always been scared.

He walked in front of her, trying to ignore her for his sake. His world had changed drastically since he had laid eyes on her, and he didn't like it one bit.

He hated her.

He hated the fact that he couldn't hate her as much as he wanted to.

Nothing made sense anymore, and everything seemed to be wrong. Where had all his training gone? Where was the emotionless mercenary? What had she done to him? Well, that, at least, was simple to answer. She had changed him. Somehow, she had gotten through his cold exterior and deep into him. She had made him feel what he thought didn't exist. She had made him spin, and now he found himself feeling dizzy. He didn't understand what was happening to him. It was impossible to feel so much. His body was sure to explode with all the emotions he had inside. His heart would stop beating if he didn't stop the rush that went through his whole body, his whole being, every time he had her near him. It wasn't fair.

Hitomi Kansaki.

How could one name leave him so weak? How could one small, insignificant girl have his life in her hands? He hated everything that had to do with her. He was disgusted by her smell, so sweet it made him want to get lost in it. He could not stand her smile. It made him want to do something, anything, every thing, to make her smile last forever. He loathed the color of her eyes. They were so green, so warm; he wanted to just look into them and let the world do as it pleased.

_I'd die for you every time I see you cry…_

Something inside of him hurt every time he saw tears in her eyes. Something moved within him every time she suffered. He would defy the world if t made her tears go away.

_I'd take your pain and make it mine…_

He hated the fact that he would do anything for her, and she would do little for him. He couldn't stand to be near her, so he turned his back to her. And it hurt because all he wanted to do was be near her.

"Van, please talk to me."

He had to ignore her because if he didn't he would lose his resolution to hate her. He wants her to be far away from him so he can have some control in his life.

"Don't ignore me! Why won't you talk to me?"

To hear her plead to him, to listen to the desperation in her voice was just too much for him. He wanted to be far away from her, but not if it caused her pain. He would never, ever hurt her again. He wouldn't be able to stand being the causer of her pain.

_I'd go and never come back if it made you happy…_

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to tell me anything."

"What do you want, Hitomi?"  
It is just one question, and it was an easy one. She was, is a princess. She has always known what she wanted, so why does she take so long to answer it? Hope began to rise within him. It was something he had never felt before, but it felt good.

"I want us to be friends."

Six words and she has already destroyed his heart, vanished his new hopes. He can hear his heart breaking. He wondered if maybe she could too.

_I'd rip my own heart out if it that is what you want._

"…"

"Van?"

He wanted to keep ignoring her, to turn his head from her voice, but his heart wouldn't let him. It belonged to her, and she could do as she please with him.

"We never stopped been friends."

"I…"

Silence. Why couldn't they find the words to keep on going?

_I'd ignore my feelings if they bring trouble to you._

"Why did you kiss me?"

He had to ask because he had to know how she felt for him. Something in her eyes told him that there was more in that kiss.

'Maybe there is still hope for us, for me.'

"I wanted to save you."

"Is that all?"

"What else would there be?"

"I…you didn't mean anything else by it?"

"No, Van, I only think of you as a friend, you know that, right?"

His whole world shattered into a million pieces. He knew, the moment he met her, that this would happen. He knows he won't be able to pick up the pieces this time. Perhaps he will go back to being the cold mercenary he used to be, the Dragon...

"Good, because I only think of you as a friend too."

_I'd do anything to make you happy._

_If only you loved me…_

He had to tell her lies. He had to look away from her eyes because he was scared she would see the truth in them. It had took him awhile to figure it out, what he felt for her. Once he did, he wished he had never done so. She was a princess searching for peace, and he was a cold mercenary seeking to avenge his family. She knew the warmness of life, and he only knew the coldness of it. She smiled when he frowned and laughed when he barely smiled. She was full of happiness and dealt with her pain. He was full of sadness and had been consumed by his suffering. They were just not for each other. She was, after all, going to marry another man, one that deserved her.

_**Just one look into your eyes   
One look and I'm crying  
'Cause you're so beautiful**_

She was perfect. Everything about her was angelical. Her eyes were full of hope. Her smile managed to warm him on the inside. She was a high spirit girl, always thinking the best of everyone and wanting nothing but happiness even for her enemies. He wanted to destroy his enemies, and he never trusted anyone. She had tried to befriend him, and he had only treated her badly. Still, she had come back to him. No matter how much pain he put her through, she always came back. He wondered if maybe that was what had made him fall in love with her.

_**Just one kiss and I'm alive   
One kiss and I'm ready to die  
'Cause you're so beautiful**_

She had kissed him, and he had given himself over to her. In that one kiss, he had wanted nothing more than to be someone else; someone that deserved her, someone that could make her happy. He wished he had something to offer her, but he didn't. He was the King of a destroyed kingdom. He was the mercenary Gaea most feared. He had even allied with her, his enemies. She was so pure, and he was so impure.

_**Just one touch and I'm on fire   
One touch and I'm crying  
'Cause you're so beautiful**_

Now, they were walking side by side, as friends. He wanted to take her into his arms and never let her go. He needed to crush his lips to hers and kiss her until she forgot the idiotic Schezar and only thought of him. He desired her. He ached to be everything to her.

_**Just one smile and I'm wild   
One smile and I'm ready to die  
'Cause you're so beautiful**_

She smiled at him, and he managed to return one small smile to her. In that moment, he knew he would not go back to being the Dragon. It would be to painfull for her. If she wanted to be friends, then he would be friends with her. He knew it would hurt her if he treated her as just an ally. For her sake, he would act normal and pretend everything was fine. It didn't matter that he wanted, needed, desired, and longed to be more to her than just a friend. It didn't matter what he felt for her, as long as she was fine.

_**Oh and you're so beautiful  
My darling  
Oh you're so beautiful  
You're so beautiful  
Oh my baby  
You're so beautiful  
And you're so beautiful  
Oh my darling  
Oh my baby  
And you're so beautiful**_

She was beautiful. He couldn't even dream of having the affection of someone as great as her. She was the only thing in his mind. She was the world to him.

He loved her.

Love was equal to pain, and it was hurting him to love her. Still, he would never change all the minutes he had spent with her, not for anything. A long time ago, his priority had been to avenge his family. Now, it was her. And he knew their love was impossible. For one, she didn't love him. And they had to save Gaea, destroy Zaibach and Dornkirk, and he had to rebuild his kingdom. There was no time for their love. That, of course, didn't mean he couldn't love her. He would always love her.

He wonders what his life should have been like if his family had not been killed. He wonders what his life could have been like if he had been different. He wonders when he started wating the light.

He wants to know if love is always so painful.

He was always scared of finding out.

I_'m sorry for not having the courage to tell you the truth…

* * *

_

Ok, so I won't be able to update for the next couple of weeks because I'm on vacation, but you can take this chapter as your

Christmas present :).Well, anyway, I'm in the USA with a dear friend of mine, so I really have no time to update. I truly hope

you enjoyed this chapter because I loved it. After I get back to Mexico I'll be able to update as before, so don't worry. I'll

never give up on this story. Oh, and I know the verbs are a little confusing in thiss sroty. I'm completely sorry, but that was the

only way in which I could write their feelings, and I wrote this chapter in many days, so... Well, review, review, review, and do

tell me what you think of this.


	20. Door of secrets

**Hellos my fellow writers! I am so very sorry for not updating before, but I must admit I was a little lazy, and this chapter **

**cost me a lot. Another thing, my dear friends singed me up for community service, so that means I can only write on **

**weekends, so it will take me longer to update. I am extremely sorry about that, but I can't do anything to change it. Please **

**don't hate me. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and review a lot. Please review a lot.

* * *

**

**The Pain of loving you**

_**Door of secrets**_

"_We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude."_

_-Charles R. Swindoll

* * *

_

"Van?"

"Yes?"

Hitomi looked at Van with a small smile. Things had been a little awkward the past few days, but finally, they had finally been able to settle down. They had returned to their little friendship. Friends. That was what they were now. Friends. That was what they had always and should always be. Hitomi was very careful of not being near him, of not touching him, and of hiding her feelings. She was doing a great job. Everything seemed just fine. She smiled and laughed and joked. She treated Van as just a friend. She was cheerful and hopeful. No one who saw her would dare say she was sad. She looked like the happiest person in the world. Hitomi glanced at Van. She was a great actress. She wondered if Van suspected that it was all an act. He was the one that knew her the best. Maybe he could see through her mask. If he could, he had shown no signs of it. She didn't know if that relieved her or made her sad.

"Hitomi?"

She stopped thinking when she heard her name. She turned her attention towards him and gave him a bright smile. She then remembered why she had called him, and her face turned serious.

"We need to find the Door to Atlantis soon."

He stayed silent after her words. He looked towards the horizon, and for a moment, he looked lost, so lost. Hitomi bit her lower lip. She hated to see him worried. He had been through so much, and she wanted him to have a rest. She wanted the world to leave him alone, to let him be at peace. She knew it was impossible. Their destiny wouldn't let them be at peace. They had to save the world. A lot of people trusted them. They couldn't fail them. Still, despite what she told herself, she moved towards him. Her body wouldn't obey her mind. Seeing him there, looking so vulnerable, she had to go to him, give him any council she could give him. Slowly, she put her arms around him, hugging him from behind. She rested her cheek on his back and tightened her hold on him.

"Don't be so sad."

"Why do you care?"

Hitomi closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, savoring the moment. This was the first time in days that she had allowed herself to touch him. Why did she care? Hitomi felt like laughing. What could she tell him?

'I care because you brighten my world. I care because you are the reason I exist. I care because without you the world is too cold, too sad, and too unbearable. I care because I love you.'

Of course, she couldn't say any of this, so she simply said another lie.

"You are my friend. I care about my friends."

"…Oh, yeah."

Had she heard disappointment in his voice?

She didn't dare hope.

'No, he only thinks of me as a friend. He could never love me.'

Hitomi let go of Van and turned so she was face to face with him. She studied his face. In all her life, she had never seen eyes so full sorrow as Van's. It was as thought he had never been happy. Hitomi had never wanted to make someone smile as much as she wanted Van to do so. Everything she had had, he had lacked. Everything she was, he wasn't. Their lives had been too different to ever be compatible. They were too different to be compatible.

And yet...

Both of them were noble, but there were worlds between them. She was the cheerful queen of Kansaki. The one person that could lighten anyone's world. He…he was the person Gaea feared the most, after Dornkirk of course. He could make the bravest person tremble and the fearless run away in fright. Her kind never mixed with his. It was unheard off. If he ever chose to love anyone, it would be someone stronger, prettier, wiser… perfect…It would not be her, and that tore her heart apart, making her soul want to scream in pain, in desperation. It was ironic, the way things had turned out. A long time ago, she had promised herself that if she ever met him, she would punish him for all the things he had done. The first time she saw him…

**Flashback **

Everything was useless. There was no way to escape from the pain. She stood where she was and tried to stop her sobs. She had to calm down. She couldn't afford to be weak now. She had to be strong. A whole kingdom was expecting her to guide them through the war. Her people needed her. She was the Queen of Kansaki, and… she heard the sound of metal and immediately went still. There was something pointy at her neck, and she had a good idea of what it was.

"Turn around."

A shiver went through her body as she heard the coldness of the voice. Slowly, she got up. She didn't want to see his face. She didn't want to meet the man who had such dreadful voice. She kept her eyes closed, wishing this was just a dream, a hallucination that had been created from her pain.

"Look at me."

She didn't open her eyes. She couldn't do it. She was so scared…

"I said, look at me."

He grabbed her chin and pulled her close to him. Hitomi felt the hands on her chin, and she surprisingly found that they weren't cold, but warm, a contradiction to his voice.

"Look at me."

He whispered to her. She opened her eyes fast and made eye contact with him. She stood paralyzed as her eyes met his. She had never seen such brown-reddish eyes. She suppressed a gasp that was willing to escape her lips and put as much anger as she had into her gaze. She wasn't going to let him scare her. She tried to break the eye contact, but she couldn't get herself to do so. There was something in those eyes that called to her, something that was screaming for her help.

"Green eyes." he said softly. The words became engraved in her heart.

**End Flashback**

Had someone told her then that she would fall in love with him, she would have laughed…hard. Of all the persons in this world, he was the most unlikely for her. As she had said countless times before, he was a mercenary, a killer, an assassin…and the man she loved.

"So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

He sighed and looked at her.

"I…it's just…"

Hitomi frowned. Barton's words came to her mind. She opened her mouth, but closed it again.

"Barton told me to ask you where the Heart was" She finally blurted out. She examined his face, looking for any reaction to her question. There was none. "Do you know where it is? Is that what's bothering you?"

"I…have an idea of where Atlantis is."

"Really? That is great." Hitomi let out a wide smile "Finally, we…" She stopped talking when she noticed that he didn't look happy. "Aren't you happy to finally know where Atlantis is?"

"It's just…we are…" Van shook his head. "Forget it, you wouldn't understand."

Hitomi felt her anger rise. How there he say she wouldn't understand him? After all they had been through; he had no right to talk to her like that.

"You idiot, if I don't understand, who will? I have put up with you for way to long, but I will not, and hear me right, will not tolerate you treating me this way. Whatever is wrong with you, you are going to tell me." She looked into his eyes with her anger, and saw his surprise in his. He nodded obediently, taken aback by her outburst. He ran a hand through his hair.

"I…I couldn't help but notice that all this time, we have been getting closer to…" He turned his back to her. "We are getting closer to Fanelia."

_Fanelia…_

His home. His kingdom. His family. His memories. They were heading to his past.

"Is Atlantis in…Fanelia?" She spoke the name in a whisper, as if it was forbidden.

"I believe the door to Atlantis is in…there."

His voice sounded so cold, just like the first time she had heard it. She knew what he was trying to do. He was hiding his feelings from the world, from her, and from everyone. He was closing the door to that world of his, where no one could reach him.

"Don't hide from me." She said, before thinking about it.

"What?"

"You are hiding your feelings."

"How do you…?" He turned to look at her. From the first time in days, he looked a little relaxed. "You know." He whispered softly.

"Of course I do, you silly. After months of traveling with you, I've finally learned some things from you."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well, when your eyes turn redder and your hands form into fists, it means you are angry. And when you are sad, you have a vacant expression. When you are uncomfortable, you look all around you, as if you were trying to find a way to get away, an exit. When you are nervous, you play with the tilt of your sword; you just need to have something in your hands. When you are happy…" Hitomi stopped talking as she realized that she had said way too much. He would get suspicious if he found out that she observed him so much. But he stepped closer to her. He touched her cheek. The touch was so soft, it hurt. A painful reminder of what she could not ever have.

"What happens when I'm happy?"

"Your eyes shine…" He came closer to her. His lips were so close…

"Go on." He said in a husky voice. Hitomi's heart beat faster. Her pulse increased. Her whole body felt like it was melting.

"Your lips…" She touched his lips with a finger "They curl up slightly. It is not enough to be a smile, but you look…"

He laughed, and Hitomi felt like she would explode. Having him so close, inches away from touching his lips…

"Who do I look?" God! Was there no end to this torture? His voice was as sexy as the rest of him. And the way he was using it…the butterflies in her stomach gave her a strange feeling that she didn't want to let go off. He made her feel…alive.

'Gorgeous. You look like a god when you smile. You always look great. You are perfect.'

"You look…human." Yep, she had messed up again.

"Oh." He separated from her, and Hitomi almost fell to her knees. She felt lonely now that he wasn't close to her, his whole attention on her, his eyes looking at just her…

'Stupid, stupid, stupid, why don't you tell him the truth from once?'

'He would hate me, or worse, he would pity me.'

'He should know.'

'My heart can't take rejection from him. It can take it from the whole world, but not from him.'

"Does it hurt?"

Hitomi blinked twice, for a moment confussed. Her eyes panicked, and she tilted her head to the side and bit her lower lip.

"What?"

"When I hide my feelings from you."

Hitomi supressed the sigh of reliewf. "Yes."

"Then I'll try not to do it again."

She smiled. "Good. Is Fanelia close?"

"Very."

"Where?"

He signaled to two mountains in front of them.

"Behind those mountains, there is a great ocean. Its waves used to hit the walls of Fanelia."

He was looking at the mountains with a melancholy look on his face. Hitomi intertwined her hand with his.

"Van?"

"Mmm?"

"Everything is going to be alright." _I won't leave you.

* * *

_

Finally, after traveling day and night, they had reached Kansaki. His people looked tired and weary, but they were all safe, and alive. It seemed kind of incredible, though, that they had managed to leave Asturia and arrive safely at Kansaki. He was pretty sure that Dornkirk would have found out their plan soon enough to track them down and attack them, but he had not done so. He had stayed quiet and unnerved. He had done nothing against them, and it unsettled Allen beyond anything. Dornkirk was planning something. He knew it, but what was it? Why hadn't he attacked them? What could possibly be so important that he had not done them some wrong?

'Could he…could he have found Hitomi and Fanel?'

The thought crept into his mid, chilling his bones. He knew that Fanel was able to protect himself, but could he go against Dornkirk? And would he protect Hitomi with his own life? He doubted it. Fanel did not care about anyone but himself. If he had to choose between his life and Hitomi's, he was sure he would choose the latter. He cursed loudly, causing a few people to glance his way. He ignored them.

'How could I be such a fool? I should have never let Hitomi go with him. I did not think of all the dangers.' He let out another set of curses, and the people close to him backed up. Allen did not care. His mind was spinning with a thousand possibilities of what could go wrong on Hitomi's task. Each one was worse than the last, but the most dangerous one was the most real. By now, Dornkirk probably knew that Fanel had betrayed him. Fanel had been his best man, and his betrayal had probably angered the emperor of Zaibach. How many men had he sent after Hitomi and Fanel? How many obstacles had he put in their way? All of them were racing to find the Heart of the Dragon. Maybe Dornkirk had seen them as a menace and had ordered them killed. Had he succeeded? He had not heard one single word form Hitomi since she had gone, and therefore, had no way of knowing her whereabouts. She could be dead for all he knew. Allen closed his eyes painfully. If Hitomi was dead…he would never forgive himself. He had been able to survive until now because of the sweet promise of tomorrow. His marriage to Hitomi after the war was what had kept him going. If she no longer existed…

"Allen, what is wrong with you? You are scaring the people..."

Allen blinked and looked at Millerna. Her dress was dirty and broken in many places. She had a scratched on one of her knees, and her hair was tangled and without its usual shininess. Still, she managed to keep her dignity. Her head was held high, and she had an air of royalty around her. Even looking torn and weary, she managed to look like the queen she was. He couldn't help but respect her for that.

"Are you even listening to me? No, of course you are not. Allen, what am I going to do with you?"

He smiled at her and touched her cheek.

"Nothing, you need do nothing with me. I'm just a little bit worried about Hitomi."

She opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Gadess. Allen's hand left her cheek as he turned his attention to him. Gadess greeted him brightly.

"It is good to see you here, milord."

"It is good to be here, Gadess."

Another man stepped from behind Gadess. He was tall, and looked slightly like Allen. He had an air of arrogance around him that he did not like.

"King Allen, I am General Amano. I have been in charge here since…since our king died. I would like to present my gratitude to you for your help." He stopped, and both men analyzed each other. After several minutes, he finally spoke again.

"If I may ask, do you know anything about Queen Hitomi?"

Allen's eyes filled with sadness and uncertainty for a second, but he quickly covered it with confidence.

"No, we haven't heard from her since she left on her task, but I can assure you that she is safe."

Amano lifted an eyebrow. "How can you assure me that if you haven't heard from her?"

Allen's eyes turned cold. Amano was too…aloof to his liking.

"She is with the most capable man in Gaea. His abilities are beyond anyone's, and he will not hesitate to put his live before hers." Behind him, Millerna smirked. "Trust me, she _is_ safe."

Amano nodded after a second, and relaxed a little. "I am glad to hear that she is in good hands. What is the name of the man she is traveling with?"

For the first time in a long time, Allen was left speechless. His name? Well, that depended. He could either be the Dragon, a mercenary that used to work with Dornkirk and was feared in all of Gaea, or Van Fanel, heir of a destroyed kingdom who was thought to be dead.

"Well, his name is…"

"Van Fanel."

Amano, Gadess, Allen and the few people that had heard the name turned towards Millerna.

"What?" Amano looked disbelief. "What did you say?"

"His name is Van Fanel."

"Van Fanel is dead."

Millerna let out a small laugh. "I can assure you he is very alive. He had just been…waiting for the right moment to come out. After all, his whole kingdom was destroyed, and he had to wait until he knew who his enemies were. He is on our side and ready to do anything against the kingdom that destroyed his. Trust me; there is no one else in this world that would protect her better."

Amano did not speak. His eyes were wide, and he seemed to be about to explode.

"You mean to tell me…" He said, emphasizing each word "that my queen is with Van Fanel, who was thought to be dead and did not appear until recently and who could be lying and on Dornkirk's side"

"Well yes, but he isn't lying."

By the way he looked, it was obvious Amano did not agree with her.

"You…"

"Amano, be more respectful of the King of Asturia and Queen of Freid." A red head appeared besides Amano. She bowed before continuing to speak. "I am sorry for his attitude. You must understand that we are worried about our queen's safety. She is our only hope."

"I understand and accept your apologies. May I know your name?" Allen asked politely, though his eyes were coldly placed on Amano.

"Yuraki. I am a friend of Hitomi."  
Allen searched for her name in his head. If he was right, Hitomi had mentioned her a couple of times. Now that he thought about it, she had mentioned Amano too.

"A pleasure to meet you."

He placed a kiss on her hand, and she flushed. Millerna and Amano glared at him.

"Oh, god, you have been standing outside of Kansaki for hours. Where is our hospitality? We will place your people with our own and your soldiers in our castle. I'm sure you are hungry. I'll go see that they fix a meal for you, and I'll have your rooms arranged. Amano, treat them like they deserve, kindly. With out them, we would be dead, after all."

Yuraki left, and a long silence stretched between them. Finally, Amano signaled for them to follow him. Allen gave the order to his people and they entered the gates to Kansaki. His people looked happy for the first time in days, but Allen felt somber. With each step, he was reminded of Hitomi. This was her home. This was the place she loved most. The kingdom she would protect with her own life. This was what she was risking her life for at the very moment.

* * *

The white castle stood high over a hill. The ocean hit its walls, breaking as soon as they reached them. The seagulls flied over its towers, and a flag moved with the wind in the highest tower. It was the most beautiful castle mortals had created. It was a monument of the power of that kingdom. At the other side of it, a city like no other laid. It was the white city. The city of hopes, dreams, future…The most splendid city anyone had ever seen. A great fountain with winged humans stood in the middle. Houses were lined up, each with its own original design, and yet somehow managing to look exactly right at each other. The market was at the west side, and on the east side were the royal gardens. Flowers of all kind grew in them, giving life to the city. The smell of the ocean reached anyone who walked through the streets. A fresh breeze was always felt.

It was the perfect city.

It was all gone, destroyed, and smashed.

Van stood in front of two great statues. It was the monument Schezar had told him about. It was a reminder of what had once been goodness and greatness. The only whiteness that had survived the massacre, the reminder of his parents.

Hitomi was silently at his side, and Van was grateful for her. He did not think he would have been able to face his past without her. He grabbed her hand, took a deep breath, and proceeded to enter the city.

Everything was ruined.

Nothing remained of what had once been amazing. The houses were destroyed. The fountain that used to be in the middle was broken. One of the statues had a broken wing. Broken, like him. Everything looked exactly like it did thirteen years ago, after the massacre. No one had fixed it. They had left it as a reminder of what had been lost. Van kept walking, trying to control all the emotions that were building inside of him. He had avoided coming to this city like one avoided a plague. The moment he had become the Dragon, he had forbid himself to ever come to his past home again. At least his parents had not been able to see what he had become. He was sure they would be ashamed and hurt. They had always looked for a peaceful way to solve things. They had never used violence. Then again, he would probably not have become a mercenary if they had stayed alive.

**Flashback**

"Do you understand why we avoid violence as much as possible?" Van's mother asked him.

"Yes, mother. Violence only brings more violence. It destroys kingdoms and humanity. It only brings trouble."

"But, mother, what if there is no other way?" Folken had asked, his eyes full of doubt.

"There is always another way, Folken."

**End Flashback**

When he was four year old, so young and innocent, he had believed those words. He had truly believed that violence was not necessary. The moment he had seen his brother's assassination, all his beliefs had crumbled, laughing at him for ever been so naïve. They had been illusions, and illusions never became reality. He felt Hitomi squeeze his hand, and a sad smile formed on his lips.

"Do you believe everything can be solved without violence?"

"Of course, there is always another way. Why?"

He ignored her question. "What if there is no other way? What if you have to attack or die?"  
"Sometimes, a great defense is the best attack."

Hitomi held the beliefs his mother had tried to put in him. She lived each day thinking that a complete peace could be achieved. He knew better than to think of Hitomi as naïve, but she was innocent. It surprised him, that she managed to maintain innocent after all they had been through. It was a wonder that all the dark things they had been through didn't touch her. She was the same girl with illusions and dreams that he had met in a garden in Asturia. He looked in front of him. The remains of his castle stood there. The remains of what he had once been.

_Come on, brother, bet you can't catch me._

_My little son, don't ever change._

_You are too naïve for your own good, Van._

_We will always be with you…_

So many memories. So many things that he had lost. Van walked towards the castle. Each step he took was heavier. Each one brought him closer to the place where his happiest years had taken place. His foot stepped over something, making it crack. He looked down and picked up a small frame. The crystal was dirty and broken, and Van carefully removed it. He let out a gasp of surprise at what he saw. It was a picture of his parents, his brother and him. He remembered when it had been taken.

**Flashback**

"Mommy, what is that?"

"Oh, that? It's called a camera. It creates portraits of pictures in less than a second. It's a new invention our scientists have made, and it is wonderful. I can't believe we are going to be the first ones to ever have out picture taken!"

"What is a picture?"

"Oh, it's the name of that kind of portrait. Now come here, let me fix your hair."

Unwillingly, Van let her fix his unfixable hair.

"Folken, come here." His father ordered. Folken came slowly, glaring at the camera.

"I don't want my picture taken."

"Do it for your mother."

Folken let out a defeated sigh.

"Everyone smile!"

**End Flashback**

They were all smiling in the picture. His mother looked radiant, happy, and full of life. Van fell to his knees. He had lost so much that day...He suppressed the tears that were threating to come out.

_You can always count on us… _

His parents had lied to him. They had told him that they would always be there for him. They told him they would never leave him. They had, and he had sold his soul to Dornkirk. He had let him make him a monster.

'_What you did in the past is not important. What matters is what you do from now.'_

Lila's words rang in his ears. She was right. He could not think of himself as a monster. That part of his life was over. He was Van Fanel, king of Fanelia. The Dragon had died for good.

He felt Hitomi kneel besides him.

"I will build this city again, Hitomi. I will bring back Fanelia."

"I know you will"

The trust in her voice made him feel a little better.

* * *

"So, what do you think of Amano?"

"I do not like him."

Millerna laughed. A natural, cheerful laugh that she had not created since Dryden's death. Allen looked at her with surprise. Millerna simply shook her hand.

"I figured Dryden would be mad at me if I kept on being sad. I will live for both of us."

Allen nodded. He was happy to have her back. He looked around him. The place was filled with flowers, and all windows were opened. Millerna noticed his gaze.

"Yuraki told me that Hitomi always liked to have flowers, and the sun coming through the windows. She said it cheered the place. They have been doing it, for her."

Allen smiled. It was just like Hitomi to want to brighten everything. His smile turned sad.

"She is safe, Allen."

"How can you be sure?"

"I…this will sound weird, but I trust Fanel to keep her safe. It's just…something tells me he won't let anything happen to her."

"How can you be sure?"

"I can't. I just hope I'm right."

"I can't help but worry."

"Of course you do, you love her."

"Yes, I love her like I've never loved anyone. I once lost someone I loved. I do not wish for that to happen again."

"You won't."

Allen failed to see the sad look in Millerna's blue eyes.

* * *

"Where…where do you think the door is?"

Hitomi's voice sounded afraid, as if she was scared he would snap at her, or go away and leave her alone. She should not worry. He would never be able to leave her.

"Hitomi."

He said her name and brought her close to him. He hugged her tight, seeking counsel in her touch, afraid she would disappear like everything he cared for had.

"Don't leave me."

"Of course I won't, silly. We are in this together."

_Together_

She searched his eyes, trying to find what bothered him. He felt like breaking the eye contact. What if she saw the love he held for her? But she didn't. She could see everything that was him but that. She was blind to his love. Van ignored the pain that she caused him without wanting or knowing. Instead, he thought about her question. He knew the Door to Atlantis was here, but where?

**Flashback**

Van was taking a walk with his mother through the garden. He looked at a big tree that lay in the middle of it.

"This place is very special, Van." He heard her mother said. His curiosity aroused.

"Why?"

"Well, the Door to an ancient civilization lies here."

"Really? I don't see any door."

His mother laughed.

"Of course you don't. It will only reveal itself to you when the right people come."

"Who are the right people?"

"Oh, well, that you have to find out on your own."

"Why?"

"Because there are things that are better learned with experience."

**End Flashback**

"The Door is in the garden."

"Should we…"

Van nodded and walked towards the garden. He entered the gates that had managed to survive through the attack and time. His eyes widen, and he heard Hitomi gasp. Everything was ruined, yet the gardens had survived. They were not as beautiful as they once were, but they had not been destroyed. The fire of that day had not touched this place. It was like some sort of magic had saved it.

"I can't believe…" Van said

"…this…" Hitomi finished.

"It is impossible."

"Improvable."

"Real."

"The Door has to be here."

Van nodded and walked towards the middle of the garden. The big tree stood there, as magnificent as he remembered. It was bigger, though, and he wondered how he had not seen it before.

He placed his hand on it and felt a strong magic. He didn't know how, but he knew that the moment Hitomi touched it, the Door would open.

"Come here."

She slowly came to him. She closed her eyes and touched the tree. Nothing happened. Van frowned. Had they been wrong?

"I don't understand…it should be here."

"Don't worry about it, Van."

She put her hand on top of his. Suddenly, the tree started to shake. Van quickly took Hitomi in his arms and put her away from danger. They both watched in amazement as the tree went down. A blue light came. The Door to Atlantis had been open. All they had to do was cross it.

This was it. This was what they had been searching for. He looked at Hitomi. She was playing with her necklace.

"Scared?"

She laughed. "With you, I forget what fear is."

Hand in hand, they crossed the Door.

* * *

A black shadow watched as the two figures disappeared in the light. He sat against a tree and prepared to wait as long as it took. He had a mission to accomplish. He had to bring them to Dornkirk.

* * *

**OMG! This story is almost done! I think it has from 4-6 chapters. I most admit they will be the most difficult chapters to **

**write because they kind of have to be perfect, especially the last one. Anyway, who is the dark shadow? What will happen to **

**Hitomi and Van? I'll give you a hint. Hitomi will…jajaja, I can't tell you. It would ruin everything. Oh, another thing I liked **

**about this chapter was the Amano/Allen discussion. I always figuered if ther ever met, they wouldn;t like each other. They **

**are too alike. And I was a good person ****and did not put a cliffhanger. I figured since next one will, I would give you a rest. **

**Ok, well, my birthday is this Saturday! ****You better review and congratulate me, or I will…stop writing, muahaha. Ok, just **

**kidding, but do review. I miss your ****reviews. Again, sorry for the late update. I feel awful with myself. Oh, and thanks to y **

**editor. Hope you get better. **


	21. Decisions

**Yey, another chapter. Each time we get closer to the end. Anyway, this is more like an info chapter, and I retake some of the things that were said in chapter 8, which I must admit I had forgotten, but one of you thankfully remind me, I can never thank you enough. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter. I'm sure you will like the next one more. Review please, and I promise to update next chapter sooner.**

**

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you **

_**Decisions**_

So here she was, risking her life for the world again, going into a blue light that she had no idea as to where it would take her, and trying to find the answers to questions that, maybe, didn't have any. Her hand went towards her necklace and she tried very hard not to look nervous.

"Scared?"

She laughed. Her hand left her necklace and reached for his hand.

"With you, I forget what fear is."

He nodded, playing indifference, but she saw the way his eyes brightened and knew better. He cared for her. Maybe just as friends, but that was something. Hitomi didn't, couldn't, ask for more. She took a deep breath and walked into the blue light, with him.

She felt the magic of the Door around her the second she stepped in. It was strong and ancient and magnificent. It made her feel small and weak. She felt a force pulling her away from Van, and she fought against it, trying desperately to keep by his side. It didn't work. Whatever had pulled her from him was stronger than both of them. She watched helplessly as her body was pulled away from his. She wasn't even able to utter a world. As fast as it had come, it disappeared. In the blink of an eye, Hitomi found herself away from the light and from him, and in a place she had never even imagined before.

She stood up slowly, mesmerized by what was in front of her. It was obvious it was a forgotten city. It seemed like no one had lived in it for years. Around her, ruins stood. She closed her eyes, trying to imagine what this place must have looked like ages ago. She grabbed her necklace, and it started to get warm. She felt her power around her, and to her surprise, images of the city appeared in her mind as clear as if she was seeing them then.

_It was not a city, but more like an open castle .It had no roof, and the sun shone above it. Big columns formed halls. There were no streets. People walked among them, chatting cheerfully between them. It was as if everyone knew everyone. No one was a stranger. To Hitomi's surprise, some people flied too. They had angel's wings, just like Van's. She knew, right then, that this was Atlantis. This was the draconian's home. She kept walking until the path ended and a lake surrounded a little island. On the island, two big men stood besides two draconians. They had to be noble. There was no doubt of it. Hitomi had never seen someone look more like royalty than the two people that were right there, in the middle of the city, as if protecting it. Their white wings were open elegantly. Their eyes went from one place to the other, looking for any problem. Behind them, a white guymelef stood. She had never seen such a strange looking guymelef. She let out a small giggle. It seemed like she hadn't seen much in her life. Suddenly, the woman glanced at her, and her eyes widened. Hitomi's eyes met her purple ones and she gasped. She was looking at her! How was it possible? Then, everything got blurry.

* * *

_

Van looked at the ruins that were everything around him. He guessed a long time ago this had been a wonderful place. Now though, it was nothing more than shattered rocks. He kept walking, noticing with a curious gaze the symbols that were in every single rock. There were statues, too, but he didn't know what they were. He walked and walked and walked until, finally, he couldn't walk any more. A groan escaped his lips. Of course, the city had to be ruined, but water had to be in it. A pool of water circled a small island. He bent to touch the water. He frowned. It wasn't right, for the water to be there. It should have dried. He was about to leave when he felt it. A pulse of magic in the water, urging him to get in. Van's body obediently went in. It was as if he had lost control of his body. He felt drawn towards the island. He forgot what he had come here for. He forgot that he had a world to save, a girl who had all her hopes on him. He only wanted to find out what was calling him. This place had a strange effect on him. It felt like he had once being in here, a long time ago. The water reached a little above his waist. It was cold, and Van was shivering a little. He reached the island and got out of the water. His eyes fixed on what was in front of him. A woman, more like a woman-ghost, was right there, in front of him. But that was not what surprised him. By now, he was used to seeing strange things. It was who the woman was that scared him. He didn't blink. He couldn't talk. His body wouldn't turn and run. All he could do was stay where he was and wait.

The woman looked at him, her eyes big and soft.

"Van."

His throat felt dry. His heart hurt. He didn't want to believe what he was seeing. He didn't want to suffer more. It couldn't be possible, what was in front of him.

"You are not real."

"I'm not alive, but right know I'm real. The magic of Atlantis allows me to be here, to answer some of your questions."

"Some?"

She laughed, and the sound of her laugh made him remember a time when everything had been perfect.

"You have to figure out the answers to the others."

Van let out a cry of disbelief. He couldn't believe what was happening. He didn't know if he wanted it to be real.

"This is impossible."

"Everything is possible here."

"This is a trick of my mind. You can't be here."

"I am, Van. I've been waiting years to meet you here again."

"Why?"

"Well, it is my job to help you with your task."

"…"

"Feel the magic around you, Van. Can't you? Please try."

Van closed his eyes, and concentrated on his surroundings. The magic was strong, but it hid itself, so that if one didn't concentrate on it, it was impossible to find.

"I do feel it."

"Then believe."

"I can't."

"You believe in her."

_Hitomi. _"How do you know about her?"

She smiled softly. "You are my son. And I've been watching over you. I told you I would always be there for you."

"But…"

"I am only allowed here a small amount of time, so do you want me to help you or not?"

Van smiled a little. He remembered her as an impatient woman. He knew what was happening was not possible, but he didn't want her to go away. For a long time, he had wished he could see her again, just once. Now he had his chance.

"Yes, mother."

* * *

Hitomi woke up. Her eyes opened slowly, trying to adjust to the darkness around her. She had been lying on cold stone, and her whole body was cold. She hugged herself, trying to warm her frozen body. She got up, and looked around her. For a moment, she was lost, not knowing where she was. Then, her mind started to remember.

The Door to Atlantis.

Van.

The blue light.

The vision.

The woman.

She stretched her arms and tried to think. What should she do? Where should she go? All around her, darkness stood. She didn't know what to do. Her hand went to her necklace again. She was a seer. She had to trust herself. She held her necklace on top of her head and concentrated on it. Every single thought she had was directed to it.

_The city was full of light. Draconians were flying above her. Hitomi realized they were forming a circle, but she didn't know why. Then, she saw the cause for their strange behavior. The priests she had seen in the Celtic Temple were going towards them. She saw the Head Priest. Behind him, two priests were carrying a coffer. The woman and the man she had seen before came down. The priests bowed. _

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_We come to ask you for a favor."_

_The woman, who Hitomi thought was the queen, frowned._

"_What favor?"_

"_As you well know, we have used the Heart of the Dragon to save Gaea, but by doing that, we have lost all our strength. Our days will be over soon. But…we can't leave this world without securing the Heart. We have seen in our prophecies that, if this Heart ever reaches a man named Isaac, Gaea will be forever lost. The Heart is the strongest magic in all of Gaea. It was made to protect Gaea, but in the wrong hands, it could be devastating. Its powers will destroy whoever uses it and it's not meant to. We only ask for you to take care of one part of the Heart."_

"_Is that what happened to you?"_

"_Excuse me, milady?"_

"_Are you dying because you were not meant to use it?"_

"_We are. We're the keepers of the Heart. We had to use it in order to save Gaea. We knew it would kill us. We are not sorry. We chose the right path."_

"_What makes you think we will not use the Heart for our own purposes?"_

"_The Draconians already possess enough power. We know your race does not seek for more. Besides, it would kill you. The Draconian that is meant to use it has not yet been born."_

"_You said we would only take care of a part of the Heart. Where will the other part be with?"_

"_It is a tiny part. It will be with the seekers. In the future, the right seeker will be born. She, along with the draconian, will use the Heart when necessary."_

"_Fine, we will take care of the Heart. You can go in peace."_

"_We have no way to show our gratitude."_

"_There's no use for it. We are doing it for Gaea."_

Hitomi's necklace kept glowing after the vision. Hitomi looked at it. She had had a suspicious that her necklace was part of the Heart since she had been in the Celtic Temple. Now, her suspicious had been confirmed. All her life, a part of the strongest magical object had laid on her hands. It must have passed from generation to generation, until it had reached her. But would she be able to handle its power? She moved her hand over the symbols in one of the columns. Suddenly, they started to glow a pail blue. Like a chain, every single symbol on the columns started to shine. Hitomi noticed that there were only certain columns that had started to glow. She followed them.

* * *

"What is Atlantis?"

"Atlantis used to be the home of the Draconians. They ruled here, in peace. For a long time, they watched over Gaea. But long time ago, it was almost destroyed. The motives for this are forever lost. All we know is that the priests from the Celtic Temple used the Heart to save the world. The power they had to use, though, left them weak and on the verge of death. They came here, to Atlantis, to ask for our help. They wanted us to take care of part of the Heart. We agreed, but a century after that, humans started to fear us. They hunted our race. The draconians of that time tried to fight back. We were more powerful than them, but they were more. We lost. My family, the royal family, had to hide. They hid the city, locking it up. We created the Door to Atlantis. Only a draconian would be able to come through it."

"Hitomi is not a draconian."

"You wanted her to come with you, so she was able to do so."

"What is the Heart of the Dragon?"

"No one truly knows what it is. It was created before any living thing. All we know is that its power is great, and it comes from the purest feelings. It has always been in Gaea. It will always be in Gaea."

A frown appeared on his face. "That doesn't really tell me much."

"That is all I know."

Van stopped to think for a second. A lot of things were happening at once, and he wasn't certain if they were truly happening or if they had been created by the magic. He didn't know much now-a-days.

"What if Dornkirk used it? He doesn't have pure feelings."

"If one has enough power, the Heart can be manipulated, but it is very difficult, and no one has been able to achieve it. Even the Celts, who used it for good, died."

"Can Dornkirk use it?"

"Not alone. He needs someone to help him control its powers."

"Who does he need?"

She hesitated. Her eyes filled with sadness, and Van's heart clenched in his chest.

"He needs Hitomi Kansaki."

Suddenly, everything seemed clear to Van. He had not really cared at first for the reasons Dornkirk had had to kidnap Hitomi. After learning the truth, he had forgotten about that. Now, he couldn't believe he had. Boris had told them that he would need Hitomi. It was obvious now that he needed her more that he thought.

"Does he…?" He took a deep sigh. "Does he know he needs her?"

"Yes."

The answer was clear. It left no doubts. Dornkirk needed Hitomi to use the power of the Heart. All this time, he had been wrong. He had thought Dornkirk was after him for betraying him. He was wrong. Since the beginning, it had all been around her. The world revolved around her. Schezar was fighting for her. Kansaki was holding up for her. Dilandu had been after her. Dornkirk had always only wanted her. He…he had changed because of her. He was going through this task because of her. He had felt because of her. He lived because of her.

"If we use the Heart to save Gaea, will Hitomi, will I, will we die?"

"No one can tell, but it is strong possibility."

"How strong?"

"…"

"How strong?"

"You have about 5 percent possibilities of surviving."

So they were going to die after all. Or at least one of them was going to die. There was no way both of them could make it through this. Van slowly lowered himself to the ground. He sat on the ground and put his hands on his head. He had always known they could die. He wasn't stupid. But he had never even imagined that their possibilities of surviving were so dim. He knew the world wouldn't care if he died, but if Hitomi died…What was the use of living if she was dead? What good were his lungs if he couldn't breathe her scent? Why would he want eyes if he couldn't see her? He knew Hitomi wouldn't stay with him. She didn't love him the way he did her. Still, knowing she was alive was enough for him. He asked for nothing but her happiness and safety. If she died, he'd have no purpose anymore. He had sworn to protect her with his life. He knew he couldn't protect her from the Heart, from her destiny. Because he knew, without doubt, that she would rather choose death than see Gaea fall into Dornkirk's hands. What was worse was that he wouldn't love her half as much if she wasn't that way.

"Can we win this was without using the Heart?"

"No, and besides, if you don't use it, Dornkirk will get his hands on it, and then everything will be lost."

"I see."

Unfair. So unfair. He wanted to live and now he had to die for others. He closed his eyes, a hurt expression appearing on his face. He should have known it. Sacrifices had to be made. He had to do what was correct. Maybe some months ago he would have been able to turn back and never look back. Now, the guilt of doing that would not be tolerable. He couldn't choose the easy way out, not anymore.

"I am the chosen draconian, aren't I?"

"Yes."

"Did you always know?"

"I had my suspicious. I wasn't sure if it was Folken or you."

"Show me where the Heart of the Dragon is."

It was his destiny. It was his fate. He had to do this for the world, for his family, for his kingdom, for himself, and for Hitomi. It was time to stop running.

* * *

The symbols took her to what looked like a temple. Two statues of winged humans were placed on each side of the door. They looked like fallen angles, with their hands clasped together and their eyes closed. Hitomi carefully climb the steps that lead to the door. She put a hand on it. It was made of some king of metal, but she didn't know which one. It was cold and it shined in a thousand different colors. It was as if it held the rainbow in it. She pushed the door. Nothing happened at first, but then it cracked and slowly opened. Hitomi walked in with uncertainty.

'What could possibly go wrong?'

'I don't know, a lot of things. After all I've been through with Van, anything is possible.'

'You will be ok.'

'He is not here.'

'Don't worry. Nothing will happen to you.'

'I could die, and I would never see Van again, and he would never know how I feel.'

'As if you were ever going to tell him.'

'…'

'Coward.'

Yes, she was a coward. She would just die if Van ever found out what she felt for him. She wouldn't be able to stand the look of pity he was sure to give her. The rejection would be incredibly painful. And Hitomi did not want to suffer. She had enough with having to save Gaea and having to marry a man she would never be able to love. That, assuming she lived through the war, of course. A broken heart was definitely not something she wanted on her list of 'to do' things. She looked around the place she was in. The symbols that were everywhere outside were not here. Instead, the walls were filled with paintings of people flying. She caught sight of one that was in the middle. She went towards it and gasped. Even though they were crabbed in stone, she still recognized them. The priests from one of her visions were there. They were holding hands, and in the middle, what looked like a light spread wide into the skies. She had no doubt that she was looking at the picture of the moment where they had used the Heart. It was the moment in which they had given their lives for the ones of others. Her hand went towards the picture. The moment it made contact with it, a power went through her, and the room she was in disappeared.

* * *

It was majestic. He had never seen something that looked so powerful and was so still and quiet, as if waiting for something, or maybe someone. It stood in front of him, as big as any other guymelef, but it looked different. The moment Van had seen it, something inside of him has stirred. He didn't know how, but he knew that the guymelef would respond to his command, and only his. He walked towards the white guymelef. It was beautiful. The guymelef seemed to be waiting for him, to be calling him. It was obvious that no one had used it in a long time. The city hadn't been inhabited for so long and yet the guymelef seemed to be in perfect conditions. Van drew a hand towards it, but stopped midway and instead turned towards his mother.

"What does this have to do with the Heart of the Dragon?"

"Look at it. Pay attention. What do you see?"

Van did as he was told. His eyes looked everywhere until he finally found something odd on it.

"There's a pink gem in it. It is right where…where the heart of a human would be."

"Of course, that is part of the Heart of the Dragon. Van, only the king of Atlantis can pilot this guymelef."

"I'm not king of Atlantis."

"You would have been, if it hadn't been destroyed. Instead, you are King of Fanelia, which is just as important."

"I don't…know what to say."

"Then don't say anything, just listen." She looked at Van for a split second, and then continued. "This guymelef is named Escaflowne. It has been shining for some months now, but it only does it in special occasions. I do not know which ones, but I know it has reacted because of you. It is yours, Van. No one else but you can have it."

"Why me?"

In all this months, he had learned valuable things about himself. He had finally opened up to the world. He had allowed himself to feel again, and the pain he felt for all the things he had lost had slightly diminish. He still suffered because of it, but now it was different. His pain didn't burn him from the inside out. It was tolerable. Still, he didn't understand why he should be allowed to have such a powerful guymelef. And it had to be very powerful if it had the Heart they had been looking for.

"You were meant to have it since before you and I were born. The Celts foresaw it. The draconians waited a long time for it, but you were born after Atlantis was destroyed. Only my family carried the secret, and we kept it with us. Even when Dornkirk went for us and destroyed the beautiful Fanelia, I didn't tell him. At least, not all I knew."

"I still don't understand why it is me."

"You were not meant to have the life you lead. You were meant to have a peaceful life with your family. When Dornkirk destroyed our kingdom, everyone's fate changed. You became a mercenary, and the mistress never met you. The favors were with him and his terrible Zaibach."

She stopped, but Van looked at her urgently. He wanted to know where this story led.

"Your lives were not the only ones that were affected. The lives of everyone in Gaea changed. Mistrust between the magical and unmagical parts began. Everyone blamed each other for what had happened to Fanelia. The danger of war was always present. But then, a miracle happened. The same man that had put Gaea in danger suddenly gave it hope without knowing it. He sent you for the mistress, and that is when you met her. You didn't meet her in the circumstances that you should have, and you didn't start with the right foot, but you solved your problems. You gave her your heart, and you would give your life for her. Just like it was meant to be."

"She doesn't love me."

"But you do love her, and that is what is important. Even after all you went through, you opened your heart to her, leaving you vulnerable, and you didn't care. She made you feel again. Isn't that enough?"

Van wanted to disagree. Of course it was not enough. He wanted her to love him as much as he loved her. He wanted to be the man off her dreams. He wanted to be the only one for her. But then…maybe it was for the best that she didn't love him, maybe…

No.

He wanted her love, but if he couldn't have that, he would somehow manage to settle with her friendship.

"Whatever."

"Van…"

He interrupted her. "How was I supposed to meet her?" His curiosity was at its best.

"I won't tell you. What could have been is not important. I will only tell you that you were meant to love her then, as you do know."

Van frowned, but didn't push the matter anymore. There were still a lot of questions he wanted to ask her.

"Where is the other part of the Heart?"

"You haven't guessed yet?"

And suddenly, he knew. The stone in Escaflowne was the same one that Hitomi had in her necklace. The teardrop was the Heart. It had always been with them.

"How do you use it?"

"No one knows. It is up to you to find out. The only thing that we know is that the mistress is the one meant to use it."

"Does that mean she will not die?"

Hope. He was feeling hope.

"No. She still has very high possibilities of dying, as you do."

His hopes crashed down once more.

"I have to leave. My time is up. Van, I will always love and take care of you. I'll be watching."

"Wait, I still have a lot of questions…"

"Trust in yourself Van. Trust in her. I believe in both of you."

And she was gone. And this time, Van knew it was forever. He would never see her again. He smiled. At least, now he knew that she would always be there for him, even if not physically. Then, his smile disappeared as he remembered her words. Hitomi and he could die. She was in danger, and he had no idea of how to save her. What was worse, he had lost so much time in stupid things, he had wasted so much time with her…He had always known they could die. He had never imagined that their possibilities of surviving could be so dim. God, why the hell had he wasted his time next to her?

* * *

_She instantly knew that she was in one of her visions. She looked around herself, but there was nothing._

"_I'm behind you."_

_The voice startled her, making her jump. She turned to find the same woman from her other vision. Her purple eyes were intently on her. Hitomi couldn't look away. She bowed. Someone that looked as great as her deserved all her respect. The woman let out a small smile. _

"_Don't bow, mistress. You are queen too. And we are only in a vision."_

"_I…mistress?"_

"_Yes, you are the mistress of the Heart. There's a power around you that doesn't let you hide."_

"_I'm no mistress. I'm queen of Kansaki, and I'm a seer, but nothing more."_

"_You are not only a seer. You are the seer. Long before you were born, in my time, some priests came and asked us to take care of the Heart of the Dragon. They also told us about you and your guardian. Trust me; you are the mistress of the Heart, the only one that is meant to use it."_

"_How is…how do you…no."_

"_Yes, you are. The Heart is only meant to be used by the right person. Anyone else who uses it will die."_

"_Then I can use it without dying?"_

"_I'm afraid I don't know. Its power is great, and part of the legend was lost. The priests died before telling us everything. You are meant to use it, but it is almost sure you will die in the process."_

_Hitomi's eyes widened and then fell to the ground. Of course she had known she could die in this task. She was even willing to, but she had never expected her possibilities to be so poor._

"_What about Van?"_

"_Ah, yes, the guardian. He may also die. Actually, both of you will probably die."_

"_How can you be so…cruel about it?"_

"_I'm not cruel. I'm practical. Besides, I lived a long time and been dead even longer. It is the natural course of live. No one can live without dying."_

"_But…I don't want to die without…"_

_Van_

"_You are the mistress, and you will do the right thing."_

"_Is there any way to use the Heart without dying?"_

"_There is a way, I just don't know it."_

_Unfair. Everything was unfair, and yet…She knew she would end up giving her life for Gaea. It was just like her to do something so stupid._

"_Some would say it is fair."_

"_How do you know I'm the chosen seer?"_

"_Is the guardian Van?"_

"_Yes."_

"_What does he guard?"_

"_You?"_

"_Me?"_

"_Of course, what else would a warrior guard but the queen and mistress?"_

"_How do you use the Heart?"_

"_No one knows."_

"_Then why are you here? Why am I having a vision of you?"_

_Hitomi was tired. Her patience was gone. She was in front of a woman that seemed to have no feelings, and the only thing she had told her was that she would die._

"_You see me because you have questions only I can answer."_

"_Will you answer them?"_

"_No"_

"_Why not?"_

"_Gaea's fate has already been changed. I don't want to alter it anymore."_

"_I understand." And she did. Gaea was already dying. They couldn't afford to change anything anymore. Hitomi grasped her head. Everything was spinning around her._

"_What is happening?"_

"_You are going back. Mistress, don't lose the time you have left."_

Hitomi opened her eyes. The light around her hurt her eyes, but she quickly adjusted. Her hand went to her necklace. Her thoughts went to Van. She had to find him. If she was meant to die, then she would spend her last days with the man she loved. She had to tell him. She wanted to feel his arms around her, his lips on her, his heart pulsing with her own. She wanted to tell him she loved him with all her heart, that there was no one more. That Allen was nothing but a friend. She needed to be by his side. She got up. This time, there would be no mistakes. She would find him and tell him all she felt. Hitomi smiled. She just couldn't wait.

* * *

**Hope you liked it. Hitomi will finally tell all her feelings to Van, or at least that is what she says. We never know. So, I'll try to u update on the weekend, and review, review, review. I'm dying to know what you think.**


	22. You and me

**At last, chapter 22, I think, I can't remember. For now on, we are entering the last chapters, though you still have some left. Well, I'm sorry for the late update. I didn't thought it would take so long to write this chapter. Oh, and a big thanks to my editor who deals with all of my mistakes and to all my reviewers. Really, if it wasn't for you, I don't know of I would be still writing this. It certainly is the largest story I've ever written. The song in this story is Deliver me by Sarah Brightman and Enya. **

**And now…enjoy this.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**You and me**_

Van closed his eyes and walked towards the water. He wanted to calm himself. He needed to straighten his ideas. He was desperate for a solution to his problems. He couldn't let her die. There had to be a way to save her. His hands formed into fists. His nails pierced his flesh. He didn't care. The pain was bearable. Knowing that she could die and he wouldn't be able to do anything about it wasn't. If it was any other situation, he was sure he would be able to protect her. He would fight a whole army for her. He would defy Dornkirk and Zaibach for her. He would even ally with Schezar if that kept her safe. But he simply couldn't protect her from the Heart, and he sure as hell couldn't protect her from herself. He could try. He would try, but he didn't think it would work. She always got what she wanted. No amount of words or actions could force her to not do something she thought was necessary. They had found the Heart, and it would probably save Gaea. They would go against Zaibach. He would protect her until the last drop of blood left his body, until he had no more energy left in him, until his strength weakened, and until his last breath was taken. He would protect her until his mind stopped thinking about her, and his heart stopped feeling for her. He would be there for her until the end. And then…Then she would choose to die to save everyone else, and all his protection would go to waste. His eyes watered, and he fought the tears with all he had. No matter what, he wouldn't cry. He had to be strong…for her. It all revolved around her. It was all about her. His life had changed because of her. She had made him a different, a better person. He smiled a sad smile, and then concentrated hard. The sound of a shirt tearing up echoed in the halls. Feathers covered Van and his wings spread around him.

White as snow.

Soft as cotton.

Angel wings for a demon.

Angel wings for him.

He had lost his family and kingdom. He had watched his brother's murder. His childhood had ended when he was barely five. He had had to learn to fight and survive. His last friend had left him. Dornkirk had trained him to become a mercenary. He had killed, massacred, and destroyed. He had been betrayed by the only person he had trusted. He had suffered to the pint of desperation, and then…she came to save him. She made him feel things he thought he would never be able to feel again. She had given him the hope he had lost years ago. She had made him want to live. She had warmed him. And he…

He wouldn't change anything about his past. He would go through all of it again if it took him to her. He would endure any obstacle to be with her. He would take all the pain of the world if he was able to gaze just once into her green pools.

Hitomi Kansaki, queen of the Kansaki kingdom, mistress of the Heart of the Dragon, and owner of a warrior's heart, his heart, to be precise.

He opened his eyes and looked at his reflection on the water. It seemed to be mocking him, telling him that he could never have her. He wasn't a gentleman like Schezar. He wasn't rich or a king of a powerful and glorious kingdom like him. He wasn't the charming prince every girl dreamed of. He was just Van Fanel, king of Fanelia, ex mercenary of Zaibach, and guardian of the Heart and its mistress.

Nothing more. Nothing for her.

And it pained him because he knew that their time in this world was limited, but all these things _still_ mattered. They mattered so much…because she was already in love with another, and she wanted a live with another. And even if they had centuries in front of them, she would still want the other one. He didn't have anything to make her fall in love with him and spend their last days, weeks, months, whatever time they had left, together. He couldn't change the way she felt. He wasn't Allen Schezar. He wasn't Hitomi's perfect man. It was so frustrating! He knew that all the things Schezar had weren't important if they were going to die. But he didn't want Hitomi to die. There was only one small possibility of saving her.

Maybe, if…the idea had formed slowly in his head. Maybe if he used the Heart instead of Hitomi, he would be able to save her. He would surely die. There was no doubt of that. He was not meant to ever use the Heart. But his mother had said that Dornkirk could use it, and if Dornkirk could, so did he. In that way, Hitomi would live and have all the things she wanted. She would be able to live the rest of her days next of the man she loved. And he... His heart would break into a thousand pieces, but it didn't matter. Nothing did if she was okay. Besides, he would be dead, and that meant he wouldn't be there to see her next to him. That was definitely a bonus. He looked towards the sky. Dark and cloudy like his heart. The weather seemed to be in the same mood that he was in. His smiled widen a little. Now he was getting mushy and soft. Just what he needed. He was not only hopelessly in love with Hitomi. He was also becoming a romantic. That certainly wasn't good. Warriors were never soft. They never cried. They never let their emotions interfere with their duties. They definitely never, ever, begged. Still, he felt like doing so.

The once emotionless Van Fanel felt like begging.

He wanted to go to his knees in front of her and beg her to give him one chance to be next to her. He wanted to beg for an opportunity to be loved by her. He would do anything for that one chance. He would do everything if he could just feel her lips against his own one more time.

**Flashback **

"I will not let you leave me." She told him softly, putting her forehead against his. "Please, don't go…"

"I am a mercenary."

He knew he was going back to his previous self, but he couldn't do anything about it. He wanted to go. He wanted to be free of all the emotions that were building up inside of him. He wanted to feel nothing because that was safer. He was surprised when she leaned towards him. She stopped inches before him. One of her hands caressed his cheek. The world seemed to stop.

"You will not go."

And she pressed her lips to his, kissing him as if her life depended on it. Kissing him with all the desperation she felt. And he kissed her back, and felt his skin melt with her touch, and his breath catch in his throat. Her touch made him feel alive, and nothing mattered but the two of them. He forgot everything but the beauty that was kissing him with all the passion that she had in her body. He kissed her harder, wanting to savor her, to be one with her. He expressed all the desperation he felt, all his want. He kissed her until lack of oxygen forced him to part. And after that, he held her in his arms, wanting to never part. She opened her eyes and for once he didn't hide his emotions from her. All his love was exposed in his eyes. She smiled and buried her head into his chest as he caressed her head.

**End Flashback**

His smile turned into bitter one. That would never happen again, and there was no use in thinking about it anymore. Why torment his self with things that could never be?

"Whatever you are thinking about, stop."

The voice reached his ears, a melodic sound that made his skin curl. He kept his eyes in the sky. His mother had told him that anything was possible here. He didn't want his hopes to rise again. Small hands slowly undid his fists. He didn't dare look at her expression. He knew he had hurt his hands with his nails. She had to be repulsed by him. She probably thought he was some lunatic, hurting himself. To his surprise, she brought the palm of his hands to her lips.

"Don't hurt yourself. Don't you know you hurt me too?"

His heart skipped a bit.

* * *

She ran through the streets of Atlantis, searching for him. It seemed like she was always running to get to him. She was always searching for his warmth. She wanted to forever be lost in his eyes. She needed to know that he cared for her the same way she did for him. She kept running and running, searching for him with her eyes and her heart. Her mind wouldn't stop bombarding her with all the things that could go wrong if she told him her secret. Their mission would definitely be put in danger if she did. The future of Gaea would hang by a loosen rope. Dornkirk could get away with his plans or get the Heart. Her beautiful Kansaki could fall in the hands of Zaibach. She would hurt Allen's feelings. The peace between the magical and unmagical kingdoms could be altered. Alliances could be broken. They did not need that right now. Not with a war they couldn't win. So many things could go wrong! To tell Van that she loved him was a mistake. To top it all, she was scared. So scared, she couldn't even think straight.

Scared of rejection.

Van had not shown signs of liking her as anything but a friend. There had been times when she had thought she had seen something in his eyes. Once in a while, he would say or do something that would set her hopes high, but then they would crash back again and she would be left with nothing. If she told him, he could laugh at her, or worse, he could pity her because he would never be able to feel love for someone like her. He would give her a sad smile and tell her that he only thought of her as a friend, or worse, a little sister. Whatever he said would surely break her heart, leaving her alone and broken.

She did not want that.

She didn't want to risk getting hurt, but then…

According to what the Queen of Atlantis had said, she was going to die. She could choose not to use the Heart, but then Dornkirk would win. She would never allow Gaea to fall in the hands of Zaibach. She had no choice but to sacrifice herself. Besides, Van would die if she didn't use the Heart. Then again, he could die if she used it, too. The way she saw it, they were going to die anyways. She ran faster, trying to get away from her thoughts, from her destiny. She didn't want to die. She had always thought she would grow up and marry the perfect man and have lots of kids. Her father would die of age, and then she would take Kansaki's thrown. She would have a peaceful life, probably at Allen's side. With time, she would end up loving him, and she would live with a comfortable happiness. Now everything was different, and even if she had a chance of surviving this war, she would not be able to settle down with Allen and live happily. Not after all that had happened. Not after meeting Van. She loved him with a passion she hadn't known existed inside of her. The times she had been able to be with him and forget everything else, she had been utterly and completely happy. To marry Allen would be torture, but it was something safe. To go to Van and tell him how she felt wasn't.

Telling her feelings to Van would be a mistake.

She did not want to make a mistake, and yet…if she didn't tell him, she would forever be a coward. Hitomi Kansaki was no coward. And about risking her heart…if she couldn't risk it now that she knew that there was no tomorrow, then she would never be able to do it. She was giving the inhabitants of Gaea her life. She only wanted to be with Van for the time she had left. She wanted to give her heart to him. It was not much to ask. It was actually very reasonable. She only had to find the courage to tell him.

'You have traveled with a mercenary, became friends with him, trusted him with your life and fallen blindly in love with him.'

Oh the joy! The voice in her head had returned to add more trouble to her life.

'I didn't get hurt in any of it. In fact, it did me good.'

'Oh, really? You didn't get hurt when he was mean to you? You didn't get hurt when you refused to answer Dilandu's questions about him?'

'He was just confused. He had found out that all he believed in was a lie! And Dilandu's thing wasn't his fault.'

'You are defending him. He had no right to hurt you. You were protecting him when Dilandu tortured you. Can't you see?'

'See what?'

'See that you have been risking your heart and self ever since the first time you saw him. You didn't yell for him when he was trying to hurt you. You let yourself fall for him even when you knew who she was. You tried to hate him, but deep down you always loved him. Why not risk yourself now? You have done so much for him, it can't hurt that much.'

'It will.'

'Why?'

'It hurts to love him and not have him. Still, I can still hope because he hasn't told me that he doesn't love me. The moment I tell him the way I feel, my hopes will be crushed.'

'Maybe they won't.'

'He doesn't love me.'

'He hasn't said so.'

'He said I was just a friend.'

'It could be a lie.'

'No, Van would never lie to me about that.' Would he not?

'You have lied to him about your feelings. Why wouldn't he? You both have the same responsibilities. You both have a lot to lose.'

'He doesn't have friends to disappoint. He is not responsible for a whole kingdom.'

'He has a kingdom and a family to avenge. He has to solve his issues with Dornkirk. Over all, he has to prove to you and all who know who he is that he has changed. That he is not the man he used to be. He has to prove himself, and he promised to rebuild Fanelia. He has a lot to lose.'

'But…'

'What are you worried about? What could possibly go worse? You are not even sure you are going to live to regret your decision.'

'I…'

'Time to make up your mind.'

_Deliver me, out of my sadness.  
Deliver me, from all of the madness.  
Deliver me, courage to guide me.  
Deliver me, strength from inside me._

She looked up and gasped. She had not expected to find him like this. He looked so…perfect, angelical, untouchable, gorgeous, and so far from her. He was unreal. She had never seen anyone look as handsome as he did. His tan chest was illuminated by the moonlight. His muscles shined under it, looking so strong. His head was turned towards the sky, his eyes closed. His hands were formed into fists, and she could see that he was putting all the force in his body in that one move.

_All of my life I've been in hiding.  
Wishing there was someone just like you._

And then she noticed what she hadn't before.

His wings.

His beautiful white wings.

The wings of an angel.

Her angel.

Her Van Fanel.

Her draconian.

Her everything.

_Now that you're here, now that I've found you,  
I know that you're the one to pull me through._

They were huge. The one time she had seen them, she hadn't noticed how large or breathtaking they were. He hadn't worn them as he did now. That time in the court he had done it to prove that he was Van Fanel, a draconian. She didn't know why he had taken them out now. She really didn't care. The wings made him look like something divine, something that wasn't made for the human eye. He was something that wasn't made for a mere mortal like her. He should fall in love with someone that was as great as him, someone that understood him more that her, someone from his world.

_Deliver me, loving and caring.  
Deliver me, giving and sharing.  
Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing._

Still, she couldn't help but want him for herself. She had never met someone that looked so angelical and was the contrary. She had never met someone that drove her insane and at the same time was necessary for her. She had never stumbled into someone that could make her whole body melt and her heart scream in joy. She had never met someone like Van. She hadn't lived until her eyes had laid on him.

_All of my life I was in hiding.  
Wishing there was someone just like you._

All of a sudden, she couldn't let him go. She couldn't just walk away from him and not tell him how she felt. She had to take the risk, just like she had done back in that small town, when she had first trusted him completely. This was the same. She just had to decide if she would jump or not.

_Now that you're here, now that I've found you,  
I know that you're the one to pull me through._

Slowly, she put one foot in the water. It was cold around her, but she didn't care. She walked. Each step took her closer to him. The water was a little under her waist. She kept walking. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw his face. From the place she had watched him, he hadn't look that…sad. A small, sad smile adorned his face, making him look melancholic. Hitomi felt like crying for him.

'Don't waste your tears.' She wanted to tell him. 'I'll do it for you.'

His sad smile turned into a bitter one and he opened his eyes.

'Don't think disturbing thoughts.' She thought. 'I'll do it for you if you only smile for joy, just once.'

She finally reached him. He hadn't noticed her presence.

"Whatever you are thinking about, stop."

Her voice was soft but determined. She wanted him to look at her, but he just wouldn't look down. He kept his eyes towards the sky. She wanted his hazel eyes to see her. She wanted to be the only thing he saw. She was envious of the stars. They seemed to deserve his attention, unlike her. Hitomi wondered if this was such a great idea. Maybe she had chosen the wrong decision. She could still turn back…her body betrayed her, and her hands went towards his fists. Carefully, she undid them. His hands were rough against her soft ones. She wanted to feel his hands on her skin. His hands were bleeding a little. The fool, could he not behave when she wasn't around? She brought his palms towards her lips. She kissed them softly.

"Don't hurt yourself. Don't you know you hurt me too?"

He looked down.

Her moment of turning away ended. She would never be able to draw herself from his eyes. They bore into her with such an intensity Hitomi felt like she would fall. Her knees were sure to melt above her.

Silence.

Hitomi was too wrapped in his eyes to form a coherent word, let alone a sentence. Van couldn't believe what was happening.

"What?" He finally asked her. His eyes were full of confusion, of fear, of hurt, and of something else. Hitomi wanted to find the secret that he hid in those eyes. The thing he didn't let her see.

_All of my life I was in hiding.  
Wishing there was someone just like you._

"Don't hurt yourself. You hurt me too." She repeated. Her voice trembled a little. She had messed up. She had done it this time.

"What?"

Hitomi would have laughed if she hadn't been so scared. It seemed like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was normal. She couldn't believe what she was about to say.

"I don't want you to hurt. I don't want you to suffer anymore. I want you to enjoy life. I want all your problems to fade away, all of your concerns to disappear. Van…"

She couldn't do it. She was a coward. She couldn't tell him she loved him. Rejection would be too much for her already bleeding heart. There was only so much she could take, and she couldn't take this. Not when he looked so vulnerable. Not when her eyes were locked on his.

"Yes?" His eyes were pleading her to continue. She couldn't say no to his look.

_Now that you're here, now that I've found you,  
I know that you're the one to pull me through._

"I want you to be happy…with me"

She found her strength in her words and looked into his beautiful brown eyes. She wanted him to tell her something, anything. She needed to know how he felt, but he didn't say a thing.

She waited.

And waited.

He didn't speak.

She couldn't take it.

She knew it. He didn't want to be with her. She felt her eyes water and tears fall from her eyes. His silence had been all she needed to convince herself. He didn't love her. He didn't want her. She was just a friend, and she couldn't stay by his side anymore, not like this. She turned and was about to flee when he caught her wrist.

"You are not going anywhere until you explain yourself to me."

He pulled her roughly towards him. There was no gentleness in his touch. There was no warmth in his eyes. Her tears kept falling. She didn't try to hold them. She didn't have the strength anymore. Everything was so wrong!

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

_I always hoped, even if it was a small hope, that you would love me. _

He was angry at her. Perhaps he wouldn't want to be her friend anymore. She had lost him completely thanks to her big mouth. She should have never listened to her heart. It had only gotten her in trouble.

_You are forever, completely, totally lost to me. _

"Hitomi, explain what you just said."

She turned her eyes from his. She couldn't stand that emotionless expression. She wanted to disappear and never be seen again.

"What is there to explain? It is obvious you did not like what you heard."

"Explain."

The word was spoken roughly, meant to be an order. Suddenly, Hitomi's sadness turned to anger. How dare he break her heart and still have the guts to order her? He just couldn't come into her life and turn it upside down and then throw her emotions away and _still_ order her. She wouldn't have any of it.

"You bastard!" She yelled at him, her hands going into fists, punching him as hard as she could. He didn't do anything to stop her. "You idiot, moron, how dare you? How dare you order me? How dare you break my heart? I open my self to you, and you just throw my feelings back at me!"

"What are you saying?"

"Stop playing games with me!"

"Hitomi…"

But she didn't want to hear him anymore. It was just too much. She had had enough. She needed to tell him how she felt and get this over with. She couldn't hold it inside of her anymore.

"I was satisfied. I had a great fiancé. My whole life was dedicated to my people. I didn't want anything for me. And then you came. You ruined everything! I tried to hate you, I really did, but each day I was with you, it became harder. I started caring about you. You made me feel safe, and you understood me. You didn't judge me like the rest. I could be just me around you. And then I needed you. Somehow, without me noticing, I started to crave for your touch, and I wanted to feel your lips on mine. I wanted you to look at me with love and warmth!" Hitomi had been yelling all this time, but now she looked into his eyes, and slowly whispered. "Don't you understand? I fell for you. You are the only thing I truly want, only you…" She brought her hand to his cheek. He moved his head towards it and closed his eyes.

"I wanted you to love me."

_Deliver me_

_Oh deliver me_

_Won't you deliver me_

And then she felt his lips over hers, and her world got blurry and all that existed was him,

Van…

* * *

"I want you to be happy…with me"

Van couldn't believe what he was hearing. It had to be a trick of his mind; Hitomi could not possibly have said what she just had. Maybe she had hit her head or something. He looked disbelievingly at her. He couldn't utter a word. He was petrified, afraid to believe what he most wanted to. His moment of surprise was broken when she turned to run away from him. He suddenly got angry at her.

"You are not going anywhere until you explain yourself to me."

She just couldn't tell him all that stuff and then go away. He would not let her do it. Without any gentleness, he grabbed her wrist and brought her close to him. His eyes locked with hers. He saw her shiver and suddenly felt guilty. He hadn't meant to scare her. He didn't want to hurt her. He loved her, damn it! That is why he kept a cold expression. That is why he didn't show any emotion to her. If this was the product of Atlanti's magic, then he didn't want any of it. He wanted her to love him truly and not because of magic.

"Hitomi, explain what you just meant."

She turned her eyes from him. She didn't want to look at him. He knew it. Hitomi was just confused, and now that she knew what she had said, she regretted it.

"What is there to explain? It is obvious you did not like what you heard."

He got confused. Not like her beautiful words? Not like what he had been waiting for for a long time?

"Explain."

He had to know what she meant. He hadn't meant for the word to sound so cold, but all his emotions were building up inside him, and he didn't want to do something stupid.

Like confess his emotions for her.

Became vulnerable, leaving his heart unguarded to her.

Like it had been in a long time.

She could do whatever she wanted with him.

"You bastard!" She yelled at him, her hands going into fists, punching him as hard as she could. He was to surprise by her outburst to stop her. "You idiot, moron, how dare you? How dare you order me? How dare you break my heart? I open my self to you, and you just throw my feelings back at me!"

"What are you saying?"

"Stop playing games with me!"

"Hitomi…"

He did not understand a thing of what was happening. She had gotten angry without reason and started to hit him, not like it hurt, really. And then she had said that he had broken her heart…

Her heart?

Could it be?

"I was satisfied. I had a great fiancé. My whole life was dedicated to my people. I didn't want anything for me. And then you came. You ruined everything! I tried to hate you, I really did, but each day I was with you, it became harder. I started caring about you. You made me feel safe, and you understood me. You didn't judge me like the rest. I could be just me around you. And then I needed you. Somehow, without me noticing, I started to crave for your touch, and I wanted to feel your lips on mine. I wanted you to look at me with love and warmth!" Hitomi had been yelling all this time, but now she looked into his eyes, and slowly whispered. "Don't you understand? I fell for you. You are the only thing I truly want, only you…" She brought her hand to his cheek. He moved his head towards it and closed his eyes. God, this was really happening.

"I wanted you to love me."

Suddenly, Van didn't care if the magic was doing this or if she had hit her head or if it was truly her the one that was talking. It didn't matter. She wanted him to love her. That meant she loved him. That was all he needed. Rapidly, without any warning, he brought her to him, bringing his lips to hers…

He kissed her, softly at first, tastefully, giving her the chance to move away. She didn't. He put one arm on his waits, the other going to her hair. He brought her closer to him, wrapping her with his arms. She was so soft and delicate and small. She fitted right into him; as if they were meant for each other, as if this was right…

She brought her hands to his hair, playing with it. She pulled him closer to her. He deepened the kiss, wanting to have all of her…he felt her smile against his lips, allowing him to do whatever he wanted with her. He brought bought hands towards her waist, tightening the embrace, if it was even possible. They kissed for a long time, until he finally pulled away.

"Van, god, please stay with me. I will do whatever you want. I'll be stronger. I'll be wiser. I'll do anything if you just…"

He kissed her tenderly, shutting her up. He laughed softly.

"Silly Hitomi, always so naïve. I wouldn't change anything about you. You are perfect just the way you are. I…"

He looked into her eyes. They were shinning, waiting, hoping for him to say what she wanted to her.

"I love you, Hitomi"

Hitomi smiled. Her eyes were full of love and warm, and it was all for him. He kissed her again. She didn't object to his wishes.

Heaven, he had found heaven in her lips.

Peace, the peace he wanted had always been with her in his arms.

Love, it had always been in front of him, in one of the countries he used to hate, in her…

He covered her with his wings, kissing her again and again and again.

'_I could get use to this.'

* * *

_

**Yep, they finally did it. They have confessed their feeling for each other. Now, what could possibly go wrong? Thanks to me, I can assure you a lot of things. But don't think about that now. I hope you have enjoyed this chapter. It certainly was hard for me to write, but I think I did ok. Anyway, I'm sorry for the long wait, but don't worry. I'm already working on the next chapter. It will be…kind of different because they are now happily together, but don't worry, more dark chapters are to come. Actually, if everything goes according to plan, the next chapter will be the last happy chapter, so do enjoy this one. So…review, review, review, and tell me what you think. And all those who have never reviewed better do it now. I wan everyone who reads this story to review and tell me what you think of this chapter. So, please do.**


	23. Ghost

**I know this chapter took me ages to update, and I am completely sorry. You see, I finished writing it like 3 weeks ago, but **

**my editor's family moved to another house, so they didn't have a computer for quite some time, and then something **

**happened when she sent me the edited version, and it never reached me till yesterday. So…yeah. Don't be mad. Anyway, **

**here it is, and next chapter is almost finished. I truly hope you enjoyed this chapter and sorry for the long wait. I feel awful.

* * *

**

_"The nearest to my heart are a king without a kingdom and a poor man who does not know how to beg."_

_Khalil Gibran_

**The pain of loving you**

_**Ghost**_

"Am I dreaming?"

He laughed. God, she loved his laugh!

"Of course you aren't. This is very real, and if it is not, I do not wish to wake up."

She smiled at him, her green eyes shining only for him.

"I just can't believe that you…love me" The words sounded so beautiful. They rolled out of her mouth, sounding exactly right.

Van Fanel loved her.

"Hitomi, you are everything I want. If it wasn't for you…"

Hitomi saw his eyes darken, and she hugged him tightly, stroking his hair.

"If I had never met you, I would still be the Dragon. I would be lost in my misery. You took me out of it. Hitomi, I wasn't born to be loved by a human. After my kingdom's destruction, love, hope, and happiness had been forbidden. You gave them back to me. How could I not love you?"

"I…it's just…you had been through so much, and I had been through so little, and I know that the world is not good, but I'm always hoping and dreaming, and you are always so practical. I thought you saw me as a pampered, little princess that didn't know anything about life. I thought if you ever fell in love, it would be with someone…braver."

Van stayed quiet for a moment, with her in his arms. Hitomi bit her lip. Had he thought more about it? Did he not love her? She was about to speak when he took her face between his hands, forcing her to look at him. Her eyes locked with his, and for the first time she saw him without barriers. In front of her was just Van. There were no shadows or any doubt. The pain was barely visible behind a much stronger feeling. Love, love for her; only her. He wasn't hiding anything. She could see in his eyes what his acts and words had and hadn't said. He was utterly sincere. He was completely hers. He barely smiled at her.

"I thought you were too innocent and selfish to know the pains of live, but you are not. You suffered too. You are queen of a whole kingdom, and you decided to risk your life for peoples that will never say thank you. You came with me, a mercenary, regardless of the consequences. You trusted me and opened your heart to me. You are the bravest person I've ever met."

She smiled and watched as he stretched his wings. She couldn't help herself as her hand went towards on of them. Without thinking, she caresses their feathers. He looked away and shuddered. She frowned in confusion.

"Do you not like them?" She asked him.

"It is not that. I mean, I know they are…unique, but…they make me different from everyone else. They are my burden, my curse. Besides, they make me look like an angel, and I am everything but that. I…I wish I was just human."

She looked at him with a sad smile. She was a seer and knew what it felt to not quite belong anywhere. But she had been lucky. There were other seers in the world. She had had the support of her parents, and she had wonderful friends who she could always count on. Van had nothing of this. He was all alone except for her. He had grown up being the only draconian left. He had grown with only bitter thoughts and harsh treatment. There had been no love in his live. After all, he had been trained to become an emotionless mercenary.

"If you were human, Van, then you wouldn't be here, with me, right now. You would be somewhere else with someone else. Our lives would never have crossed. And you are not that different from me. Besides, being different has its advantages. I'm sure it is amazing to fly, to feel the wind on your face, and the softness of the clouds…don't you enjoy it?"

He looked at her with a wide smile. Hitomi was left speechless. She had never seen him smile so big and unforced. His face seemed to glow and his eyes soften. He looked even more glorious.

"I love to fly. Maybe I'll take you one day."

"Maybe…" Another question appeared on her head, and before she was able to bit her tongue and stop the words, they had left her mouth. "Does it hurt?"

"What?"

"When your wings come out…does it hurt?"

He looked away, but then turned his intense gaze towards her.

"It hurts a little, when they come out. My skin is ripped, but the pain fades away after an instant, and when I bring them in again, there is no scar or injury, nothing to prove that they were ever there."

They stayed silent for a long time, enjoying each other company.

"I thought you loved Schezar?"

The question came out of nowhere, and for a moment she was taken aback. Schezar? And then it hit her. She had told him she loved him. She had almost forgotten.

"I do love him…" She saw his face fall, and she laughed. "But only as a friend. You should practice patience, Van. It wouldn't hurt you. Besides, who would fall in love with a gentleman when they have a grouchy warrior by their side?"

"Grouchy, huh?"

With one quick movement he put her under him, and started tickling her without mercy.

"That…is…mean!" She managed to say between giggles. She kept laughing until something caught her eye.

"What is that?"

Van followed her gaze.

"Oh, that is Escaflowne."

"Wow that tells me so much, Van."

"Patience, my dear, is something that wouldn't hurt you."

Hitomi blushed a deep red and looked away, but not before catching his grin.

"Ok, ok, I get it."

His grin widened, but Hitomi was too happy to fight with him right now.

"Escaflowne is a guymelef…"

"I know that."

"_Hitomi!_"

She put her hand over her mouth. Her eyes sparkled brightly.

"This guymelef is special. Only I can use it, and it has the biggest part of the Heart of the Dragon. The other part is…"

Hitomi took out her necklace, raising it to their eyes.

"Yes, there it is, with you. The guymelef is a war machine. It is useful at wars, but I have no idea how it is going to save Gaea."

"Have you ever used a guymelef?"

"Yes, Dornkirk had me train with the best. Still, one guymelef is not enough to win a war and you are the one that is supposed to use the Heart, but you can't use Escaflowne." He sighed. "It doesn't make sense."

"Perhaps Escaflowne is just part of it. Don't worry, we will figure out a way. Oh and why is it glowing?"  
"I don't know. It has been glowing since…"

"Since?"

"Since I decided to tell you how I felt. I guess it reacts to my emotions. I don't think that is very important…"

Hitomi nodded, agreeing with him. After all, what could feelings do against a full loaded army? Emotions couldn't change things, right? If she hadn't known that she could die, maybe she would have never have found the courage to tell him how she felt. She would have never been with him. Nothing would have changed between them. She took those thoughts away, concentrating on just Van. He was here, with her, and nothing else mattered for the moment. She would enjoy her few minutes of peace and happiness with him. Later, she would think about a solution to their problem. She would save the world and face the consequences of her decisions at another time. Right now, all she wanted was to kiss Van until she had no more breath and to be near him, no matter what.

Everything could get worse later.

He had been sure happiness was not made for him. Years of suffering had made him expect nothing different from the future, so of course he was having a hard time adjusting to all this. Hitomi was by his side. She had chosen him over everyone else. She did not dream of being in the arms of others or of being married to others or of being loved by others. She only wanted him.

No one else. Nothing more.

* * *

Showing emotion had never been easy to him. All of his live, he had been trying to do exactly the opposite. He had built a wall around his heart and a mask over his face. Not even his eyes had shown what he felt. It was almost as if he had tried to forget his emotions and destroy his soul. He had almost succeeded. Two more years of misery would have been enough. But then, she had come to save him, and had managed to do it against all odds. Out of the blue, he had started to feel things that he thought had long ago died. He had started to enjoy life and to look forward to his future. Not that he had a very long future, with the prospect of sacrificing his life to save hers…and the rest of Gaea too, of course. He had thought that showing her how he felt would have been far more difficult. Once again, he had been proven wrong. It came natural to him. He just had to take one look at her and then it would flow out of him. As if he had never suffered. As if his past had been but a dream. He laughed around her.

He joked around her.

He kissed her and was tender with her.

He was someone better because of her.

He didn't know how to react to all these new feelings. Around her, he could not hide what he felt. He would be able to keep his mask of indifference around the rest of the world. But he could not do that with Hitomi. She was the only one that understood him. She knew every flaw and defect he had, and she was still standing by his side. She loved him for who he was, and there was no judgment in her eyes when she looked at him, just acceptance. He would be forever grateful to whichever god had sent her to him. He was sure, even now, that he did not deserve her. He rested his chin on top of her head and breathed in her sweet scent.

"Damn it, Hitomi, I love you so much."

She giggled, and turned her face towards him. Again, she captured his eyes with her own. In her eyes, he saw the reflection of his own feelings. There was so much love and desire and warmth in those eyes. They were impossibly green and soft as they looked upon him. And finally, he was able to stare into those pools of green without actually having to look away. He could look into them and drown in them and it would be alright.

"I love your eyes…" He said, kissing her eyelids. She smiled softly.

"I love your scent..." He said, while breathing into it, as if it was his oxygen.

"I love your skin" He said, bringing his hand to caress her cheek.

"I love your long hair…" He said, while his fingers tangled in it.

"I love your lips…" He said, and brushed his against hers.

"I love you." He said, while embracing her, afraid she would disappear. Because she would, at the end of this war, when they had to use the Heart she would be gone, taking a path he didn't know if he was allowed to follow. Right now, he had her all for himself, but for how long? How long until she would be taken away from him?

"Don't be sacred." She whispered in his ear, gently pushing him away from her so she could look into his eyes.

"I'm not scared." He responded, though his voice cracked a little, betraying him, the traitor.

"Promise you won't forget what you have learned with me."

"What have I learned?"

"You have learned to be human."

"I was never human. I am a draconian."

"Draconian, human, what is the difference? You can fly, we don't. So what? We both hate and love the same. We both suffer and are happy like everyone else. They are only a little different." She said, while running her hands over his feathers.

"We are stronger, and we heal faster." Van said.

"Of course, but you feel like any other human. Our emotions are the same. Don't ever forget that."

"Why are you making me promise this?"

"Because I know you are afraid of the future. I am, too, but you must always remember, no matter what happens, that you can feel, and that I will always be there for you. I adore you, Van. I'd do anything for you."

He pulled her into his arms and closed his eyes tightly. That was exactly what he was afraid of. She would do anything for him. He was sure she would sacrifice herself for him. His job was to protect her. How could he do that when she was willing to die for him? He knew that, perhaps, if she had never loved him, things would have been simpler. Sure, he would have been miserable, but she would be alive. Now, there was no hope. He had no idea of how to save her without making her suffer. If he used the Heart and died instead of her, Hitomi's heart would be broken. If he didn't do anything but be at her side, she was doomed to die. He didn't like either of those options.

He was happy, yes, but it came with a high price. He knew that what they had could not possibly last forever. He feared for the time when they had to choose between what made them happy and what did not. In any other circumstance, choosing what made them happy would have been the only option, but not now. They couldn't sacrifice a whole world just because they wanted to forever be together and happy. It was unheard of and selfish.

"I promise you, Hitomi, that I won't ever forget how I feel right now. I won't let anything change me back into my old self."

"Thank you."

"Anything to please you."

It was the perfect picture. His wings were above them, wrapping them. His feathers were flying in circles around their bodies. And them, together, in the middle of a lake, on a small island, illuminated only by the glow of Escaflowne and the shine of the moon. Hitomi was happily wrapped in the arms of Van, the only man she had ever loved. Van was embracing her for all he was worth, holding to the only person capable of warming his heart. Both of them, though, were afraid, trying to forget their fears and doubts because they knew that what they shared in that moment could not last, no matter how much they both wished it would.

* * *

Millerna did not let all the bodies and injured men around her take away her smile. She went from one man to the other, trying her best to cure their wounds or help them die without pain. A knot formed in her stomach as she saw a new soldier been pulled into the infirmary. He couldn't be older than 15, and by the looks of it, he would not grow older. He would die being a child.

People moved out of his way as the two other soldiers brought him in. They put him in a bed, said something to him and left. No one came close to him. There were no comforting words offered to him. Every woman in the place looked at him with sad eyes and then quickly went to attend others. Not even the injured soldiers went next to his deathbed. He was going to die alone. Millerna made her way towards him. She knew there were other soldiers that needed her attendance, but she could not let this boy die alone. He had fought for his country and would die for it.

"Hello, young man, is there anything you want?" She smiled at him, and did all that was humanly possible to keep her words brightened. He opened his gray eyes, but it took him a moment to focus them on her. Millerna felt her smile flatter, but she kept it in place.

"I…water" He managed to say between gasps. It was obvious that even talking took a lot of strength from him. She quickly went to find water for him and brought it back. She helped him to sit up and helped him drink the water. Most of it got spilled.

"Please…tell me a story."

Millerna looked at him with surprise in her eyes, but he just smiled.

"When I…was little, my mom…" He stopped, interrupted by a cough. When he had recovered, he continued. "She used to…tell me stories. Please…"

Millerna nodded. She had never told a story before, but one look at him was all she needed to continue. She helped him to lie down and brought a chair close to his bed. She began.

"Once upon a time, there lived a snobby princess who wanted all she could not have. She was never satisfied, and her father worried that she would never settle down, so he arranged for her to marry."

"How awful." The boy managed to say.

"Yes, how awful…" Millerna's eyes held a far away look. "She was in love with someone else. He was perfect for anybody, and she had grown up with him, her feelings for him increasing every year. She did not believe she would ever be able to love anyone else as much as she did him. She begged her father to release her from such an unwanted marriage, but he did not agree with her. She was to marry a man she had never met and would surely never love."

"Why did she not escape with the man she loved?"

Millerna smiled at him. "He did not love her in that way. He never would look at her with love in his eyes, so she married the other man."

"Was she happy?"

"At first, no. She hated the man. He had taken away all her illusions. If it hadn't been for him, maybe she would have been able to keep her dreams of being loved by the other man. But he took everything away from her when she married him."

"Was she forever miserable?"

"No, she argued with him all the time, and she couldn't stand his presence, but then, one day, he got injured. Apparently, some thief had shot him. When the princess saw him with so much blood on him, her heart went to him. She suddenly realized that if he died, she was sure to die too. She took care of him and never left his side until he was well again. It took him almost dying for her to realize that behind all the hate she pretended to have for him, there was only love. After that, she felt what true love was like. She lived happily from then on, until…"

She turned to look at the boy next to her. His breathing had ceased. A small tear went down her cheek.

"Until he died, just like you."

She got up and closed his gray eyes forever. He would never see daylight again. He would not grow up and fall in love and marry. His life had been taken away from him by this stupid war. Millerna ran out of the infirmary before the tears fell. She ran until she was at the bridge, and there she threw up. Her eyes were now full of tears. She banged her fists on the bridge. She thought she was getting used to everyone dying. She had vowed to not cry anymore, to be strong no matter what. She owed it to Dryden. He had been brave enough to sacrifice himself for Fanelia. Why could she not be as strong as he had been? She kept crying and crying, and it seemed like the tears would never stop falling. Suddenly, a handkerchief appeared in front of her.

"It is a pity to see such a beautiful woman cry."

She turned and found Amano. She looked oddly at him.

"What are you doing here?" She asked him.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I…I came here to get away from… the war for a little while."

"It seems kind of impossible to do that, especially since it is everywhere."

"It's just…why do people have to die? Why do lives that have not been lived get taken away? How can we keep on going when there is so much suffering around us?"

He stayed quiet for a while, and Millerna though he would not answer.

"We keep on going because we have to. No one wants wars, but they still appear, and we can do nothing but defend ourselves and hope that tomorrow will be better. People die because they have to. Some die before their time, some live longer than they should, but we can do nothing to change the inevitable. We can only be there to ease the pain of those who are destined to leave us."

"Why do you keep on going?"

Amano looked surprised, but then a smug smile appeared on his face. "Yuraki, my wife, keeps me going. But also Kansaki, the kingdom I love with all my heart. And Hitomi. She is my dearest friend. You know, when her mother died, she cried a little, but at the next day she was up with a smile. I thought that was odd and asked her about it. She only said that she had to smile for her mother. She wouldn't want her to be unhappy."

"All I hear about Hitomi are good things. She seems to be an exceptional person."

"She is. Trust me; if there is someone that can end this war, it is her. I have never met someone as determined as her. I think even my Yuraki is less stubborn. She will always do the right thing for her country. Right now, she is risking her life for all of us. Though I do wish she'd hurry up. I'm afraid that running a kingdom is not very much my thing."

"You are doing a wonderful job. I will definitely talk more to Hitomi when she arrives."

Millerna suddenly had a thought. They had sent her out with a mercenary. A person that was so good could not get along with someone that was so evil. Had they made a mistake in sending those two away?

"Does Hitomi have any flaws?"

"A lot, like any person. She in not perfect, but she wishes everyone the best. I sometimes wonder if all her happiness does not hide all her sadness. Anyway, that is not important right now. Tell me, what keeps you moving?"

"The memory of my beloved."

"If you don't mind telling me, what happened to him?"

Millerna paused before answering. "He died, sacrificed himself for the cause."

"Like everyone else. Like more to follow."

"Yeah…" She thought of all the soldiers that had died, of Dryden, of young boy…"Like everyone else."

"I'm sorry, but I have business to attend, and if I must say so, I do not like the presence of King Allen." Millerna turned, watching as Allen approached to them, a smooth smile appearing on her face.

"Of course, go"

He turned, and just as Allen reached her, he turned. "Lady Millerna, there is always something to smile for." And then he left, back to whatever he was doing, leaving a more hopeful Millerna and a very angry Allen behind.

"What was he doing here?"

"Allen, don't be so overprotective."

"But…"

"You know, you are actually very similar to him. You even look alike physically."

Allen looked hurt. "Me? With him? Millerna, you break my heart."

She laughed. Amano had managed to bring her mood up, against everything, and Allen seemed to be cheerful today, too.

"Is everything fine on the battle field?" She asked carefully.

"There have been no movements from Zaibach since this morning. They seem to have retreated, probably to form a strategy, but don't worry. We are holding just fine."

Millerna stayed silent for a minute, the face of the young boy returning to her mind.

'_There are always bad and good peoples. There are always those who should not suffer but do, and others that should suffer but don't. The world is full of injustices, but we have to keep on going to change that.'_

Dryden's words came to her mind. He had always tried to do something good for the world, even if the methods were not so…legal. Now it was her time to continue what he had started, in her own way.

"Come on, Allen, we have a war to win."

He smiled warmly at her. "Yes, we do. But do remind me, what are we fighting for again?"

Millerna turned to look at the sunset. She could feel the end was coming nearer. This war would see its last battle soon. Perhaps if the enemy was different they could hold on for a longer time, but she knew, as Allen knew, that their time was ending. Soon, everyone who could fight would be dead or too weak to do so. They had to act fast.

"For us, for the ones we have lost, and for the hope that tomorrow will be better."

Allen sighed at her side. His face was more somber than moments ago.

"Yes…" He whispered to her. "I seem to keep forgetting that."

* * *

Van dropped to his knees. He was exhausted. Transporting Hitomi and Escaflowne back to Fanelia had taken a lot out of him. He looked to his side. Escaflowne was there, looking even more powerful than it had in Atlantis. He looked to his other side. Hitomi was smiling at him, her eyes full of love, her arms tangled around his waist.

"You did it. You brought us back."

"It took all my strength."

"Don't worry about it."

"I'm so tired."

"Go to sleep then. I'll take care of you."

"Yea right, like you could take care of yourself." But he could feel sleep taking over him, his eyelids slowly closing. Before he knew it, he was asleep.

* * *

Hitomi smiled. She had never been to the sea. It was amazing, and she loved it. She loved the smell, the waves, the deep blue of the ocean, and the way the sun shone over it. She sat down on the sand, letting the water touch her. She took a deep breath, loving the salty smell. Her eyes turned from the sea to the ruins of Fanelia, making her eyes a little sadder. How glorious Fanelia had to have been! If she closed her eyes, she could almost see it.

"It was beautiful before it was destroyed."

Hitomi quickly turned her eyes from Fanelia to her side. She immediately tried to get up, but strong arms held her down.

"Let go of me."

"I'm afraid you are in no position to ask for anything."

Hitomi searched into his eyes, but there was nothing there. They were cold and serious, like Van's had been. She knew, without knowing how, that he was a very deadly Zaibach soldier, and he was here to get her.

"What do you want?"

His hold tightened around her as she tried to free herself.

"Please…"

His eyes only became colder, and suddenly it hit Hitomi that she knew those eyes. She had seen them somewhere else, but…

* * *

He stretched his arms as he opened his eyes. His hand searched for Hitomi, but it did not find it. In a second, Van was sitting, his eyes searching for her. She was nowhere to be seen. He got up fast and was about to go looking for her when something caught his eye. One of his hands went to his face, rubbing his eyes. He looked more carefully, and he was suddenly in a fighting position. He quickly took out his sword. There, leaning against some ruins, was a tall, dark figure. His arms were crossed, his head turned towards his way. Van could not see his face, but a chill passed through all his body. There was something wrong with that figure. And then, something terrifying came across his view. At the feet of the figure, Hitomi laid, unconscious, her hair all around her.

"Hitomi."

Without thinking, Van launched towards her, but the figure raised a hand, and without knowing why, Van stopped.

"Don't do anything rash, Van."

That voice…the way it talked to him…Van shook his head. Why did the voice sound so familiar? What the hell was wrong with him? He should be killing the bastard for hurting his Hitomi. He began to move, but he stopped when he heard his voice again.

"You never were able to control yourself. I see that hasn't changed."

"How do you know me? What have you done to Hitomi?"  
"To Her? Nothing, Dornkirk wants her alive. He also wants you alive."

"How do you know me?"

A long silence stretched before them, and then the figure moved into the light. Van gasped, his eyes opening wide. He took a step back, and shook his head violently.

"What the hell is the meaning of this?" He managed to say. He looked at the man in front of him again. His eyes sent information to his brain, but it refused to accept it. He had to be seeing things. Maybe all the effort he had done a while ago had affected him more than he thought.

"Van…"

"Don't say my name. You…can't be here. It is impossible."

Memories kept flashing in Van's head, all of them painful, all of them of his past, his childhood. They all reminded him that what he was seeing could not be.

It was impossible.

Intolerable.

And if, by some miracle real, the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

"You can't be real."

"I am."

"I…"

**Flashback **

"Leave him alone"

Folken grabbed Van and tried to free him from the soldiers grasp. When he realized that he wouldn't be able to do it, he grabbed his knife and stabbed the soldier on the leg. The soldier let out a cry and let go of Van, but caught Folken by the throat, the knife falling from his hand. A smile appeared on his face as he drew his sword.

"You'll pay for this, brat."

'Folken!' Van thought, already on his way to help his brother when he looked at him and shook his head.

"Run, Van, I'll be alright. Go." Folken told him, barely letting out any sound.

"But…"

"Run, run, Van, I'll always take care of you. Go, go!" Folken yelled at him. Those were his last words as the soldier stabbed him. He turned to Van and was about to kill him when he went still and fell to the ground. Behind him, a strong, tall man appeared. He was the captain of the Fanelian army, Vargas. He carried Van and started to run.

"No, Vargas, my brother, we have to save him. We must help him!"

Van struggled with all his might, but Vargas didn't pay attention and did not stop running until they were deep into the woods outside of Fanelia. He then put Van down and forced him to look at him.

"You are the only member of the royal family that is left, and Fanelia has been destroyed. I am the only one you have left, and I want you to know that I'll protect you, master Van. I'll help you get through this. My loyalties are now with you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Van didn't, really. It was just too soon. It had all happened way to fast, but he still nodded his head. He closed his eyes and his hands went into fists. He went to his knees and started crying. Everyone was dead. His country had been destroyed. Vargas was the only thing he had left.

**End Flashback**

"I saw you die."

Van desperately said, wishing with all his might for him to disappear. Why? What was happening? He had cried for him! Suffered for him! A part of him had died when he had. Damn it, he had mourned for him! He could not be here, in front of him, talking to him…

"You saw me getting stabbed, Van. I survived."

"No, no!" Van suddenly yelled. It could not be. He was a ghost or something of that kind. Yes, that was it, a trick of the mind, nothing more. His brother could not be alive. Because if he was…if he was, and it suddenly hit him, what he had said. He was here to get them. He worked for Dornkirk…Van fell to his knees, trying to make sense of everything that was going on around him.

"I'm sorry, Van."

Van looked up to see the past in front of him. He took in his white hair, his eyes, and…black wings. He had black wings…

"Folken…"

That was all he managed to say before the world turned as black as Folken's feathers.

* * *

**I truly hope you enjoyed this chapter. Things seem the get bad for Hitomi and Van. At last, Dornkirk managed to capture **

**them, I bet you thought I was going o send Dilandu for them. I was, at first, but I like Folken, so I just had to put him **

**somewhere in my story. Anyway, things are going to get complicated, and I'm still figuring if I'll make a happy or a sad **

**ending. I'm not sure. Well, review, review, review, and I'm completely sorry for the long wait for this chapter.**


	24. Change of Heart

**Hey! Once again, I am completely sorry for making you wait so long. I truly am, but I just couldn't write because I had **

**exams and so much work! Anyway, here is chapter 24. I hope you enjoy it, and I truly hope you don't kill me. Remember **

**that if you do, you won't be able to read the end of the story, and I know you don't want that. Well, I'll stop by rambling and **

**let you read next chapter.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Change of Heart**_

Hitomi was sure this was the worst day of her life. She had a huge headache, and she was afraid of opening her eyes. She was pretty sure that she was not in her beautiful room in Kansaki. The bed she was in could not be her own. Hers was soft and warm. This one felt like stone and was cold as a grave. So, if she opened her eyes, where would she find herself? She was too scared to find out.

'Come on, Hitomi, you have been through worse.' Damn, again that annoying voice. Could it not leave her alone, even now?

'Really?'

'Yes, you have been traveling around the world for almost a year now. You haven't slept in a nice bed for ages.'

'Oh, are you sure?'

'Do you not remember?'

Hitomi tried to clear the mess that was in her head. The headache wouldn't stop. In fact, it seemed to be intensifying.

'Are you positive that it is important for me to remember?'

'_Yes!_'

'Hey, I was only asking.' Hitomi took a deep breath and concentrated hard on remembering. 'Let's see, first I was in Asturia, but someone tried to kidnap me, and then I ended up in a suicidal mission with a mercenary. Okay, no problem there. After that…ah yes! Someone tried to kill me, but he saved me, and then we danced…I do believe he has nice arms, wait that is irrelevant isn't it?'

'_Concentrat_e.'

'Okay, okay, so…um…oh yes, he saved me again, and we passed through some sort of trials, and then…"

"Shit, Van!" She quickly got up from her stone bed and opened her eyes wide. The room she was in was dark and humid. It didn't smell nice. Actually, it smelled like something was rotten. She didn't want to know what.

'About time you remembered.'

'Shut up, I need to think. How did I get here?'

She closed her eyes, trying to remember the last thing she had seen. In her mind, she saw eyes that looked like Van's, but they were colder. They didn't hold love for her, and yet they were so similar…

'Think, think, think…'

**Flashback**

"Let go of me."

"I'm afraid you are in no position to ask for anything."

Hitomi searched into his eyes, but there was nothing there. They were cold and serious, like Van's had been. She knew, without knowing how, that he was a very deadly Zaibach soldier, and he was here to get her.

"What do you want?"

His hold tightened around her as she tried to free herself.

"Please…"

His eyes only became colder, and suddenly it hit Hitomi that she knew those eyes. She had seen the somewhere else, but…

**End Flashback**

Shit, she had gotten herself captured! She had let her guard down. Not that anyone could blame her, really, she had always been protected, but still…She got up, examining the place she was at. Her hands grabbed some kind of bars…Oh, damn; she was in a stupid cell with no way out. How the hell had she gotten into this position? He must have hit her in the head, and that was why it hurt so much.

'Why am I here?'

And then his words came floating back to her.

"_Dornkirk wants you alive."_

'Of all the places in the world, it had to be this place I ended up at.' Hitomi thought annoyed. 'Really, why didn't they throw me in a room full of dragons? That would have been more practical.'

Her situation, to say the least, was pretty damn bad. She was completely sure that she was trapped in a cell in Zaibach, which meant that she was at the mercy of her worst enemy. And then, why would he want her alive? Wouldn't it be better if he just killed her? She was a menace to him, so he should get rid of her, unless…

'What if he knows that I have part of the Heart? What if he knows that I am a seeker, the mistress if the Heart?' Her mind was spinning rapidly, thousands of questions and situations appearing in her mind, and then…

'What if he wants to use me to win this war?'

She had never thought of that as a possibility. Boris and Van had known that Dornkirk was trying to find the Heart, but no one had told her that he might know about her. She was positive that he knew that he couldn't use the Heart without dying. If he wanted to rule over the world, then dying was not an option. So…he had to know about her. He was going to use her to win the war.

'No, no, no!'

Her yell got stuck in her throat, and there was no way that her thoughts were right. They could not be right. She would not allow them to be right. There was no way some sick idiot would use her to destroy the world she had been trying so hard to save.

'Maybe,' Her inner voice told her, 'he just wants to chat.'

Hitomi felt like smacking herself, but it would intensify her headache, so it was not an intelligent idea.

'I am sure he brought me here just to say: Hello, how you doing? I know we are mortal enemies, but would you care to have tea with me? I have great cookies.'

'Exactly, and then you could say: I'd love to have tea with you. Do you have chocolate cookies?'

Hitting herself just to shut the voice did not seem like a bad idea all of a sudden. Sure, her headache would intensify, but she could take it, as long as her stupid self kept quiet.

'Fine, I will shut up, but have you wondered what happened to Van?'

Her mouth went dry. Her heart skipped a beat. Shit. It is not like her to swear so much, but giving the circumstances, she figured she could allow herself that privilege.

'If they have me, then they surely have him.'

She knows that he would never leave her alone. If they didn't have him, then he would come try to save her, the hero. He would probably end up being captured, and then what?

'Stupid Van, always thinking he is better that others, always sure he can do everything on his own. Why does he have to be so arrogant?' One of her hands flies to her chest, trying to stop the concern that is embracing her heart.

'Don't you dare let anything happen to you.'

She felt the tears beginning to form at her eyes. Her frustration was getting to her, and she couldn't control her emotions. Everything was fine just…some time ago. She didn't know how long she had been here. She only knows that she was with Van, and everything was just fine. Then, she woke up and found herself in this cell, trapped, and without Van.

'What if they hurt him?' And then, even worse, 'What if they kill him?'

The thought was too much for her. She felt her legs give away from under her, but she managed to stay up. She knew that nothing could happen between them, but she had allowed it. What they had could only lead to trouble, but she had hoped she had been wrong. Deep down, she had wanted to know that what they were doing was right, that they were right. She knew it was a mistake from the very beginning. She doesn't care anymore. She knows she can't live without him. She doesn't even want to try.

'Could anything get worse?'

And then she heard her cell door open, and she groaned. Her question was about to be answered.

* * *

He knew he was pretty fucked up. He had to be. The pain in his back had kept him awake all night long. He could still feel it, the way Dilandu had whipped him. He would kill the bloody idiot as soon as he managed to get out of this cell. Van tried to move his hands, but they were chained. His feet were chained too. He couldn't move. He was trapped. He felt lost and so very concern because…

Could they have tortured Hitomi like they had tortured him?

Was everything they had been through for nothing?

He tried to keep his mind off of the horrible thought that crept in his mind. Every single part of his body ached. His heart couldn't stand all the concern he felt. His soul was becoming black again. And he felt betrayed. Betrayed by his own blood, his own flesh, his own brother…

Folken.

He had hoped, through his pain, that Folken had been a dream. Every time Dilandu let the whip fall against the skin on his back, he whispered to himself that Folken was dead. He was not alive. It had been a trick of the mind, an illusion, a game Dornkirk was playing with him. It was anything but _that_.

Folken was dead. There was no more than that. He had seen him die. He had been there when the sword had gone through his stomach. He had seen the light leave his eyes as he was carried away by Vargas. He could not have survived. He _had_ mourned for him. His childhood had completely vanished the moment Folken had yelled at him to run. All his life, he had thought Folken was a hero. It hurt too much to realize that he had been once again lied to. First Dornkirk and now Folken, didn't the gods know mercy?

His face hardened as he remembered his past. When things had been at their worst, he had thought of his older brother. He had always been there, in his mind, to keep him going.

'_Folken gave his live for mine.'_ He would think after a long day of training. _'I have to keep going. I owe him that much.'_

'_Folken was brave. He would have been a great man. He died too young because of these bastards.' _Van would think every time he massacred a village_. 'If it wasn't for them, I would still be innocent. I would still have my brother my by side.'_

'_Folken was always so strong and loyal.' He _would think as he looked at his reflection_ 'I should have died instead of him.'_

Van had always wanted to avenge his family, but over all, he had wanted to hurt the ones that were responsible for Folken's death. Every single second of his life, he had felt responsible for Folken's death. If it hadn't been for his stupidity, Folken would still be alive. Van had trained hard all his life, trying to erase the little boy he had once been. That boy had been weak and useless. He would be strong. He had become cold and merciless, the perfect mercenary. His head had been filled with hatred and thoughts of revenge. Every single night, he had dreamed of his burned Kingdom, his dead parents, and Folken. He, who had been tall, wise, and an excellent leader. Folken had been everything he wanted but couldn't be. Yet Folken had lied to him.

He let out a yell of frustration. He wanted, no, needed to kill something. He was sure Hitomi wouldn't mind if he killed a Zaibach soldier. It was for a good cause. If he didn't kill something soon, he would just explode, and he was sure Hitomi didn't want him to die.

_Hitomi._

Damn it! Where was she? Was she alright? What had his stupid ex-brother done to her? He tried to free himself of the chains, but he only managed to cut his wrists. Blood slide down them, and Van felt helpless. He did not like the feeling. A noise interrupted his thoughts; He didn't raise his head to see who it was. Whoever it was, it would surely not put him in a good position.

"So, how are you, Dragon?"

Van stayed still. He felt like ripping out the heart of the person that was in front of him.

"You have no manners. Maybe I should teach you some before you have your audience with Lord Folken. He is very interested in knowing why you betrayed him."

"Soldiers, get him on his feet. I think he needs to be reminded of his position."

Two strong arms pushed him to his feet. They tightened their grips on his hands to hold him on his feet. Van raised his head and met the red eyes that were looking at him with hatred. Van looked at him with the same feeling.

"One day, Dilandu, I will have your head."

Dilandu only smirked and released the whip.

"I'm feeling artistic, Dragon. Do you think you'll be able to fly if I hurt your back enough? It seems like your wings don't leave you any scars. Perhaps, I should make you some."

Van didn't reply, but he felt his face become stone. He didn't scream or show any feeling. His face was a mask again. His eyes were hard as stone. He was inside his mind, trying to ignore the physical pain and trying to run away from the emotional. He thought of Hitomi. Sweet, innocent, Hitomi. He didn't care what happened to him as long as she was safe. He hated not being able to free himself to save her. He wanted to know what Dornkirk wanted with her. If he put one finger on her, he would…

His head jerked when the whip failed to connect. Surely Dilandu wouldn't have stop at such a short time…

"Out of here, everyone."

"But…"

"Do not dare to defy my orders, Dilandu."

"Yes, sir."

Van heard his cell door close again, and he was left alone with the one person he did not want to see.

"Van."

Anger built itself up in Van's body. How dare he call him by his name?

"Do not call me by my name."

"We are brothers, Van."

"No, we are not. My brother died a long time ago. You are jus a traitor."

He heard Folken sighed. "Want it or not, I am your brother. Let me explain."

Folken's voice had a pleading sound, and Van almost gave in to it. He had always loved his brother, or at least his memory. He had looked up to him. He had betrayed him, and that hurt way too much to be forgiven.

"I don't care about your explanations." He said without showing any emotion.

"You will hear them want it or not."

* * *

Sometimes, she wondered if the pain would ever stop. Once, she thought she had been born with it. Maybe, it didn't matter anymore. Nothing seemed to be extremely important, anyway. She was trapped. She didn't know how long she had been in this humid, smelly cell. It could have been years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, or seconds. She didn't care. After all she had been through and all that awaited her, it was irrelevant. It wasn't that they had hurt her physically. Oh no, they hadn't laid a hand on her, but words…Words did not go. They stayed forever engraved in the mind, and sometimes in the heart too. They were strong and hurt more than any punch or kick. Hitomi wanted to forget, but all she could do was remember. She remembered their harsh words and all the things they said about Van.

"_He will surely be dead any minute now."_

"_The traitor, I'm sure he will get the worst of punishments. They'll probably torture him before killing him."_

"_Were you his whore, seer? I'm sure he gave you what you wanted."_

Their horrible words…they kept playing in her head, and she couldn't turn them off. As if that wasn't enough, she was sick with worry over Van. She feared for him. She had always tried to imagine what his life in Zaibach had been like. She had never thought it would have been that horrible. She was a prisoner and was treated like shit. She had not met one person that was even half decent. Everyone on this rotten place was disgusting. She wanted everyone to disappear. She closed her eyes, hoping that when she opened them everyone would be gone, and she would be back at her home.

'Hold on, Hitomi.' She said to herself. 'You can do this. You will do this.'

She opened her eyes. To her dismay, Dilandu and three other soldiers were entering the cell.

'Speaking of the devil…' She though. Why were they back?

"Aren't you going to say hello, seer?"

"No."

Dilandu's eyes turned blood red. His hand went up, but then it fell limp by his side. Hitomi felt proud of herself. She hadn't stirred or made any movement. She was sure she had managed to keep the fear from showing on her face. She had been getting good at that.

"Stupid girl, don't you know your position in here?" He grabbed her chin and forced her to look him in the eye. A shiver ran down her back. "We are not hurting you only because Lord Dornkirk has ordered us no to. If not…"

His eyes went down her body, and Hitomi had a good idea of what would happen to her if it wasn't for Dornkirk's orders. That, of course, did nothing to calm her mind. Why was Dornkirk ordering them not to touch her? If he only wanted her to help him win the war, then torturing her until she accepted seemed like the right choice, unless he wanted her for something more. She barely managed to restrain the yell that wanted to escape. Whatever he wanted, she would refuse without question. He would have to force her into whatever he wanted, and it would take all his strength. She would not go down without a fight. If Van had managed to survive, to keep alive the part of him that allowed him to feel, for so many years, then she could surely do the same.

"You are boring me, Dilandu. What do you want?"

Her voice had more courage than then what she really felt. Still, she was glad that at least her voice sounded confident. She saw how his eyes shined with anger. She did not care. If she had to go down, at least she would annoy him. She saw how his hands formed fists, and she remembered that Van did that when he was mad. Apparently, Dilandu did too.

"You are just a slut. Do you really think you'll be able to save your pathetic kingdom? Do you think you are strong enough to save Gaea?"

Hitomi didn't answer. She couldn't. Those were the doubts she had been having since she had accepted this task.

'What if I fail? What if Dornkirk wins? What will happen to Allen, Yuraki, Amano, and Merle? What will happen to the people I care for? What will happen to Van, to me?'

After a long moment, though, she decided to answer. "Of course I will. Good always wins over evil."

"Really? Then why am I still here? Why is your kingdom suffering? Why did the Dragon become a killer? Why does Zaibach exist if good wins over evil?"

"You will not win this was."

"You are not to decide that. You are a stupid, spoiled princess and nothing more. No one can use the Heart without dying. Do you actually think you could?"

'No, I will die, and it won't matter because everyone will be alright, and Van will be free, and the bad guys will be gone'.

"Yes." Was the thing that she told him. She did not expect the reaction. In a blink of an eye, a fist made contact with her skin, and a blade went through her hand. Hitomi screamed in pain. She opened her eyes to see her hand pierced by a knife. Her other hand went towards her lips. There was blood in her fingers when she removed them. She looked up at Dilandu. He was smiling. Hitomi had never felt like killing anyone. Right now, she would have done anything to erase that smile from his face and killing him suddenly seemed extremely good.

"You…"

Hitomi's words were cut when the cell door opened. She almost smiled at what she saw, and would have if it hadn't been her worst enemy.

"I do believe I told you to not touch her, did I not?"

Hitomi had never seen him before, but by the way the soldiers and Dilandu were bowing, she decided that this had to be Dornkirk. Besides, Dilandu's eyes were suddenly fearful.

"Lord Dornkirk, she…"

"I want no excuses. Get out of here; I will deal with you later."

Dilandu bowed lower, but before he turned to leave, his eyes locked with Hitomi's. They promised death. Hitomi gulped. Then, her eyes locked with Dornkirk's, and she wondered if she wouldn't be better off with Dilandu.

* * *

"Shut up, Folken! I don't want to hear your pathetic excuses."

Being stuck at Zaibach was horrible. He was back at the one place he had never wanted to go back to. When he had decided to help Hitomi save Gaea, he had never imagined that that path would lead him to the one place where everything had started to go wrong. As if that was not enough, he had to listen to his stupid ex-brother's excuses. He was having a hell of a day, he decided.

"I want you to understand." Folken said calmly, as if what he had done was nothing. As if he hadn't broken Van's illusions of his perfect brother.

"I don't want to understand. You betrayed us! You betrayed me! I've been here, at Zaibach, for more than ten years. Do not tell me that you didn't know because that would only be another lie."

"I always knew you were here."

Van felt his blood boiling.

"You knew I was here, and you didn't do anything? You let me believe you were dead?"

"It was for the best. You had to grow strong, and with me around you would have never done so. I did you a favor."

"You fucked me up, that's what you did! You…you betrayed me. I trusted you unconditionally, and you betrayed me, and our parents! Did you plan it all along? Did you kill our parents?"

Van's eyes held fear. He shouldn't have asked that. He didn't want to know. All his life had been a lie. Dornkirk had tricked him, and Folken had used him. Who else would use him?

"I am pained that you actually believe I would have killed our parents. I loved them. I love you, Van, even if you don't want to admit it. I did what was right."

"So lying to me was right? Do you know what they did to me here? Do you have any idea of how many people I have killed because of Dornkirk? You helped him fed me lies! You almost destroyed my humanity! You made me a…a…monster. Do you have no remorse?"

"I only did you good, Van. Perhaps you don't see it now, but I did. Dornkirk is the only hope to this world. If he does not win, then we are lost. How can you possibly not see that?"

"Are you blind, Folken? Dornkirk only wants power. He will destroy this world. He will make everyone his slaves. Gaea will be destroyed if Dornkirk wins."

"You are wrong, Van. If I remember correctly, you once used to be one of Dornkirk's loyal men. You had to believe in his dream to create a united Gaea. Your loyalties can not possibly be erased so fast."

"I was fed lies! I followed a liar! My loyalties are not with Dornkirk. They will never be with him again."

"Then who holds your loyalties now, Van?"

Van did not respond immediately. He knew his loyalties were with Hitomi, so then he was with Kansaki, but he did not want to say this aloud. He didn't want Folken to tell Dornkirk. He knew that Dornkirk felt that he had betrayed him, so he knew he was eager for revenge. A traitor always was punished, and he was the greatest of traitors, at least to Zaibach.

"That doesn't matter."

"It does. You betrayed my Lord, and you will be highly punished. Still, you are my brother, so I will see that your life is kept. Maybe this time you will be grateful."

"Don't do me any favors, Folken. I want nothing from you."

His words were bitter, meant to hurt, but Folken remained calm. Van wanted to hurt him. He wanted to make him feel as lost as he was. He wanted to make him see his mistake. He could do nothing. He was trapped. He wanted to rip him to pieces, but he was held back by iron.

"Why are your wings black?"

"I was almost dead when Dornkirk found me. He had to…inject something in my body in order to allow me to live. The chemicals changed the color of my wings."

Van felt that the color had been changed because of his betrayal.

"How did you end up here?"

Folken smiled, and Van felt like throwing up.

"After I saved you from that soldier, Dornkirk found me and brought me here. I almost died. It took his best doctors and scientists to keep me alive, but he did it. He told me he had murdered our family and destroyed our kingdom because we were gaining too much power. If he didn't destroy Fanelia, then Fanelia would have ended up destroying Gaea. He had to kill thousand to save millions. Van, he did it for a good reason. It was for the best. Dornkirk only wants to save Gaea from its destruction. Once every kingdom is under Dornkirk's rule, peace will rein. We will live in the perfect world, where no one is higher than anyone else."

"That," Van said, his voice filled with hatred. "is bullshit. You have no idea of what you are talking about. Dornkirk will enslave us. He will destroy Gaea. We will never live under peace. He caused this war, Dornkirk! How can he bring peace?"

"Sometimes, violence leads to peace."

"You are insane, Folken."

"You do not understand a thing, Van."

Folken turned to leave, and Van just had to say it.

"If I'm ever free, I'll kill you, Folken."

Folken stopped and looked back. His eyes, so like Van's, met with his.

"I only did what I had to do to keep you alive."

Van screamed, letting all his rage out in that one yells. Deception, betrayal, torture, and all in one day. He held on to his thoughts of Hitomi in order to keep from going mad.

* * *

Hitomi felt frustration, anguish, desperation, and over all anger. The man before her represented everything she hated. It had been him who had destroyed Fanelia. Because of him, her father had had to sacrifice himself for Kansaki. Dryden, too, had died because of the war that he had started. He had taken everything away from Van. The man in front of her had been the one that had destroyed Van's life. It was his entire fault. Hitomi could have forgiven him for a lot of things, but making Van's life miserable was something that she would never, ever, forgive. She would always hate this man because of what he had done to Van.

"You hate me." He said, coolly. His voice was grave and powerful. Hitomi hated it.

"Yes."

"I see. Why?"

"You represent everything I want to vanish from this world. You are everything I'm fighting against. You want to destroy everything I love. Do I need any more reasons to hate you?"

He laughed. Hitomi felt like punching him. "You have spirit. I like that. You'll make a wonderful queen."

Hitomi's mouth opened. Queen? What the hell was he talking about? Maybe he was crazy and not evil. A mental disease would certainly explain his evil plans.

"What?"

Dornkirk got close to her, carefully grabbing her chin, dedicatedly moving it so she would meet his eyes. Hitomi tried to put all her hatred in her eyes so he would see it.

"You hate me now, but it will be different. I will make you change your mind."

"I would never change my mind. I will forever be against you."

"I can assure you I will change your mind."

"Impossible."

"Possible, but first, what do you know about Van?"

"Nothing."

She closed her mouth tight, determined to not speak a word. She would not give him any information. She would rather die first.

"You do understand that he is a traitor. I just want to know why he changed…sides."

Hitomi kept her mouth closed. She glared at him.

"You can tell me the easy way or the difficult way. I will know anyways, so it's up to you to decide."

Hitomi kept glaring at him. Dornkirk sighed.

"Your choice."

Hitomi felt his hands at both sides of her head. She looked at him with determination. Whatever he was planning on doing, it would not help him.

"You see, seer, I have worked on this special technique that will help me control everyone's minds. The problem is that I'm not strong enough to use it to control every person in Gaea. That's where you come. With the Heart, I can amplify my power and control everyone. Would you like to see how it works?"

Out of nowhere, Hitomi felt the magic steer, and then, without any warning, a pain shot through her head, making her blind with all the hurt. She screamed and screamed and screamed. Her nails dig in her palms, cutting trough them. Her body went stiff, and she could think of nothing but the pain. Then, as sudden as it came, it disappeared, leaving Hitomi with just the memory of the pain.

"What…was…that?"

"Impressive, isn't it? So you are the one that changed the boy's heart, huh? You made him betray me. If I wasn't going to make you my queen, I would kill you. Fortunately for you, I'm not." Dornkirk carefully took her pendant between his fingers. Hitomi's eyes widened. "This if part of the Heart, mmm, interesting. The other part is in Escaflowne, the guymelef that is currently in my power, so I guess I have the Heart. And you are the only one that can use it, which makes it even more perfect. You have resulted far more useful than I expected."

"How do you…how do you know?"

"I saw it in your mind. I also know that you love Van. An odd couple, if I may say so. It won't last, of course. I won't let it."

"You can't change the way that I feel."

Hitomi was scared. This man had managed to extract the information that she had sworn to guard with her life. He had just put his hands on her head, and everything had opened up. What else was he capable of?

"That is where you are wrong, mistress. I can change the way you feel, and I will. You see, a long time ago, I was in loved with your great grandmother, Meridian. She was everything I wanted, but she betrayed me, and I had to kill her. That's where the idea came to me. If I managed to control people's thoughts, then I would never be betrayed again." He looked at her, and grinned at the confused look she had. "Your family brought me a lot of pain, but you will make it go away."

"I will never be your queen."

"You will, and jut because I like you, I will tell you why. You love Van with all your heart, and you hate me with the same kind of passion. I just have to get inside your mind and change the feelings. You will hate Van and love me. It is very simple."

Hitomi's eyes filled with fear. 'No, no, no, I will not let him. Please, let me not let him. Let me be strong enough.'

"What you are planning on doing is not real. It is only an illusion. True love is stronger than any illusion."

He laughed heartedly. "Trust me, my love; this is a very strong illusion. And even if you break free of my power, I will already know your mind. It will be easy for me to turn you against Van again. No matter what happens, I win and Van loses. You will be mine."

"I will not let you."

"And how will you defend yourself?"

He reached out towards her. Hitomi yelled, moved, tried to free herself, nothing worked. She could feel his power entering her mind, the pain invading it. With all her being, she fought it back, trying to push him from her mind. The pain just grew stronger.

'Please, Van, please, let this be a bad dream, please, don't let it be real.'

She knew she was just lying to herself. She could already feel something wrong in her mind. She could feel…

Dornkirk was pleased by the way things had gone out with the seer. It had been difficult, to accomplish his goal. She had strength of mind that he had not anticipated, but he had done it, anyway. She was his. She had even believed that, if she ever got free from his illusion, she would be a danger to Van. Of course he could change her back, if she ever managed to free herself, but it would be far more difficult. It had been an arduous job. Her love for him was too great, and she refused to forget it, nut her hate for him had helped. It was done. Now all that was left was go torture Van, kill him, and win a war. He thought he could have everything done by the end of the month. Everything was perfect. He allowed himself a smile.

* * *

"Open the cell."

A nervous soldier quickly moved to open it. Dornkirk stepped in.

"Folken."

"Milord."

"Leave, I have issues to deal with Van."

"Yes sir."

Folken stopped in front of him. "Please, milord, don't kill him."

Dornkirk's face grew serious. "That is for me to decide. Now, leave."

Folken bowed and left the room. Dornkirk looked in front of him, only to be met by a pair of furious eyes.

"Dornkirk." He said his name with all the hatred that was inside of him. Dornkirk found that he feared Van a little. If he ever got free, and they were in the same room, he would surely rip him apart. Fortunately, he planned to kill him quiet soon.

"Van."

"You lied to me." Van's eyes burned in his. If looks could kill…

"Of course I did. Having the last two draconians at my command was to my best benefit. But don't look at me like that, Van. I trained you and made you stronger. It is because of me that you are here, after all. All I did was save you. You should actually thank me."

"Thank you? For what? You made me kill thousands of innocents. You took away my feelings. You made me a monster, a mercenary, the Dragon. You made my life a lie. What is there to thank you in that?"

"I suppose nothing, really. Except for the fact that I kept you alive and teach you everything you know. I would have expected you to be more loyal, Van, You have disappointed me."

"You disappointed me too, Dornkirk. I swear, even if it is the last thing I do, I will bring you down." His words were harsh and angered. "I will avenge my family. I will kill you for what you did to my kingdom, to me. You will not escape me."

"I assume you would, if you could. Unfortunately, you can't. You are in my power, Van, just like your precious Hitomi."

Dornkirk had decided that he was getting bored with Van's proclamations of revenge, so he thought of bringing Hitomi into the conversation. Van's reaction was certainly amusing, if no a little frightening. He had managed to sand up and was currently fighting with the chains around his wrists. He could see the blood rolling from them. Foolish kid.

"If you have laid one finger on Hitomi…"

"Oh Van, I have done much more than put one finger for her." He saw how his face transformed with hatred.

"What have you…?"

Dornkirk raised a hand. "I have decided you should die, but it will not be me who kills you." He ordered the soldiers to bring her.

"I want you to meet the new Hitomi. She is to be my queen."

Slowly, Hitomi entered the room. She went directly to Dornkirk, without even glancing at Van. She put her arm around his waist and smiled as their eyes met. Then, she turned her eyes towards Van. They were filled with hatred.

"Hitomi…" Dornkirk said, giving her a sword. "Kill him."

* * *

**Wow! Who would have thought that Dornkirk would be so powerful? Next chapter will be quite interesting, and it will change **

**the relationship between Hitomi and Van. Oh, and good news to everyone! Chapter 25 and 26 are already written! I've just **

**received chapter 25 from my editor, but look for it in one or two weeks. Chapter 26 will come shortly after it. Yey! Well, **

**moving to other things…**

**The war between Zaibach and the rest of the world is about to start. Van and Hitomi don't seem to be in good terms and yes, **

**they will eventually go back to Kansaki, where Allen and the others are. So…a lot of things will be happening and some of **

**them will be crucial, so don't stop reading! And please, please, please, review. I know I haven't been very good in the **

**updating part, but I've just have work after work after work. My school is very demanding, and they just won't leave me **

**alone but trust me, I am trying, so please review and let me know what you are thinking. It truly means a lot to me. And it **

**helps me know if I should modify something in the story, thought I am sure of how I'm going to end it. Your opinion really **

**count to me, so please, please, please, go down there and leave a comment.**


	25. Painful Consequences

**Yes! The chapter you have been waiting for! Sorry I didn't post it earlier, butI had some problems with fanfic. It wouldn't **

**let me log in. Besides, I didn't take more than 2 weeks, I think, to update. Anyway, I truly hope you **

**enjoy it, and oce again I beg you not to kill me. Remember that you want to know the end of this story. And trust me, it was **

**painful for me to reach the decision I took, but it was necessary. You'll see later…I hope. Oh, and if this chapter is **

**confussing, tell me and I'll try to explain. It does not start where the other left, so don't expect that scene at the beggining.**

**IMPORTANT NOTE: Someone told me that Dornkirk was discusting and couldn't move on the series. In this fic, he is disgusting, but not that much, and he can walk because it serves the point of this story. Also, Dornkirk WILL fight on this story. At the war, he will be there, and the battles that took place in the series will not be the same as in this story, so don't expect the same final battle. Some things will be similar, but definitly not everythin, and I'll try to change as much as I can.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Painful consequences**_

Hitomi had her arms gently around Van. She was trying to be delicate with him due to his injuries, but she was finding it hard with all the movements Escaflowne made. He turned and stole a kiss from her. He stood there, gazing lovingly at her.

"You should drive this thing. I don't want to fall." She told him softly.

He gave her a strange look. "What, scared of falling?"

"Well…"

"Hey!"

She laughed, but it sounded a bit forced. "I know you won't let me fall."

"Escaflowne won't let you either." His face turned serious. "I thought I had lost you."

"I know."

Their eyes met, and Hitomi saw so many emotions that she felt herself drown in them. And then, he took his eyes from her, and she felt alone and desperate. She looked at Van. He had his face towards the front. There was only blue in front of them, but he seemed to be concentrating. She thought it was because driving Escaflowne was harder than he thought. It was a wonderful guymelef; she would give it that, though she was not very comfortable in it, except for the fact that it allowed her to be close to him. She could smell his scent, feel his hair hitting her face, move with the rhythm of his breathing, and most of all, just enjoy his presence. He did a turn, and she let out a yelp and tightened her hold. She instantly felt him tense, and she drew back quickly.

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

She bit her lip. She had to worry about it. It was because of her that he was like this. If she had been stronger or braver…If she had fought against Dornkirk…

If only, maybe, perhaps…

They didn't exist. She couldn't go back in time, no matter how much she wished to do so. She couldn't change what she had done. But she could prevent it from happening again. Van would never have gotten hurt if he had never loved her. He would have been strong and, he would have fought against her. He would have killed her and Dornkirk, and then he would be saved along with Gaea. But they had fallen in love. She had thought that maybe, just maybe, their love could happen, could be a reality…Now she new better. Dornkirk had used her and her feelings. He had changed them, destroyed them, and it had almost taken Van's life to free her. She wouldn't let that happen. She had to end things between Van and herself, for his own good. It would hurt, not having him near, but it was for the best. She had to break his heart and save him from death and from herself. She would not let another mistake like the one at Zaibach happen again. She didn't care what happened to her, as long as he was safe.

* * *

_Some hours earlier…_

Hitomi's mind was blank. There was no thought crossing her mind as she was taken out of her cell. Hell, she didn't even realize they were taking her out. She moved because she had been ordered to, but there was no motivation in her movements. Her eyes were as black as the night, and the shine of life that was always there was gone. She was the shell of what she used to be.

She didn't remember who she was or if she was supposed to be someone at all. Her mind had been erased, her heart changed, and her thought manipulated. Her personality had been erased from herself, twisted until there was nothing else from her old self. And yet, she didn't know a thing. She had no idea that something was missing. She was a doll, and Zaibach was playing with her without her knowing.

Soldiers grabbed her by the arms and pulled her through the halls of the building. Hitomi went obediently. She had no reason to fight against them. Hitomi didn't live, think, or feel. She didn't do anything any more. She was as empty and vacant as her now black eyes. Suddenly, the soldiers stopped, and Hitomi heard his voice.

"I suppose nothing, really. Except for the fact that I kept you alive and taught you everything you know. I would have expected you to be more loyal, Van. You have disappointed me." His voice brought color into her dull life. She suddenly remembered where she was and why she was here. Everything made sense. A little smile appeared on her lips. He was here. Her mind was filled with thoughts of only him. She thought everything was fine now, and yet her eyes remained black and voided of any emotion.

"You disappointed me too, Dornkirk. I swear, even if it is the last thing I do, I will bring you down." His words were harsh and angered. "I will avenge my family. I will kill you for what you did to my kingdom, to me. You will not escape me."

The words of the other man in the room made her angry. How dare he threaten her lord? She wanted to make him shut up. She had to hurt him badly to ease the hatred that was building up in her heart.

"I assume you would, if you could. Unfortunately, you can't. You are in my power, Van, just like your precious Hitomi."

She heard her name and got confused by it. His precious Hitomi? But she was Dornkirk's! What was her lord talking about?

"If you have laid one finger on Hitomi…"

"Oh Van, I have done much more than put one finger on her."

"What have you…?"

Hiromi was getting more and more confused. Why would Lord Dornkirk hurt her? He wanted her. He needed her. He loved her. He would never, ever, do something to harm her.

"I have decided you should die, but it will not be me who kills you." He ordered the soldiers to bring her. "I want you to meet the new Hitomi. She is to be my queen."

Hitomi entered the room because her lord asked her to. She went directly to him, not even looking at the captive. She wanted to look at her lord before seeing anything else. She encircled his waist, needing to feel him close to her. Dornkirk always made her feel save. Her eyes locked with Dornkirk's and she smiled. Then, her eyes turned towards the captive, and she felt hatred like she had never felt before. He repulsed her. God, she couldn't even stand to be in the same room he was in! She didn't want to breathe the air he did. She didn't want to share the space in which he was in. She wanted nothing to do with him. She needed him gone because he was a menace to her beloved Dornkirk.

"Hitomi…" Dornkirk said, giving her a sword which she took without a second thought. "Kill him."

'No!' Something inside of her screamed. 'No, no, no. Not him. Don't!'

Hitomi looked at Dornkirk again, unsure of why she was having second thoughts about following his orders. He gave her an intimidating look, ordering without words to do what she was ordered.

'No.' The voice said, but Hitomi drowned it. She had to do what Dornkirk said. She lived for him and nothing else mattered. She brought the sword up high, ready to strike a deadly blow, but when her eyes met his, she lost all her predetermination. His eyes had pleaded with her. When he had looked at her, she had felt that he was burning into her, looking right at her soul. It was as if he knew her. There was no fear in his eyes, and yet he had been pleading to her, but for what? She slowly brought the sword to her side.

"I can't do it." She told Dornkirk, not knowing why. She glared at the man in front of her, hating him more for not allowing her to fulfill her orders. "I'm not a killer."

"You will be whatever I want you to be." Dornkirk's angry voice told her. She tried to run away from him, but she was too late, and his hands made contact with the sides of her head. She felt pain, and she tried to fight it. She saw images of herself with the captive man, and she saw her thoughts about Dornkirk, and yet none of this made any difference.

'_You are to follow every order Dornkirk gives you. You love him. You live for him. There is nothing you want but to be at his side!'_

The words came with the pain, and it would not go away until she accepted them, so she did. She was Dornkirk's and no one else's. She lived to please him. Another wave of pain came, stronger than the one before.

'_You hate Van Fanel, the man in front of you. He deserves to die. You hate him. You can't tolerate his presence. You will kill him.'_

She tried to fight these words. They didn't fit into her mind. They felt wrong. Pain, stronger than before, hit her, and Hitomi screamed and screamed and screamed. She didn't give up. She had to win against the voices and the pain in her head. More pain came to her, and her defenses went down. She stooped fighting and started accepting. She had no option.

She opened her eyes and looked at Dornkirk. Her eyes were still black, but there was a shining that hadn't been there before. Her eyes had the same shine that Van's used to have and that Dilandu's still had. They shined with hatred. She got up, sword grasped tightly in her right hand. Dornkirk grinned.

"Tell me, Hitomi, do you hate Van Fanel?"

She didn't have to think twice to answer that one. "Yes."

"And why do you hate him?"

Hitomi took a moment to think about the question. And then, the perfect answer came into her mind.

"Because he breathes."

Dornkirk's grin grew wilder. "Kill him and then report to my quarters. We have much to prepare before the final battle, and I need your help to destroy the other kingdoms."

"Yes, milord."

Dornkirk left the room with his soldiers, and Hitomi turned towards Van. She saw him flinch when their eyes met, and she smiled evilly.

"It is your time." She told him, kneeling besides him. "I can't bare your presence anymore."

"Hitomi…"

Slap.

Hitomi slapped him hard in the face, feeling good as she saw the hurt in his eyes. "Don't say my name. I will have to change it if you keep repeating it."

"This is not you, Hitomi, please…"

Hitomi's fist made contact with his face, drawing blood from his mouth. "I told you not to say my name!"

They stayed silent for a moment, suspended in the moment. Hitomi only felt her hatred grow and her anger rise. She located her sword against his chest, where his heart should be.

"Don't do this, please, don't let Dornkirk win."

"He has already won."

She pushed the sword into him.

His eyes locked with her now black eyes and he felt like weeping. There was no life in those eyes. There was no Hitomi in those awful orbs. He could only see the malice of Dornkirk. To top it all, his Hitomi had her arms wrapped around that old bat. He felt like throwing up. He looked at Hitomi again and felt his heart clench. Van felt completely disbelieved as he saw what that monster had done to her. She was gone, and he didn't know if he could get her back.

* * *

"Kill him." 

Van heard Dornkirk's order and saw Hitomi move towards his side. She took the sword high above her head, and then she looked at him. He pleaded with his eyes. Through them, he told her how much she would hate that one act. He tried to make her feel all the love he felt for her. God, he wanted her back. To his shock, she brought the sword down.

"I can't do it." She told Dornkirk, "I'm not a killer."

The words hit Van hard. She had said she was not a killer, unlike him. Even in Dornkirk's spell, she didn't want to be like him. She despised him because he was a mercenary, and no matter how much she had told him she loved him, it would never change the fact that she was pure and he was not. Even Dornkirk knew that.

"You will be whatever I want you to be." Dornkirk's angry voice told her.

Van saw her go to the ground as Dornkirk put his hands in her head, but he couldn't do anything. He heard her scream in utter pain and saw her fight against his power, but he was held back by his chains and was not allowed to help her. And then, after seeing her fight and lose, after seeing her beautiful face torn by pain, he saw her eyes and froze.

They were the color of death, and they had the same shine he had tried to erase from his. Dornkirk grinned.

"Tell me, Hitomi, do you hate Van Fanel?"

"Yes."

Van was sure no one would have to kill him. Her words were the only thing necessary to leave him without wanting to live.

"And why do you hate him?"

Van closed his eyes. He didn't want to hear her answered because it would hurt like hell. He wasn't strong enough to hear her reasons for hating him.

"Because he breathes."

Van tried to convince himself that those were not her real emotions. She was under Dornkirk's spell, and what she said was what he wanted to hear. Still, Van knew that emotions couldn't be created, so where did all this hatred come from? Had she been playing with him? Had it all been a joke?

'No!' His heart screamed. 'You know her. She would never be able to do that to you. It is not her, the one that is talking; it is Dornkirk. He wants to hurt you, to use your emotions against yourself. Don't let him win.'

"Kill him and then report to my quarters. We have much to prepare before the final battle, and I need your help to destroy the other kingdoms." Dornkirk ordered her.

"Yes, milord."

Dornkirk left the room with his soldiers, and Hitomi turned towards Van. He couldn't help but flinch as their eyes locked.

"It is your time." She told him, kneeling besides him. "I can't bare your presence anymore."

"Hitomi…" He started, but was cut short by her.

Slap.

His head moved to one side, and he stood there, immobilized. Hitomi, who couldn't hurt a fly, had just hit him. It hadn't really hurt, but that was not the point.

"Don't say my name. I will have to change it if you keep repeating it."

He tried again. "This is not you, Hitomi, please…"

Hitomi's fist made contact with his face, drawing blood from his mouth.

"I told you not to say my name."

He couldn't even look at her. His mind was screaming at him to hurt her, to make her feel pain for just having insulted him. His instincts told him to kill her. He ignored them all. This place was slowly turning him back into what he did not want to be. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes and remembered what he had promised her.

**Flashback **

"Promise you won't forget what you have learned with me."

"What have I learned?"

"You have learned to be human."

"I was never human. I am a draconian."

"Draconian, human, what is the difference? You can fly, we don't. So what? We both hate and love the same. We both suffer and are happy like everyone else. They are only a little different." She said, while running her hands over his feathers.

"We are stronger, and we heal faster." Van said.

"Of course, but you feel like any other human. Our emotions are the same. Don't ever forget that."

"Why are you making me promise this?"

"Because I know you are afraid of the future. I am, too, but you must always remember, no matter what happens, that you can feel, and that I will always be there for you. I adore you, Van. I'd do anything for you."

"I promise you, Hitomi, that I won't ever forget how I feel right now. I won't let anything change me back into my old self."

"Thank you."

"Anything to please you."

**End Flashback **

He felt the tilt of her sword on his chest, but he refused to be intimidated. Dornkirk wanted them to fight and destroy each other. He wanted Hitomi to lose her innocence. He would not allow Dornkirk to do so. He would rather die than let Hitomi give in into the darkness that was in her eyes. He would fight until the end, and then some more if it was necessary. He would get his Hitomi back, no matter what. He felt a new force rise within him.

"Don't do this, please, don't let Dornkirk win."

"He has already won."

She pushed the sword into him, but the sword didn't make it to its destiny. Hitomi looked at him surprised. Van grinned at her, though it hurt him to do so. He had a satisfied look on his face. Hitomi's eyes went down towards her hand and the sword, and she found the reason. One of his hands was freed from its chains and was grabbing the sword. It had cut him, and his blood had tainted the sword and some drops had fallen to the floor, but the blow could have been worse. He was happy it had not reached its destiny.

He had lost so many things in his life, and so many things had gone wrong in his life…Folken, Dornkirk, the world had betrayed him. Everyone but her. And now, thanks to an idiot, he was loosing her again. He could feel the desperation that he had felt when he saw his brother die and the pain when he had been forced to kill. He would not endure all of that again.

"No, Hitomi." He told her firmly, a new light in his eyes. "He has not won, and I will not allow him to do so."

* * *

Everything happened in slow motion, and nothing seemed to make sense. 

´He should be dead!´ Hitomi's mind told her. She had pushed the sword with no other purpose than to kill him, and yet he had refused to die. Somehow, he had managed to free one of his hands, and at the last second, he had grabbed the sword. Hitomi saw how his other hand came free. She felt herself being pushed backwards, and some pain came when her back hit the wall, and yet she did not make a move to stop the man in front of her from totally freeing himself. With two quick moves from the sword, he had cut the chains that were at his feet.

'Those chains were of iron!' Her mind screamed. 'How did he free himself!'

She was getting scared. There was something about the man that was now in front of her, on his feet, that scared her beyond belief. Something told her he was evil and very capable of ending her life in less than three seconds. Still, she held her chin high and got to her feet. She had orders to kill him. She would not fail her Lord Dornkirk. She did not care about the methods she had to use.

"Hitomi." Her name came rolling off of his tongue like velvet. It made Hitomi tremble and she did not know why. She didn't know him. He meant nothing to her, and yet his voice alone was enough to make her heart race. Whatever was happening, it was not good. It was a distraction towards her duty and Dornkirk.

"Why do I hate you so?"

She had not meant to ask the question, but she was not quick enough to retain it. Since the moment she had laid eyes on him, she had hated him with a passion that was inhuman. It was as if she had been born hating him, as if her only mission on Gaea was to kill him, destroy him, and erase him from this world. Gods she wanted to kill him! She wanted to erase the grin from his face and the tender look in his eyes. Why did he look at her like that when she wanted nothing but to kill him? Why did she know him? Why wasn't she trying to kill him? Damn it, she had almost pushed a sword into his flesh. Had he not stopped her, it would have gone straight into him, from side to side, leaving him to history. And still, he dare look at her like he cared!

"You don't hate me. You just think you do because Dornkirk tricked you into thinking that, but you must fight it, Hitomi, you must, for us…"

"There isn't any us. Unless you are referring to the hate I feel towards you." She said.

Her voice was cold. Her eyes were colder. She saw his smirk disappear, and a smile came upon her face. One of her hands went behind her back and tightened around a knife. She took a step towards him, and rose on her toes so her lips were at his ear.

"I want you to understand one thing, and just one thing alone." She whispered in his ear "Dornkirk will win."

Without another word said, she stabbed him in the back, the blade finally reaching its destination. Hitomi pulled it back, looked at the blood, let a dry laugh, and went away, towards Dornkirk.

In the middle of the cell, Van fell to his knees, blood coming from his back, eyes widened, not believing what had just happened.

* * *

Dilandu was not pleased with the way things were going. Oh sure, Dornkirk had let him torture the pitiful Dragon, but it had not been as fun as he had anticipated. The bastard had refused to scream or beg. In fact, he had not gotten a response from him until he had mentioned the seer. Then, Dornkirk had not let him touch her, and when he had he had been thrown away. No doubt Dornkirk was looking for an appropriate punishment for his behavior. To top it all, Dornkirk, the almighty leader of Zaibach, had decided to make that filthy girl his queen. If that ever happened, he would surely not be able to kill her, and he would have to obey her every wish. As if that wasn't enough, he hadn't even been allowed to see how the seer killed her precious dragon. If the situation was not annoying and displeasing to him, he was sure he would actually be enjoying the irony if the situation. To think that the noble, innocent, pure seer was killing the bloodthirsty, evil, and powerful mercenary was just something that needed laughing about. Except for the fact that he had and still wanted to kill her in front of him, and then torture him to death. Therefore, it was no wander that when he heard her evil laugh, he went to check. 

Even to him it was stressful to see her in such an unordinary attitude.

He saw her go towards the towers, a bloody blade in her hand. He entered the cell only to find Van in the middle of it. He was on his knees with his eyes closed. Dilandu walked towards him, but he did not move. He caught a glimpse of his back. Blood was everywhere on it, but the wound was not fatal, and it would not cause him any problem. If the Dragon had wanted to, he would be on his feet right now. And yet, he did not move. Dilandu poke him with a finger. No reaction. He took his sword out and pressed it against his neck. He remained still.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" He finally asked him. To his great surprise, he responded.

"I am waiting for death, what else do you think I'm doing?"

He opened his brown eyes and met his blood like gaze. A Silence passed between them, until Dilandu started laughing hysterically.

"Why? Because she betrayed you? Because she stabbed you? Please, it was not her. It was merely Dornkirk's spell. Really, I never thought I'd see the day when the great Dragon would be brought down by a mere illusion."

In less than a second, he found himself face to face with Van. He had an angered expression on his face, and his fists were tightened around his shirt. He looked ready to kill. Dilandu only smirked.

"That is more like it, Dragon."

"Shut up!" Van pushed him against the wall and raised him a little above his feet. For a man with a wound on the back and heartbreak, he was still pretty strong. "You have no idea of what you are saying!" The Dragon screamed at him. "You have no idea of how it feels..." He let go of him. "She is gone. I'll never have her back."

Dilandu laughed. He laughed so hard his stomach started to hurt.

"You idiot, and that is why you are whining? You are just going to let her go away? You're not even going to give a fight?" He came close to the Dragon, until all he was able to see was those brown eyes that he hated so much. "I've wanted to kill you all my life. If you give up now, then killing you will be of no significance to me." He separated from him and went towards the door. "You can still bring her back. I do believe she is fighting the spell right now. She went to the principal tower." He saw how the dragon's eyes widened. "Next time I see you, I will kill you."

He left him there, dumb struck and alone. Well, at least the day had not gone in vain. If the dragon managed to bring the seer from the spell, then his plans wouldn't be ruined. He would be able to kill them both in the most horrible, tortuous way he could imagine. His eyes became redder with the thought of revenge. He would get what he wanted, no matter what.

* * *

Hitomi looked at the blade that was in her hands. Fresh blood was on it, and it made her stomach churn. It had felt so good to kill him, yet now she felt lost. She was confused, angry, and frustrated. She had wanted to kill him. It was what her Dornkirk wanted, but… 

"What the hell is wrong with me?" She yelled to the night.

Damn it! She loved Dornkirk. Whatever he wanted was what she wanted, and yet right now, she felt that what she had done was wrong, and she did not know why. Because she hated the man she had killed, and had wanted nothing more but to end his life, and now that she had done it, it left her with a void in her stomach and her heart aching. Her head was starting to hurt and she was beginning to doubt herself and her actions. The worse was that she did not know why. She just knew that something wasn't right.

"Hitomi."

She heard her name being said in the same way that she had heard just a few seconds ago. It was the same voice and the same tone, and her heart seemed to become smaller. She did not know if it was from fright or something else. She turned around to meet him, all the time hoping it wasn't him.

Is it too late?

Nothing to salvage

You look away

Clear of the damage

The meaning to

Our words of love

Has disappeared

Maroon met forest like eyes.

Lover found hater.

"I killed you..." Hitomi said.

"No, you just stabbed me."

Her eyes became colder and blacker.

"I'll just have to rectify that."

She walked towards him, blade in hand, determined, regardless of her doubts, to finish what she had started. Once again she raised the blade and brought it down fast and hard, but this time Van grabbed her wrist. The blade stood between them, shining brightly, separating them, and time seemed to stop. Their eyes locked. Hitomi's were filled with hatred and doubt. Van's eyes were full of love and determination. He squeezed her wrist tighter until she let go of the knife. The blade hit the floor, making an echo as it touched it.

We used to love one another

Give to each other

Lie undercover so,

Are you friend or foe?

"Let go of me." She spitted the words at him. She tried to free herself from his hold. She kicked, screamed, pushed, nothing worked. He just wouldn't let go.

"You will listen to me."

"No."

"I'm not asking."

"I won't hear you."

"You have no option."

"Why are you still here?"

´Why haven't you died? Why do you bother? What do you want to tell me? Why are you holding on to me!´ She had so many questions, and so little answers. The hatred inside of her was consuming her, as if it was alien to her body.

"I know you can't remember, and I know you feel like killing me, but that is not you."

"You don't know me."

"Yes, I do." His free hand went towards her face, caressing it. The touch was so soft that is almost hurt. "I know you better than anyone."

Love one another

Live for each other

So, are you friend or foe?

'Cause I used to know

"The only person that knows me is Dornkirk."

She saw anger flash in his eyes, but it disappeared soon.

"He doesn't know you. He did something to you so you wouldn't remember."

"Remember what?"

"Remember us."

Pain shot through her head, driving her to her knees. Images that shouldn't exist flashed in her head. In all of them they were together. She refused to accept what passed through her mind. It was all wrong. It was an illusion he had somehow caused. There was no way she had ever been with him. Her life belonged to Dornkirk.

"Lies! All you say are lies! You are just trying to confuse me so that I will betray my Dornkirk!"

"Damn it, girl. I'm not using tricks on you or anything. I'm telling you the truth. Why do you refuse to see it?"

"Because I love Dornkirk, and I hate you!"

Her head shot to her side as his hand hit her. She looked at him with new hatred.

"You hit me."

"You deserved it."

The promises

Hollow concessions

And innocent

Show of affection

I touch your hand

A hologram

Are you still there?

His hand went to her cheek, lying on top of it. Hitomi closed her eyes. He had hit her. She hated him. Still, she let him touch her, and she did not know why.

"Please, Hitomi. I promised to protect you. I swore I would keep you safe from everything, even yourself. Don't force me to hurt you. I don't want to ever hit you again. Please, Hitomi, I know you are somewhere over there, ready to be freed. This…" He completely let go of her and took a step backwards. "Is NOT you. You are a lovely woman that is full of happiness. What Dornkirk has made of you is sickening, and you should fight it back. You did it once, back at the cell, you can do it again."

Hitomi didn't know what to think or feel. Part of her wanted to erase him from her mind. She wanted to go back to Dornkirk, to that blankness that filled her mind whenever she wasn't with him. Another part of her told her to trust him, the one who claimed to know her. Something insideof her wanted to go with him, desired to be with him, needed to apologize to him for all the pain she had caused him. She couldn't do any of those options. Her mind was hurting and her heart was aching and she didn't know anything anymore.

Is it too late

Nothing to salvage

You look away

Clear of the damage

The meaning to

Our words of love

Has disappeared

"No, Dornkirk…"

His finger came to her lips, stopping her words.

"He is our enemy. His troops killed your father, destroyed my country, and want to make slaves of our people." He came closer to her, and she didn't have the strength to pull back. She felt his breath on top of her lips. "He wants to separate us because he knows that together we are unstoppable. Don't let him win…"

Hitomi heard soldiers climbing the stairs of the tower. She heard Dornkirk's voice yelling for her, but she couldn't move. She was trapped in his eyes, and the feeling was so familiar…

"Hitomi, get away from him." Dornkirk ordered her. She looked into Van's eyes, trying to find the answer to what she had to do in them. The barrier that was in her head was diminishing. Images of them started to run into her mind. "Come here right now…" Dornkirk's voice became a silent buzz. She only had attention for the man in front of her.

"I hate you." She told him softly.

"It doesn't matter. I love you."

We used to

We used to

We used to

We used to

Used to

She could hear Dornkirk coming nearer, and she knew the soldiers would kill him as soon as they reached him. Minutes ago all she had wanted to do was kill him, and now all she wanted to do was protect him. The fog in her mind was dissipating, and she knew, not knowing why, that her place was y his side.

"Trust me." He told her.

"_Do you trust me?"_

Their past conversations echoed in her head. They blurred her mind, and they made her feel strong at the same time. She was fighting. Fighting to remember, and fighting to know. She needed to find out who she really was.

"Yes." She said, as she had said a long time ago, when she had been trapped on the roof of a motel, and there had been fire and soldiers and chaos all around her.

"Jump with me."

"_Hitomi, jump!"_

She felt him take her hand and run towards the end of the tower. She knew he would jump, but it didn't scare her. She knew everything would be alright, as long as she was with him…

The floor ended and she found herself been thrown towards the infinite space. She could feel the wind hitting her face, and she crushed her body to Van's. She heard him give a cry of pain, and then big, beautiful, white wings appeared at his back and made them fly high over the sky.

"Escaflowne!" He yelled.

_´Escaflowne!´_

The pink pendant that was around her neck and had been as black as the night suddenly recovered its life and shown a bright pink.

"Van…"

He smiled.

* * *

Van saw three castles and a big wall in the front. From what he could see, he inferred that the castles had once been great, and that the wall had served more like an ornament than a shield against Zaibach's attack. Now, though, everything was different. Even from here he could see that the kingdom was barely holding. The wall had big holes, and one of the towers in the middle castle was missing. 

"My kingdom, Kansaki."

He looked at it again. It was Hitomi's home, the place she was fighting for. A soft smile formed on his lips. If it was important for her, then it was important for him. He would fight until his blood was cold, his spirit ravished, and his love for Hitomi gone. He had to keep this kingdom from going down, for her.

"We will save it."

"Of course we will. We managed to escape from Zaibach. We can do anything."

Her optimistic ideas bore into his brain. He was glad she was back. He had hated the mean, empty Hitomi. It had sacred him, to see her like that. He had thought he had lost her forever. He had seen her slipping from his fingers, and he had wanted nothing but to stop that. He didn't think he would be able to live without her.

´What will I do without her?' That had been the only thing that had ran through his head all that time. He knew he would never have been able to hurt her. Hitting her once had been enough. He still felt guilty about that, even though it had been necessary. He could simply not see himself inflicting more damage upon her. He would rather die willingly at her hands. He turned his attention back towards the front. They were close to Kansaki.

"We have to be careful, Hitomi."

"Why?"

"They don't know who we are, Do you have any signal we can give them so…?"

Before he could finish the question, 4 guymelefs surrounded them. He felt Hitomi move closer to himself, and refrained from tensing.

"We are friends…"

But he was interrupted by Hitomi. "Allen, Amano, do not shoot, or have you forgotten me?"

Van turned to look at her. Was she insane? But then he saw two of the guymelefs back away. One of them made a move for them to follow.

"I am queen of this country. Do you think they would not recognize me?"

"They are at war, Hitomi." He snapped at her. He could have gotten herself killed! What if they didn't recognize her?

"Don't be silly. We don't look like Zaiback soldiers, so they would investigate first. Those are his orders. I know my people, Van."

"But…" He sighed. Now was no time for discussions. The other guymelefs were already landing, and he did so gently. His feet touched the ground, and he turned to look at his surrounding. No matter how much this was the house of Hitomi, they didn't know them, and he couldn't forget that he had caused them a lot of suffering. He was uncomfortable and tense. He became tenser when he recognized Schezar and the blond lady. From the other guymelef came a guy that looked too much like Allen. He didn't like him. A red head was by the other's side. A lot of people were slowly forming a circle around them. Van did not like this.

"Van…"

Hitomi's voice reached his ears, and he quickly turned all his attention towards her, forgetting about the world. He offered her his hand, which she took gratefully. She smiled, a big, breathtaking smile, and he felt the world around them disappear.

"Don't worry about them. I won't let them do anything to you."

He laughed as he helped her out of the guymelef.

"I've had to save you all this time. What makes you think you can save me?"

"Oh, Van, you are now in my territory. You will need my help."

Van was about to lean down and steal a kiss from her beautiful lips, but Schezar's voice interrupted him.

"Hitomi…"

The way he said her name reminded him of how much Schezar loved Hitomi. He was about to pull Hitomi close to him when he felt her pass through him, away from his arms, and into his. He saw, not really wanting to, how she placed her hands around his face and brought him closer to her. Seconds later, she was kissing him, with a passion that she had only shown Van. People around them cheered.

"Long live King Allen and Queen Hitomi" some people yelled.

Van was paralyzed. He had to be in a dream, no a nightmare. Because only there would this be happening. It was not possible. Hitomi loved him, not Schezar, and yet she was kissing _him_, as if Van had never existed. They separated, and Schezar hugged her. Then they left the place, hand in hand. Hitomi never turned back to look at him. She simply left, never regretting what she had just done. Van felt his heart explode, and his eyes turn cold. She had betrayed him. It had all been a façade. Nothing had been real.

'But what about all we had, all we went through?´ His mind screamed. 'What the hell is wrong?´ he knew that Hitomi had a good explanation for this. She had to. She just wouldn't throw him away like that.

Still, he had never felt more alone and insecure.

* * *

**So….are you going to kill me? Trust me, it was painful for me too, but I had to make Van and Hitomi split up. But don't **

**worry; I swear it was for a good cause. And who knows? Maybe they'll get back together ;) So anyway, next chapter will be **

**up in a week or two (I have final exams, and they are very important, so I won't be able to write chap. 27 for now. That is **

**why I am not posting chap. 26 right now. I don't want you to wait to long for chap. 27.) Well, I have to say goodbye for now. **

**Review, review, review! Your reviews keep me going and make me smile! And again, if the chapter was confussing, just tell **

**me and I'll clear it up.**


	26. Shattered Hopes

**When I say that some of the decisions I have to take in this story are painful, I'm not kidding, but I think I've done good **

**job with this story. Well, at least so far. Anyway, my exams are almos over. I excented all my classes, but now I have to do **

**my international exams. The good thins is that they will be only in the next week, and then I'll have a lot of time to finish this **

**story. Yey! So, I hope you like this chapter and don't worry. I'm sure I'll be able to write and ending that will please all of **

**you. If there a lot of mistakes, I am completely sorry, but I have no time to re-check my stories, and I find that every time I **

**re-read them, I change something, so I would never be able to post anything. I trust my editor, so if you see any mistake be **

**kind enough to tell her, so she can correct them. Remember, no one is perfect. Ok, enough of this. Enjoy this chapter.**

**Oh, by the way, the song I used on Chap. 25 is Friend or Foe by TATU. Oh, and the names of the armies and generals do **

**appear on the series. I'm just bad at names and war strategies so bare with me.

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Shattered hopes**_

_Furious._

He had never been more furious in his whole existence. He had been extremely angry when Meridian had betrayed him. A lot of times, he had been frustrated. When Van had failed to kidnap Hitomi, he had been close to furious. The one time when Dilandu had failed him, he had been close to the edge.

Never, not once in his life, had he felt as furious as he did right now though.

'I almost had her!' His mind screamed. And it was true. He had felt her hot lips against his mouth and her arms around his waist. Her eyes had only seen him, and her mind had only obeyed him. She was his. She would have done anything he would have told her. He had her wrapped around his hands. Her mind, body, and soul had belonged to him. And yet…Her heart had managed to escape his mind control, and it had gone back to its true owner.

_To Van Fanel._

He had once favored the boy. At one point, he had been useful and trustworthy. Through the years, under his care, he had become the greatest warrior the world would ever see. He had become a killing machine. Nothing had mattered to him but the yells of pain and the blood on his sword. It had been perfect.

_Until her…_

Somehow, she had broken through the barrier that Dornkirk himself had built around the boy. She had destroyed his plans. Dornkirk would have forgiven her of all this had she stayed by his side, but she hadn't. At the last second, she had jumped with Van, leaving him alone and mad beyond belief. She had sealed Gaea's faith with her foolish decision. Because now, now that he was left alone, now that she had been changed for an insignificant draconian, now he would make everyone suffer. As soon as he won this war, the only sounds that would be heard would be cries of pain. Everyone who had fought against him would be begging him to let them live. Van would become his pet. He would use his powers on him until he was but a shadow of what he had once been. He would make him bend to his wish. And Hitomi…She would beg for him to touch her, to look at her, to give her one more chance…By the time this war was over, she would look only at him. And he would make sure to make her suffer as much as he could before bringing her back to his side. Oh yes, it would not be easy for her to win him back again. He would make her path a hard one.

_But now…_

Now was time for war. And war he would make. Blood would be shed. Lives would be lost. Pain would be inflicted. For years to come, everyone would remember this war.

"_It was a horrible and cruel war." _

"_I thought all wars were cruel."_

"_This one was the cruelest Gaea had ever seen."_

"_Why?"_

"_Someone made our Lord Dornkirk mad, and he let his fury fall upon his enemies."_

"_Poor fellows…"_

Yes, he could already hear their future voices in his head. They would learn the hard way that no one messed with Dornkirk, and no one failed or betrayed him. The game was about to start, and he would make sure to be the one who won.

"Dilandu, you are to take under Adelfos's army. You are now the general of the Copper Army. I want you to move to the east side of Kansaki and wait for Folken's orders."

Dilandu smiled, pleased to see that his plan was finally working.

"Yes, sir, I will move there immediately."

"Take your Dragon Slayers. Kill anything that gets in your way. Be as cruel as I have taught you. And Dilandu, your special mission is to deal with Van, but don't kill him. I want him alive."

Dilandu bowed and left the room. Dornkirk turned to look at the other men in the room. They were all waiting for their instructions. He looked at the map that lay on the table.

"General Herio, you will take the Green Copper Army. I want you to attack by the west. Destroy everything."

"Yes, sir."

"General Zodia, you are in charge of the Black Iron Army. Take the south."

"Yes, sir."

"General Getin, you will go with Dilandu. Advise him on his moves. He is too hot headed and sometimes can be irrational."

"Yes, sir."

"Folken, the White Silver Army belongs to you. Attack from the North and be direct. I want this war to be over with these attacks. There will be no others. It has already taken to long, 13 months and 3 weeks to be exact. I want it over by next week. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

"Naria, Eriya, I want you to transport the entire group of sorceress. They will be essential in this war. Put them in strategic positions, where you think their attacks will cause the most damage."

"Yes, sir." They said in unison.

"How long will it take to move the armies to their position?"

"If we move fast, we should arrive at Kansaki in three days. I…may I ask you two things?"

"Yes."

"What will happen to Van?"

"He will receive his punishment for his betrayal."

"But…"

"You know I take no pity on those who raise their sword against me. Your brother is no different. Next question."

"Will you go to war with us?"

"Yes, I plan to lead the forces that are already there and to supervise so that the battle goes my way. After all, we have won and lost many battles in this war, but the one that is coming is the last one. It will be the decisive one. I cannot, and will not, miss it."

"I understand. I'll urge the soldiers to move faster."

Once alone, Dornkirk contemplated his maps and decisions. It was time to raise above all others or to fall. There was no more time, no more planning, no more anything. The final battle had finally come. The players were in their positions and just waiting to be moved. Dornkirk was sure that he had this wars victory in the palm of his hand, and yet…

Hitomi was not at his side like he had anticipated. He had not managed to kill Van, her protector. He did not have the Heart. It was with his enemies, and he could not help but wonder what would become of him if Hitomi chose to use it.

Would he die?

Would she die?

Would the world fall into darkness or light?

How ironic, that it all depended on her, a little spoiled queen. It was even more ironic that the one thing that could help Dornkirk win could also be his downfall. Still, there was nothing else to do. The coin had been thrown to the air, and he was just waiting to see if he had bet on the right side.

* * *

Millerna watched as Fanel looked at them and tensed. She saw Hitomi's lips utter Van's name. She looked at him and at the way he turned towards her. She saw how he was suddenly relaxed, as if the world didn't exist and he wasn't surrounded by people who would kill him if they ever found out who he was. It was in that moment that Millerna realized that the man that had jumped from the dragon-like guymelef wasn't the same one that had climbed onto the back of a black horse so many months ago. She saw him smile, and she didn't know if she was dreaming or if it was real. The man that she had seen and judged so long ago was gone. That man would have never been able to smile in such a glorious way. Somewhere along their way, he had changed for the better. She knew that he had become the man he had always been destined to be. He was King Van Fanel, ruler of Fanelia, and he was back to get his revenge against Zaibach. There was no shadow of the cold mercenary. There was no sign of the dreaded Dragon. At the moment, though, none if this seemed to matter. He only had eyes for Hitomi. He offered his hand to Hitomi, and she took it without hesitation. It was obvious that Hitomi did not fear him. They had formed a special relationship in the months that they had been away. Van hugged her, and Hitomi said something that made him grin.

"Hitomi…"

Allen's voice sounded at her side. She saw the change on Hitomi's face. Her smile disappeared, and she gave Van a torn look, but she knewthe boyhadn't seen it. He had somehow managed to miss the desperation in her eyes. Millerna, though, had caught it. How could she not? It was the same look Dryden had given her when he had gone to fight his last battle. It was the look that said 'Goodbye, I love you, but I just have to go.' And then, before the whole kingdom's eyes, Millerna saw how Hitomi separated herself from her lover's arms and ran towards her fiancé. Her hands grabbed his face and pulled him down to a kiss that Millerna knew she would rather give Fanel. Then she walked away with her arms wrapped around Allen's, and she never once turned to look at the man that she had just shattered. The world moved around Millerna, but her eyes stayed on the fallen king. People around her cheered and followed the royal couple, but Millerna stayed right where she was. The plaza where they had landed was now abandoned. The only two people that remained were Millerna and Van. She looked at him, debating on whether to just leave like the rest of the world or stay and help him out. The decision was made when he raised his head and looked at her straight in the eye. She gasped, for never had she seen such pain in someone's eyes. His brown, almost red, eyes were intense as they bore into her blue ones.

She would have fallen in love with him in that moment had her heart not been given away before.

She didn't know how she had managed to miss those eyes the first time she had seen him. Instead of falling, though, another emotion rose within her. It was not pity or compassion. It was not hatred or love. There was no anger or repulsion within her. Instead, she understood him. It was a feeling of mutuality, for she had seen the look he was giving her before. It was the same look she had after Dryden's death. It was the look that she saw every time she looked at herself in the mirror.

His eyes mirrored her own.

His secret was revealed to her without any words said.

He loved Hitomi with all his heart. He would die for her. And she had left him…

"Van Fanel." She said, trying to break the spell that had been cast when their eyes met. He blinked, and Millerna managed to look away from his eyes.

"I remember you." He said. "But I don't remember your name."

He was trying to act strong. He didn't want her to know that his heart had just been shattered, but she knew. She had been the only one to hear his heart break, and now he would not be able to escape her.

"Millerna Fassa." She said. She walked closer to him and extended her hand. He looked surprised, but recovered quickly and shook her hand.

"Miss Fassa."

"Just Millerna."

He nodded. "Call me Van, then."

A silence stretched between them, but it was not uncomfortable. They were both measuring each other, trying to see what each tried to hide.

"You kept her safe."

"Yes."

"You would die for her."

It was not a question. It was a fact, and they both knew it. He looked at her, as if seeing her for the first time. His eyes had looked surprised at first, but he had quickly recovered.

"Yes."

It was not necessary for him to answer, for there had never been a question. Still, his answer made the whole conversation far more serious and deep. He was answering her questions, and she had no idea why.

"Why?"

"…"

"You could have killed her. You could have chosen not to believe us, but you didn't. You betrayed the man that cared for you, why?"

Van looked at her for a long moment, and then he gave her the one answer that she couldn't doubt.

"Because it was the right thing to do."

"Will you fight until the end?"

"Is there another way to fight?"

She smiled. "No, there is not. Come with me. I'll lead you to the generals."

He just nodded. Millerna looked at him from her side. The tender Van that she had seen before Hitomi went with Allen was gone. Instead, she was faced with a man that was determined to do anything to win this war. He was in control. He was strong. He was confident; a true soldier. He had been through so much in his life that her own petty problems seemed little in comparison. Still, against all odds, he had managed to survive. He was here, in front of her, in Kansaki, ready to fight for a kingdom that was ashes and for a woman that had left him. She couldn't help but respect the man in front of her.

"And by the way…" He began. "Dornkirk never took care of me, and I am sorry for your lose."

Sometimes, Millerna thought as she watched him walk towards the castle, one had to suffer to be able to be great.

* * *

"Hitomi, I…"

She cut him off by putting her hand on his mouth.

"Don't say anything. Now is not the time, Allen. We will have all the time in the world, but after this war is over."

"Fine, as you wish, Hitomi."

She knew she was lying to him. He would have all the time in the world after the war was over, but not her. She had already decided what to do. Her eyes looked to her surroundings. She was finally home and in one of her favorite places. It was a pity, though, that it had been destroyed. The garden that she had planted with such care was now gone. She walked away from Allen and into it. Something caught her eye, and she kneeled to see what it was. There, buried in dirt, was a small purple flower. It was a lilac. She smiled. So maybe she wouldn't live after this war, but what did it matter? She would be able to save what she loved most. Because of her, people would be able to live in peace. Her sacrifice would be worth it, and she would be able to pass away with no regrets.

Except there were regrets.

The man that was besides her was not the man that she wanted, and her heart ached when it recalled the look that Van had given her as she had ran into Allen's arms. It was unavoidable. The pain, that is. She had known since the beginning that the love she shared with Van could not last. There were just too many obstacles in their way. Still, she had dared to hope. Her heart had refused to accept the fact that she would have to marry another man. It had refused to be brought down. But then Dornkirk had happened, and even her heart had quiet down. It knew, as well as her mind, that she was a danger to Van. The love they shared would be their downfall, so she had decided to cast him aside. He would be heartbroken, but he would live. She was sure he would keep his promise and not go back to his old self. He would be fine. Perhaps, if things went as she planned, he would be able to build his kingdom again and live in peace. He would survive, perhaps fall in love again, marry, have children, grow old, forget her…

Hitomi stopped her line of thought. It was too painful. She had dreamed of being with him forever. She would marry him and grow old with him. She wished see him become a powerful and loved king. God, how she would have loved to see him get his life back! But…It was not possible. She was a seer, the mistress of the Heart, and she had a mission. Love would only make her doubt her actions, and she could not have that. She had to sacrifice her life in order for Zaibach to fall. If she looked at Van's loving eyes, then she would surely want to live, and then everything would be lost. She had to die, and Van had to live, and there was simply no other way. Besides, even if she lived through the war, she had promised her hand to Allen. To not marry him would only bring disgrace to her kingdom. Either way, whichever the result of the war, her place was at Allen's side and it could not be any other way.

"Why are you here, Allen?"

"Pardon me?"

"Why are you in Kansaki? Shouldn't you be defending Asturia?" He relaxed, and Hitomi realized that he had not understood the meaning of her question again. She couldn't help but think that Van would have gotten it.

"It is a long story. I will tell it to you later."

"Allen…"

"I thought Kansaki was built to be a fortress, and it would be better to fight and protect my people here."

She raised an eyebrow, and he laughed.

"And Zaibach was surrounding us. I really had no choice…I hope you are not mad."

"Of course I'm not."

A wind blew, making Hitomi shiver. She knew that the war would soon be over. There was a change in the air…everything seemed so still, as if waiting for the storm…

_Thousand of guymelefs were surrounding Kansaki. Dilandu was breaking Kansaki's barriers through the east with another general. Three others were in charge of the west, south, and north. Even Dornkirk was there; ready to do anything to win this war. The faces of the soldiers were determined. There was no fear in their eyes. They were ready to die for their lord, for Zaibach, and for what they believed was right. Dilandu's eyes shown with malice; he was already savoring all the deaths that he would cause. A man, the same man that had captured her in Fanelia, was by Dornkirk's side. He gave an order and all hell broke loose. Zaibach's army hit Kansaki like the wildest of storms. She knew in that moment that they never really had a chance…_

"Hitomi, wake up, please!"

She heard his voice and opened her eyes. To her disappointment, she was met by blueeyes instead of brown.

"Allen…"

"What did you see?"

She turned towards the voice and was faced by the brown eyes that she adored.

"Van…"

But his eyes were not warm. Instead, they were cold as ice, and Hitomi lowered her eyes.

"Don't use that tone when talking to her. She is a queen." Allen defended her.

"I will talk to her whichever way I want." Van responded. "I am a king too."

Something appeared in Allen's eyes, but it went away too soon. "If you have decided to be the king you were born to be, then act like it. Don't talk to Hitomi like that ever again. As her fiancé, I demand you to show her respect…"

"It's ok." Hitomi heard herself say. Her voice sounded small even to her. Van was about to say something, but Millerna appeared by his side and acted fast.

"There is no time to be fighting between us. We have a greater enemy."

"What did you see, Hitomi?" Van's voice was softer, but when she looked at his eyes they were as cold as before.

"How do you know she saw anything?" There he was. Allen simply could not shut up.

"I've been traveling with her for months. I know her."

Allen's eyes narrowed, but there was nothing he could say. The fact was that he didn't know his precious Hitomi, and it angered him that this…man, knew her better than him.

"Will you two shut up? I believe Hitomi has something important to tell us."

Hitomi gave Millerna a thankful look and then turned towards the two men.

"Zaibach's full army is coming to meet us. In my vision, they took us unprepared and fell upon us as a plague. We had no chance against them. We must prepare or we will loose."

"How long do we have?"

It was Van who asked. All his attention was directed to her, and she felt guilty. Even though she had betrayed him in the worst way possible, he still trusted her with his life. Would her torture never end?

"I don't know. In my vision, they were already here, but considering that we…"

She was about to say that they has escaped from Zaibach a day ago, but the look in his eyes made her close her mouth. He didn't want them to know that they had been there, and whatever his reasons, she would obey his wishes. She owed him that much.

"Considering the size of the army and the distance…I believe they will be here in three days maximum."

"Then we must prepare."

"Allen, how many kingdoms are with us?

"All the ones that have survived. I would say about six, plus the thieves and rebellious towns."

She raised an eyebrow to him again, but he only smiled.

"We had to accept all the help that we could."

"Call them all. We have to form a plan."

"Hitomi, maybe you should…"

"No. I am queen of this country, and I will help you form a plan of attack. It is not under discussion. Understood?"

Allen nodded, but he looked a little disturbed.

"I will be there also. As queen of Freid, it is my duty" Millerna said.

Allen just sighed, but Hitomi caught the smirk in Van's face.

"We have to prepare for the worst." She said, and everyone nodded. They all knew she was right. She looked one more time at Van. She could not feel guilty about what she had done now. They were at war, and there were more important things to think about.

* * *

"What we need to do is intercept Zaibach's army before it reaches Kansaki." Allen said as a soldier brought him the maps he had ordered. He put them on the table so everyone could see.

"We have no chance to win if they manage to get here. The walls of Kansaki will not stand another fight, and we can't risk all the children and woman that are here."

"Where do you suggest we should go to?" A strange man asked. Amano had not seen him until know. He looked at him. He had raven hair and brown eyes. He was sure he had never seen him before, which was odd because he knew everyone on the room. He looked around himself. He had never seen a more diverse group!

From the non magical worlds they had Allen and Gadess, representing Asturia, the most powerful country since Fanelia. Millerna was representing Freid, a country that had once been very powerful. They had lost a lot through the war, and they had been forced, like the rest of the kingdoms, to come to Kansaki and ally with anyone that was not with Dornkirk. Still, their military forces would be of great help. From the Kingdom of Egzardia they had King Leon. Their forces were small, but he was sure they would be able to help. Last of this group, they had the rebel groups that existed in this part of Gaea. Oruzo, leader of the Basram, had come to help. Amano knew that Oruzo had out run Asturia's police forces for years, so he would surely know something about how to win them a little time. Besides, he had a lot of men under him, and all of them were armed to the teeth.

The magical kingdoms also played an important part. Queen Hitomi represented Kansaki. He looked at her. He was extremely glad to see her back home, even if it wasn't under the best of circumstances. She looked strong and confident. She had grown up during the months that she had been away. She had grown from the cheery princess to the proud queen of a powerful kingdom. Kansaki would be of great help in this war. They not only had some of the best soldiers. They also had very powerful sorceress. Then they had Hurizen representing the Kingdom of Chezario. It was a famous kingdom for having some of the best archers, sorceress, and witches. They were essential. And of course, Luva, the only female general, representing the Daedalus country. It wasn't really a kingdom. It was more like the biggest school on Gaea. It was the place where the best warriors and magical creatures came from. They had been in the war business since the beginning of time. It was obvious to anyone that they were needed here. And Luva was one hell of a general. Amano had no doubt that she would come in handy.

And lastly, they had the pirates. They were represented by 5 different captains. Piro, Riden, Kio, Teo, and Katsu were the proud leaders of a group that had stolen from all the other kingdoms. Even though there was a lot of resentment between them and the rest of the world, right know they were of great importance. After all, who better than them to damage Zaibach? All in all, Amano knew that Zaibach was still stronger. He looked at the man in front of him. He knew _everyone_, so who was he?

"Excuse me, I do not mean to be rude, but I would very much like to know who you are." It was Luva who asked, her intelligent eyes fixed on the stranger.

"Who are you?" His voice was deep and full of authority. Luva narrowed her eyes. It was obvious that she had never been talked to in that tone.

"My name is Luva, as everyone in this room knows. I am head of Daedalus, proud city where only warriors and magical beings are accepted. Do not answer my question with another question. Who are you?"

The man did not speak at first. He looked at Hitomi, who nodded with the head. Then, it hit Amano, He had been with his queen when she had arrived, but he hadn't noticed because of what had happened next. He had to be…

"My name is Van Fanel, King of Fanelia."

Silence fell over the room, and more than one gasp was heard. They all looked at him like he was crazy, and then he took out his sword. It was the Fanelian royal sword that had been lost during that fateful day.

"It can't be possible. There were no survivors."

"The younger boy was never found. But…"

"It is all true. I have been with him for the last months, on a quest to find a way to destroy Zaibach. If you do not believe his words, believe mine. I swear he is who he claims to be." Hitomi's voice filled the room, and if there was a doubt of who he was, it was not voiced.

"How do we know you are not a spy of Dornkirk? For years, you have not appeared, so why should we trust you now?" Luvas question, obviously. Van grinned.

"Zaibach was the one responsible for my kingdom's destruction. I seek revenge. I will fall upon Dornkirk like the worst curse ever. I will make him pay with his blood for my family's and my people's deaths. His crime will not be unpunished. Your fight with him is merely to defend yourselves. My fight with him is personal." His eyes became darker. "I am his worst enemy. That is why you have to trust me."

His voice held an anger that was unmistakable. The way in which he stood made him look powerful and aloof. His grip on his sword only emphasized his words. No one said anything more about the matter. Amano felt respect for the young king in front of him.

"And what will you do…" Millerna asked. "When you get your revenge?"

"I will rebuild Fanelia with my own hands."

Amano knew, in that moment, that Fanelia would live again. He just had to see into King Van's eyes to see that he meant every word he had spoken. He could actually imagine him building again the kingdom of Fanelia. He felt proud at knowing that this man had protected his Queen Hitomi. Millerna had been right. She had been safe with him all along. Then he saw how each member of the room bowed to Van Fanel. It was a sign of respect and recognition. Hitomi bowed, and he proceeded to do the same. Allen gave a sigh and slowly bowed, though he kept his eyes on him. It did not matter. Van Fanel was with them. He had been recognized as a king. Fanelia would fight in this war, even if it was just represented by one man. Amano moved his eyes from Allen to Van and back to Allen. These two had an inner power in them. They never gave up. They fought to the end. They were born soldiers and leaders. Then he looked at Millerna and Hitomi. Both had been made queen due to the death of a beloved one. They were both peaceful women, and yet they were here, ready to fight for what they believed was right. His eyes went to the faces of the other leaders. All of them knew that war was a pretty ugly business. All of them were men that were ready to do whatever was necessary to win. His eyes went back to Van Fanel. It was odd, how in time of desperation there was always hope. A kingdom that had long ago been considered dead had just come back to life.

"How do you think Dornkirk will attack?" Gadess asked.

"He will bring his full force and attack from any spot that he can. He will surround us and put his best sorceress where they will hurt us the most. He wants a bloody battle, and he wants a lot of deaths. If we expect to win, we have to hit him with every single thing we have." His eyes went to Hitomi and they locked. Words were said between them without speaking. Amano wondered what secret the newly acknowledge king shared with his queen.

"How do you know this?" It was Luva again.

"I…" Van hesitated for a fraction of second. His eyes covered with a black cloud, and he seemed to almost tremble, but it passed away to soon, and Amano wandered if he had just imagined it all. A moment after his hesitation, all insecurity was lost, and he was as determined as before. "I know his ways. I know him, and I know what he is capable off. I lost a lot of things to get this information. I will not tell you how, for it is not your business. Just listen to what I have to say."

For some strange reason, no one argued with him. They all took him for his words.

"Okay, so Dornkirk will attack with all his got. That means that he will put everything into one battle." Allen said.

"This means that we only have one shot at winning." Millerna continued.

"Well, that makes thing easier." Gadess said sarcastically.

"What we need to do is buy time." Leon said.

"That is something we can do." Teo, one of the pirate captains stood up. He was playing with a knife. "We pirates are magnificent at wining time."

"Then we will need to place the strongest sorceress and warrior somewhere where they can get Zaibach's sorceress."

"The archers should be the first to attack, followed by the horse soldiers and the foot soldiers. The guymelefs will have to be lead by only the best…"

And so it went on. The kingdoms prepared for war, hoping that they had a chance to win.

Amano caught Lady Hitomi looking at Lord Van, and he wondered how big a part they played in this war. It seemed to him like they were hiding something, a secret that was consuming the both of them.

* * *

´Perhaps…' Some part of his mind told him. ´It is better this way. You always knew it would end in tears.

Of course, his heart just wouldn't accept this. It didn't want to. It needed an explanation, just like every other part of his body. He wouldn't let go of her if he didn't have his goddamn explanation! He had risked his life for her. He had controlled his bloody instincts for her. He had not killed for her. He had become a good person for her. And this was what he got…

She, running to him, the knight in shining armor, throwing herself at him, kissing him, their bodies together…and him… Alone, abandoned, hurting…

´She never asked you to do any of those things. You did it because you wanted to. No one forced you. Ah, yes, the cruel truth. Even his own mind wouldn't let all the blame fall on Hitomi. Stupid mind, sometimes he wondered if it was worthy to even have one. It seemed to always tell him exactly what he didn't want to hear.

But of course, it was right. Hitomi had wanted to befriend him because…well, she must have had her reasons. She had probably done it because she had pitied him. Had she also kissed him so many times because she pitied him? He thought not. In the time that they had been together, he had watched her and learned all the little things that made her so special. Lying was not one of the things she was good at. She couldn't lie to save her life, so she couldn't have faked all her emotions. And her eyes… those beautiful, striking, inhuman like eyes, couldn't have lied to him. It had been true emotion in them. He was sure it had not been a lie. She hadn't faked, so why had she run to Schezar's arms? She had kissed him, and she had gone away with him, but Van knew that something wasn't right. He needed a bloody explanation, and he just couldn't seem to find her and the stupid explanation his heart screamed for.

_Why did you… with him…? _

He leaned against a wall and closed his eyes. Really, of all the things he should be thinking, Hitomi should be the last on his mind. A war that had been going on since long before Fanelia had fallen was about to finish. In less than a week, the winner would rise above the loser and forever decide the fate of their enemy. If he didn't have his mind on the battle and the plans, they would lose, and he could not afford to lose. There was no time to spend on his love issues. He had to prepare for battle…

But images of her would appear in his mind, and he just couldn't shake her memory away. She followed his thoughts wherever he went, and as much as he tried, he could think of nothing but her. Hell, the fact that he was now officially the King of Fanelia didn't even do anything to dissipate her from his mind. He had stood in front of everyone that mattered in Gaea, all of them bowing to him, accepting him, forming an alliance with him, and he only had eyes for her. He decided that Hitomi was his curse. She had only come to existence to torture his existence and…

"Van…"

He turned, knowing exactly the person who he would meet.

"Hitomi."

They looked at each other for a long time, but neither of them moved. They were frozen in their places, and all they could see was each other, but they didn't touch. They didn't blink, and they tried not to think of what they used to have. It was forbidden. She was another's. She belonged to that bloody Schezar. She had _chosen_ him. Nothing she said would change that. He only wanted to know why… and then Van decided that it didn't matter, and that he had to feel her lips against his just once more before he was forced to let her go.

He moved so fast she didn't realize what was happening until she found herself in his arms, and his lips were millimeters from hers, and she realized that it was too late to pull away.

"Why, Hitomi?"

And then his lips were covering hers, and she lost all her defenses. Van felt her arms go around his neck. Her hands went to his head, and she pulled him closer as his lips moved with hers. His arms went around her waist, pulling her closer if it was even humanly possible. He could feel every curve of her delicate body against his muscled one. He heard her moan against his lips, and his control almost broke. His tongue asked for permission to enter her sweet mouth, and she obediently opened it for him. Her tongue played along with his, and Van was sure he had lost his mind. She tasted so good, and he so wanted to stay with her, to hold her tightly and never stop kissing her…

She pulled away, pushing him away from her. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were a dark green. They looked at him with something that he knew very well: lust. But they also looked at him with fear. She tried to catch her breath.

"This is wrong." She said, and Van felt anger build inside of him.

"Why?"

"I'm engaged to Allen."

"That didn't stop you before."

He knew he had blown it when her eyes shown with anger.

"You have no right…"

But he wouldn't let her make him feel guilty this time. He wanted an explanation, and he would get it now.

"No, Hitomi. You have no right. Why the hell did you go to Schezar when you were with me?" He took a step closer to her. She didn't move away. "Do you have any idea of how much it hurt, to see you in his arms? To see him kiss you? Do you?"

"I'm sorry; Van, but it can't be any other way. You knew from the beginning that there could not be anything between us."

"If I remember correctly, it was you who came to me. You gave me hope, Hitomi. I would have never confessed to you if I had known you loved Schezar, but you don't. You don't love him. You love me…"

He moved closer to her, but he was stopped when he felt her hand on his chest.

"Where did you get the idea that I loved you?"

His heart stopped, his lung stopped functioning, and the blood that ran in his veins became ice.

"What?"

"I never said I loved you, Van. You just assumed it."

And then it hit him, that she was telling the truth.

_I adore you._

_I'd do anything for you._

_Please, don't ever leave me. _

_I trust you. _

_You mean so much to me. _

She had never, not even once, said that she loved him, not eves as a friend. It had always been him, the one to say it to her. He had thought he had seen the feeling in her eyes. Every single one of her actions told him that she loved him, but she had never said it to him. She had never voiced her love for him. Those three words had never left her mouth. It had just hit Van. The thought had never crossed his mind until now. He didn't know what to say or feel. He didn't know what her revelation meant.

"I won't lie to you, Van. I like you. I truly do, and I care for you a lot, but…" Her eyes went to the floor. "I don't love you. I only thought I did because I was confused. I'm sorry if I hurt you, but the truth is that…I love Allen. I always have. I always will. I want to marry him."

Van stood there paralyzed. It was not true. It couldn't be happening. She was lying. She had to be, but why? Why?

"I didn't mean to hurt you…"

All the anger that he felt inside suddenly exploded. It became too much for him to handle. His hands went to her shoulders, and he pushed her towards the wall. He quickly graved her wrists, so she wouldn't escape.

"Why are you lying to me?" He yelled at her, and then, more softly, "Why are you trying to hurt me?"

She stood in front of him, a thousand emotions running through her eyes. She looked so lost, so confused and torn…he wanted to hug her and tell her that everything would be alright, but he couldn't. Her words were ringing in his head.

_I never said I loved you…_

Could she be telling the truth? But… then why? Why had her eyes shown with love when she looked at him? Why had it felt so right to hold her in his arms? Why did her lips taste so sweet?

_I love Allen. I want to marry him._

"Why?"

"Van, you knew…" She said. Her tone was desperate. She was trying so hard to make him believe her words. "You always knew. We always knew. Even if I didn't love Allen, nothing could ever be between us. Please, Van; I'm doing what's best for the both of us."

"I don't believe you. Look into my eyes and tell me you don't love me. Only then will I let you go, Hitomi."

She looked into his eyes, but her mouth stayed closed.

"I never beg, Hitomi, but I would do it for you. Please, please, Hitomi, look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me. Break our bond. Separate yourself from me. Make our love end. All you have to do is tell me you don't love me while your eyes are on mine. Only then will I let you go. "

"I…I don't…I….can't."

He smiled, was about to lean down, when strong eyes pulled him from her. He turned to see who it was, but a fist connected to his jaw. His angry eyes searched for the one who had dared punched him, and they landed on the one person that he didn't want to see.

Allen Schezar looked at him with controlled anger, but his hand was tightened around his sword, and he looked ready to kill.

* * *

**I must say I'm proud of this chapter. I am not very good with war...things, but I think it went out okay, and I figured a way to **

**make Van a 'formal' king. I know it came out as a rush, and that everyone accepted his to fast, but they are at war and **

**desperate for any help they can get against Zaibach. The way I see it, they just want a hero to appear and save them, and **

**who better than out beloved Van? And surprise, surprise, Van and Allen do not like each other. I just love to write about **

**them fighting with each other. Anyway, chap. 27 will not be up in at least two weeks because I have to write it and send it to **

**my editor. I am completely sorry, but I'll try to do my best. Oh, and I loved the part Millerna/Van. Of course, they'll never **

**fall in love, but I think I'll make them great friends. Well, enough for now. Review, review, review. You know I love your **

**reviews, and do tell me if you liked this story. Sorry if it was a little bpring in some parts, but I can't make them go to war **

**without a plan. Oh, and if you think there is something about past chapters that I haven't solved ot have seem to forget, **

**please tell me. I tend to forget some things, and for the ending I have to make everything fall into place.**


	27. Emotions aside, duty ahead

**I know, I know, it took an awful time to update this chapter, butI just got caught up in a book, and then a fanfic, and then **

**exams, and bla bla bla. I was a bit lazy too, and I lost the edited copy so my editor had to do it and send it to me again. I **

**apologice to all of you. It won't happen again...I hope :) Well now, go enjoy the story.**

**Disclamer: The song is Street of Love by The Rolling Stones, and Escaflowne is still not mine.**

****

**

* * *

**

The pain of loving you

_**Emotions aside, duty ahead**_

Van slowly passed his hand over his mouth and cleaned the blood from it. His other hand tightened around his sword, and he brought it up. The sword shone brightly as the moonlight passed over it. He went back to his fighting position. His angry eyes locked with Schezar's cold ones. A second passed between them, and then Van lunged forward and started attacking Schezar again.

"Van! Allen! Stop this nonsense!"

Hitomi's screams were ignored by both men. Right now, the only thing that was important to Van was Schezar, and for Schezar it was too survive Van's attacks.

Schezar's sword came forward elegantly and strong, and it came so fast that Van barely managed to block it.

"Damn it."

"To fast for you, Fanel?"

"You wish."

He had to admit that Schezar was one hell of a fighter. He was fast and direct, and he never seemed to get tired. It was only good that Van was too angry to lose. He dodged another of Schezar's attack and managed to kick him in the guts. He heard him gasp in pain and quickly attacked with his sword. Metal met with metal, and Van swore again.

"It won't be that easy."

"I didn't expect it to be easy."

Schezar took a step back, and Van prepared for another attack.

"Please, stop…"

Once again, Hitomi was ignored. Schezar came forward and started attacking Van once again. With a quick movement, Van blocked his attack and pushed Schezar away from him. He stumbled and lost his balance, falling to the floor. Van took the advantage he had and moved to attack again. It would have been the end of the battle, but Schezar decided to suddenly grab his sword and somehow manage to block _again_ one of Van's attacks.

Now Allen was on the floor and Van was on his feet, but he still couldn't manage to hit Schezar, and what was worst was that he couldn't even move because then Allen would strike. The only thing between them was their swords. Van glared at Schezar.

"Why won't you just give up?"

"It is not in my nature to give up."

"Well then, we are going to be here for a long time because I'm not giving up either."

"Fine with me."

"Shut up."

"You. I have more valuable things to say."

"You fucking bastard…."

"Enough already!"

Van finally turned to look at Hitomi. He glared at her, but that didn't stop her from moving towards them.

"Hitomi, this is not your fight." Allen said, but she ignored him.

"I don't care if it's not my fight. I won't let you continue it." "Hitomi, don't." The command was so clear in Schezar's voice that she actually stopped. Van's blood boiled. How dare he order his Hitomi? He was about to yell at him, but then Hitomi dropped to Schezar's side. She looked at him with so much worry that Van hurt all over. She seemed to forget all about him, as she studied the cut on Schezar's arm. Without saying another word, she ripped her dress and bandaged him. She didn't even look at him. "Are you alright?" She asked him.

"Now I am." Schezar's hand gently caressed her cheek, and Hitomi put her hand over his. She kissed it.

"I'm sorry. I just…I don't want anything to happen to you."

Both of them seemed o have forgotten about Van. He couldn't say anything because there was a knot in his throat, and the words just didn't seem to want come out. He was petrified, and he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Bitter memories came to his mind, and he couldn't help but remember the time when she would have done the same for him.

**Flashback**

"Van?"

He didn't respond, so she carefully walked towards him. He could feel her getting closer to him, so he shut his eyes. He didn't want her to see him in such a state. He was not worthy of her.

"Van, look at me." He didn't move. He could sense her getting more desperate, but he acted as if he didn't hear her. It would be better if she just left him there. The problem was that she didn't seem to want to go away. She moved so she was face to face with him, and gasped. His heart hurt at the sound of her gasp. She had seen in his eyes what he really was: a mercenary and nothing more.

"Van, what have they done to you?"

Her question startled him. She should be running away from him! Instead she just moved closer to him. She was about to grab his hand when another voice distracted her.

"Don't touch him. He is a cold, emotionless mercenary. He could kill you in seconds."

Hitomi turned towards the voice. It was Lila, of course. Van was sure that this time Hitomi would move away and leave him alone. Strangely, the mere thought of her leaving him left him out cold. He felt more human if he had her by his side. To his great surprise, she glared at the little girl.

"Did you do this to him?" Her voice was as cold as ice.

Lila hesitated for a moment, but then answered.

"Yes."

"Then you are not a friend of mine."

**End Flashback**

Yes, there had been a time when Hitomi would have done anything for him. But now, well, now she was on Schezar's side, and Van felt like dying.

"Hitomi, get out of the way and let us finish our fight."

"No."

She looked at him straight in the eyes, and the strange sensation that always overwhelmed him when their eyes crossed invaded his whole body. He knew his eyes were full of love. He wondered what had happened to all the warmth that he had seen in her eyes every time she had looked at him; because now the green eyes that were starring at him held no emotion. They were…dead. "Why won't you just get out of the way?" "I don't want you to hurt Allen." And that was what did it. Van withdrew his sword and Schezar lowered his. Hitomi quickly moved in front of Schezar, blocking him from Van. That action alone cut deeply into his soul. She didn't trust him.

_"Do you trust me?" _

_"Yes."_

Had they all been lies? Had her words meant nothing?

"Van, I…"

"I don't want to hear it."

"Please…"

She was begging him to listen, and although he was mad at her and wanted nothing to do with her, he just couldn't stand the pleading noise in her voice. He sighed deeply.

"I'll talk to you if he" He nodded towards Schezar. "goes away."

"I will not leave you alone with him."

"Allen, I have been alone with him for months. He would die for me, I trust him."

And really, Van just got more confused by her words because he didn't understand anything that was going on, and all he thought was clear got blurred because of one set of words from her. And he was angry at himself because he couldn't help but be relieved at her words.

_She still trusts me._

Schezar slowly got up and awkwardly left them alone.Van turned to face her.

* * *

There were a lot of things that Allen Schezar was. He was an excellent strategist. He had a cool mind that had always helped him out in hard situations. He was a gentleman. He could be stubborn to the point of irritation. He was a bad loser. He was an honorable man. He was…well, he was the king to the strongest kingdom in Gaea, except Zaibach. He was the man that women wanted and men hated.

Yes, Allen Schezar was a lot of things.

But he was not stupid. And he was not blind.

The first time he had really seen Van had been in the court room months ago. He had despised him like he had never despised anyone before, and it had been at first sight. No words had been needed for him to dislike the man. By the look Van had sent him, he could see that his dislike was not one sided. If Boris had not intercepted in favor of Fanel, he would have killed him right there. After all, to him, Van Fanel would always have a dark past, and he would always be dangerous and the Dragon. In his point of view, he was a danger and had to be eliminated.

Then things had started to get complicated.

Out of nowhere, he had drown those big, white wings, and all doubt that he was the heir to the throne of Fanelia had been dissipated. That had left him in a hard position. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't kill the last member of a royal family. It was against his honor, and he never went against code. He decided that, although he would be highly displeased, he could let Fanel live.

Then Boris had opened his big mouth.

He had been the one to protest the loudest and longest. He may have accepted Fanel as King of Fanelia, but that didn't mean he trusted her with his Hitomi. A million thoughts had flashed through his head, and not one of them had been pretty. He couldn't understand how Dryden and Millerna could simply nod and accept it. He didn't want Hitomi to risk her life just to save Gaea. He would have willingly gone instead of her, but Boris had said it had to be Hitomi to go. He had offered to go with them as a chaperone, but Millerna and Dryden had said that they needed him here. There was a war going, after all, and he was the best at winning wars. After all of their rational thinking, he still wanted to go with Hitomi. He would have locked her in a room and endangered the future of Gaea.

And then…

Hitomi's and Fanel's eyes had crossed, and he saw the way Hitomi's doubtful face changed to one of determination. It was in that moment that he knew he had lost the battle.

He let Hitomi go with Fanel against his better judgment.

In truth, it had been the most logical thing to do. If Hitomi didn't go then Gaea could be lost forever. She was the key to their victory, and Fanel was the perfect man to protect her. It had been painful to accept that fact. Fanel was better than him at protecting the woman he loved. A big blow to his ego. He had done the right thing because a single woman could not be more important than millions of persons.

The problem was that she was to him.She was more important than anything.

That was wrong.

Because he cared for her, and he would die for her, and she had him wrapped around her tiny hand, and he liked it that way. He liked the control she had over him.

He had let her go because she had asked him to, and he loved her too much to deny her anything. He had been worried sick for months. Finally, after months of waiting, she came back, and he could clearly see that she was changed. She carried a mature expression on her face. Her eyes were stronger. She had an aura of power around her. She was a queen instead of a princess. He could have lived with the changes because she was still his lovely Hitomi. He had walked towards her, and that is when he saw it.

The way Fanel looked at her.

Before they went away, Fanel had sworn to him that he would protect her. It took one look at the both of them to realize that the bloody boy had done more than that.

He had fallen in love with _his_ Hitomi.

There was no doubt of that. He would be able to recognize that look anywhere. It was the same look he had whenever he laid eyes on Hitomi, except Fanel's was more intense.

He adored her.

He lived for her, and he would die for her, and she had him wrapped around her tiny hand, just like she did him.

Hitomi had them both at her mercy.

How ironic, that he and Fanel had the same curse and the same mercy. They both had been touched by Hitomi's magic.

It was all getting more chaotic. In the months they had been away a bond had formed between them. It was always present between Hitomi and him. Allen was sure that they had found the Heart of the Dragon. They hadn't said anything at their last meeting, and when he had asked Hitomi about it she had said that she would tell them before they left for war. The only one that knew what was going on was Fanel. He knew what was causing his Hitomi such despair. Because Allen had seen it in her eyes. Whatever the secret, it was slowly draining her energy away. It was a burden that she refused to share with anyone but Fanel. He could see in her eyes that she was scared by it, but he could also see that whatever it was she would stick with it to the end. That scared him. He knew Hitomi would do anything to save the world she loved so much. She would ensure the safety of her people no matter what.

That was why he had called her name after recovering from the surprise at seeing the heartless Dragon's love. He had been more than relieved when she had come to him, kissed him, and went away with him.

So, he and Fanel both loved Hitomi, but there was one difference between them.

Hitomi had chosen him because she loved him, not Fanel.

He would be eternally grateful for that. And in his mind there was no doubt that the secret that Hitomi and Van shared would not be able to break their love.

* * *

Van was facing her, and she knew she should talk, but words wouldn't come out of her mouth. He looked so hurt and confused, and she could do nothing for him. She had already chosen her path. She couldn't back out from her plans. She would go to war, use the Heart, destroy Dornkirk and Zaibach, and die. There was no need for any more sacrifices to be made, besides hers. She didn't want more people to die. She didn't want children growing up without fathers and young woman becoming widows at such a short time. She wanted the rivers of blood to end, and she wanted the screams of war to vanish.

She wanted to complete her destiny, so that she could rest.

And really, that was all she wanted. She had been innocent and naïve at the beginning of the war, and now she had seen too much and suffered too much and she knew way too much. She had gone on a quest an insecure girl and had come back a secure woman. She still smiled and laughed, but with Van far away, she found her smiles were rather forced. She had grown accustomed to having him near, and the distance was killing her. Still, it was just another sacrifice she had to make for her people. Because no matter how much she or her feeling had changed, one thing remained untouched.

She would do anything for the safety of her people.

She would die for them, and she would draw Van away from her just to keep them save.

She was a queen and that was her duty.

_You're awful bright, you're awful smart  
I must admit you broke my heart  
The awful truth is really sad  
I must admit I was awful bad_

Besides, she had not been born a seer and mistress of the Heart for nothing. She had been given that responsibility and she had accepted it. And dying didn't scare her as much as it should. She had seen so many people die in the small town she had stayed in with Van, and she had experienced the feelings of dying through Dryden.

No, dying did not scare her. What scared her was what she was about to do.

"Why did you attack Allen?"

"What?"

"You heard me."

"He punched me first!"

"Only because he thought you were hurting me."

Which he was. It had hurt to have him so close and so far away at the same time.

_While lovers laugh and music plays  
I stumble by and I hide my pain  
The lights are lit, the moon is gone  
I think I've crossed the Rubicon_

"You know I would never hurt you."

"You did when we were at Zaibach."

His eyes became darker, and Hitomi knew how much he regretted having had to hurt her. She understood it had been necessary, but she wasn't about to tell him that. She needed him to dislike, if not hate her, so that her plan wouldn't be ruined.

"That was…necessary."

"It still hurt."

"You stabbed me! Do you think that didn't hurt? And the look in your eyes…Hitomi, don't you understand?"

She did, of course she did. She wanted to yell at him for not seen through her façade. She wanted to throw herself into his arms. She wanted to kiss those sexy lips and feel his hard muscles against her. She didn't do any of those things. What she wanted was not important. Only her duty was.

"Look, Van, I know you did what you had to do, but…"

"But it doesn't matter to you."

"It's not that!"

"What will happen to us, Hitomi?"

'Let's run off and forget about everything.' Her annoying stupid voice said.

'We can't run off. We have a duty.'

'And what about what Hitomi wants?'

'I want what is best for my kingdom.'

'Liar.'

'Shut up.'

"Please, Hitomi, answer me."  
His voice had a desperate tone that he was trying to hide. She hid her emotions from him. She kept her eyes as indifferent as she could.

_While music pumps from passing cars  
A couple watch me from a bar  
A band just played the wedding march  
And the corner store mends broken hearts  
And a woman asks me for a dance  
Oh it's free of charge, just one more chance_

"Van, I…I know I let things go off the line when we were together, but you must understand…I was confused, and you were there for me, and…look, maybe we just rushed into things. I mean, you have been proclaimed King of Fanelia, and I am engaged to Allen. Things between us…can't be."

"There never could be, could they, Hitomi?"

She hesitated and then answered. "No, never."

"And we both only fooled ourselves."

"I…"

"Wait, let me correct that. I fooled myself."

"Van…"

"Because you always knew, and I always knew, but I hoped, and you didn't. I truly believed…it was all in vain."

"Please, I…"

"What, Hitomi, what!" He yelled at her "You never meant to hurt me? You're sorry? I don't care anymore. I have bigger issues. I can't waste my time with you anymore."

"Van, I'm…"

"No, I don't want to hear it anymore. I understand. I just wish I hadn't been so stupid."

He got up and silently walked away. Before he disappeared into the dark night, he turned to look at her.

_You had the moves, you had the cards  
I must admit you were awful smart  
The awful truth is awful sad  
I must admit I was awful bad_

"You truly are amazing, Hitomi." He said softly. "And I truly am a fool because no matter how much you hurt me, I still love you."

_And you…_

"I just wish I didn't feel for you anymore, Hitomi."

_Walk the streets of love and they're drenched with tears  
Oh every night, oh there's only one and not enough for him  
Oh I, yeah and they're full of tears  
Oh everybody talk about it  
Everybody be walking down it  
Yeah but I found out... oh yes that I...  
Oh yes I do  
Oh the streets of love, yeah, they're drenched with, drenched with in tears...  
I... oh yeah I don't want to...

* * *

_

"They say that everything most come to an end." Millerna said as she looked at the gray clouds above them. "I guess the time for this war to end has finally come. There will be no more tries. If we fall now, we fall for eternity."

"I know." Hitomi said with her eyes to the ground.

"People die in wars."´

"I am very aware of that, Millerna."

"And are you aware that this may be the last time for you to see him, Hitomi?"

Hitomi's eyes shot to Millerna's face, but the woman still had her eyes to the sky. She couldn't understand how Hitomi could let him walk away without knowing the truth. If she had been allowed one last moment, she would have made everything wrong right. She wouldn't have cared about destiny or fate or duties. It would only have been him on her mind.

"You mean Allen? I have already spoken to him."

How stubborn could one person really be?

"You know I did not mean Allen, but I'll play your game. Have you told him the truth?"

Millerna lowered her eyes from the sky to Hitomi's green ones. She could feel her anger rising up.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

So indifferent. So great at hiding what she really felt…

"You do know what I'm talking about."

"I do not, and even if I did, this is something I do not wish to speak of, with you or anyone else, for the matter."

"So you are just going to let them go to war without knowing your true feelings. You're going to let the go believing a lie? That isn't fair! To either you or them!" She yelled at the younger woman.

"Life is never fair."

Like she didn't know. "I know that. Do not presume to think you are the only one that has had a bad time in this war. I lost a husband and my kingdom is ruined. I know all about life's unfairness."

Hitomi finally looked away from her eyes. Millerna saw the guilt in her eyes, but she wouldn't give her a rest. She had to tell Van and Allen the truth.

"I…I'm sorry. I didn't…"

"It is alright, but I still think you should tell the truth."

Hitomi smiled. "I have told them the truth. I love Allen. My feelings got confused because of all the months I spent alone with Van, but now everything is cleared."

"Are you lying to yourself or trying to lie to me?"

"I am not lying to anyone."

Millerna laughed. "That is but another lie. Really, Hitomi, I've heard so many wonderful things about you in the past months that I can't believe you know how to lie." She turned serious and took a step closer to Hitomi. "You are only hurting Van with your lies and giving Allen false hopes."

"I am doing what I have to do to win this war."

Millerna couldn't really see how lying to them would help them win this war.

"I don't think so. I think you are just taking the easy way out. Are you a coward or a queen?" Millerna's voice was getting sharper. Hitomi's eyes colder.

"I am not a coward, and I don't have to explain myself to you. You are in my kingdom, and I would appreciate some respect."

"I am only trying to help you with your situation."

"I do not need your help."

"Everyone needs help."

Hitomi turned so she was face to face with the woman. She held her head as high as she could and straightened her back, but Millerna glared at her, and Hitomi sighed, defeated.

"Why do you want to help me?"

Millerna shrugged, as if it was not important. "I don't want you to hurt Van or Allen because of your foolish acts." Her eyes turned softer. "And I don't want you to hurt yourself. You've tried so hard to save this world, why not do something for you before the war ends? It could be your last chance."

* * *

**Same conversation between Millerna and Hitomi, but different POV. **

Hitomi thought about that. Millerna was right. It could be her last chance. Would it be bad to do something for her? It couldn't be a bad thing to try to make herself a little happier before she died. She could tell Van she had done it to keep him safe. He would understand and open his arms for her. They would kiss, and then…

Then what?

She would go to war, die, and leave him all alone?

No.

Her decision was made. Besides, if Van tried to protect her Dornkirk would just use their feeling against them.

Their relationship was doomed from day one. She had had always known.

"I'll be happy when this war is over."

That wasn't a lie. She was sure dead people were happy.

"But what about them? You can't fuel them for forever."

"I won't need to."

"But…"

"Look, Millerna, I'll tell you a secret if you promise to leave me alone." Hitomi's voice was tired. She was tired. Tired of wanting and not having. Tired of hoping, of dreaming, of…everything. She just wanted to rest and forget, but she couldn't. It was not time yet. She could rest for forever after she ended the war.

"Will you explain why you are lying?"

"I'll explain something better."  
Millerna looked doubtful for a moment, but curiosity got the better of her.

"Fine, I promise."

"I won't be here after the war ends."

"What?"

"I'm going to die before it ends. It's the only way to save Gaea. We found the Heart of the Dragon, but you can't use it without dying, or at least no one has been able to. I'm the mistress of it, so I'm the only one that has a shot at using it and not dying, but something tells me I won't be that lucky. I'll sacrifice myself, and Zaibach will be destroyed. Everybody wins." She looked at Millerna with sad eyes. Millerna's eyes were sadder. "Now that you know this, please leave me alone. I have a lot of things to plan, and I'd like to have a few minutes with myself before I have to go say goodbye to my fiancé and Van."

She turned to leave, but Millerna caught her arm.

"Don't…"

"It is the only way."

"We could find another one."

"There is no more time."  
"But why most you sacrifice yourself?"

"I have to die to save thousands."

"Would you really die for people you don't know?"

And at this, Hitomi finally gave her one brilliant smile.

"Of course I would. I believe in them, even if I don't know them. I believe in this world, and I believe in you. I'd die for you because it is my duty as mistress of the Heart. I did not ask for this, but I take the responsibility gladly. I don't want anybody else to suffer because of this stupid war. I don't want anyone else to have to carry the burden that was given to me."

"But what about Van?"

"It is for him, more than anyone else, that I'm doing this. I will die so he won't have to. "

And that was it. There was nothing more, nothing else. She would die because it was her decision. She would die for them, for him, and that was it. That was all. There was nothing else.

"Come on" Hitomi said. "They're getting ready to leave."

* * *

Van stood in front of Escaflowne. He then looked towards the sky, to the gardens; to the little fountain in the middle of the city…He looked everywhere. He was trying to memorize everything…this could be the last time he saw Kansaki. He wanted the memory of Hitomi's home in his head. He had told her cruel things. He didn't know what she felt anymore. Something was wrong with her, but he couldn't help her. Right now, what was important was winning the war. His mind had to be only on that.

That didn't stop him from wanting to have this place in his memory. If he died, he would make sure that this image was the one he saw last. The only difference would be that Hitomi would be sitting on the fountain, smiling at him, looking at him with those beautiful green eyes, and the moonlight would shine above her.

Yep, if he died tomorrow, he would close his eyes and remember this.

"Fanel."

Schezar had just ruined his last image. Now he would have to look for another one because the idiot had decided to stand in front of him and become part of his surrounding.

"Schezar, what do you want?"

"I've been thinking."

Van let out a small laugh. "I didn't know you could."

"You…forget it. What I have to say is more important. Will you listen?"

He looked at the blond warrior. He grinned when he saw the black spot in his face, but then he got sad when he saw the bandage on his shoulder. This was the man that Hitomi had chosen. This was the man that had everything he ever wanted.

"Sure, I'll listen."

Allen took a deep breath. "This isn't easy for me." He said.

"Nothing is easy, so get it over with. Don't waste my time."

"Aren't you the patient one? Anyway, as I said, I've been thinking, and I think it would be better if we formed a truce between us."

Van's eyes widened. "Why?"

"Because you are extremely good at fighting, and I'm an excellent strategist, and together we have a chance against Zaibach. Besides, you know more about them than I do."

"A truce to save Gaea?"

"No, to save Hitomi." Allen grinned. "I know you love her. You want her saved, so do I, Let's do this for her."

"No."

"No?"

"I will do it for my parents, for my kingdom, and for the revenge I've been looking for, but I won't do it for her."

Allen gave him a quizzical look. "Why not for her?"

"Because I have done a lot for her and it is still not enough, and I'm tired of it all. Besides, I need to be strong and concentrated. She is just a distraction."

"Fascinating."

"What?"

"That you can talk about her like that."

"It is not about her. I just have a duty as a king, and I promised to reconstruct Fanelia. There is no room for mistakes."

"You would put your duties before yourself?"

"Yes, as would she, and as you would, and as Millerna would, and as Dryden did. We were born leaders. We can't let our people down."

"You know, Fanel, you are not what I expected."

"I don't really care."

"Of course you don't, but just so you know, you are better."

When Van turned towards him, he was gone. In his place was a small cat-girl.

"I know you." Van told her.

"I am Merle. We met at the dungeons. Did you mean what you just said?"

"Yes, I did."

"You would die for these persons? They are not from Fanelia, you know."

"I am aware if that, but they deserve a shot to a peaceful live."

"You used to kill him."

"That is why I protect them with more fervor."

She crooked her head to the side. "You destroyed everything I knew. You ruined my life. I forgave you when you were a mercenary." She told him. "I will serve you now that you are a King. I'll help you build back Fanelia."

"Why?"

_Why do you want to help me? _

"Because I believed in you even before Lady Hitomi did, Master Van."

_I forgive you for everything you did to me..._

He patted her head, and the action felt strangely good. He felt relieved. He had someone that would be by his side. It made him feel less lonely.

"Thank you."

"You can thank me by winning this war."

He laughed.

* * *

Millerna had made a hard decision. She had wanted to go to war with the rest. She had wanted to fight side by side with her soldiers. Everyone had refused. They said they needed her here because she was a doctor. She had cursed her parent, Dryden, and herself for becoming one. She had to stay in Kansaki because the injured soldiers would need her. Her soldiers, along with Hitomi's would be guided by Van, who had none. She smiled a little as she focused on the fight in front of her.

"But I have to go with you!"

"You will stay here where is safe."

"I will not do such thing, Allen. I will go with you."

"You will not."

"But…"

"Kansaki, listen to Schezar."

"What?" Hitomi and Allen screamed at unison.

"You are siding with him?"  
"You agree with me?"  
Van simply nodded. "You would only be in our way."

"I didn't mean it because of that." Allen murmured.

What surprised Millerna was the coldness in the young king's eyes. He was hurting. She knew that. There was turmoil of emotions inside of him, but he kept them there, safely inside of him because they had a war to win and emotions were not important right now. The only thing that mattered was the battle ahead. Hitomi, although mad at the moment, was not letting her emotions interfere either, and Allen was doing the same. He loathed Van, but he knew that they needed him to win this, so they had formed some kind of truce. Everyone was putting their duties if front of them. They were all leaders, after all. It was only their job. That was why she was letting Van lead her soldiers. Because she was a healer and he was a fighter.

"If I don't go, you won't be able to win."

"We will find a way to do so without you." Van told Hitomi.

"You know there is no other way."

"There will be."

"What are you talking about? We have to go now if we want to stop Zaibach." Luva said. "The pirated have already left, and so have Oruzo and the rebels. The sorcerers and witches are already being transported. King Leon and King Hurizen have already left with the infantry, archers, and horses. We are the only ones left, and we are the most important ones. We have the guymelefs, after all."

"This will only take a minute, Luva." Van told her. He then turned to Hitomi. "I know you are the only one who can use the Heart." He said. "But it will only be used as a last resort."

"A lot of lives could be saved if we used it at the beginning."

"We do not know that. The power the Heart holds is immense. We don't know what can happen. I won't risk it."

"But…"

"You stay here."

Hitomi let out a frustrated sound, and then she crossed her hand over her chest and raised her nose to the sky. Millerna knew she would do as told. She would not risk hurting innocent people, and whatever Van said made sense. She could also see right through Van's argument. He may have a lot of reasons for not letting Hitomi use the Heart and go to war, but she knew that the most powerful one was that he wanted her safe.

"Then it's settled. Millerna and Hitomi stay, and Van takes over their men." Allen said. "It is time to go."

The three remaining leaders turned their backs to Millerna and Hitomi. Luva, Allen, and Van made their ways to their guymelefs, and as they climbed them, Millerna heard the rest of the soldiers do the same.

This was it. They were finally going towards their victory or defeat.

She knew that this could be the last time she would see them alive, and tears formed at the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let them go down freely. She would not think such thoughts. She would trust them to do their best and win. Her hopes would go with them. Allen smiled and waved at them. He blew a kiss to Hitomi, and then he rose into the sky, followed by his troops. Luva was the next to go. The only one that remained was Van. He stood gloriously over his dragon like guymelef. He tilted his head towards them, and his eyes bore into Hitomi's. He nodded his head, grinned, and left.

They were all gone now.

They had gone to war.

There was no going back anymore.

She heard a muffled cry at her side and grabbed Hitomi's hand.

"They will be okay."

Yukari came up from behind them. She put one hand on Hitomi's shoulder and the other on Millerna's. "Of course they will be okay. Amano will be leading half of each of your troops. He will be guarding their backs. There is no way he will allow anything to happen to Allen or Luva." She gripped Hitomi's shoulder. "And he will protect Van, Hitomi, so there is no need to worry."

Hitomi didn't say anything to that. She seemed to be lost…and then she turned towards them and smiled, and she looked strong again.

"Of course, he…I mean everyone will be alright."

The three women stood where they were until the troops disappeared in the sky. They knew that there would be people they would never see again. Millerna turned to look at Hitomi. She wondered if she would go to war and die like she had told her. She hoped she didn't have to. She didn't want to lose anymore people.

* * *

**I know Van acted cold towards Hitomi, and he also talked coldly about her when he was speaking to Allen, but come on, the **

**girl just broke his heart. He is a little hurt. Still, things will get better, I promise. So, anyway, the battle will finally begin, and **

**I'm already half way through chapter 28, so it can't take that long to update. And I know, Hitomi and Van aren't together, **

**but the story hasn't ended yet. A lot of things can happen. Well, review, review, review, and tell me what you think. **

**Oh, another thing, do you want the battle to last 1 or 2 chapters? I think 2 would be better, but you decide ;)**


	28. Heroes

**I updated! Aren't you happy? Well, just so you know, the battle will be two chapters. Sorry for the ones that wanted one, but **

**I truly think this is the best. Apart for that, I have nothing to say. At least, not now, so just enjoy this chapter and review :)

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

_**Heroes**_

Wars were not pretty, but the world seemed to think differently.

People read stories about glorious wars where great heroes fought and horrible enemies were brought down. When the winner came home, the people made great festivals, and they received them like they were gods or something very similar to that. No one ever wondered what happened to the losers. No one ever asked for them. They were dead and vanquished. They were not the common's people problem. They were, after all, the enemy, and it was not their fault that they were dead. They had asked for it. No one ever wondered who the bad guy really was. They just assumed they were the good ones because they had won, and good always wins over evil, right?

No one ever cared to talk or see the face of a soldier.

They had way too many scars; they didn't talk much; their eyes always had a hunted look.

Common people didn't care to listen to the horrors of wars. They wanted to hear magnificent tales of almost impossible battles to win. They didn't care about the soldier's problems. They hadn't seen what the warriors had.

Because really, people always turned their heads and became deaf when something bothered their reality.

Normal people didn't like to know what had really happened at war. They didn't want a soldier to tell them that they had killed men and not monsters. They didn't want to hear that there were children on the other side too. They didn't want to hear the screams one heard in battles, or to see agonizing man. They didn't want to hear a sixteen year old beg for his life because he had chosen the wrong party. Most of all, they didn't want to know how the battlefield looked after the war. And they didn't want to know how many soldiers were injured, how many wouldn't make it to tomorrow, and how many had already been lost.

So, children played with swords, and they pretended to be soldiers. When a real soldier watched them, no one saw the pain that passed too quick it was almost not there at all. The children would look up at him, and the soldier would smile and proudly stand with his uniform. Not one single soul wondered if he had nightmares at night. They didn't ask him how many friends he had lost to the enemy. They didn't ask how many people he had killed.

They didn't want to know.

The truth was very harsh, and in this case it was unnecessary. They wanted the lie. They wanted to be told that the enemy was a monster and not human beings. They wanted to be assured that they were on the good side and that is why they had gone. Because no god would help the bad side. In their heads, all the killing had been necessary.

It was only the soldiers who doubted.

And now, two great armies stood front by front. Zaibach had been intercepted before they could reach Kansaki, and so their plan had failed. But one look at their Lord and Folken reassured the soldiers. They were calm, so everything had to be fine, even if it was a little more difficult to win. They had no doubt that they were the good ones, and the rest of Gaea was all evil. They would die for Zaibach's cause.

And on the other side stood all the other great kingdoms. Kingdoms that had once been powerful. Kingdoms that would remain powerful. Kingdoms that had disappeared and were seeking revenge.

Magicians and sorcerers found their places on top of the mountains. They would stay away from the death and face their own battle. They wouldn't use swords or arrows. They would use their magic against people that were just like them. The only difference was the side on which they stood.

Soldiers stood calmly, or not so calmly, waiting for orders. Both sides tried not to look into each others eyes. They didn't want to be haunted at night by those eyes. They didn't want to see the eyes of the man they killed. They didn't need to know their names or secrets. They just couldn't become humans in their eyes because that would make them murderers in some way.

A king recognized a person he thought he would never see.. Allen looked up andsaw a long time friend. Dilandu had grown up with him. They had gone to the same school. One day, the silver hair boy had disappeared, and now Allen found him an enemy. He didn't flinch at his new recognition. He simply moved his eyes away from the man. It did not matter. They were enemies.

Van tried to look everywhere but at the man besides Dornkirk. He had promised him he would kill him, but he couldn't forget that they had once played together. Folken's eyes met his, and for a second Van remembered that they had the same blood, but he put it aside. He would get his revenge no matter what, and if his older brother stood between him and what he wanted, he would die. He forgot he had any family left. In his mind, they were all dead. They had to be if he was to continue with this.

Dornkirk remembered a woman that used to love him. He had killed her for Zaibach's victory. He would win this war for…he supposed if he said for her he would just insult her. And really, it was all about him, so why pretend at the last moment?

Each general said a speech to their armies. They assured them that they were doing this for the good of his people. The Gods would not let them lose. Good prevailed over evil. Always.

Dornkirk raised his arm, sword in hand.

_So many lies… _

Allen prepared himself in his guymelef. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Van doing the same.

_Who says the truth?_

Folken took one last look at his young brother, and he let a little doubt come to his mind, but it was already too late. There was no time for redemption. He had made his choice, and he couldn't back away now. Not that he wanted to because Dornkirk was right, right?

_So many hopes…_

Dilandu smiled evilly. This is what he had been waiting for. At long last, he would be able to fight to the death with Van. He would prove that he was better than him. His eyes shone with the promise of blood.

_Which ones will shatter?_

The pirates and rebels prepared themselves for a dirty fight. They couldn't change their ways. They truly didn't feel like becoming slaves, and all is fair in love and war. Particularly in war.

_Someone once said that there were no winners in war. The one standing was simply the one who had lost fewer men._

Gadess looked ahead of him, at the masses of soldiers he would soon face. He then looked towards Allen's guymelefs, and smiled. If he died, it would be an honor to do it by his side.

_Blood will be spilled… _

A group of soldiers, the fastest ones, stand at the side of everything. Their mission is to take wounded soldiers to Kansaki and then come back for more. They pray that there won't be too many injured. They know their prayers will not be answered. They look at the youngest soldiers. There are some that aren't even fourteen. They know they will most likely be the first to fall. Maybe, if fate is kind, a few of them will survive. What worries them most is that the young soldiers don't look frightened. They are ready to die. It is for the good of their people and their queen and king. It is for their honor.

_Lives stopped before they begun so that others may live…_

Van thinks of Hitomi. Even at the last seconds before all hell breaks lose, he can't stop thinking about her, and those intoxicating green eyes, and those beautiful lips…He will win this war if only to see her again and steal one last kiss from her lips. At the last moment, he almost wishes he had never met her. His life would be far easier. Almost.

_Who will be left standing?_

Not so far from the battle field, Millerna started preparing the nurses and the beds for the injured men. She is unaware that the nurses from the enemy are doing the same. They both want to save lives while humanity continues to want to destroy them.

_So much death…_

Merle silently prayed for her new Lord. There was something in Lord Van's eyes that made her loyal to him. It doesn't matter that he killed her family. He is her new family, and she doesn't want to lose him.

_Men fighting men, brothers fighting brothers, friends fighting friends..._

Yukari looks at the sky. Gray clouds are starting to form. It will rain while they fight. She just hopes Amano gets back to her.

_It really is to save innocent lives…_

Luva smiled sadly. She asked herself once again why she decided to be a general instead of a housekeeper. She assumes she would just get bored stuck all day in a house. Wars are a lot of things, but they sure are exciting.

_A raindrop touches the ground…_

Hitomi opened her big, green eyes. She wished she had followed Millerna's advice and told Van what she really felt. It is too late. Perhaps, it is for the better because she is still determined to use the Heart.

_So cruel…_

Dornkirk gives the order and his troops move. Allen waits a little, and then he signals with his Guymelef's sword. Bodies clash. Swords meet flesh. Guymelefs fight against Guymelefs. The magicians yell spells.

The final battle begins.

_Is it worth it?

* * *

_

If he truly thought about it, like truly, truly, thought about it, things weren't that bad. Sure, it was raining like it had never rained before on Gaea, and he couldn't really see through the curtain of rain, but he stilled managed to kill a lot of enemies. The fact that they were outnumbered really didn't matter. He had the best fighters. The only problem was that he didn't know how good Zaiback's soldiers were. He had fought against them countless times, and they always managed to amaze them. The bloody men were really determined. Perhaps they were just really scared of their master. It did not matter. At the moment, they seemed to be doing pretty fine to him. Which was bad. He wanted them to do badly. To top it all, he could hear the yells from below him. Soon, he would have to join them. He was already almost finished with the guymelefs. Turns out that most of the armies from Zaibach were fighting without them. It made sense because fighting with guymelefs was really hard. In any other circumstance, having guymelefs would have being extremely useful. The only problem was that he couldn't risk using it against the enemies below him because he could accidentally kill his own troops. Zaibach didn't seem to have a problem against that because one of them was about to fire at them.

"Stupid idiots." Allen murmured, ready to stop the blast. His eyes widened when he realized he wouldn't be able to make it. So far, he had stopped every single blast they had intended to send below. While doing that, he had also destroyed half of the guymelefs. Fanel, on the other hand, had been busy killing anything that got in his way. He was a great warrior. It was just too bad that he didn't stop his impulses. Allen closed his eyes, sure that no one would stop the blast. He stood there, waiting for the sound.

Except it never came.

Allen opened his eyes, and to his surprise, he found that Fanel had taken care of the problem.

"What are you doing, Schezar?" He heard Van saying "That blast could have killed hundreds. We are supposed to stop that from happening."

"I know that." Allen quite literally barked in return. "I wasn't going to make it."

"So you just stood there and waited for a miracle?" Van smirked "That is very unlike you."

"Fanel, if you weren't on my side, I would gladly rip your heart out."

To his tremendous surprise, the young king just laughed. Apparently, he was used to this kind of talk.

"I'd like to see you try."

"As much as I like this conversation, it is time to come back to the battle." Luva's voice interrupted. Both Van and Allen turned to look at her.

"General Herio and General Zodia are moving their armies. I suggest we send King Leon, Oruzo, and Gadess to intercept them before they circle us."

Allen sighed. How the hell had he managed to get distracted in a word quarrel with Fanel in the middle of the most important war?

He is just too annoying. His mind told him, and then he resumed to put all his attention to the war.

"I'll go inform Gadess and Leon. Luva inform Oruzo."

"Of course." And with that, Luva was gone.

"I'll head over there to gain us some time."

"Yeah, you do that."

Allen watched as Fanel made his way towards the new armies that seemed to be coming from out of nowhere. He saw how he skillfully finished two of his enemies and stop yet another blast. Apparently, he wasn't the only one interested about the safety of the soldiers below them. It would have all being fine if it wasn't for the fact that Fanel never made it very far away. Another guymelef stop him. In normal circumstances, Allen would have just shrugged and gotten to do his work. Unfortunately for him, Fanel's guymelef was faster than his, and the message to the King and the leader of the rebels was primordial. Without Fanel winning them time, the armies would arrive first and destroy his. That did not go according to plan. So, to his own horror, Allen went to help Fanel, who had managed to get surrounded in few seconds. Allen was sure that Fanel could get out of the situation, but time was priceless, and he could not put more lives in danger simply because of this.

"Fanel, get out of here and tell Leon and Oruzo to move their troops. I'll handle this!" He yelled.

"What?" Fanel's ears needed a check up.

"I said…"

"I heard you, but I can take perfectly good care of myself"

"That's not important. You are faster. Get out of here."

In a second, Fanel had gotten away, leaving a very angry Allen in a very dangerous position. Twenty guymelefs were preparing to attack him. He sighed and drew out his guymelefs sword. As it made contact with his first enemy, he couldn't help but think that if he truly thought about it, things weren't that bad.

Too bad he didn't have the time to think right now.

* * *

A flash, a sound, and an explosion. 

There was nothing more, but two more enemies died. Silently, the warrior moved to his next target. He was fast. He was swift. He had forgotten mercy. Right now, all that mattered to him was destroying the enemy and killing Dornkirk. After that, everything would be better, and he could forget about the fighting.

At least, that is what Van Fanel kept telling to himself.

He didn't want to kill anymore. He was tired of endless battles. All his life, that is all he had done. Fight, fight, and fight some more. There was a time when he enjoyed it. He killed because it kept him alive and feeling. Things had changed. For the first time in a long time he was fighting for a good reason. He fought for the ones that could not defend themselves. He fought for his kingdom and family. He fought for his lost childhood. He fought for justice and for what he believed was right. Over all, he fought for the woman he loves.

The woman that broke his heart, Hitomi.

And finally, he convinced himself that it does not matter that she doesn't love him. If he wins this battle, she will not have to sacrifice herself. She will live her life with Schezar, and although that hurts him to the very bones, there is a light at the end of that tunnel. She will live. She will be happy. She won't have to face the darkness of death. That is all that matters.

So he fights just like the Dragon. He is powerful and deadly, and his enemies know it. They don't have a chance against him. He keeps making his way towards King Leon and Gadess. He doesn't look back to where Schezar is fighting for him. He is strong, and he doesn't fear for him. He can admit, no matter how much he loathes him, that he is an excellent warrior. He will be fine. Besides, he has no time to lose. His mission is important. Finally, he spots King Leon. He changes Escaflowne into the form of a dragon.

"Leon, you have to get to the south. General Herio and Zodia are moving his troops!" He shouted to the man. The King wasted no time and shouted a few orders. The soldiers move to follow them. Van quickly leaves. He has yet to find Gadess.

He moves around, his eyes looking everywhere.

"Where the hell is he?" He murmured to himself. "Really, now that I need the man, he is nowhere to be found."

He kept moving, ignoring his enemies. The dragon form of Escaflowne is much faster, and that is what he needs right now. Speed. Now, if he could find him, he could go back to killing half his enemies. That would definitely be more useful than running around trying to find an invisible man. And then finally, he saw him. The only problem was that the idiot was in a lot of trouble. Of course, considering he was Schezar's right hand, Van was not surprised. He quickly changed Escaflowne into his other form and swiftly took care of the closest enemies. He turned towards the next, and his eyes opened wide. He was fighting with Dilandu's dragon slayers. Dilandu would be extremely pissed when he found out what he had done to three of them. And what he would do to the rest if they kept getting on his way.

"Gadess, move the armies to he south. General Herio and Zodia are trying to corner us. You have to stop them!" Van repeated again. Gadess nodded and quickly followed to do as told. Van turned to face the slayers.

They are ready to do anything to stop him. They know who he is, and they are dying to kill him so they can serve Dilandu.

"Idiots." Van whispered. "I'm surrounded by idiotic people."

Not that it would stop them for being a complete pain in the ass and waste of his time. Still, Van knew that they didn't stand a chance, and he is too tired of senseless killing. Maybe he can save them. If they don't fight him, he'll live them alone.

"Go away. I have no business with you." He told them.

"You are the Dragon! We are here to kill you!" One of them shouted back.

"Don't be fools. If you go now, I won't kill you."

"Why wouldn't you? You were, after all, trained to kill."

And that was the worst thing they could have ever told him. He had tried so hard to get his past behind him, but there was always someone that would remember him for who he was. There would always be doubt, and Van was too tired to fight the instincts that he had tried to keep controlled. He was tired of wanting to be better just to be brought down. He was tired of hurting, and he wanted the numbness of killing so badly…

There are no doubts in the Dragon's mind.

There are no what ifs.

There is only his sword, his skills, and his enemy.

And finally, between all the screams and all the deaths and all the bloody fighting and the chaos, his perfect composure falls, and he becomes one with Escaflowne, and his eyes grow more red than brown and he finally, finally, breaks lose.

Except this time, he is more deadly than the Dragon.

This time he had Escaflowne, and he was fighting for a purpose and for someone.

_Hitomi…_

That was his last coherent thought before he reached towards the dragon slayers and started killing without mercy.

Just like they said he would.

He turned towards one, and then went for another one. Before they knew what had hit them, there was only one left. One small boy trying to be brave. He held his sword high, and never feared. His eyes were open as he watched the great warrior come towards him. He closed his eyes, and then he died with thoughts of failure in his mind. He failed Lord Dilandu.

And then something hit Van, and he regained his composure, but it was too late. He had already killed those poor kids, and nothing would bring them back. He had no time to absorb himself in self pity, though.

"Damn it!" Van screamed, as he was hit again. He turned just to see a very angry looking Dilandu. He swallowed. And then his jaw dropped. Dilandu got out of his guymelef and jumped to the ground.

"Dragon, I want to fight you face to face." There was venom in his voice, and for once Van did what he was told. He got out of Escaflowne and jumped to the ground.

The two rivals faced each other.

"Dilandu." Van spite out.

"Dragon." Dilandu says through teeth. "I'll kill you for what you did to them."

"This is a war. They were my enemies." Deep down, Van wished he hadn't killed them so brutally. If he hadn't lost control, maybe he could have saved at least one.

"It makes no difference to me."

Neither of them moved, and then, as if they had rehearsed this, they did at the same time, both drawing their swords out. They collided, and a metallic sound was heard.

* * *

Amano was sure that today was not his day. Besides the fact that he was in the middle of the war and trying not to get killed while reaching the heads of the armies, he was having a bad day. Not only did he have to fight without a guymelef, he had also been given half of the Kansaki army. This wouldn't be bad if they hadn't given him the amateurs. So he was stuck with the not bad but definitely not good part of the army while Fanel was given the good part. And that wouldn't have been entirely bad had he not left them with orders to come to him and head to the east, where the wizards were destroying the pirates and advancing towards Allen's army. Apparently, some soldiers had appeared and left from the south, leaving only Allen to protect the east. Amano was sure that Allen had thought he could win alone. Because of his stupid ego, now _he_ had to go and help him. The fact that his right hand, Gadess, had decided to come with him because he had felt that Allen was in trouble did nothing to lighten his mood. The man was like a little rock stuck on your foot. He didn't know how he manages to say so many pointless things while cutting heads off. 

"So, really, I would really like to eat a big pig or something like that. Did you know that butterflies only live one day? Pretty amazing. Oh, I would die for some chicken." Gadess said as he once again drove his sword into the flesh of another soldier. He turned towards Amano and grinned. "Aren't you hungry?"

Amano simply started at him. He opened his mouth but decided to kill the person behind him before he could make a move towards him. After doing that, he finally managed to form an answer. "Are you insane?"

"Huh?"

"I get sick just by thinking about food."

"But I'm hungry."

"But we are in the middle of a war, and it is not any war or just some battle. It is the decisive one. How can you even think about food."

"I get hungry when I kill people."

Amano once again was only able to stare at the man in front of him.

"Whatever. We have to get to the east fast."

He changed his attention back to his enemies, forgetting the stupid remarks that Gadess continued to say. What did it take to shut the man up? How could he even do it? Amano's sword killed anything that got in front of him, and he felt himself die a little bit each time. It was not that he was a coward. He simply did not like killing. He was not a warrior like Luva or Hurizen. He was not a leader like Van and Allen. He was not strong like Millerna and Hitomi. He was not as hopeful as Yukari and…Gadess, he supposed. He was carefree and a politician. His strength was in his words, and yet he was here, fighting because he knew it was the right thing and besides a man that seemed to take nothing seriously. To top it all, he was leading thousand of men to fight a very strong army, and he couldn't help but wince a little at the thought.

He had told them, at the beginning, that they were doing this for the people they loved and the people that had already died and for the ones that wouldn't make it and for freedom. They were going to fight for a better tomorrow. He had looked at some in the eye and told them that most of them would not make it, but that was alright. As long as little children did not have to fear Zaibach, it was all worth it. They had agreed with him, and now he was leading them towards their deaths. They would take many lives with them, but they would still die. Amano knew that, and that was why he could not understand how Gadess managed to make so many jokes and say so many blunt comments.

"How do you do it?" He finally asked.

"Do what?"

"Be so cheerful in such a horrible day."

"Well, fighting keeps me occupied and exercised."

"Gadess…"

"Well, ok, what do you fight for?"

"For Yuraki and the Queen, for a better future." Amano answered without hesitation.

"I fight to see the sun one more day." Gadess said. He turned and smiled at Amano. "And I fight so I can cheer tomorrow, so I figured that if I died and there was no tomorrow, I could smile as I'm fighting. It is the only thing I do for me. Smile at death. It is like mocking her. I'm saying, 'Hey I'm not scared, and I'll give a good fight before I go. You don't make me tremble."

Amano was stunned. He hadn't thought that Gadess could feel or think that much. He hadn't thought that maybe this was his way of leading with the death around them, the death they caused.

"You…"

"We are soldiers, Amano, This is what we do, so we might as well get used to it."

Amano was going to reply that he was not a soldier. He was a diplomat but thought better about it because he realized Gadess was right. Right now, they were soldiers, and soldiers fought and killed.

"We are soldiers, and this is a war." Herepeated softly, and then he went back to his cheerful self. "Come on, blondy, we have to get to the east, or have you forgotten?"

Amano just smiled and followed him. He would get him back for that remark after the battle. Right now, it wasn't that important.

* * *

Millerna was a strong woman. At least, that was what Yukari thought. She kept going from one place to the other in the infirmary. She cured the ones that had hope. She stayed with the ones that were dying. She gave a gentle smile to the ones that had no hope. She didn't lie to any of them. If they had no hope, she simply told them that. Yukari thought they were grateful to her. She guessed if she was about to die she would have liked to hear the truth for one last time. Still, that was not what made the woman strong. Yukari knew that she had lost her husband. If she lost Amano, she would go mad. Millerna had cried for a couple of weeks, but then she had got up and made herself useful. 

She turned her eyes towards another woman. Hitomi had been made queen rather harshly, and then she had gone around the world finding something that would save them. She had even accepted to go with a mercenary. That, at least, had turned out good. She was not dumb, and she had known Hitomi for years. She knew she had fallen in love with the young king, and she was sure the king loved her too. At first, she hadn't understood why she refused to be with him. She was sure Allen and her kingdom would understand. And then, just before everyone left for war, Van and Hitomi had a small fight, and Yukari had understood. Hitomi's eyes gave her away. Whatever it was they had gone to search for, they had found it, but at a high price. Hitomi's eyes had spoken about death, and they had accepted it. Somehow, Hitomi was sure she would find death before the end of the war. Yukari feared for her. Especially now, that she saw her attending to the wounded as best as she could. Yukari watched the two women and wished she was stronger.

"Yukari, come here, I need you!" Millerna yelled at her. Yukari quickly moved to the blonde's side.

"Press here." Yukari did as told and watched how Millerna fixed the man. After ten minutes she finally let go.

"That will definitely save him. Come on, we have to attend the others."

Millerna turned to attend the man to the right, but she stopped midway.

"You are a Zaibach soldier." She said, and then she turned to Yuraki. "He is a Zaibach soldier."

"Please…" The man begged.

"No." Millerna said. "You people killed my Dryden." She turned. "I will not cure you."

And then Yukari stopped her.

"He is dying."

"I don't care.

"You are a doctor. It does not matter what side he is from. He is human and needs help, or he will die. You cannot turn your back on him."  
"But…"

Yukari, who usually was a calm person, lost her patience. "He is but a man. What does it matter that he is an enemy? Right now, he is here, and he needs you, and you can't turn away from him. If it was Allen or Van or Amano or anyone from our side, and they were in the enemy's infirmary, would you not wish for them to attend them? Would you not wish for them to save them, even if they were doctors from the enemy?"

"Yes, but…"

"This is not different, and I will not turn my back from him. If you don't save him, I will do it, with or without your help." Millerna was stunned, but then she recovered. "Oh, alright." She said. "Hand me that knife. We have to get the arrow before we do anything else." Yukari nodded and went to find the knife. Before she turned she caught the small smile on Hitomi's mouth, and her friend winked at her. Yukari smiled. She may not be strong like Millerna and Hitomi, but she had a big heart, and she was determined to not let people die under her care. There was enough death without them turning their backs on wounded soldiers.

* * *

Naria and Eriya had always been there for their Lord Folken. He had found them when they were little girls, and he had saved them. They both had fallen in love with him. Being twins, they had always shared everything. They did the same with Folken because he was their savior and they loved him and they could never be mad at each other. They loved him, but they would never do anything to hurt each other. Still, they _loved_ him. Loved him with a passion that had gotten them in trouble too many times. Loved him so much that it sometimes burned them to death. Loved him enough to die. Loved him eternally, no matter what, no matter anything. 

And that was why they got so mad at seeing a blond, Allen Schezar, King of Asturia, if they were right, heading towards their beloved Master Folken.

They could not accept that.

It was their job to protect their Lord. It was what they wanted to do.

So they launched himself at Schezar. They were swift, strong, elastic, and very determined. They were two against one, and it was fair, considering Schezar was one of the most skillful swordsmen on the battlefield. Eriya and Naria were back to back, waiting for Schezar o make a move. He did, trying to run towards Folken, but Eriya got on his way. Now, Schezar had Eriya at his front and Naria on his back. It was not a pleasant place to be at. Naria stole a look towards her master, but he was not looking at them. He was shouting orders and being the general he was supposed to be. He was doing his job as Dornkirk's right hand, and he didn't have time to look at them.

Naria hated Dornkirk. He had stolen Folken's time with them, and even now he got in between them. Still, her master admired him, and they obeyed him.

Their loyalties were with Folken, and he had asked them to work for him, so they had.

"Where do you think…"

"…you are going?" Eriya finished for her.

"You fight us…"

"…before you even look at our master."

Schezar didn't bother with conversation. He simply held his sword and tried to attack Naria.

The sword never made it to his destiny. It was blocked, just as Eriya's was.

The two cat-women and Schezar looked up only to find two other men.

"Amano." He said, turning towards the one that was blocking Naria's sword. "Gadess." He said to the one occupied by Eriya. "Didn't I tell you to go to the south?"

"Shouldn't you be in a guymelef?"

Schezar grinned. "Got bored of it."

"Then there is your answer."

"Allen, go get Folken. We will deal with this."

Schezar nodded and headed towards Folken. The two sisters tried to stop him, but the other two men stopped them.

"Where do you think you are going?" One of them said.

"You have to get us to get him." The other finished.

The same words they had told Schezar before. These people were loyal to Schezar, just like they were loyal to Folken. They had to get rid of them, or Schezar would hurt their Master, and they could never allow that.

"Wonderful place to die at." Amano told Gadess,

"Yeah, too bad you are by my side." They grinned and attacked the cat-women.

They held their ground and fought fiercely. No one attacked their master, and they would get rid of these men, even if it took them their lives.

They were, after all, in love.

* * *

_The two sides fought with rage and fury. They descended over each other without a second thought. They went to their next victim without a glance at the man they had just killed. Bodies collided with bodies. Swords were pushed through flesh. There was blood everywhere, no matter where she looked. And there, above all the wizards, above the fighting, and above all of them, was Dornkirk. He looked victorious._

_He was standing tall at the top of a mountain with a grin in his face, and she knew they had lost. Zaiback was winning against the rest of Gaea. There was nothing more to do. Asturia, Kansaki, Freid, the pirates, the rebellion, they had all fought together, and it had not been enough. _

_Dornkirk was above them, and he was grinning._

_He unsheathed his sword and walked towards a body that was in a pool of blood. The body was not far away from him, and it looked as thought whoever the man was he had tried to stop Dornkirk._

_It had been in vain._

_The man was dying._

_Dornkirk was not even hurt._

_With one hand, he lifted the man by his brown hair. And then he drove the sword into him, finishing him at last. The dying man turned towards her, and she gasped. His brown-red eyes shown for a second, and then they went blank._

_She saw how life went out of his body._

_She screamed…_

Hitomi put her hand to her chest, trying to calm her heart. It only beat faster. She lay paralyzed, her green eyes filled with fear, and she knew what the outcome of the battle could be.

'Nothing is certain, nothing is certain, nothing is certain…' She repeated over and over in her head, but she could not shake the image of Van away from her face.

His eyes...

His beautiful brown eyes…

"Hitomi, what happened?"

Hitomi blink, and then turned her attention to the two women in front of her. Millerna and Yukari kept asking her what was wrong, but she could not answer, could not shake the image from her head.

Van…dead…

"I need a horse." She told them, and Yukari went to fetch her one. "Don't try to stop me." She told Millerna, and she nodded numbly.

"The horse is waiting for you, Hitomi what…"

But she was not listening. She was already riding the horse and trying to get to the battlefield as fast as the horse could take her.

She had to get there before her vision happened.

She had to save him.

* * *

**Well, I hoped you enjoyed the beggining of the war. i truly thought about doing one chapter of the battle, but it was **

**extremely long, so I spli it in two. I hoped you enjoyed the first part. I'm really bad at writting war things and action, so I **

**kind of mixed romance with thoughts and actions. I truly hope you like it, and please, please, please, review.**

**Next chapter is already done and edited. I will update it on Saturday or Sunday. Oh, and it will be a little confussing because **

**there will be a lot of changes in the POV and sometimes I'll go back on some events...and it is dfficult to explain, so I won't. **

**You'll see what I mean when you read it.**


	29. The Heart Of The Dragon

**This is the end of the battle, but it is not the end of the story. One more chapter is left, and then this is over. Oh, and if this c**

**hapter is a little confussinf, just tell me and I'll explain. **

**Disclamer: the song is called When I'm Gone by EMINEM (Great song, you should download it)

* * *

**

**The pain of loving you**

**_The Heart of the Dragon_**

"_This is the way the world ends  
Not with a bang but a whimper._"

- Mistah Eliot

Dilandu was pissed. Sure, he had been pissed a lot of times; actually, he was almost always pissed, but not like now. Never like this. He could feel his blood boiling inside his veins, and his thoughts were so angered that he couldn't make them out. His hand, the one that was holding his sword, was trembling with fury, and his other hand was currently holding the Dragon's. He tightened that one, and he felt the bones begin to crack, but then The Dragon kick him in the stomach and sent him stumbling to the floor.

Dilandu saw red.

He got up as fast as he could and brought his sword towards the Dragon. The movement was so fast that the Dragon barely had time to move away. He was not fast enough. Dilandu's blade had cut him in the arm. Blood was coming out of his injury.

Van glared at him. Dilandu smiled evilly.

He would enjoy this. He had always wanted to kill him. He had live for the day when he would get a chance to. From the first moment he had seen him, he had hated the little boy with hard eyes and royal blood. Dilandu had been Dornkirk's favorite. Aside from Folken, there had been no one else Dornkirk trusted more. Then, he had found Van Fanel, true heir to Fanelia. A boy with too much anger within him and a great potential. Dilandu had been forgotten. He had passed to be a second place, and Dilandu had hated him since then. The bloody boy had always been lucky. From his natural ability with the sword, the way he ignored his emotions, to the form in which Folken and Dornkirk took care of him, Fanel had always had what he wanted. He had succeeded to make of Dilandu a complete jerk. The only ones that had stayed with him were his dragon slayers. They always thought he was better than the Dragon. They always told him he should be Dornkirk's favorite. They were always on his side, regardless of anything. If Dilandu had ever felt anything remotely close to love, it had been for his precious slayers.

The Dragon had managed to take even that from him.

He was left with nothing, and he would make sure the Dragon paid. He would make him suffer as much as he could.

Fanel moved to attack him, and Dilandu blocked, but then Fanel switched the hold of his sword and he brought it to Dilandu's face. He moved. The sword caught him in the face. _Again._ Dilandu brought his hand to his face.

"You did it again!" He yelled indignantly at him.

"Really, Dilandu, I don't know why you care so much. Your face is ugly anyways."

Forget about red, Dilandu saw purple. How dare he? The bloody idiot….Not only did he take everything away from him; he also took the pleasure of mocking him.

No one laughed at Dilandu. No one.

"Aarrrgggg!" With an angry yell, Dilandu practically few towards Fanel. He flung at Fanel, sending them both to the ground. His sword, as well as the Dragon's, had been forgotten, and Dilandu was happily punching Fanel anywhere he could.

"You…" He said between punches "Are not better than me."

"You took everything that was mine!" He yelled at the Dragon again.

"I hate you." He said before punching him on the gut.

"I hate you." He repeated. "Hate you."

He was so distracted by his current activities, that he never saw how Fanel's hand moved towards his boot to take out a knife. It took him a moment to realize why his side suddenly hurt.

"I hate you too." The Dragon told him.

Dilandu's eyes flashed with malice as he felt the blood slide through his skin, and without thinking he punched Fanel in the face and moved both his arms to enable him to move.

"I was going to have fun before I killed you." He told Fanel, getting up. His injury was not mortal. "But now I won't."

He went to pick up his sword. Fanel did the same. Once again, they faced each other. Fanel was the first to move. He went running towards him, ready to deliver everything in that one blow. Dilandu smiled. Seconds before Fanel got to him, he moved, jumped, and landed facing Fanel's back. He bent to pick some earth, and just after Fanel turned to face him, threw it into his eyes. Dilandu took the opportunity to kick him and send him to the ground. And then, before anything else happened, Dilandu's sword was at the Dragon's neck.

"You cheated."

"I never played fair."

* * *

Gadess was tired, annoyed, and getting angry. Really, did the bloody woman have to move so fast? I mean, sure, she was a cat-woman, but could she not hold still? That would make his life much better, and it would definitely brighten his mood. Apparently, she didn't give a damn about his mood because she kept dodging, jumping, and simply getting out of the way of his sword. To top it all, every time she moved she somehow managed to hurt him in little or big ways. It was only luck that he had managed to block her more fierce attacks. He looked at her again. Her eyes were close to glowing. Her face was contorted into an angry expression, and she had no sweat on any part of her body. In fact, she looked extremely…not tired. It was as if she had woken up just now and had decided to start fighting with him. And they had been fighting for so long! How could she be so unaffected by it? Apart from her obvious anger, there was nothing wrong with her. She didn't even seem affected by her surroundings. People were dying all around her, and she didn't even give them a second look. She didn't acknowledge their presence. It seemed that she didn't even hear all the shouting. Damn it! She didn't even bother to look at the body that had fallen right at her feet. She simply step over it and prepared to attack again. It was annoying Gadess out of his mind. He wanted to end this for the sake of his mind and body. 

"After this, I will become a librarian or a gardener. Hell, even a priest has to have a better life." He murmured, and then proceeded to get out of the way of the woman's knifes. He jumped back and then kicked her in the head. Her head swung to one side, and Gadess caught his breath.

"I'll do anything but fight". He silently swore. "I'll settle down…if I make it."

Like three hour ago he had wanted to win this war so he could enjoy another day. He had wanted to smile just once more. Right now, he wanted to win so he could go back to Kansaki and sleep. Actually, he wouldn't mind sleeping right where he was. Maybe his enemies would believe him dead and leave him alone.

Of course, today he wasn't that lucky, so he probably would end up with a sword in his chest.

The cat-woman came at him again, and he was ready to move out of the way or something like that when her concentration moved from him to another place. Gadess didn't hesitate. This was the chance he had been waiting for since the beginning.

She gasped, and her eyes moved towards him. She moved her mouth, but no words came out. Gadess started at her, and he did not know what to do. She looked down, and her hands came to her stomach. They were trembling as she took the sword out.

"Master Folken…" She said, and then collapsed onto the ground.

Gadess stood there stunned for a couple of seconds before turning triumphaly towards Amano. He had been to busy to check on his new friend, but he had seen the man fight, so he was probably doing well. His eyes landed on his friend, and his eyes widened.

He had not expected…that.

Amano had his sword through the other cat-woman. Nothing was wrong there. What was wrong was the blade poking out of Amano's stomach.

The blade was poking out…there was red everywhere…

Gadess moved without knowing how, and in seconds, he was next to Amano. He pulled the dead body of the cat-woman again and lowered Amano too the floor.

"Ga…Ga…dess" He said. Gadess blinked. He'd thought Amano was dead.

"Don't speak, you dumb ass, you'll only make it worse."  
"Worse?" He choked out, and somehow managed to…eh smile. At least that was what he thought he was doing.

"Yes, worse. Don't worry, someone will come for you and take you to Kansaki and heal you. Everything will be alright."

"I…don't know."

"It will, trust me."

"Okay, but…"

"No buts."

"Please…"

"Alright, what is it?" He was sounding annoyed because it was easier than being worry. He had known Amano for some time, but it was not until today that he had actually understand the man. He found he liked him. They could become good friends, if they made it through this one, which they would. He guessed that was what happened at wars. No one wanted to see people you remotely care about die. You wanted to hang on to the most insignificant one.

"If I die, tell Yukari that I love her very much." He said. "Tell her to name the baby after Hitomi or after Dryden, depending on what it is…please."

His throat felt raspy, and something in his stomach was making him nauseous, but he managed to answer back. "I will."

Amano nodded and then went still. Gadess panicked for a second, but then he felt Amano's pulse. It was weak, but it was something, and there was no way he was letting a man-soon-to-be-father die. Enough children and parents had died in this war, and this one was one he could save. He turned to see what had caught the cat-woman's eye earlier. Allen and Folken were fighting. Well, currently they were taking a break. He could see both of them were tired. Allen looked his way and caught his eye. Gadess signaled to Amano and then pointed to where Kansaki was. Allen nodded and turned his attention to Folken.

Gadess smiled.

* * *

Folken was enjoying his fight with Schezar. The blond king was agile and a magnificent swordsman. His skills were extraordinary, and if Folken had not passed all of his time training and plotting, he was sure Schezar would have already won. As it was, it seemed that their match would never end. They were both at the same level, so they could fight till eternity, or until one of them got distracted. This was not happening, as Schezar had only looked away once, and it had been so fast that Folken had had no time to do anything. Besides, they had been resting or something like that. Folken didn't know. The only thing he knew was that he had nothing better to do at the moment. He knew that Zaibach was winning the final battle. Although Gaea's forces were extremely powerful, Zaibach cheated all the time. They attacked when no one was looking. They used magicians to create illusions. They simply had no sense of mercy. Zaibach soldiers followed orders without questioning. Folken himself had ordered them to exterminate all their enemies. They didn't hesitate when killing. Gaea's soldiers did. Whenever they encountered someone that was young or that looked hurt, they hesitated, and that gave them the time for Zaibach soldiers to kill. Now, Zaibach was winning, and Folken was trying to get rid of Schezar. 

"You are good, Schezar." He said.

Schezar just stared at Folken blankly. "You are not that bad."  
And again, their swords found each other.

"I will win this." Schezar said.

"No." Was Folken's simple answer before he pushed Schezar away from him.

Folken was about to attack when he saw…and it couldn't be real. He wouldn't let it be real. Without thinking, he changed his direction and quickly ran to where his brother was.

He was not going to let Dilandu kill him. Damn them all, no one was going to kill his brother.

"Dilandu!" He yelled, and then things happened to fast for him to digest.

Dilandu turned towards him, momentarily distracted. Van knocked his sword from his hand, and Folken position himself between Dilandu and Van.

Folken stabbed Dilandu.

Van stabbed Folken.

Everything was wrong.

"Folken…" He heard his name come out of Van's lips, and he groaned when he felt Van's sword pull out of his body. He simply let go of Dilandu. He was dead already.

"Folken…" Van repeated, catching him as he fell.

"I didn't mean…Folken."

"You said you were going to kill me."

"Not like this…I…I don't know, Folken…"

"It's okay, little brother. You are saved."

"But you are dying!"

Folken smiled for the first time in many years. He had always wanted to protect Van. After he had savedhim from that soldier so many years ago, Dornkirk had found Folken almost dead.He had gone with him at first because he had no option, but then...He had sworn to help him find his brother. He had promised to cure him and make him more powerful. He had given him his word that he was fighting for peace. After Dornkirk ruled over the world, he would make everything alright. Dornkirk had had to kill his parents because they were getting too powerful. They were a danger to peace.

Folken had believed it all.

He was just a boy that had lost everything, and Dornkirk had promised to help him find his brother, and then he had found little Van. Except Van wasn't little anymore. The shine in his eyes was gone, and Dornkirk told him that the only way to save him was to make him strong. His emotions were eating him alive. Van had to become emotionless in order to survive. Folken had agreed. He had also agreed to not see Van until it was time. That time never came. Van became more separated from the real world, and Folken thought if he saw him he would go insane. Then, he had been sent to kidnap the Kansaki princess. He fell in love with her instead, and when Folken saw him again, he was a different man. There was a shine in his eyes, and Folken felt like crying. His little brother was back. The Van he had tried to save when they were children was back.

Van didn't want to believe he was alive.

He had tried to talk to Van, but he had refused to hear him.

"You said you were going to kill me." Folken repeated. Oh, how it had hurt to hear those words come from his brother! Folken hadn't been able to understand the hate in Van's eyes. He didn't know why he hated Dornkirk so much.

"I don't want you to die." Van said softly.

How ironic, that he said that now.

"It is inevitable."

And it was. Folken could feel his life slipping away from his body. He was growing weaker, and his mind was becoming fussy. He knew he was dying.

"Van…I never meant to hurt you." Folken said, though it hurt him to speak. Still, he had to say it now because there would be no other time. "I did what I thought was best." The pain was increasing, and everything was going black, but Folken fought it back. He had to get it all out. There would be no tomorrow.

"Folken…"

How many times had they played together? How many sacrifices had he made to keep him alive? How many hours had he pondered because he wanted to go back to the way things were? He wanted to be carefree and laugh with Van. He wanted to go back to that hide and seek game that had never been finished because a war had washed over them. He wanted to have white wings instead of black ones. He wanted to love Naria and Eriya…

"I only wanted to save you…"

"You have."

"Only wanted peace…"

"You will live to see it."

"I still believe in Dornkirk, even now, after seeing all he has done…"

"Folken…"

"I only wanted peace and for you to be well."

"Don't…"

"You'll make everything alright…"

"Please…"

"You will build back Fanelia…"

"Don't say it."

"I trust you…I always did."

"I didn't mean to kill you…"

"Van?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

And Folken finally gave up to the darkness that was surrounding him. His hand fell to the floor, and Van was sure he could hear the echo of it.

Van screamed, and Folken turned cold under his hands.

* * *

Zaibach was winning. 

At first, Dornkirk had doubted their success, but now he could see that he had nothing to worry about. It was impossible to defeat his army, and now the rest of Gaea would pay for not bending over him. He would make them suffer. He would make them tremble at the very mention of his name. He would make slaves out of them and laugh at their suffering. He would make them wish they had never raised their weapons at him.

And, once he had the Heart in his hands, he would control them. And then maybe, just maybe, he would be able to get Meridian out of his head. Maybe with the power of the Heart he would be able to forget her voice. He would be able to stop thinking about her.

She had been his one weakness, and he had killed her for it.

Dornkirk smiled darkly. He had loved her, and she hadn't loved him enough. He had wanted to make her his queen, and she had refused.

She had called him a monster.

He had lost it.

She had wanted to go away, to escape him.

He had killed her.

Now he was here, about to win a war and he knew she would be mad at him. She always got mad when he talked about his plans for the future. He had wanted to know everything there was to know about Gaea. The mysteries of the Heart of the Dragon were Gaea's last secret, and they would be his. After that, he would forget Meridian and make Hitomi his queen. Of course, he would first torture her. She had rejected him and changed him for that blasted Van. She had to suffer because of it. Still, Dornkirk wanted Hitomi, so she would be his queen. He only had to win the war and kill Van Fanel.

Speaking off…

He saw Van lying in a pool of blood. From the top of the mountain where he was, he could not see how badly hurt he was, so he made his way towards Van Fanel. He paid no attention to what was happening around him. The war was already secured, so he could ignore it all. Besides, no one was coming after him. They parted, letting him pass, as if they already knew he was going to win and they would end up at his mercy. Once he got close to Van he realized that the blood was not Van's, but Folken's.

Well, that was regrettable. Folken had always been useful. The man had ice in his veins, and he was a great strategist. Folken had always been at his side. It was a death he would mourn…later, when he found the situation not so amusing.

"To be killed by the one you tried to protect…" He told Van.

Van suddenly turned around and brow reddish ayes locked with Dornkirk's. Lord Dornkirk smiled. The boy had a lot of anger in him. If only he hadn't fallen in love with Hitomi Kansaki…

"You bloody liars!" Van yelled at him.

Really, all his potential had been lost when he started feeling again. And he had betrayed Dornkirk. Yes, he would enjoy killing the bastard.

"You lied to me. You made me believe you were good." Van told him hatefully. "I will kill you for what you did to me, to my family, to everything I cared about. I will avenge them. I'll kill you!"

Dornkirk laughed.

"Really? Look around you. I have already won. My troops are winning over yours. You have no more energy left to fight me, and Hitomi is not here to use the Heart. Maybe she decided to change sides with me. It wouldn't surprise me."

"She would never do that." Van said, rage in his eyes.

"We will see."

"I'll bloody kill you."

"Then I would see you in hell." Dornkirk smirked. The boy was so predictable… "I dare you to try."

Van got up as fast as he could and grabbed his sword. He went towards Dornkirk, but he felt something strong pull at his arm, and his sword flew from his hand. He stared at Dornkirk.

"Foolish boy, I am not an idiot. I had you trained myself. I know just how powerful you are. I am no match to you physically."

"What…"

"I will defeat you with magic and kill you with my sword."

Dornkirk lowered his hand, and Van fell to the floor. He formed a fist with his hand and Van contracted into pain, as if he was being squashed. Dornkirk tightened his fist, and Van let out a scream of pain.

"Don't you see, Van, that nothing you do matters?"

He then grabbed Van by his hair and pulled him up. He prepared to use his sword…

"Van!"

The boy in his grasp seemed to react at the sound of the voice, and he pushed Dornkirk away from him, freeing himself of his grasp.

"Noooo!" Dornkirk yelled, as he tried to stab Van. And then, out of nowhere, green eyes stared at him and his sword pushed through the eyes' owner.

"I told you I would not let you win." Hitomi said, and then her necklace started to shine.

* * *

Allen was standing in an attack position. He blinked once, twice, and then let go of his attack position and passed a hand through his hair. 

"What the hell..? He said. In all his times as a warrior, he had never had such an…interesting fight, to put it in some way.

Folken had walked out of their fight.

Actually, he had more like flown away from their fight. He was about to hit him when he changed courses and ran away in another direction. Allen knew something had caught his eye, but he had not been able to see what. Now, he was standing there like an idiot and about to fight an invisible man.

Allen passes a hand through his hair again.

And then, of course, things got worse because of course nothing could be easy today.

Hitomi passed on a black horse at a speed that was so fast that if he hadn't memorized every single thing about her he would have missed her. Without thinking twice, Allen started to run after her, trying to not let her out of his sight.

It would have been better if he had never followed her. Actually, it would have been better if he had never fallen in love with her or if he had never asked her to marry him. It would have been better if he had let go of her. It would have been better if he had never met her.

But that was not the case, and his heart seemed to get out of his chest and his blood turned to ice and his loved seemed like the most powerful venom as he saw what happened next.

"Van!" She yelled.

Hitomi jumped from the horse and ran right in between Dornkirk and Fanel. Dornkirk's sword went trough her body, and Allen let out a yell.

"Hitomi!"

But his scream was ignored.

The woman he loved and adored and had been fighting for all this time had given her life away for another man. And not just any other man.

She had given her life for that bloody bastard, for Van fucking Fanel.

Allen couldn't understand, didn't want to understand the reasons to why she had done something so stupid. His head knew, but his heart didn't want to accept it.

Then he was given no more time because a bright pink light enfolded him and the rest of his surroundings.

* * *

She galloped as fast as she could. She knew the horse was giving her its best, but it was not enough. She was not getting there fast enough, and everyone be damned, she would make it in time. What was the point of anything if Van died? 

"_I don't want to get to know you."_

His words, every single thing he had said to her rang in her head. She didn't care if it was good or bad. She didn't care about anything anymore except him. He be damned to, because she would help him.

'I have to get there. I have to get there. I have to get there!' She screamed in her mind. The horse moved faster. 'I have to save him!'

"_Why do you care?"_

She had begun this war believing that the only thing she wanted was peace and her kingdom's welfare. That was all that had mattered. She had gone with him on that horrible quest because it was what was right. She had been the only hope for Gaea.

"_You are only a tool. I could never feel anything for you."_

She had hated him.

She had hated his cold self, his selfishness, his arrogance, his indifference, his anger, and the way she got lost in his eyes. She had hated everything about him. And he was a mercenary! How could she not hate him when she had been fighting for peace all her life?

And then…

"_I promised Schezar I would protect you from everything"_

She had noticed the sadness in his eyes and how alone he was. Everything he had loved was gone, and he was left with all his anger and frustration. He didn't understand her smiles, and he seemed so lost…She had wanted to befriend him. She had wanted to know the secrets his eyes held. She had wanted to be a part of him.

And somehow…

"_Why are you scared of dying?"_

"_I'm not scared of dying. I just don't want to."_

She had fallen in love with him. Between her hate, his desperation, her need to know him, his silence, her laughter, their friendship, she had fallen in love with the warrior. She hadn't meant for it to happen, but she hadn't meant to become queen so young, or to be the only hope for Gaea. She hadn't meant to not love Allen, and so she had fallen in love with him without wanting to. It was just the way things went in her life. Nothing was ever as it was supposed to be.

_"Why am I here?" _

_"It doesn't matter anymore. You passed your task." _

_"Which was?" _

_"To not forget what was most important to you."_

_"But I did forget. I forgot about peace." _

_"But you never forgot about Van. He was always present in your mind, even if you didn't notice."_

And now…

"_I hate you."_

"_It doesn't matter. I love you."_

She was going as fast as she could to save him. In the middle of her desperation, Hitomi had realized something very important. Actually, she had just accepted what she already knew.

Nothing mattered without him.

Sure, she cared about Gaea's destiny and its people, but she cared more about him. He was her life, and she refused to let him die. Millerna's question came to her mind.

"_Would you die for them?"_

She had told her that yes; of course she would die for them. They were her people and she had to keep them safe. She would die for Kansaki.

It had been a lie.

She was racing towards the battle field, and it was not because it was her duty as a queen. She was going like a maniac because of one single person.

Van Fanel.

"_Why are you trying to hurt me?"_

And then everything became clear. She hadfought firstbecause it was her responsibility, and she really wanted to save Gaea, but now everything was different. She had started fighting like a queen, but she ended up fighting like a woman. A woman in love. And she was not fighting for Gaea anymore. She was fighting for a love that was so great that it took her breath away, and it left her warm inside, and sometimes it was too much to handle.

So no, she wouldn't die for them.

She would die for him.

Because she loved him, and she wanted him to be safe, and she would do anything for him.

"_I never danced before"_

"_Then I will dance for you."_

Their love was not meant to be, but she didn't care. She was supposed to love Allen, but she didn't. She had always thought that peace was the only thing she wanted, but it wasn't. She wanted Van, too. She wanted him more than anything else. She had always done things to please the ones around her, but this time she would do something for herself.

She would use the Heart because she wanted him to live, and he _would_ live.

That is why she got so scared when she arrived at the battle field and saw Van and Dornkirk. In the middle of everything.

"Van!" She yelled as she jumped from the horse and towards them. She saw how Van pushed himself from Dornkirk and how Dornkirk went forward, towards Van, and Hitomi saw her chance to end everything. She ran and positioned herself between the middle of them, much like Folken had done minutes ago. She looked at Dornkirk and smiled. The pain that she was feeling wasn't even important.

"I told you I would not let you win."

It was in that moment that she found out the secret behind the Heart of the Dragon. It was so easy! She only had to wish with all her heart to use it to save not anyone, but the one that was supposed to protect her. She had to wish to save the Dragon without worrying about what happened to her. And she did. She loved Van, and she loved the Dragon. They were the same person, and she didn't care about what either of them had done. She would give her life away for him. Hitomi wished with all her self to use the heart. She wanted to end the war, and she wanted Van to be fine.

Her necklace shown along with Escaflowne. She felt its power begin to rise and encircle her, and she knew she wouldn't live to tell about this adventure.

* * *

Van couldn't believe what was happening. It could not be true. No one was evil enough to do this to him twice. No one would dare do this. It was just way to…horrible. 

Hitomi had taken the sword meant for him, just like Folken.

_Just like Folken…_

And Folken had died.

He couldn't let Hitomi die for him too. He wouldn't be able to stand it. He already felt guilty enough because of Folken, and…

Oh, God, Hitomi…

"Hitomi…" His voice cracked, and he couldn't move. He felt numb. "Hitomi…" he repeated. His voice cut through the air and reached her ears.

"Van." She said. It was only one word, one name, but it went straight to his heart, like everything she did or said. Like her very presence. He went towards her. He encircled her with his arms and saw how her necklace was shining. He was sure Escaflowne was shining too. He could feel it.

"Don't use it." He pleaded her.

"It is the only way."

"But…"

"Besides, it is way too late. It has started."

"Hitomi…"

"Don't let go, please…"

"I won't."

And he didn't. The pink light became stronger, and it surrounded him, Hitomi, and the rest of the world. It tried to pull him away from Hitomi, but he just held on tighter. Nothing would part him from her. He would protect her from anything, and if being here with her was what she wanted, he would do it, even if it took his life away.

* * *

_A young Dornkirk lay on the floor. He was playing with a car toy when a foot came over it and crashed it. _

"_My son, playing, will get you nowhere." A deep male voice said. "You want to make me proud, don't you?"_

_Young Dornkirk looked down and obediently replies. "Yes, father."_

The image changed.

"_Come on, Dornkirk, I want to go outside and play." A ten year old Meridian told Dornkirk._

"_I can't. I have to study to know everything about Gaea."_

"_But Dornkirk, I'm going back to Kansaki tomorrow."_

"_I know."_

"_And don't you care?" She said. Dornkirk raised his head from his book and looked at her. _

"_But my father…"_

"_Forget about him for one moment." She said, making her puppy eye look. He sighed. He could never say no to that look._

"_Alright…"_

The image changed again.

_He kissed her hard because that was the only way in which he could kiss her. She was everything to him, and for once, he didn't care what his father told him. He just wanted her, Meridian…She pulled away from him, and Dornkirk looked at her confusedly._

"_I can't do this."_

"_What?"_

"_I'm to marry another man. I am betrothed to a prince from Freid, and as future heir to Kansaki, I have to do it. I cannot love you. Besides, I have to find the Heart of the Dragon."_

"_But…I love you."_

"_And I love you."_

The image blurred, and Hitomi saw an older Dornkirk.

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_I came to see you."_

"_You married another."_

"…_I know."_

"_But?"_

"_I love you. I'll stay by your side, if you let me…"_

"_Oh, Meridian." Dornkirk went to hug her._

Change of image again.

"_You…you…you killed your mother..:"_

_Dornkirk smirked. He could see something evil in his eyes. "I know, isn't it great? I took away the only think you cared about, and now I'm going to kill you, father."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because I'll never be enough for you."_

Hitomi's eyes grew wide as the image changed.

"_Dornkirk, what is wrong?"_

"_You are going back to Kansaki."_

_  
Meridian sighed. "We already went through this. I have to rule over my kingdom."_

_Dornkirk slammed his hand on the table, making everything shake._

"_It's always about your kingdom!" He yelled at her._

_Meridian looked startled, but she recovered quickly. "And it is always about your power, and your need to research everything there is about Gaea." _

"_If you would help me with the Heart everything would be different."_

"_I already told you I would not. It is way too powerful for you. I don't know how you would use it."  
"Do you not trust me to do the right thing?"_

_Meridian looked through the window at Zaibach and a cloud appeared over her green eyes. "I don't know anymore."_

One last time the image changed.

_"Meridian, I love you" Dornkirk told Meridian. "Isaac, you cannot love. Your heart is becoming black with greed, and your priorities are already changing. All the goodness in you disappeared when you changed it for money and power. Your soul is darkening with greed, and I no longer know who you are" _

_Isaac's eyes narrowed and Meridian took a step back. "You speak nonsense." He told her, voice cold. _

_"I speak the truth. No one can have everything. I would have stayed with you forever, but you choose all this." She signaled to the empire Isaac had built through the years, Zaibach. _

_"I can." Isaac told her firmly, eyes darkening with rage "I deserve to have everything I want. Only I have what is needed to govern over Gaea. Only I know what Gaea needs. You have the power and know the secret of how to rule over Gaea. Give me what I want and rule by my side"_

_Meridian's eyes filled with tears. She knew she had lost him forever. "You offer me the world, but I only wanted you. I loved you, Isaac, but I do not know who you are anymore. I can't follow you on the path you have chosen" _

_"You are only giving me excuses to not stay with me. I am the same man I used to be, but now, I am wiser. This world needs a leader, and I can be that leader"_

_Meridian turned to look at Zaibach. It was a powerful empire, but its men were full of hatred and resentment against the rest of the population that resided on Gaea. She could not live in a place like this. She could not live by the side of the one man that could destroy Gaea. _

_"I won't give you what you want." She told him firmly and turned to leave the room. _

_She passed besides Isaac without giving him a second chance. She grabbed the handle of the door and was about to open the door when she felt something go through her. She gasped as she looked down as saw the end of Isaac's sword. "_

_May the spirits forgive you." She told him, and then took her last breath. _

All the images disappeared and Hitomi saw a bright light that slowly changed to the form of a woman. Hitomi could not see who it was.

"These are some of the crucial moments that made Dornkirk who he was." The woman told her. "His life was not easy, with a father that couldn't stand him. The only joy in his life was Meridian, one of your ancestors. He loved her deeply."

"He chose power over her." Hitomi said.

"Yes, he did. At the end, his ambitions won over all else, but do you still want to kill him?"

Hitomi thought about that. Dornkirk had made her life a living pain, and he had made Van's life even more miserable. He had drove Gaea into war and had destroyed Fanelia.

"No." She said. "I don't want to kill him, but…" If she let him live, then Zaibach would win and all would be lost. If she let him win, Van would never get his revenge and a lot of people would die. If she let him live, he would destroy all she loved and use the Heart to help him gain total control over Gaea. If she let him live, he would kill Van, and she could not allow that. "He has to die."

"You will die with him."

Hitomi closed her eyes. "I know."

"Does it not matter?"

And Hitomi smiled. "Of course it doesn't matter. Van, the Dragon, will be saved. He will live and be happy. That is all I want."

"Then it will be as you wish. Good luck, mistress."

* * *

Hitomi could feel herself falling. The darkness was surrounding her, and she was finding it hard to focus. Around her, the pink light from the Heart was coming back to herself. Hitomi tightened her grip on her pendant. It was burning, but she ignored the feeling. She was putting her last energy into it. 

_Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?  
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?  
When they know they're your heart  
And you know you were their armour  
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'his  
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?  
And everything you stand for, turns on you, despite you?  
What happens when you become the main source of his pain?_

There was no noise, fights or chaos around her. Everything was still. The world was quite for once. She knew that there should be some kind of…something around her, but there was nothing. The soldiers that had been fighting only seconds ago had stopped. They had been touched by the light of the Heart, and their wish to fight had been vanished. There were no more yells or deaths. The chaos had dissipated, and she was happy.

It had ended. She had ended the war.

"Dornkirk?" She asked Van. He was still holding her.

"He disappeared."

_And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain  
Just smile back_

He pulled her closer to his body. She could feel his breath on her face. She opened her eyes one last time to gaze at turmoil brown-reddish eyes. Her hand caressed his cheek.

"I used the Heart. I killed Dornkirk."

"I know." His voice was raspy, and she knew he knew that she was letting go.

"I got you your revenge. Dornkirk will not harm anyone anymore."

"You idiot" He told her. He tightened his arms around her. "It doesn't matter anymore. My revenge is no longer important. It stopped being important since…"

"Since?"

"Since I met you."

And Hitomi allowed herself a soft laugh. It was all okay. He was safe. Gaea was out of danger. She had fulfilled her destiny. It was ok to let go now.

"I'm sorry, for all the pain I put you through."

His mouth lowered to hers, and he kissed her so softly it almost hurt. She could taste salt in his lips.

"Don't cry" She told him.

"Don't leave me alone." He replied.

"You won't be alone. Besides, you have to rebuild Fanelia. You will have no time to miss me."

_And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn  
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice  
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling  
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain  
Just smile back..._

"Why did you do it?"

Why did she do it? Well, she had way too many answers to that, but they all revolved around him. "Millerna asked me if I would die for Gaea."

"Ant that's why you did it? To save them?"

"No, you silly."

"No?"

"Of course not. It was never about them. I just realized that now."

"Then why did you did it? Why waste your life?"

She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "You still don't get it, do you?"

"No, I don't get anything, and I so want to..." Some tears fell from Van's eyes. He couldn't hold them anymore.

"Don't cry." She told him again. "Cryind doesn't suit you, warrior."

Van shut his eyes, trying to stop the tears."I didn't even weep for my parents." He told her.

"But you would do it for me. He nodded. "Because you love me." She whispered. Van almost didn't catch that.

"Yes, Hitomi, I'd do anything for you."

Hitomi felt tears beginning to form in her eyes, but she did not want to cry. She wanted Van to remember her as a strong person. She wanted to be a little more like him. She didn't want to leave him, but it was the price to pay, and she knew it.

"Smile, just once..." She asked him. Van did hs best to smile through his pain. "Oh, Van, if only…" But then she went still, and her pretty, green eyes closed.

_If only…I love you too…_

The echo of her voice was the only thing that was left.

_Sorry I never told you all I wanted to say And now it's too late to hold you 'cause you've flown away so far away

* * *

_

**HAHAHA, I'm evil. I know. It is fun. You will have to wait some time for next chaper. It is already written and has been **

**sent to editing, ****but I'm leving to San Diego in a few hours and I won't be back until the 10th ot the 12th, so...I will not be **

**able to update until them. I'm sorry, really, ****but come one, you don't get to wait that long. Time flies. In no time you'll know **

**the end of the story. Another thing, I didn't go to deep ****into Dornkirk's character, but I've always believed that men are not **

**evil. They are made evil, so I put a small information ****about some ****things that happend to him, nothing much. Well, apart **

**from that, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I think it went ****out ok. And ****please ****review, or I'll...I know, I'll take longer **

**updating and you'll suffer without the ending hahahaha. So you ****better review. ;)**


	30. At the still point of the turning world

**Hello to everyone! I know I said I would post this chapter on the 12th, but it kind of got erased, so I had to write it again, and then my editor went on vacations, so...But don't worry. The last chapter is finally here. I know it is not what most of you expected, but I'm sure everyone will be happy with the resoult. Writing this story had been wonderful, and I'm a little sad that it is finally over, but that just means that I'll be writting more stories, yey!**

**I'd also like to thank my editor and of course, all of you reviewers and readers, though I mostly appreciate the support of:**

**tigger093061, Macky, Inda, IAMSOAP: You reviewed every single one of m y chapters, and I'll forever love you.**

**Olileslie: Your review inspired me. Thank you very much.**

**snowdropsinwinter: An amazin review. What more can I say? **

**And now, please enjoy the last chapter.**

* * *

**The pain of loving you**

_**At the still point of the turning world**_

_I told you once the only thing I wanted to do was fly as far away from you as I could. _

_I wanted nothing more than to free myself of your eyes, but now... _

_Now all I want to do is crawl into your arms and never let go. _

_I can't go on without you, and it scares me. I shouldn't feel this passion that's burning my heart. _

_We were never meant to be together, and yet, somehow... _

_When you kiss me the world disappears, _

_It is just the two of us, and for just one mere moment _

_Nothing else matters, and I can forget about the world and get lost in your eyes_

The war was over.

After moths of no-stopping battles, endless fear, uncountable deaths, and so many sacrifices, it had all ended. There were no more soldiers with swords preparing to go to a battlefield. There were no more meetings to plan strategies. Nurses had stop receiving injured men. Women were no longer crying because their loved ones went away. The kings and leaders didn't look that stiff. A big burden had been lifted from their shoulders.

The world was silent. There were no more yells or cries. No more agonizing sounds. No more…nothing.

There was nothing more to do but re-create what had been destroyed and pick up the pieces of what had been broken. The ones that had lost loved ones had to go on without them. The children that had seen way to much had to learn to live with the nightmares. The kings had to gather their people and build their kingdoms back. The world had to be restored. Everyone had to try to go back to the way things were before the war.

If only it wasn't so difficult…

If only things hadn't changed so much…

* * *

"Dryden is dead." Millerna repeated in her head for what had to be the millionth time since the war. 'He is dead, and I am the only queen to Freid, and I have to help my people.' 

She took a deep breath. All through the war, she had helped by curing people. It had not been difficult, and it had taken her mind from Dryden. She hadn't really done queenly duty. She had kept her people together and had brought them all the way from their home to Kansaki, but that was about it. Now…now was different. Now she would have to go to them and help them build their homes again and make it safe for them. She would have to re-build Freid from little more than ruins, and she would have to do it without Dryden by her side. She'd be all alone…

"Hey."

Millerna turned towards Allen. "Hey."

Allen smiled tiredly at her. "May I know what you are thinking about?"

"I was just thinking about the future…and the past."

He smirked. "So you were thinking about Dryden and your queen duties?"

She laughed. "You always know." She told him.

"I know. I'm great."

"You wish."

A silent spread between them, and Millerna got lost in her thoughts again. It would be so difficult…She knew how to be a queen. She had been born royalty and would die royalty. As a princess, she was expected to study politics, etiquette, relations, and even administration. She had been prepared from birth to be queen, but she had never had to do it alone. She had always had someone by her side. Her father, a counselor, Dryden…

How would she be queen alone?

"Don't fear." Allen told her, and Millerna managed to not gasp from surprise.

"Excuse me?"

"You are afraid of being queen alone, but you won't be alone. I'll help you as much as I can. I'll even let Boris go with you until things are better. Besides, ruling a kingdom by yourself is not that difficult."

"How do you know?" He looked at her strangely. "Oh yeah."

Allen's father had died, and he had had to take over the kingdom at a very young age. If she remembered correctly, he was little but fifteen.

"How did you do it?"

"Rule over Asturia? With a lot of patience. It really is all about looking after your people and being okay with your neighbors. At least that part won't be difficult. No one wants another war."

Something clicked in Millerna's head, and she asked him a question she had forgotten when Allen had arrived with Van and Hitomi. "What happened…I mean, what made them…oh, I don't know how to say it nicely so I'll just blurt it out." She took a deep breath. "What happened to the people of Zaibach, to Dornkirk, and to…"

"To Hitomi?"

She gulped. "Yes."

Allen stayed quiet for some time, and Millerna realized he was thinking. "I don't really know…" he started "I saw Hitomi run towards Fanel and…and then she took a sword that was meant for him. Dornkirk's sword, to be exact."

"But she has no injury…"

"I know. I ran towards her after I saw what happened, but I never got there. A pink light surrounded everything, and I lost consciousness. When I woke up, there were no signs of Zaibach's soldiers, and Dornkirk was no were no be seeing. He just…disappeared with his people. I sent scouts to Zaibach. There is nothing there. It is as if it had never existed, except for…."

"For all the damage it caused." Millerna finished for him. "It is all gone but the chaos it created."

"Yes, that is all that's left of Zaibach. They are gone, and I don't think we will see them anytime soon. Hey, how did you know that something had happened to Zaibach?"

"I…well, you didn't bring any captives and…and some of the men we were taking care of were from Zaibach. They…I don't know, evaporated? Went away? Blew with the wind? They simply disappeared, not a sign that they had ever been there."

"The same happened on the battlefield."

"Did you know where the light came from?" Millerna knew it was a stupid question. She already knew the answer, but she needed someone to tell it to her.

"We were losing." Allen said with something in his voice that she didn't recognized. "Zaibach was way too strong, and we would have succumbed to them in a matter of hours, but then…" He closed his eyes. "The light came from Hitomi. My best guess is that she used the Heart of the Dragon to destroy our enemy. That is the only explanation, so I guess I owe Boris an apology. He was right. Hitomi was our only hope. We wouldn't have won without her, but…"

"She paid a price."

Allen's hands went into fists. "No one knows if she will wake up. It has been a week since that day, and she just…it's like she is sleeping, but god, how I want her to wake up."

Millerna looked at Allen with sadness in her eyes. Dryden had died. Amano was injured. Hitomi…she could sleep forever for all they knew. And that hadn't been all the sacrifices that had been made. Van had to kill his own brother. Lots of people had died. Many persons had suffered. King Leon was dead. Luva had lost an arm. Only five pirates had survived. The rebels were without leaders. So many young people were gone…

The only thing that kept her going was her people; the fact that she knew Dryden would want her to continue, and the knowledge that it had all been worth it. All the deaths, the sacrifices, the suffering, it had all been worth it.

They had peace, at long last.

She didn't have to fear a surprise attack anymore. She didn't have to go to bed wondering who she would lose in the morning. She didn't have to be scared anymore. Right now, Gaea was at peace. Zaibach would no longer be able to cause problems. Dornkirk was gone, and he could no longer spread his evil.

Peace, finally.

She could breathe and live peacefully.

It had all been worth it, regardless of the pain.

"She did it for him." Allen whispered.

"What?"

"She did it for him. " Allen repeated. "I saw her when she galloped towards him. She was not looking for me. She didn't want to kill the enemy. She didn't care about anything but him. She went to the battle field for him, only him."

"Allen…"

"She jumped off of the horse, ran towards him, and took the sword, just like that, without hesitation, without fear or doubt. She used the Heart to save him. I'm sure she wanted to save Gaea too, but it really was for him. She is in a coma because of him. She didn't even hear me call out her name"

"Oh, Allen…"

"No, I have to get it all out now, and you'll just have to listen."

Millerna went towards a chair and sat in it. "I'm listening."

Allen looked at the horizon. "At the beginning of this war, I thought that Hitomi loved me. When she went with Fanel, I thought that it pained her as much as it did me, and perhaps then it did. She told me she wanted to marry me, and I believed her. It never occurred to me that perhaps she was doing it because it was her duty and the best thing for her people. The only thing that kept me going after she was gone was you and her memory. The moment she came back and kissed me in front of everyone I thought she truly loved me. But she kept looking at Fanel, and there was sadness in her eyes. I guess I always knew, but…"

"It will be alright." Millerna said, going towards him to comfort him. "I'm sure she never meant to hurt you."

He chuckled. "She is too good for that. I think she just wanted to…to keep her people safe."

"She didn't want to go against what she thought was her obligation, and she thought she could love you eventually."

"She never loved me, did she? Not even in the beginning."

Millerna opened her mouth and thought of lying, but then she saw how pained his blue eyes were and told the truth.

"No, she never did."

"I…" Allen buried his head in his hands. "I need some time alone."

Millerna left the room. She didn't turn to look at him. She already knew what she would see.

* * *

Van didn't know if he was tired, exhausted, or about to pass out from lack of sleep. He also didn't know if he was in pain, deep suffering, or dying from all the hurt he felt. He only knew one thing. Actually, he knew two. 

The first one was that Folken was dead.

He had killed him with his own hands, his own sword…the very same sword he had used to end thousands of innocent, and some not so innocent, lives. He had killed Folken with the same sword their father had used once to protect them. He had used the sword that represented his family to kill Folken. Van hit the nearest wall and swore. He hadn't meant to kill Folken. At least, he hadn't meant to kill him in that way.

When he had told Folken in Zaibach's cell that he would kill him, he had meant it. Van had been mad, angry, and had felt betrayed. The brother that had been his hero had suddenly transformed in an ally of his enemy. Folken had let him believe that he was dead, and he had accepted the torture that Van had been through. He had captured Hitomi and given her over to Dornkirk, and he had had the audacity to tell him that it was all for his own good. Van had definitely been mad. He was sure that if he had been given the chance, he would have killed his brother with his own hands. After he had escaped Zaibach and had been able to think, he had thought about the words he had told Folken. Did he really want to kill him? After much thought, he had come to the conclusion that yes, he wanted to kill him. And it was not only that, he had to kill him. Folken was a menace to the world, and he had, in a way, betrayed his own family. Van would kill him if only to honor the memory of what Folken had meant to him.

It had been a lie. Deep down, he had never wanted to kill Folken. The problem was that he had realized this after his sword was already through him, and Van really had no more choice.

There was no going back in time, after all. He could not undue the past, or he would have done that long ago to fix many things.

So the moment he realized that he had, indeed, killed his brother, he had wanted to go back in time and _not_ kill him. Of course, as most things in his life, it was only a wish, something he wanted. And as it often happened to him, his wished had not been granted.

He had wished once for a normal childhood. He had wished his parents had never died. He had wished he hadn't had to grow up so fast. He had wished Folken had stayed by his side instead of playing hero. He had wished he had never believed Dornkirk. Sometimes, he wished he hadn't met Hitomi, or he wished Allen didn't exist. He wished she loved him back. How he wished he hadn't killed Folken!

None of his wishes had been heard.

"_I don't want you to die…" _

Van hit the nearest wall again and again and again. He hit it until his hand bled, and then he hit it a little bit more. "Damn it, Folken. Even dead you make everything complicated." Van whispered.

What really bothered him was the way in which Folken had died. It had not been in a fight, like Van had thought. Folken had actually died to save him. Once again he had played hero, but this time he had really died. This time Van would not see him again, and he wished he had told him how much he had missed him and how it had hurt to lose him. He would have told him that he would always be his brother, even if they were on different sides. Now, though, it was too late, and that brought him to the second thing that he knew, and to the person that was peacefully laying on the bed in front of him.

Hitomi had not woken up, and it had almost been a week.

He still hadn't decided which was worse. Killing your own brother or having the woman you love die for you? He guessed they were in a tie. He also knew he was putting to much hope in his insinuations.

Hitomi had not died for him.

She had died for her people, for Gaea, and perhaps for Allen.

She had died for the people she loved and cared about, and although he knew Hitomi considered him a friend, she did not love him enough to die for him.

And that, he guessed, was what hurt most.

He wanted to yell, and he wanted to destroy something, and he knew he had to get her out of his head and heart, or he would go mad. Instead, he sat in the chair and stared at her. He heard her voice in his head and felt her touch on his skin. He could feel her soft lips against his and see her big, green eyes in his mind. Her laugh haunted him, and her smile would not vanish from his thoughts. If he could go to sleep and dream, he knew his dreams would be filled of her. Everything in his life was filled with her.

He longed for her in his heart and missed her presence with his very soul, and that was not helping right now.

He had never been this scared before. The mere thought of Hitomi not ever waking up again…He wouldn't be able to talk to her again or see her dance again. He wouldn't be able to gaze into her beautiful emerald eyes. And god, he had tried to protect her so much! She just couldn't die like that. She couldn't give up, not now, not ever. If she died…

Oh, kami, what would he do if she died? His whole life had meaning because of her, and if she died…

He let out a mortified yell and punched the wall again. It only bled more. As Van looked at it, he thought it was fitting. His heart was bleeding because of Hitomi, and now his hand was, too. To make it worse, he just couldn­­'t get the image of Hitomi after she had used the heart out of his head. He saw her take the sword meant for him, and then he saw her use the Heart, and then her eyes closed.

**Flashback**

"Don't cry." She told him again. "Crying doesn't suit you, warrior."

Van shut his eyes, trying to stop the tears. "I didn't even weep for my parents." He told her.

"But you would do it for me." He nodded. "Because you love me." She whispered.

Van almost didn't catch that. "Yes, Hitomi, I'd do anything for you."

Van didn't know what to do or say. He knew she was dying. He could feel it, and god how it hurt.

"Smile, just once..." She asked him. Van did his best to smile through his pain. "Oh, Van, if only…"

But then she went still, and her pretty, green eyes closed.

**End flashback**

Her words kept repeating in his head.

'If only, if only, if only….'

"If only what?" Van said under his breath. "If only what?"

What had she meant? Why had she said that? Why had she done something as stupid as take that bloody sword? He could understand her need to use the Heart. She had always told him that she only wanted what was best for her kingdom. She would die for them, but why had she taken that sword? Why had she come running out of nowhere just to save him?

"_I adore you"_

Why? Why risk everything for him? If she had died from that injury, if she hadn't used the Heart at that exact time…She wouldn't have been able to save Gaea. Her people could have died, and they would have never known what peace was again. He had thought that they had gone to that dangerous quest to find the only thing that could save Gaea: The Heart of the Dragon. If they had found something else along the way, it did not matter. Hitomi had always only cared about her duties as queen. She had shown him that much the moment they set foot on Kansaki.

"_Is this real?"_

But if she had risked her life for him, then none of that made sense. If she had gone to the battle field just for him, then all her actions did not made sense, and that was bloody confusing.

"_I want to get to know you."_

He had thought that she loved him. After all they had gone trough, the Temple, that hideous black witch, the small town where they had almost been killed, the Valley, Atlantis, Dornkirk's spell, and over all, their differences and their fears, something had formed between them. Van had not wanted it at first. He told himself that he did not need anything that came from her or any living being. He was just fine by himself. He had always been alone, and he had not seeing any reason to change that. Besides, he had been trained to reprimand his feelings as much as possible. Van had gotten so good at it that it was almost like he had no feelings at all. Then Hitomi had come into his life, and it had all changed. Suddenly, nothing was certain, and everything was new. He had tried to push her away. He didn't want to get hurt, didn't want to care for anyone else. Caring for someone created a weakness, and he did no want weaknesses. It had all been in vain. At the end, she had melted his cold heart and broken the walls around him.

"_I love Allen. I could never love someone like you."_

She had told him that she hadn't played with him. She had gotten confused along the ride, and that was why she had kissed him so many times. She was alone, and he was there, and she missed Allen. That was what she had told him. Van didn't know what to believe anymore. What did she feel?

It was probable that he may never know the answer to this question because no one knew when she would wake up. If she ever did.

Van grabbed her hand and kissed it gently.

"Look where all we felt brought us to." He told her gently. "Look what all my love did to you. Look what all your honor and duty caused you." He let go of her hand. "You may never see the sun you love so much, and I will always love you, regardless of anything, and oh, how it hurts."

* * *

"Wake up!" 

Hitomi did not want to wake up, and even if she had wanted to, she couldn't move. All her energy had been given to the Heart, leaving her dry. She had nothing left in her. She had saved Van and Gaea, and she felt that her duty on the living world was finished. She was tired, and she so wanted to give in into the darkness that was so very tempting…

"Wake up."

"No." Hitomi thought. "I want to sleep forever."

She was sure she deserved this. It was her award, and she really wanted to take it. All her life, she had sacrificed everything for the good of others, and now she wanted to be left alone. She wanted her heart to stop beating so she could finally stop hurting and fighting and wanting and not getting anything. She thought it was only right for everything to end right now.

"But what about the people who need you?" The voice that wouldn't let her rest questioned.

Hitomi didn't even want to think about them. "I already saved them. What more could they want?"

"They need their queen."

"And I wanted to love Van and to live with him. We can't always get what we want."

"You were born with responsibilities, and you must accept them."

"I wan to rest."

"But you can't!"

"And why not? I've given up so many things for them, for the world, I think it is time for me to go."

"Your time is not up."

"But I used the Heart! I should have died after that. Why am I not dead?"

"Because, mistress, he saved you."

"What?"

"The protector stood by your side, held you even though he knew he could die. Stood by you even when he thought you loved someone else. And you…you were ready to die for him and for Gaea. Your act was unselfish. You wanted nothing from the Heart but to save those who could not save themselves. There was nothing in it for you. You would sacrifice your life for their happiness, and that is why you are not dead."

"I have no more energy left."

"You _have_ to wake up!"

"Why?"

"For him."

"Him?"

"He needs you."

"I only cause him pain."

"You are his only chance at finding happiness."

"I only make him suffer."

"You made him feel again."

"Only to hurt him once more."

"But he loves you!"

"And I love him." Hitomi thought calmly. "But that doesn't change anything."

"Wake up."

"I can't."

"Because you won't even try."

"I'm too tired to try."

"Wake up."

If Hitomi had been able to, she would have yelled at the voice in that instant, telling it to leave her alone, but she couldn't move her mouth. Instead, her frustration build inside of her, giving her some kind of strength.

"Wake up" the voice repeated "Wake up, wake up."

"I can't." Hitomi answered back. "I can't. I can't."

She would wake up, if only to escape that voice.

"Open your eyes!"

And then, surprisingly, she did.

Her eyes shot open, and she sat on the bad quite abruptly. Her energy returned to her body as images of all that had happened returned to her. Her emerald eyes filed with tears, and she choke out the only name that made sense to her.

"Van."

And then her eyes focused, and she saw Allen.

* * *

Hitomi met Allen's eyes. His blue eyes were calm and controlled, but Hitomi knew it was a façade. The man in front of her was angry, and Hitomi had a feeling that she knew why. 

"Allen, I…"

But he wouldn't let her continue. He brought his finger to his mouth, and Hitomi closed her mouth.

"You said his name." He said. "It was the first thing you did when you woke up."

He got up and walked towards the window. Outside, the day was sunny. Inside, Hitomi trembled.

"You never loved me." He said.

Hitomi hesitated before answering. If she said yes, then Allen and her would be living a lie, but if she said no…what would happen if she said no?

"I…" But then Van came to her mind. He had endured so much for her…and Allen, he had fought so hard for her…It wasn't fair for either of them to continue this way. They were completely unhappy because of her, and she just couldn't keep this farce anymore.

'But what about the peace treaty?' A tiny voice in her head said, and Hitomi let out the tinniest of smiled.

'I already gave peace to my people.' She thought. 'It's time I get my own peace.'

And with this, she finally let out the truth.

"No." She told him. "I never loved you in that way."

He nodded. "In what way do you love me?"  
"As a friend." That, Hitomi thought, was all that she could offer him. A deep friendship that would never end. Nothing more. Her heart had already been given, and she had given it all. "My heart belongs to Van."

There was silence after that comment, and Hitomi waited for Allen to explode and yell at her. She would receive all he had to tell her without a comment or protest. She owed him that much. Instead of yelling at her, though he asked her another question.

"Why did you agree to marry me if you didn't love me?"

"I…" Hitomi started. How could she ease the truth of him? Deciding that to just tell it would be better than to go around it, she started. "At first, I thought I could come to love you. I mean, you were handsome, brave, gentle, and everything a woman could want, but…"

"But I was not what you wanted?"  
Hitomi blushed. "You were everything I ever wanted, but I felt nothing for you. There was no spark, no heart beating, no excitement."

"Then why did you stay with me? Why did you tell me you wanted to marry me?" He demanded, and then in a voice so low Hitomi almost didn't catch. "Why did you kiss me when you got back?"

"Because, well, I wanted peace. The magical and unmagical kingdoms had been angry at each other for way too long, and if I married you…if I married you everything would end, and there could finally be peace among us, but then…my father dies, and I had to become queen, and you were there to support me, but…

'_His eyes, his beautiful, brown eyes that looked at me, just me…'_

"I had to go with Van to find the Heart, and I was so very scared, but I went anyway because it would stop the war with Zaibach, and it would bring peace to the world, and so I went. I told you I wanted to marry you because I thought it would be the best, and I…"

'_I didn't love Van then.'_

"I hated Van. I couldn't stand him, and I started missing you, and I thought that as soon as I got back to Asturia I would marry you, but…"

'_Something drew me to him, and god how I wanted to get to know him…'_

"We became friends, and little by little I started feeling for him without realizing it. One day, I just…"

'_Couldn't live without him. I needed him to survive, to pass the day…" _

"I didn't mean to fall in love with him."

"But you did. He was what you needed, not I." Allen said. He chuckled. "You know, I always told everyone that tried to make me a fool that I was not blind or stupid, but I guess I am."

"Allen, please…"

"Why did you kiss me?" He turned, and Hitomi met his gaze.

"I kissed you because I knew that if I used the Heart I would die, and Van would never let that happen. I had to make him believe that I didn't want to be with him. I had to get him out of my way, so he would let me save Gaea." She paused. "I'm sorry. I thought it was for the best."

He looked at her as if inspecting her and Hitomi felt herself go little.

"You did save Gaea." He said. "You saved me, too, but you did it for Van."

"Yes."

"I see."

"I wish…"

"Don't. Don't wish things were different because they aren't."  
"Okay."

Allen sighed. "How did you save Gaea?"

"I used the Heart"

"But how?"

"I…I wanted Van to live. I didn't care about what would happen to me. I guess I wanted peace too. It was a combination, but mostly for Van."

"What did you do to Zaibach?"

"What do you mean?"

"There is not a trace of the city or its people. Dornkirk is also gone."

"Oh" Hitomi said, and then "Oh, I killed them using the Heart." Hitomi shut her eyes. "I did not want to kill them, but…" God, she had killed so many…

She felt a hand on her shoulder. The hand squeezed it. "But you had to." Allen said simple. Hitomi looked at him. He understood. "Just like I have to let you go."

Hitomi gasped. "What?"

"I'm breaking the engagement. Don't worry, though, our parts of Gaea will live peacefully, even if we don't marry, and I…I think I would like to be your friend."

Hitomi smiled at him and hugged him. "Thank you, Allen." She told him softly. "Thank you very much."

* * *

Allen went out of Hitomi's room. He couldn't stand to be there any longer because even though he had told her that it was okay, and that he understood, and that of course they could still be friends, it hurt way too much. 

He loved her, and letting go of her had been the hardest thing he had ever done. It had been harder than burying his father, harder than being king, and much harder than going into battle. It had taken all of his self control to not go up to her and kiss her until she said she loved him. It had taken all his strength to not shake her until she came to her senses and told her that she was joking, and she could only be with him. He had wanted to yell at her, to tell her that what was she thinking. She couldn't love Fanel over him. Still, even though he just wanted to take her in his arms, he was a gentleman, and he respected her decision. There was nothing more to do or say if she loved that…man. He could not change her mind, could not make her love him. He could tell her that she was making a mistake. Allen knew he was perfect for anyone, and he could tell her that, but it would do nothing. At the end of his long speech, Hitomi would still love Van Fanel, and there was nothing he could do to change that.

Still…

He had fallen in love with her from the moment he had laid eyes on her. He had done anything possible to win her love, and perhaps he would have succeeded if Fanel had never shown up.

But that had not happened, and now Hitomi was not his. She had never been his. She had always been waiting for a great love. You just had to take a look at her dreamy face to figure out that she was waiting for the one person that would be able to give a spark into her life. Allen had never given her that spark. If Hitomi had married him, she would have ended up having a peaceful live, but she would not have a love only few people found. She would not have married the love of her life.

Really, from the moment she had decided to go with Fanel to that stupid quest, he should have known that he had lost her. It had taken Hitomi one look at the mercenary to go with him. When they returned, something had formed between them, and it was obvious to anyone that looked carefully that they loved each other. Allen had just refused to accept this. He had looked the other way. He had done that since he had met her, and now he was paying the consequences.

Allen looked up from the floor only to find the one person he did not wish to see right now, or ever, really.

"Fanel." He said. He did not bother to hide the disgust he felt towards him.

"Schezar." Obviously, he wasn't happy to see him either.

A silence stretched between them, and the Fanel did the one thing that Allen did not expect. He passed a hand through his messy hair and blurted out the most incoherent thing Allen had ever heard.

"I killed my brother."

Allen stayed quiet.

"I killed him." Fanel repeated. "He died because of me, and Hitomi would have too, and I'm sorry."

Allen blinked again. And then he found his voice. "What?"

Fanel sighed and looked at the ground. It was obvious that telling this to him was not easy. "Everything I touch becomes rotten. My parents loved me, and they got killed. Folken tried to protect me, and he got tangled up with Dornkirk, and I ended up killing him. And Hitomi…" Van closed his eyes. "She tried to befriend me, and now she won't wake up, and it is my entire fault."

"Why are you telling me this?" Allen asked him.

"Because…because I had to say it to someone, and you were the first person that came across me."

"And?"

"And because Hitomi loves you"

And quite suddenly, everything clicked in Allen's mind. "Don't be a fool." He told Fanel. "You are not important enough to have caused so many deaths. Your parents were killed because Dornkirk killed them. Folken died because he wanted to keep you safe and Hitomi…" _She loves you and would do anything for you_ "You'll have to ask Hitomi yourself."

"What?"

"She woke up a few hours ago."

"But…"

"I was just with her, Fanel."

He saw how Van's face fell, and Allen wondered why. What more did he want? He had Hitomi. He had won. What else was there to it?

"Shouldn't you be with her?"

"What?" Allen asked, not quite sure if he had heard right.

"She loves you. You should be with her. She'd like that."

Allen realized in that moment that Van Fanel was the most stupid person he had ever met.

"Fanel, you are just impossible." He said, turning to leave. Really, if Fanel hadn't figured out what Hitomi really felt, he would not make it easier for him. But then he saw the pain in Fanel's eyes and swore in his mind. "But you should go talk to her. I'm sure you'd find some very interesting things."

There was, after all, no reason to have two persons pinning after the same woman. Besides, Fanel would make Hitomi happy, and that was what mattered.

* * *

"Hitomi, I'm so glad you are okay." Yukari told her friend as she hugged her fiercely. "I thought I would never see you again." 

Hitomi smiled at the red head. "How is Amano?" She asked her. After Allen's visit, more people had come to her room, and she had found more details about the war.

"He is slowly healing. The blow he took was almost fatal, but Gadess brought him here on time."

"I'm glad."

Yukari frowned. "What's wrong?"

Hitomi bit her lip and looked away. "Nothing."

"Don't lie to me."

Hitomi sighed. "It's just that…it has been two days since I woke up and…"

"Van has not come to visit?"

Hitomi shook her head sadly. "No." And oh, how it hurt.

Yukari looked at her as if she was trying to solve a puzzle.

"If he has not come to you" she finally said. "Why don't you go to him?"

"What?"

"Well" Yukari continued "He is the one that has come after you, and he is the one that got hurt because of you."

"Yukari, if you are…"

But Yukari stood up and looked at her angrily. "No, Hitomi. You are my friend, but even I have to support Van on this one. He loves you, but you left him for Allen. You can't just expect him to guess that you love him instead. You've always done everything for others, why won't you do this for yourself? This is your chance, Hitomi. The war is over. Allen has broken your engagement and will help you and Van with their kingdoms. Amano and I, and so will your people, agree with whoever you chose to marry. The only thing between you and your happiness is yourself. I recommend you, Hitomi, to start risking your heart. He has done so, after all." Yukari stopped for a moment, and then continued. "He is leaving Kansaki today with a group of people. He is going to build back Fanelia, and you could help him. Kansaki and Fanelia are not far away. So, Hitomi, go and tell him how you feel before it is too late."

And with that, Yukari left the room, and Hitomi was left with her mouth opened.

* * *

Van smiled at Millerna. "I'll keep in touch." He told her. "I won't be able to visit you for a while." He grinned at her. "I have to build back Fanelia, but I swear I will find the time to escape and visit you at Freid." 

"You better." She said. "And you have to build a room for me, for when I come visit." Van nodded at her.

"Amano" Van said. "Take care of Hitomi."

"I will." And then, Van turned to the last person he had to say goodbye to.

"Goodbye, Schezar."

Schezar smiled evilly. "You'll have to see more of me. After all, I am helping you with Fanelia."

Van sighed loudly. "I'm afraid you are right.

"Then farewell, Fanel, though I think you should stay a little bit more."

There was something in Allen's voice that made Van hesitate. He hadn't said goodbye to Hitomi, but then again, he hadn't intended to. He shook the feeling that something wasn't right and got ready to ride his horse.

"Come on, Merle." He told the cat-girl. "We have to go." He was finally leaving. Hitomi would marry Schezar, and he would lose her forever, but that had been her choice. Nothing was left to say between them, and it was time for him to let go. He had to leave her behind...

"Wait!"

Her voice reached his ears, making weird things happen to his heart, and stopping him in his tracks. He turned to face her.

"What do you want?" His voice was indifferent, and his eyes were a little angry and hurt. He saw Hitomi's eyes fill with hurt, but she did not waver as she spoke to him.

"I need to speak to you."

Van crossed his hands over his chest. "Then speak."

"In private." She said, and Van sighed.

'Now what?' he thought, but Hitomi was already walking to the gardens, and Van followed her against his better judgment.

* * *

Her heart was going to escape her chest. It was beating so hard that she did not know how Van couldn't hear it. Still, he _must not_ hear it because he was facing the flowers and the trees and the clouds and anything but _her_. 

"This is where we met." Hitomi told him.

_In that cold night, when everything changed, and you looked into my eyes…_

"We shouldn't be here." Van said, as if he hadn't heard her words.

_**You and me all alone  
it's too late to say we didn't know  
We shouldn't be all alone  
One of us might lose control  
Of these feelings we've been hiding  
Deep down they might start to show  
Not here not now watch my frustrations grow **_

"And why not?" She asked him.

"Because you should be with Schezar."

Hitomi smiled. Really, he could be so damn difficult when he wanted to.

"I want to be here."

"No, you don't."

"What?"

"I'm leaving, and you are staying, and…and it hurts to be close to you, and not…not have you."

"Van, I…"

"I know. You love Schezar, not me. You were only confused, I get it. I'll go away, Hitomi." He looked at her, with those beautiful eyes that always made her lose her head. She wanted to cry at what he saw in them. So much hurt, so much love, when would his pain end?"

"No, what I want to say is…"

"I don't want to hear whatever you want to say. It's over. I understand. Let me go." He spoke with anger, and Hitomi felt her own anger build inside of her.

'Let you go?' she thought 'Let you go?'

_**I know what I feel and you feel it too  
I dream of that first kiss and who'll make the first move  
Who's gonna put their heart on the line  
It could be me it could be you tonight**_

"You idiot." She yelled at him. "You bastard, arrogant, unmannered idiot!"

"Unmannered?"

"Shut up!"

"It was you who started it."

"No, it was you. It is always you. I'm trying to tell you something important, and you just won't listen!"

"Perhaps because I'm tired of listening to your lies."

"I am trying to tell you the truth!

"I think I've heard enough of what you have to say."

Hitomi glared at him. "Hear me out."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

He turned to leave, and Hitomi stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm.

"Don't you get it?" She told him. He looked at her confused. She smiled at him and brought her mouth to his ear. "Don't you get it?" She whispered to him, and Van felt his heart stopped. What was she doing? And then, softly, she pressed her lips against his. It was a tender kiss, nothing like the others they had shared, but it said so much…and then, her lips were gone from his.

"It was, is, all about you." She toldhim against them.

_**Show me who you are  
Stop me before I go too far  
'Cause it hurts to hold back  
So hold me or I might crack  
I'm gasoline you're the match  
I'm not sure if we can handle that  
We might explode could be a mess  
I say we take the chance **_

"I don't understand." He said. He had been hurt way too many times, and he just didn't want his hopes to rise only to be crushed again. To his surprise, she laughed.

"Of course you don't" Hitomi said. "I…since the moment I first met you…"

_Cold, arrogant, selfish bastard…_

_**  
**_"…To now…"

_So many things have happened, so much had changed…_

"…It has always been about you." She said. "I…I made you think I loved Allen because if I didn't you would have stopped me from using the Heart and I had to do it to save…"

"Gaea?"

"You." She said softly. "I had to save you because…because I wouldn't have been able to stand it if you died."

"…"

"Stupid Van, don't you get it? It wasn't a lie, what happened at the Valley, what happened at Atlantis, or what happened at Fanelia. It never was a lie. I meant everything I said, but I was scared that Dornkirk would use my feelings against you like he had done at Zaibach, and so I decided to make you hate me, but you wouldn't hate me…"

_"I hate you."_

"_It doesn't matter. I love you."_

"…and then, well, from the beginning we knew that we couldn't be together. There could be no us between us because I wanted peace, and all you wanted was your revenge…A princess and a mercenary, it was simply impossible, but…"

_But…god, how you made me feel…_

"…I wanted you so badly, and I knew we could never, ever, be together. I was engaged to Allen, and you had a whole kingdom to avenge, so where, in all the chaos, would we find the time to make us work? And the…"

But Van pressed his hand against her mouth, silencing her.

_**If we wait a minute longer it could be the death of me  
I know what I feel and you feel it too  
I dream of that first kiss and who'll make the first move  
Who's gonna put their heart on the line  
It could be me it could be you tonight **_

"What are you trying to tell me, Hitomi?"

"I…" And she looked into those pools of brown that had so many times made her get lost into them, and she found out that this was not different because she could feel the world around her disappear, and there were only them, and nothing else mattered. "I want us to stop suffering." She said. "And I want to get lost into your eyes until we are old, and I want my children to have your hair…" She said, as one of her hands pushed one of his bangs away from his hair.

_**I'm mixed up confused  
And I don't know what to do  
'Cause I want to and I'd love to  
If I knew you'd want me to  
If you get any closer then I'm going to have to scream  
I know what I feel and you feel it too ...**_

"…I love you" She breathed out, and he slowly smiled.

"What?"

"I love you." She repeated, and then he pulled her closer to him, so close she thought she might melt into him, become part of him, god this was everything she ever wanted…

"Your eyes were my downfall." He said.

"_Green eyes."_

_Your eyes, your eyes, always your eyes…_

They gazed into each other, time stopping for a second, and then it all came crashing down, and their mouths found each other.

At last…

There was despair, and tenderness, rudeness and sweetness. There were feelings that had been hold for way to long, and pain that had taken a long time to finally heal. Van held her even closer, and Hitomi passed her hands over his hair, his chest, his shoulders, his back, anywhere that got her closer to him. They were lovers that had gone through everything to be together, and that had at long last been able to rest in each others embrace. They were queen and king that had sacrificed everything for the world, and they were finally getting their reward. They were enemies that had fallen in love along the way and no longer cared about what the world thought. They were everything and nothing.

And as Hitomi kissed him, she could not think of anything but him, and how well it felt to kiss him again and hold him again and be loved by him again. She only felt him, and only wanted him, and she could only think of him,

Him,

Him,

Him,

Her Dragon. Her mercenary. Her Van.

And all the pain, the tears, the blood, the suffering, the lies…

Him,

Him,

Him,

Hitomi knew that everything would be alright.

-Fin-

* * *

**And it is finished. I can't believe you thought I would kill Hitomi. I love Van/hitomi. I couldn't live with the guilt of separating them after all I put them through. And I even made Allen alright at the end. I particularly liked Yukari in this chapter. I loved this chapter. I hope you liked it to.And review, please review the last chapter. That is all I ask.**

**For all the people that want to read more from me, I am already startin another fanfic. It will not be Escaflowne. It will be an Inuyasha one. but don't worry, I will write Escaflowne again, but I want to try my luck with Inuyasha.**

**You have all been amazing with me, and I truly hope you enjoyed my first lon story. Lots of love,**

**Eternal Fire. (Review, review, review :))**


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